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Afraid that my ex will come back someday


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Posted

I look at the last few years and realize I was so stupid. I did a lot of mistakes in my last long term relationship (one being not ending it in time, others being ending it the wrong way and promising the wrong things after we separated). Later I realized I cannot give him what I had promised but I know he still wants it and I'm scared he will at some point hold me accountable for refusing to give it to him.

 

It's been years since we separated, and a year since we stopped actively talking. But we do have a commitment together that ensures we can't completely cut ties.

 

I know he hates me for what I made him feel (and I am truly sorry, I really am). But now that I think I found love with someone else, I'm dreading the day he'll catch wind of it and make me regret the past, and that it's not him. Maybe he still has some love for me, but I'm scared of it, because it's mixed with a lot of resentment and injured pride.

Posted

Roadrunner, you've left out a lot in this post...what you promised, why you're still connected, why he'd come back after all this time and how he'd made you regret the past.

 

But there is nothing wrong with changing your mind about what you want for yourself.

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Posted

If you have a "commitment together that ensures you can't completely cut ties" doesn't that mean you are still connected? There is no coming back because he never really left.

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Posted
Roadrunner, you've left out a lot in this post...what you promised, why you're still connected, why he'd come back after all this time and how he'd made you regret the past.

 

But there is nothing wrong with changing your mind about what you want for yourself.

 

I did... I promised that if I ever decide to be in a relationship again, I will give our thing a chance. But so much happened between us, that at the end I realized that's impossible.

I keep telling myself there's nothing wrong with changing my mind, but the issue of betrayal has been frequent between us. So I fear he may react quite negatively when he sees I have decided to be with someone else and betrayed him yet again. It's also possible that I am overestimating his feelings for me at this point, it's just that I can hardly be objective in our matters anymore. Just want to hear a stranger's take on my feelings.

 

If you have a "commitment together that ensures you can't completely cut ties" doesn't that mean you are still connected? There is no coming back because he never really left.

 

We share a pet, and take turns every month because nobody wants to give it up completely. We don't speak outside of that short meeting, but I am unsure this would last long.

Posted

Give him the pet & walk away. As much as you love the pet, you have to love yourself more & that means cutting all ties. Staying connected is harming you. You don't know him any right of first refusal.

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Posted

You seem very wary of something which should be a pretty basic "I changed my mind". Do you think that either you or your pet's safety would be at risk?

Posted

OP, what is it you fear your ex will do, exactly?

 

You say you are worried he will make you regret the past, but it's not clear in which way you believe he might do so.

 

Can you elaborate?

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Posted

Sorry for replying so sporadically, I'm working two jobs right now and rarely sit on my pc...

 

Give him the pet & walk away. As much as you love the pet, you have to love yourself more & that means cutting all ties. Staying connected is harming you. You don't know him any right of first refusal.

I just can't. It will haunt me through the rest of my life, like abandoning a child.

 

You seem very wary of something which should be a pretty basic "I changed my mind". Do you think that either you or your pet's safety would be at risk?

I don't know. He doesn't seem harmful and he takes good care of the pet, but I've seen people flip out and turn 180. I always assume the worst, even though I know it's harming my mind.

 

OP, what is it you fear your ex will do, exactly?

You say you are worried he will make you regret the past, but it's not clear in which way you believe he might do so.

Can you elaborate?

Hurt himself, or hurt me... I don't know. He hasn't been violent in the past but he has had severe depressive episodes because of what happened between us. As I said, I've seen a few people go crazy and bad scenarios start to appear in my mind.

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