CantDecide... Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 sry its a long thread but please read, i need the advice. Hey guys well some of you know my story and others of you do not. to do a quick re cap, my ex and i broke up 2.5 months ago, after a 2 year relationship. Since the break up we tried to remain friends, and we did for a while, hang out everyday talk everyday,, just minus the kissing and sex. I hooked up with somebody she hooked up with 2 people, but one was her being taken advantage of(another sotry). i taught her to paraele park for her drivers test ,and we spent her entire b-day together, she would tell me i just dont know if i want a relationship anymore, but she still flirted with me, and wanted to see me, and hang out "as friends" After a while i relized waht am i doing??? im trying to get this girl back that said she doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore. So we ended up getting into a huge fight about 2 weeks ago, and i was very pissed/hurt at the fight. the next day she calls me, but i ignore it, but she calls later that night and i inevidable pick up. She didnt wanan talk about anything in general just to say hello. i was very cold and distant and she took the hint. We ended up not talking all week, and she called me thursday asking me what was up. i told her i just dont think its healthy to be the way we are if were not going to get back together. she didnt understand, and was very pissed and didnt have much to say, i told her iwant to be friends in time just not rite now, becasue i want to try and move on, i then said u know but im trying to move on and get over you, "you already have" but its harder for me, then she says but i havent moved on fully yet, and isaid well it kinda seems that way. then she starts crying, and i ask why. she tells me you just dont understand the kinda of week ive had, and i said it cant compare to my summer of hurt, but what was so bad? Her response was u know everywere i go in school, my old locker, the stairwell we usto kiss in during class, beverly rd, whyen i see a jeep, it all reminds me of you. and i didnt have much to say. but soon after that the call ended. with her saying i gues well just talk wenever then, but im not gonan call u, i already put the effort out to be friends and what not talk to u in a year or something w/e. Before she called me iwasnt upset at all, i didnt care, i thought everything was great. as soon as she made contact thursday night, i was a mess and have been. and two make matters worse, i play guitar and for her birthday i recorded the song i wrote for her a while back, took me hours upon hours to get all 3 tracks layered and eddited right, and i gave it to her but my comp crashed before i could make myself a copy, and i lost everything. I really need to call her to tell her i would like a copy of that song becasue honestly its breaking my heart i lost it. And also my father keeps telling me to just forget about her, and forget it, but my mother thinks by her telling me she hadnt moved on, and that she said everything reminds me of her she was trying to tell me something,im just so confused, and such a mess, i just want to call her and tell her how much i love her, and that i want her back. what do u guys think, call or not call? we havent talked in 4 days, shouldi wait a bit, and see if she calls me, or just call and leave a mesage about the song id like a copy of.
Jerkalert Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 If you talk to her, try to keep it innocent. Don't let the conversation become toxic. Try not to harbor any sort of resentment or anger.
unsafe Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 First let me say if I was you I wouldn't call her. Second if she was that broke up with you then she is the one that needs to make you feel comfortable in this friendship if she wants it that bad. This is her doing..right? Lastly do you really want to be with someone who doesn't know if they want to be with you? There is this book and it for women but I think it goes the same for men. If a women says she will call you and she doesn't and then never returns the call with I am sorry I got caught up. then she didn't really want to talk to you. It sounds like you are in High School am I wrong? I have been there. I understand your pain. And if you are still going to be attending school with her this year its going to be hell. Because you love her. You need to move on. If she doesn't want to lose you and you are what she wants she will come get you. This was her doing. If her pride was in the way then that means her pride is more important to her then her love for you or your love for her. Don't let anyone treat you like this. Its not fair you deserve better then this. You want to be with her. If I was you I would contact her somehow just to tell her that you can't do this anymore. You care about her alot you need a copy of those songs and that you are going to move on if this isn't what she wants. Waiting never works. You don't need to wait for anyone. You aren't making her wait for you are you? NO! Why should you have to wait for love...why so she can go get with more guys that treat her like crap and keep you on the side when things don't work out. Let her make her mistakes. Let her go. You will find way better. Someone who wants you all the time and forever. Not when someone bad happens like a bad week. Thats not a friend. Someone who only calls or wants to be around when they need you. They are suppose to be there for you too. You can listen to my advice but I have been there and done that. And I hurt way more then I needed to because I played the game. I let the ex put girls in my face I let him keep me waiting for him. All his lines about caring I listened to. But we aren't together now. I actually just ran into him. He lives with a girl he has been with for 5 years and from talking to him and what he tells me the way he talks about how much he cared about me and how I am this great girl he isn't happy. opps...lessoned learned. Oh well ...... please don't let someone do this to you. I know its hard. Sometimes you just want to die because you can't face without them. someday are good and some are bad. But the longer you have no contact with her the faster you will move on and find someone who actually knows that they want YOU! good luck
heartnsoul Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 You're doing the right thing with NC. She needs to miss you....I think only then can someone truly figure out what it is that they want. The threat of loss can be a powerful thing. I'm sure you want that copy of the CD BUT I think that may open up lines of communication that you don't need right now. You've made it 4 days and contacting her will put you right back to square one. I know it's hard but keep at it! Once she realizes that you're serious about moving on, she MAY come back. If not, you'll be on that road to recovery. I wish you all the best.
Author CantDecide... Posted September 13, 2005 Author Posted September 13, 2005 ok well i havent contacted her about the song, i told myself 2 weeks. if istill want to call her in 2 weeks then i will do it, if i dont want to call in her in two weeks, then i wont. i think doing that is better then just making a drastic call right away i want to think about it. you guys are very right it will open lines of comunication. and maybe if were ment to be together absense will help that. becasue i know shes going through the same stuff, becasue by me telling her i dont wanan be friends and ending it, i kinda took the power of breaking up and its sorta mine now. atleast thats what people tell me. i know shes hurting atleast a lil bit becasue she puts up sad away messages on AOL, i gues two weeks will we be a good amount of time, u cant really move on in 2 weeks, and if shes still feeling upset we will see, how does this sound?
unsafe Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 thats sounds reasonable. But remember what you are and what you have to offer to someone. Yeah she is sad but why because she doesn't have her guy that she can use and abuse. Come on. Don't let it get that out of hand. if you feel in two weeks you want to contact her do it. But remember what your worth too. remind yourself why she is doing this. Because she doesn't know if she wants you anymore. as a boyfriend. You need to take this time the two weeks to consider if in the end you two just become only friends. can you handle that or do you need to let her go? good luck
Author CantDecide... Posted September 13, 2005 Author Posted September 13, 2005 well thats exactley why im waiting two weeks, it will give me time to think and prepare for the worst if i do call, and at the same time 2 weeks of NC may make her relize she made a mistake, and she may have wanted to call but didnt want to, on the other hand she may be feeling the same way, and if she is then i want to be able to handle that. I just dont know. only time will tell, all i know is if were ment to be together we will be, if were not ment to be together then we wont be, and thats how i have to look at it, its just what do u do when the person you love so much, isnt with you. and u want nothing more then to be with them
Taby Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 i would call her now and let her know how you feel. be clear with her of what you want and see how she responds. there could be 3 response... 1 - i want to be with you > every body lives happily ever after 2 - i want to be your friend > then it's on you to decide if you can handle that. if you can't, then let her know and start moving on... as hard as that will be... you'll have to... 3 - i am not sure what i want > tell her to contact you when she knows what she wants good luck and keep us posted
Author CantDecide... Posted September 14, 2005 Author Posted September 14, 2005 well hers the prob, ive told her this all and she feels like i dont deserve a nother chance, she feels like her decision wont mean anything, shes also told me that, she doesnt want a relationship right now, well she said that a month ago. during our friendship over the summer at one point i said i dont wanan be friends, and then said i wanted to be again after 4 days, so how can i do that again, shell just think im the biggest hypocrit. ive told her howi feel, literaly broke down in tears, which i swore i would never do in front of her and put my entire heart on the table. i was so close to having her say ok, but i lost it. now thisis is basically my last stride, if she doesnt miss me after 2 weeks or so, then i know it wasnt ment to be, and if she does then great. but if she does not then atleast im already 2 weeks into NC. and im already in my head preparing for the worst, so if it that happens, then i wont be so heartbroken. but i may not evan end up calling im playing it day by day.
Recommended Posts