When dating, is the guy supposed to text you or call everyday?

[DrNo1962]

In my experience, when a man really likes me a lot, he calls me every day after the first date.

 

I just started dating someone new last Thursday and he's been in close contact ever since with daily texts and phone calls, making very clear his strong interest and intention to win me over.

 

For me personally, anything less than this isn't very compelling and I don't connect emotionally.

 

Whilst you are entitled to your wants/needs, anything less than calling every day after the first date should not be considered as a lack of interest in general.

 

What really matters is that the guy initiates courtship and sets dates to see you in person and as the week's go by the frequency of seeing one another increases as does the attraction and wanting to get to know you more deeply.

 

Most guys who are focused on their purpose will not call a girl every day after a first date in general. This is not a rule or a game, just a fact of life.

[Ruby Slippers]

Most guys who are focused on their purpose will not call a girl every day after a first date in general. This is not a rule or a game, just a fact of life.

This has not been my experience. Men at the highest levels career/purpose-wise have been the most abundantly clear about their strong interest. These men know exactly what they want and are fearless in pursuing it.

 

Personally, I see no point getting involved with a man who's not serious and seriously interested in me. I'm happier on my own than being with a mediocre match or half-hearted man. Life's too short for that nonsense, as I see it.

 

This is, of course, just my own two cents

[DrNo1962]

This has not been my experience. Men at the highest levels career/purpose-wise have been the most abundantly clear about their strong interest. These men know exactly what they want and are fearless in pursuing it.

 

Personally, I see no point getting involved with a man who's not serious and seriously interested in me. I'm happier on my own than being with a mediocre match or half-hearted man. Life's too short for that nonsense, as I see it.

 

This is, of course, just my own two cents

 

Fair enough. Like I said, do what works for you.

 

Just putting it out there that guy's who aren't blowing up your phone after date 1 should not be placed in the "not so serious" pile. That's an unreasonable expectation to be placed on someone who doesn't even know you yet.

 

There is a lot of nuance / grey area to work through before really getting to the heart of someone's interest level.

[MaleIntuition]

Nah I ended it with him a week ago, I had previous threads on him. And right when I ended it I met an amazing guy where I told him I’d like to hear from him and he does it. He’s amazing for me so far in every way there’s no game playing like the guy I posted this thread about. Never settle ladies and gents. Once you know something is off about then, tell them and they don’t make effort- cut them out. This new guy is so open and in touch with his feelings it’s a breath of fresh air.

 

One week is not a very big sample size to draw that conclusion...

[stillafool]

Yes. Things are looking up for us, he’s gradually opening up more and we are getting closer. Yet I dunno, just wondering how it’s typically supposed to go and asking for everyone’s experiences.

 

It depends on the couple. There are no set rules. Some couples like constant communication others have busy lives and will catch up when convenient. How much communication do you want?

[PRW]

One week is not a very big sample size to draw that conclusion...

 

Neither is situations where people begin their sentence with, "In my experience...."

It doesn't consider the psychology going on. If someone only dated, or only seems to attract, needy, clingy, desperate guys,...then their experience is going to be what you get with those type of guys. That doesn't mean that it is the way that guys are really supposed to be acting. If they have never dated good solid confident men who have their lives in order, then when they run across and man who is doing things right,...it will be foreign to them and they will end up rejecting the ones they should keep and accepting the ones they should be running away from.

 

However this works in the favor of the solid confident guys because their actions (or lack of) weed out the women who want that needy clingy behavor,...which makes their lives better and more drama free.

 

A while back I had a woman contact me through my profile on Meetup.com because she saw I was in one of the same meetup groups and lived in the same small town that she was just on the verge of moving back to. I gave her my text number since the meetup messaging kind of sucks. I told her to let me know when she got moved into town and we would have dinner. I gave her a specific place we would go to. As most of you know who are familiar with me here,...I am never vague.

 

Suddenly I'm getting family pics from her. Then the "Good Morning" texts, the "How's you day going?" texts, then the Good Night" texts,...and stuff through out the day (while I am at work). On and on it goes. But we had never even met in person or even talked by a voice call. However, I always responded, never ignored her. I kept it brief, but I did respond and was friendly and always tried to say something that contributed to the conversation,...yet brief.

 

I did not initiate texts to her. We were still strangers in reality. I would not initiate other than to set the date (which she hand't got moved to town yet). The day before she was supposed to move into town, she fizzled out and vanished. This is a good and proper result. I don't not want someone in my life like this. But me not taking part in the "Let's blow up each other's phone" contest weeded her out without ending in a bunch of drama and fighting. Where she moved to is about 5 blocks from me. I use the grocery store that is literally across the street from her, maybe we will bump into each other sometime. If we do I will be friendly and neighborly (I did not delete or block her on my phone), but I am not interested in getting mixed up with someone like this.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Whatever works for you, that is what the standard is. For me personally I like contact everyday. What I've noticed is that a guy who doesn't keep at least a little contact everyday, they aren't all that interested. My bf and I kept contact everyday when time allowed. There has to be balance though, as 24/7 contact is not possible. I dated a guy who wanted 24/7 contact and that was way too much.

[DrNo1962]

Whatever works for you' date=' that is what the standard is. [b']For me personally I like contact everyday.[/b] What I've noticed is that a guy who doesn't keep at least a little contact everyday, they aren't all that interested. My bf and I kept contact everyday when time allowed. There has to be balance though, as 24/7 contact is not possible. I dated a guy who wanted 24/7 contact and that was way too much.

 

Huh?

 

Am i missing something here?

[PRW]

Whatever works for you' date=' that is what the standard is. For me personally I like contact everyday. What I've noticed is that a guy who doesn't keep at least a little contact everyday, they aren't all that interested.[/quote']

 

That is not "the standard". There is no "standard". All that means is that this is what you did,...it doesn't make it "right". It just means you have a certain level of insecurity that is satisfied by that behavor. The last statement is just insecurity interpreting the perception. My longest relationship we only saw each other once in the middle of the week and on the weekends. There was absolutely zero contact ("touching base") via phone/texting except for when we had to for a specific reason. The relationship lasted quite healthily for many years. The woman involved was a bit insecure,...yet,...she survived it just fine.

[LoverOfDance]

DrNo1962 - "i'veseenbetter" is saying she wants to touch base everyday but she also doesn't want to text for 24 hours a day as she has things to do.

 

@PRW - "i'veseenbetter" is saying that the phrase, "whatever works for you" IS the standard.

 

PRW, i'm guessing you dated that woman in a time when there were no phones or internet. If that wasn't the case then maybe you were friends with benefits?

 

You speak as though being insecure is a disease. Insecurity is inherently part of human nature. Everyone is insecure. Some people are just more insecure than others and too much insecurity, i would say is not healthy.

 

Please do not paint women badly for wanting what they want. Wanting to touch base with your partner everyday is not a bad thing.

 

If two people enter into a relationship and the relationship is healthy and working perfectly well then great. It doesn't matter how it works. What matters is that it works.

[PRW]

PRW, i'm guessing you dated that woman in a time when there were no phones or internet. If that wasn't the case then maybe you were friends with benefits?

 

No on both. There was texting,...and it was not FWB. We are still on good terms even now. I ended the dating, not her.

 

You speak as though being insecure is a disease.

Insecurity is synonymous with "fear". Everyone is afraid of [insecure about] something. The key is in how people deal with their fear [insecurity]. Some people avoid what they fear. Some people get hysterical over what they fear. Some people attack their fear head on and over-come. If a person lets the fear damage a relationship,...that is bad. If they use their fear to build strength,...that is good. Very few do the second one.

 

Please do not paint women badly for wanting what they want.

I'm not painting, nor is there anything gender specific is what I said. I am using what someone said as a back-drop for my comment.

 

If two people enter into a relationship and the relationship is healthy and working perfectly well then great.

The title of the thread says "when dating",...not "when in a relationship". The two are not synonymous. The two are not treated the same way. It is destructive when someone treats a dating situation as if it is a relationship when it has not progressed to that point.

[carhill]

Relationship potentials often die at the altar of expectations. At three months, presuming a fully romantic and sexual relationship, it should flow rather than be analyzed. It should feel healthy. If it doesn't, cool move on. People's behaviors and personalities either mesh or they don't. If there's feeling of doubt during limerence, pay attention to the feeling.

 

After three months, the lady I married and I talked on the phone a few times a week, e-mailed when we felt like it (this before smartphones when cell phones were new) and bridged the 60 mile distance between us switching off weekends at each other's homes. It wasn't an accounting, rather simply flowed. Never gave the details a thought at the time. It 'felt' healthy. Go with the flow.

[elaine567]

Just putting it out there that guy's who aren't blowing up your phone after date 1 should not be placed in the "not so serious" pile. That's an unreasonable expectation to be placed on someone who doesn't even know you yet.

 

 

Fine, but be aware that many women WILL place guys, who are apparently not making her a priority or appear uninterested with scant contact, on the "not so serious" pile or he will find himself binned all together.

He who hesitates is lost.

[PRW]

Relationship potentials often die at the altar of expectations.

 

 

Excellent statement. I'll have to try to remember that one.

[PRW]

Fine, but be aware that many women WILL place guys, who are apparently not making her a priority or appear uninterested with scant contact, on the "not so serious" pile or he will find himself binned all together.

 

I agree.

But who loses? I say, the woman loses in your example.

 

Guys who hold to what I have been saying on that are issue, at least in part, are handling themselves the way they are in order to detect and weed out women who would act as you are describing. We don't consider that a desirable trait.

 

Needy, clingy guys do the same thing that you are saying the women do,...and the women they are seeing (and having a hand-wringing fit over) dump the guy on a regular basis,...as we see here every day. Guys come here all the time freaking out because he hasn't heard from the girl in 47 hours, 3 minutes, and 28 seconds from the last time he heard from her. In most cases, he doesn't listen to what anyone warns him about, continues the behavor, and pretty much always ends up being dumped.

 

So this really isn't gender specific.

[kendahke]

. Insecurity is inherently part of human nature. Everyone is insecure. Some people are just more insecure than others and too much insecurity, i would say is not healthy.

 

Yes, everyone, at some time or another, is insecure about something. However, it becomes a tedious problem when that insecure person does absolutely nothing to address their insecurity outside of offloading it onto their partner to carry that burden for them.

 

So no, insecurity, in and of itself isn't the issue: it's the behavior/actions that are put in play as a result of unexamined insecurity that are the issue---and it's this that drives away partners because unless one is a trained psychotherapist, the average Joe/Jane isn't equipped to wade into that.

 

Wanting to touch base with your partner everyday is not a bad thing.

 

It is when you insist upon being with someone who doesn't do that and is consistently showing you that he/she isn't on the same page as you.

[smackie9]

It all depends on each person and how into you they are, and your own expectations.

 

 

If he isn't texting you as much as you like, or the conversations are not as intense as you like, then you are wasting your time because you are left being unsatisfied. At 3 months things should be where you want it to be, going smoothly.

[DrNo1962]

Fine, but be aware that many women WILL place guys, who are apparently not making her a priority or appear uninterested with scant contact, on the "not so serious" pile or he will find himself binned all together.

He who hesitates is lost.

 

No loss for me.

 

I'm not looking for a girl whose trying to lock me down or set unreasonable exceptions for me after one date. Also taking some time to metabolize a date without emotions blurring your blindspot is healthy.

 

As a caveat, I might add that if it is expressed to the guy that you want to hear more from him after several dates and he doesn't take action in a way to make you feel wanted/appreciated/special, then I agree he is not interested or not putting in enough effort. A man who knows what he wants will take those cues and act on them in a way that he sees fit to show that he is interested in you.

Edited December 6, 2018 by DrNo1962

[I'veseenbetterlol]

That is not "the standard". There is no "standard". All that means is that this is what you did,...it doesn't make it "right". It just means you have a certain level of insecurity that is satisfied by that behavor. The last statement is just insecurity interpreting the perception. My longest relationship we only saw each other once in the middle of the week and on the weekends. There was absolutely zero contact ("touching base") via phone/texting except for when we had to for a specific reason. The relationship lasted quite healthily for many years. The woman involved was a bit insecure,...yet,...she survived it just fine.

 

I never said this was the "standard", in my personal experience.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Huh?

 

Am i missing something here?

 

You aren't missing anything. I like it when my guy contacts me throughout the day, but doesn't expect and answer every couple of seconds.

[Morello]

I have a question to the female posters who expect a regular (perhaps) daily contact from the guys who they are dating.

 

Do you initiate contact too or always leave it up to him to initiate?

 

I find the whole thing confusing too, most guys would indeed be dumped for pursuing too much, and I think daily texts (especially without a purpose of setting a date) would fall into this category.

 

There's obviously the factor of how long the dating has been going for. I never texted everyday a girl that I just went on dates once or twice. I think at least until having any talk of being exclusive or something like that from her I wouldn't be texting or calling that much.

 

I think girls might like the constant initiation from guys, but there will be a underlying perception from her that the guys is a bit needy. I've done that when I was younger and heard from dates that it was a bit full on. I think it depends a bit on the cultural background too. In some cultures this constant contact, not only with dates but with friends, family, etc, is more common and perhaps rewarded.

[PRW]

I have a question to the female posters who expect a regular (perhaps) daily contact from the guys who they are dating.

 

Do you initiate contact too or always leave it up to him to initiate?

 

I find the whole thing confusing too, most guys would indeed be dumped for pursuing too much, and I think daily texts (especially without a purpose of setting a date) would fall into this category.

 

There's obviously the factor of how long the dating has been going for. I never texted everyday a girl that I just went on dates once or twice. I think at least until having any talk of being exclusive or something like that from her I wouldn't be texting or calling that much.

 

I think girls might like the constant initiation from guys, but there will be a underlying perception from her that the guys is a bit needy. I've done that when I was younger and heard from dates that it was a bit full on. I think it depends a bit on the cultural background too. In some cultures this constant contact, not only with dates but with friends, family, etc, is more common and perhaps rewarded.

I think that is well stated and is the way that I see it too. But even in an exclusive relationship I won't do that everyday, and I certainly won't do it as a "checking in" kind of thing. If I contact them it is because I have a reason and have something specific to talk about. If it is exclusive then they are probably going to see me in person a few times a week anyway,...and that is good enough. If I had a GF that expected that everyday then I would certainly consider her to have some sort of confidence issue where she needed daily affirmation,...and that would be a negative to me.

[MissBee]

There is no "supposed to" about anything for dating. Dating is about finding out if the two of you match in things such as how you relate to each other and your core values.

 

Agree.

 

There is no should. It's what the two people find feels good for them and is comfortable. That's the biggest sign of at least general compatibility for me. If we communicate and contact each other in ways that are more effortless and feel natural and easy to each of us. Anything that feels like pulling teeth is just a no for me...

 

If we're dating though, especially exclusively or for a while, I do expect to speak to that person daily. It's not a rule. It's just something that happens because I like and miss that person and vice-versa so we want to check in about our day and our lives and hear from each other. In the early stages and if we're not exclusive then it doesn't have to be daily, but if I like them a lot I would love for it to be daily and all my relationships started with us being in daily or very frequent communication from early on. That's my style though. Not everyone is like that, and that's the point, you gotta find someone whose style works with yours.

[SophieG]

If we're dating though, especially exclusively or for a while, I do expect to speak to that person daily. It's not a rule. It's just something that happens because I like and miss that person and vice-versa so we want to check in about our day and our lives and hear from each other.

 

I agree with you there!

Personally, when I communicate daily, it’s a sign of interest. If I’m lukewarm about someone, I’ll be annoyed with that person texting often, but I’ll be super happy when I’m interested in the guy.

[elaine567]

Personally, when I communicate daily, it’s a sign of interest. If I’m lukewarm about someone, I’ll be annoyed with that person texting often, but I’ll be super happy when I’m interested in the guy.

 

 

In a nutshell.

If a person is interested you can text all day all night, and not get it wrong, if a person is not interested, two texts a week is too much...