goodfella Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Its been around 5 weeks of NC now i think....im not counting. I've been tring really hard to stop the thoughts of her where they start to enter my head, but it just making me analze my thoughts far too much and i get an overwhelming erge to drastically change my life, like im clawing for something i should have been working on for the past year instead of wasting my time chasing her. Its making feel quite ill with desperation i think. It is also making me question my own self worth and really starting to effect my self esteem. Maybe im just having a rough day....i have been feeling quite strong lately, i keep telling myself to forget and move on as she has done but it makes me feel quite mentally weak when i can't follow her mind set so to speak that fast. Feel like im losing a race or something stupid like that!! I know its silly to think like that and i should just relax and gradually move on...but i want it now im sick of the pain, feels like i need it to be exocised from my body lke something out of a horror film! Everywhere i look i see people envolved in other peoples lives, sharing and having fun....stupidly something i wanted with her again for so long.....and to top it off i have the annoying itch in the back of my head knowing thats exactly what she is doing but with someone else. My god i feel like **** tonight! I've been through some rough patches in my life but nothing compares to this process...why has she got a such a strong hold of my balls!!? Sorry just needed to rant a bit, needed to get it out! I know theres no easy soloution maybe i need some professional help!? Or a life maybe hehe
samski3409 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 i could have wrote the same thing today.i feel just like that and i just don't understand why i'm left feeling this way. i know she's not sitting around feeling like this and there's is no way that she's a better person then i am. hang in there bro.that's all i can tell you.i really do feel your pain!
Jerkalert Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Hang in there and stay strong. You are feeling the way you do because you have not found closure. You want to find something wrong with yourself so because then you are able to accept the fact the relationship ended. Right now, you don't want to believe that great connection and that strong love you both had could ever have been broken unless you did something wrong. However, the only thing you can do is to look within yourself and work on making yourself better. Use the energy and time to focus on you. What you have to do is stop picturing her as you did when you two were together. I have gone through the same motions. I wanted to find out what it was that I did wrong. I questioned why I didn't see the signs. blah, blah, blah. When you look at the basic truth, She didn't have any respect for you in the end. And that is the real kick in the balls. I often think how pitiful I am for letting that happen. But what gives me solace is that when I think of her now, I am repulsed by how she just turned her back. She wasn't mature enough to talk about her issues and let things just bottle up. By that time it was too late and she no longer wanted to be burdened with your emotional happiness. It was only bringing her down because she had already moved on. Just think about how you probably thought that you would die for her. Then turn it around on her. My ex just walked away, and now I just see how much of an ugly person she is.
Author goodfella Posted September 12, 2005 Author Posted September 12, 2005 Yeah thanks man! They either have cold hearts or dumb brains...i like to think mines a bit dumb! hehe The reason they dont feel that way is coz the have a new interest to comfort them and ocupy their time. Our time will come and when it does, hopefully we will look back at these times and smile a little. Suck up the pain .... i love it!! not.
brooke7777 Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 At times it just feels impossible to stop the thoughts from entering your head. Everyday I wake up thinking I'm not going to let him enter my thoughts today and sure enough everyday he is right there. We've been broken up for 4 weeks, but have only recently decided to do the whole nc thing (it'll be a week tomorrow.) I want so badly to wake up and just feel ok for a day, but in all reality, I know that won't happen for a long time. It's still so hard and I still feel so lost and confused. Sometimes I feel like I should jsut move away and start all over again. Oh and the whole seeing people happy and in love...it makes me physically ill. It feels like everyone is happy but you and there's nowhere to escape. It doesn't help when all of your friends have significant others either. I just wish I could fast forward a year ahead and know that I'm going to make it through this...with or without him.
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