sabaton Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 (edited) I’m so confused. You guys tell me it’s done, but when i ask her it isn’t... Actions speak louder than words. She wants time(which is an easy way the dumper has of letting the dumpee down calmly) off from you. You think she'd be asking for time if she was crazy about you? She'd fear some other girl would steal you away, man. I know 100% what i’m going to say to her when she is ready to talk. And what she needs to change about her behaviour. (Not bombing me with text messages when i’m going out, which she did everytime) Or the getting mad the next day and playing hard to get because i went out with my friends. I’m not the only one guilty in this relation.. Both of you are very, very young. Young relationships rarely work out. They're filled with insecurities, low self-esteem, self-doubts, and lack of personal and interpersonal experience. I dated a girl when I was 24 who would call me when I was out with my friends, and everytime she'd hear a female voice passing by she'd start making a drama about it, thinking I was cheating on her. She was controling, insecure and demanding. You think the relationship worked out? Of course not! Edited November 17, 2018 by sabaton
fromheart Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 It sounds like your jealousy has pushed her away, but you know that now. The only thing you can do is tell her that you want her and want to work it out with her, but you can't be stuck in no mans land like this. Tell her to give you a shout if she wants to be with you, but you're not interested in friendship, because you want to work out your relationship with her. Then move on completely as a single man. If you've had a lack of partners in your life and this is the source of your jealousy, take the opportunity to get it out of your system. If she does reach out to you, wants to work it out but complains about you having been dating, tell her that you did want to be with her but she wasn't reaching out at that point. Therefore, you had to live your life as a man. Bear in mind, late teens/early 20's nowadays people are experimenting and are less likely to settle down. If your going to date a woman that young, its best to have no long term expectations. 1
Author Codww2 Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 I can’t believe she isn’t crazy about me antmore. It was just last week that she told me every day that she loved me and can’t live without me...
sabaton Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 (edited) I can’t believe she isn’t crazy about me antmore. It was just last week that she told me every day that she loved me and can’t live without me... Yeah, that's just how life is, bro. When I was 20 I was dating a girl who would bake me cookies all the time, cook for me, write me love letters, and **** my brains out daily. Then like a week later she met a guy at a party she clicked with better(or a guy who made her more horny than I managed to) and she dumped me, cut off all contact, and when we'd come across each other at parties she'd scowl at me and move away from me, hahaha. Did it hurt? Sure. Life goes on. You have your whole life ahead of you, lots of time for you to find better relationships Edited November 17, 2018 by sabaton
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 Go to your Bible study. You are a member of the group & have every right to be there. If she doesn't care to see you, she can leave. If you want her back send her flowers apologizing for trying to be controlling. Promise to try to control your jealousy & tell her that you want to make things work between you. 1
Author Codww2 Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 It was so weird yesterday in Bible study. I was talking and she kept trying talking with me. And she looked and laughed. But whatever i’m going to move on. Should i start following other girls and talk with them? Or is it disrespectful for her?
Garcon1986 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 20 year olds everywhere have some degree of the same problem! You've just not lived long enough to be an excellent mature dating professional yet. Some women and men grow to like the drama and emotional distress that dating creates There will be another woman who will come along into your life. In the dating game, the next bus is coming in 15 minutes. Heal and be happy right now. You told us explicitly you are not interested in being friendzoned or not being told where you stand. Be free and pursue your happiness.
sabaton Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 It was so weird yesterday in Bible study. I was talking and she kept trying talking with me. And she looked and laughed. But whatever i’m going to move on. Should i start following other girls and talk with them? Or is it disrespectful for her? It's not disrespectful of you to talk to other girls. Remember. She wanted a timeout. That means you can talk to other women, and see what comes out of it
Garcon1986 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 Another important lesson to learn here - you should trust what women do, not necessarily what they say. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 I can’t believe she isn’t crazy about me antmore. It was just last week that she told me every day that she loved me and can’t live without me... This rapid flip-flop is also very typical of immature types who have no prior experience. To her, love means something different than to someone older and more settled. I'm not suggesting she wasn't being honest about her feelings, but given that she's still just a teenager, she is naturally fickle and feelings change a lot. Even if you two hadn't had this argument, the longevity of this relationship was likely not too great to begin with. As someone else said, it's better to keep expectations of a serious and long-term relationship low when you're dating someone as young as she is. Break up with her properly if you want to start exploring other options. 1
sabaton Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 This rapid flip-flop is also very typical of immature types who have no prior experience. She's 20 years old. At that age everyone is immature and is whishy-wash, because they're so many options, so many people they meet that is exciting and cool, and sexy and funny, which makes it harder for relationships between people that young to work out. People put too many expectations on the young folk, expecting them to stay with just one person when there's so many people they can get with, easily. To her, love means something different than to someone older and more settled. I'm not suggesting she wasn't being honest about her feelings, but given that she's still just a teenager, she is naturally fickle and feelings change a lot. Yes! There's nothing wrong with her. The human brain only stops developing at the age of 25. She still has 5 years to go. Meanwhile, she's going to experience life differently from when she becomes emotionally and brain-mature.
Poutrew Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 Really, it sounds to me like she inherited the controlling nature of her parents. She goes on a extended break from you because she didn't like you telling her she couldn't go on the trip because another boy would most likely hit on her, yet she gets all bent out of shape because you want to go out or even talk to other girls... even now, with the relationship on final life support, she doesn't want you to see other women - so she strings you along, making you hope there is still a future between you and her, and keeping you bound at home, sitting forlornly by the phone waiting for a call from her telling you that she is coming back to you, while she is out doing god knows what with god knows who and not asking you permission or anything. My advice is to stop talking to her. Go out and have fun with other women. Sow some wild oats. End the relationship on your own terms, instead of waiting for her to end it after she finds another man that makes her tingle... 1
alphamale Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 dude get ready because she is getting ready to break up with you
elaine567 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 It was so weird yesterday in Bible study. I was talking and she kept trying talking with me. And she looked and laughed. But whatever i’m going to move on. Should i start following other girls and talk with them? Or is it disrespectful for her? If you want her back then you talking to other girls will likely kill any chance you had, as obviously she sounds like she is the jealous type. BUT I think you should lay it on the line first, either she stops this silly game right away and starts talking to you to try and sort it out, or you walk. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If she still refuses or starts some BS type stalling, then walk and don't look back. She's 20, life is opening up for her, she wants to go see what it is all about, the last thing she needs is some bf telling her what to do. I guess even if you manage to salvage this, the writing is on the wall... Sorry!
sabaton Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 If you want her back then you talking to other girls will likely kill any chance you had, as obviously she sounds like she is the jealous type. BUT I think you should lay it on the line first, either she stops this silly game right away and starts talking to you to try and sort it out, or you walk. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If she still refuses or starts some BS type stalling, then walk and don't look back. She's 20, life is opening up for her, she wants to go see what it is all about, the last thing she needs is some bf telling her what to do. I guess even if you manage to salvage this, the writing is on the wall... Sorry! Pretty much. She's 20. At that age she's desired by pretty much every man out there. If she's cute and thin, even more so. Making the competition even more stiff for you, OP, if you live in a place where the average person is overweight/obese. Then you have to compete with the men who are more confident and more experienced than you are, and there's lots of those guys out there. Honestly, you should just give up on this girl and go find yourself a girl outside of the church. Those girls are already married to Jesus Christ. How can you compete with that?
alphamale Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 Those girls are already married to Jesus Christ. How can you compete with that? indeed, you can't compete with a martyr 1
Author Codww2 Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 indeed, you can't compete with a martyr Well, she has been raised by parents who are very strict. She can’t go out with girlfriends and let be having a boyfriend. We are assyrians, her family has an old feud with my family. They would never in their life let her be with me. This has to be also a reason why she is doing this. She is someone who really is a family person and being with me is like being a traitor. She always told me that her honor is very important to her. As i was the first kissing, touching her. (Sex was out of question and i respected this) She told me she wouldn’t live with herself if it ended. The night of the fight, i blocked her as i was in NY for work. I live in Belgium and i wanted to focus on my work. Because it was the first time i was in America and i couldn’t let her ruin it for me. Next day, i saw an email that she sent me. She asked if we could talk and that she wanted to end her life. We had to resolve the issue. But it didn’t get resolved and it kept going on. So i’m just very confused that it is over. It was a 2 year relationship, i spent a lot of my time on her.. i was her getaway from her parents and i teached her to lie to her parents to go out.
Garcon1986 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 I think although this was very painful, you dodged a very painful life if their family will always be against you. My last relationship was like this, and as much as I wanted to make a happy life with my ex, my parents were vehemently against my ex. So I was stuck between argumentative parents who taught me to compromise, and an ex who really wanted to prove herself, and rightfully got angry every time my parents argued with her. You don't want that life mate, seriously you don't. Hear it from me, someone who lived through it.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 If her parents would never accept you and she would never go against her parents and be open about your relationship, then you had to know this was never really going to go anywhere. No? I don't see what the alternative would have been.
Author Codww2 Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 I thought love would conquer it. I even started going to their church. (Her brother is pastor) I liked their church, i became a part of the community. And her family started liking me. Love makes blind.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 I thought love would conquer it. I even started going to their church. (Her brother is pastor) I liked their church, i became a part of the community. And her family started liking me. Love makes blind. I'm confused. You wrote this a few minutes ago: "her family has an old feud with my family. They would never in their life let her be with me." They would never let her be with you, but they like you? Do they know you're her boyfriend, or do they just think you're a member of their church?
Garcon1986 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 That's nice that the family started liking you, but here's a summary: 1. You met a 20 year old lady who is getting into the dating scene and realizing how many options there are. She wasn't necessarily going to be tied down to one guy anyway. Most people that age are immature at dating. It's not only you. 2. You have her parents, which are against you in some degree. 3. You argued over her meeting other guys. This wasn't the best decision in the world to make. 4. Love does not conquer all. In fact, when marriages fail, they frequently fail over practical matters such as the man losing his job, or failing to listen to the lady. 5. You've seen how a young lady can learn controlling behavior from their family. 6. You've learned how a young lady can show a lack of concern for other people's feelings first hand, and what a vague breakup can look like. You know it feels nasty and don't want to have the same thing happen if you can avoid it. 7. You've learned the value of confidence and emotional stability. 8. You've learned what dating competition looks like. You know the other guys you are up against. 9. You've gotten many steps closer to knowing what your favourite lady is made of. 10. You've learned the manner in which female argument is different than male argument, and the importance of getting on the same page. These are valuable lessons that you learned at an early age. Many people on this forum failed to learn these lessons until their 50s, and have paid much heavier prices than you have. I would say "thank you Jesus", take my winnings, and run straight back into the dating scene after doing some healing.
Author Codww2 Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 I'm confused. You wrote this a few minutes ago: "her family has an old feud with my family. They would never in their life let her be with me." They would never let her be with you, but they like you? Do they know you're her boyfriend, or do they just think you're a member of their church? No one knows i’m her boyfriend. Only her 2 sisters. So i guess they liked me as a member of the community. So i will start enjoying my life now, but what if she comes back and finds out how empty her life is without me? How can i even take her back, if she is immature like this?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 18, 2018 Posted November 18, 2018 No one knows i’m her boyfriend. Only her 2 sisters. So i guess they liked me as a member of the community. So i will start enjoying my life now, but what if she comes back and finds out how empty her life is without me? How can i even take her back, if she is immature like this? Honestly, I wouldn't even worry about taking her back. I think you need to finally concede that this relationship always had an expiration date. You know her family won't accept you, and that she won't ultimately go against them. This was going to come to an end sooner or later. It appears now is that time. 1
Author Codww2 Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 Honestly, I wouldn't even worry about taking her back. I think you need to finally concede that this relationship always had an expiration date. You know her family won't accept you, and that she won't ultimately go against them. This was going to come to an end sooner or later. It appears now is that time. So what do you think, should i stop going to their church? She is always there and i don’t feel like seeing her.
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