Insoc Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 I'm going through a divorce currently and am legally separated, I know I'm not ready to date and have read that being "Separated" is a big red flag and a No Go for many Women, majority won't even be interested. So do I or should I have to wait till it's all said and done to move forward? That could take 6+ months. Has anyone divorced and got into another LTR 6 months or a year after? I'm in my early 50's don't want to wait too long, want to make someone happy and be happy. I feel emotionally disconnected from my soon to be ex, what she did and how she acted, helped ease the pain.
Chilli Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 How long have you actually been separated ? Without knowing that no one can say. But , as they do say too also , everyone's different and some seem to just dive straight back in amazingly really. l dunno if they pay the price later on or what, And nope l wouldn't worry too much about the women not being interested believe me most of the women l met after my divorce were still only separated too, they don't waste any time let me tell ya. Me l needed 3 yrs on my own emotionally, we were married and together 19. l then went into another relationship and tbh it was still hard at times and confusing. But it's also hard to leave it much longer isn't it because as ya say , not getting any younger.
Gretchen12 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 The chances for finding a good LTR online are slim, so it doesn't really matter. Even if you've been single the chances are not good anyway online. Why don't you try meeting women in person? A lot of men are doing that.
guest569 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 What are you hoping for from dating? I don't think there's anything wrong with being up front about your intentions and situation and just finding some company and seeing what happens. Just don't lead them on. In my experience the divorced say "I'm over it now, I'm over it now, yep totally" and then boom. Freak out.
basil67 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 I met the love of my life 25 years ago after being separated for only 3 months. But I was ready to date. But you are not ready to date. So don't date until you are ready
Malin889 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 I'm going through a divorce currently and am legally separated, I know I'm not ready to date and have read that being "Separated" is a big red flag and a No Go for many Women, majority won't even be interested. So do I or should I have to wait till it's all said and done to move forward? That could take 6+ months. Has anyone divorced and got into another LTR 6 months or a year after? I'm in my early 50's don't want to wait too long, want to make someone happy and be happy. I feel emotionally disconnected from my soon to be ex, what she did and how she acted, helped ease the pain. You said “I’m not ready to date”, so separated or divorced, wait until you’re ready. And if you end up being ready when you’re still technically separated and not quite divorced yet, just be honest and upfront. However, if you have any plans at all to get back with your soon to be ex, then don’t date and lead anyone on. 1
carhill Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 OP, describe "I know I'm not ready to date". Why? How? etc. For a positive dating story, exW and I split domiciles in April, filed in June. Shortly after we filed she already had a new guy living with her , though our D wouldn't be final for 18 months after filing, and he's still there nearly ten years later. Success. Can you be her? IDK. I was her third divorce and she's good with men, meaning men like her. If you're a smooth operator with polished social skills dating shouldn't be a problem. Whether or not it's successful depends on your emotional attachment to your ex, how you grieve it and process it out and whether or not that leaks through into your dating milieu. I also dated while separated, after we filled but nothing sexual and I lost interest and haven't been back to that realm yet. Everyone is different. Good luck!
Author Insoc Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 How long have you actually been separated ? Without knowing that no one can say. But , as they do say too also , everyone's different and some seem to just dive straight back in amazingly really. l dunno if they pay the price later on or what, And nope l wouldn't worry too much about the women not being interested believe me most of the women l met after my divorce were still only separated too, they don't waste any time let me tell ya. Me l needed 3 yrs on my own emotionally, we were married and together 19. l then went into another relationship and tbh it was still hard at times and confusing. But it's also hard to leave it much longer isn't it because as ya say , not getting any younger. Only a couple of months, I see lot's of people on Match who are separated, ven talked to some Women who lied on their profiles saying "Divorced" but told me they were separated. I thought about putting it off, but we moved here from 3K miles away, a few a years ago for my job, no family and only some friends from work I rarely socialize with since they are so busy with their friends and family. Also my soon to be Ex did not delay after cheating online with me (ended up being a fake romance scammer and she caught on), but she went an created an account to an online dating site and after being contacted by a bunch of what she called "Creepy Men" and not her type, some guillable guy half her age reached out to her and they are now talking daily via text, guy lives 150 miles away in another city, she disclosed this info to me but is being quiet about it now. The thought of it sickens me that she is doing this and the guy isn't even her type I saw pics, something that she was stearn against (dating or pursuing someone young enough to her son), but I think her mid-life crisis thing is hitting or hit, nothing I can do but sit back and watch, but I'm getting out of the house soon and don't want to think about it. I also feel it's a diversion for her from reality, for the 10 years we were married, and years prior we dated. She really hasn't cried or felt scared, because i'm still in the house, once I move out I hope she get's a reality check and I'm also not going to wait too long, I can't like you said, not getting any younger, also it does feel like a diversion to me so touche to her.
Author Insoc Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 The chances for finding a good LTR online are slim, so it doesn't really matter. Even if you've been single the chances are not good anyway online. Why don't you try meeting women in person? A lot of men are doing that. I agree, but most of the woman in the office where I work are married or too young, my ex is pursuing a guy half her age, she is early 50's, I'm not going to stoop that low or go against my ethics, she is and seems to not be bothered by it. I hope to meet someone at a social event or exercise class, I see what happens?
Author Insoc Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 What are you hoping for from dating? I don't think there's anything wrong with being up front about your intentions and situation and just finding some company and seeing what happens. Just don't lead them on. In my experience the divorced say "I'm over it now, I'm over it now, yep totally" and then boom. Freak out. Since I'm all alone here in a new area, family is not that close and 3K miles away, anyone I knew back from where I moved is 3 hours behind and on with their lives, so I want to date in the next 3 to 6 months, even when I'm separated or get to try to know someone. Also as I stated, what my soon to be ex is doing, but that's not a vengence call more of a I'm moving on too call, and that I won't be sitting around by myself crying and feeling sad.
Author Insoc Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 I met the love of my life 25 years ago after being separated for only 3 months. But I was ready to date. But you are not ready to date. So don't date until you are ready It's been nearly 2 months, I think by January or so, I should be ready, maybe longer? I just need to put my ex and what she is doing out of my mind. That is a good story though, gives me hope.
Author Insoc Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 You said “I’m not ready to date”, so separated or divorced, wait until you’re ready. And if you end up being ready when you’re still technically separated and not quite divorced yet, just be honest and upfront. However, if you have any plans at all to get back with your soon to be ex, then don’t date and lead anyone on. My ex and I are not getting back together, it's over and amicable, I tried to change her mind but gave up, wasn't really worth it for me anyways, cannot trust her again and felt like a fool for being so humble. I know some people wait years, or a year, I feel like it will be torture to me because it won't get my mind off of her and what she is doing or moving on.
Author Insoc Posted November 18, 2018 Author Posted November 18, 2018 OP, describe "I know I'm not ready to date". Why? How? etc. For a positive dating story, exW and I split domiciles in April, filed in June. Shortly after we filed she already had a new guy living with her , though our D wouldn't be final for 18 months after filing, and he's still there nearly ten years later. Success. Can you be her? IDK. I was her third divorce and she's good with men, meaning men like her. If you're a smooth operator with polished social skills dating shouldn't be a problem. Whether or not it's successful depends on your emotional attachment to your ex, how you grieve it and process it out and whether or not that leaks through into your dating milieu. I also dated while separated, after we filled but nothing sexual and I lost interest and haven't been back to that realm yet. Everyone is different. Good luck! I'm still living with my ex under the same roof and in different rooms, so any woman I meet will likely have problems with that. I'm looking to move on next month. I feel my ex is a like a ball and chain (literally) she hasn't had a job in a number of years and has no money, so I have been supporting her and all expenses, this makes it harder for me to move on, if she was independent and had a good job, she could have moved out and got a place, but that's not the case. This makes it hard for me to move on and date. This is my Wife's 2nd Divorce, not sure she will marry again, maybe this guy who is half her age, dunno? She is much like your Ex, smooth, but not independent. She says she is "picky" but she didn't give herself anytime to be single, just jumped headfirst into online dating and now the snowball is rolling down the hill. I know I want to date again, but I'm not ready for rejection and finding out how long it will take to find someone who meet's my requirements. I have to be realistic, but I feel not having kids or family and friends local, makes it hard to be single.
kendahke Posted November 19, 2018 Posted November 19, 2018 Speaking for myself, the minute you tell me that you are separated, my interest will die. Doesn't matter when you tell me---and I will consider you to be deceitful the longer you keep it to yourself while pursuing me. Being still legally married, to me, is a huge issue. Clean up your mess before stepping to me because you won't like how I clean it up.
carhill Posted November 19, 2018 Posted November 19, 2018 I'm still living with my ex under the same roof and in different rooms, so any woman I meet will likely have problems with that. I'm looking to move on next month. IMO, from the dating prospect part, better to be living separately. We bought a house for my wife to live in and she moved about six months before we filed. I lived there for awhile while fixing the place up then gave her keys and back to the country. I feel my ex is a like a ball and chain (literally) she hasn't had a job in a number of years and has no money, so I have been supporting her and all expenses, this makes it harder for me to move on, if she was independent and had a good job, she could have moved out and got a place, but that's not the case.If she's employable, and most people are, tough love. You aren't a team anymore, there's a lawsuit coming to dissolve the partnership. No more easy landing and comfort zone. Any support can be addressed in the court filings. This makes it hard for me to move on and date. This is my Wife's 2nd Divorce, not sure she will marry again, maybe this guy who is half her age, dunno? She is much like your Ex, smooth, but not independent. She says she is "picky" but she didn't give herself anytime to be single, just jumped headfirst into online dating and now the snowball is rolling down the hill. Sounds like she's dating already and using your domicile for a crash pad. Another pitfall of sharing a domicile with an estranged spouse. The disposition of the domicile has been settled in the legal separation, yes? I presume you own it. I know I want to date again, but I'm not ready for rejection and finding out how long it will take to find someone who meet's my requirements. I have to be realistic, but I feel not having kids or family and friends local, makes it hard to be single.I'd focus on the independence and divorce part and confine socializing with potential dates to real life and enjoying the social festivities during the holidays. If nothing else volunteer to help those less fortunate and uplift their holiday spirit. It can uplift yours too. You never know whom you'll meet and it won't be data in an online dating profile rather real life flesh and things often look very different in real life.
kendahke Posted November 19, 2018 Posted November 19, 2018 I feel my ex is a like a ball and chain (literally) she hasn't had a job in a number of years and has no money, so I have been supporting her and all expenses, this makes it harder for me to move on, if she was independent and had a good job, she could have moved out and got a place, but that's not the case. You need to stop doing that. Like today--this needs to end. She's grown and capable--she should be working. My ex's ex wife was like this and her children were grown and flown. She had education and work experience, but she didn't want to work and he would never stop supporting her and I'm guessing to this day, he's still paying to let her stay home like a grown 14 year old... .
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