Linda_411 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 My bf and I have almost been dating for 6 months. I wrote him a letter telling him how much he means to me and I told him that I loved him. But I told him that he didn't have to reply, if he didn't want to. Well we've made love, and he still hasn't said those 3 words, do you think maybe he's just using for sex, or do you think he's waiting for a special moment. At times I want to confront him, and say that I gave him a part of me(my virginity) which met a lot to me, and if he really loves me or not. Because otherwise why date someone that can't even say I love you? Any Suggestins?
bluechocolate Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Firstly, when you say "I love you", you should do so with no expectations,*you don't say it to illicit a response from someone. * I wrote him a letter telling him how much he means to me and I told him that I loved him. But I told him that he didn't have to reply, if he didn't want to. You gave him the option not to reply & he took it. ...do you think maybe he's just using for sex, Who knows? Aside from him not verbally expressing his feelings for you, what else makes you think that he might just be using you for sex? After six months you should have some idea of what his feelings for you are. If in doubt, just ask.
Kengne Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 My bf and I have almost been dating for 6 months. I wrote him a letter telling him how much he means to me and I told him that I loved him. But I told him that he didn't have to reply, if he didn't want to. Well we've made love, and he still hasn't said those 3 words, do you think maybe he's just using for sex, or do you think he's waiting for a special moment. At times I want to confront him, and say that I gave him a part of me(my virginity) which met a lot to me, and if he really loves me or not. Because otherwise why date someone that can't even say I love you? Any Suggestins? 1. Love is not something given, with the expectation that you receive it in return. You give it freely - FREELY. You set yourself up by secretly expecting for him to say it back to you - and now you really have only yourself to blame for your unrealistic expectations. IMO, I would never say the 3 words first to a male but that's just me! If you wanna be bravestar - be bravestar, but then don't feel hurt or surprised if he doesn't say it back! Men tend to take longer to develop deep feelings, longer than women do. That's why I always wait for the guy to say it first. 2. You gave him your virginity - he did not take it, or steal it from you. Why in the world would you confront him, as if he did something wrong? If him loving or being in love with you was a necessary requirement before you guys had sex... Oops, I mean made love in your words .. then you should have probed him regarding his feelings BEFORE you did the do. Now... after the fact... you can't get mad at him bcuz he didn't say the words! Maybe he just needs time... or maybe he doesn't love you. Who knows? If you really.. REALLY... wanna know... ask him! of course - if he's using you for sex he might just SAY the words and not mean it.. but if that was the case.. he more likely would've said the words BEFORE you had sex... to get you into bed.. not AFTER... once he's already had you. But in my opinion.. right now I think you need to chill out... if it's really importnt to know.. ask him. But don't confront him and be mad & emotional about it. K.
NTB Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Firstly, when you say "I love you", you should do so with no expectations,*you don't say it to illicit a response from someone. * I wrote him a letter telling him how much he means to me and I told him that I loved him. But I told him that he didn't have to reply, if he didn't want to. You gave him the option not to reply & he took it. ...do you think maybe he's just using for sex, Who knows? Aside from him not verbally expressing his feelings for you, what else makes you think that he might just be using you for sex? After six months you should have some idea of what his feelings for you are. If in doubt, just ask. i agree with blue on this one don't say i love you just cause you think he has to say it in return...
Art_Critic Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 i agree with blue on this one don't say i love you just cause you think he has to say it in return... I agree with you NTB on this one.. But it still doesn't take the pain away. the who says it first takes all the risk of being hurt by the other person not responding the same as you. Although how they respond can make it alright ie: They say "Thank You" but I'm not able to say it yet.. I may be able to one day but not right now. They have to make it feel like it isn't a rejection.
lost_in_chgo Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Different people get there at different times. Pressuring him will drive him away. Remember, he could have lied to you. He did the more honorable thing and didn't. If he's not sure he's probably not sure how to address it and is hoping that you'll be ok with him just not saying anything. Or he's just stalling as long as he can, but still doesn't want to lie to you.
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