AussieGuy2018 Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 Hi all, This is something that I have been grappling with for a while...how does an introvert date? I would consider myself very introverted around new people and when I’m comfortable, the extrovert comes out. When dating people, I’ve been accused of not acting interested, closed off, emotionless etc etc when it hasn’t been the case and it seems people mistake shyness for disinterested, which I can see why. How does an introvert overcome this?
alphamale Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 the introvert has to learn to become less shy. put yourself into social situations as often as you can. you can learn to become more outgoing. fake it til you make it
carhill Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 Get a good recharge and go enjoy. Introverts simply need some time alone to recharge their social batteries. They're not socially defective. 2
Garcon1986 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 Make it part of your daily efforts to meet and greet women, and get to know them as people, without the urge to snag a date. Recharge back home with whatever stuff you like the most. Then after 3 weeks or so, when you become comfortable at it, start asking people out. Rinse and repeat. Make it a part of your routine to work on social interactions. I was a computer game nerd and eventually became a doctor - you can come out of your shell too. Introversion does not equal being socially defective.
FMW Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 It sounds like the problem is more that you're shy and uncertain of yourself, not being an introvert. I'm actually an introvert in that I need a lot of time alone and being in crowds and interacting with others for long periods of time really drains me. But unless people know me really well they would never guess that because I can be very social and appear extroverted - for a period of time, then I have to withdraw and recharge. So as has been suggested, take baby steps in learning to interact with others and increase your confidence and comfort level interacting with others. 4
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 It sounds like the problem is more that you're shy and uncertain of yourself, not being an introvert. I'm actually an introvert in that I need a lot of time alone and being in crowds and interacting with others for long periods of time really drains me. But unless people know me really well they would never guess that because I can be very social and appear extroverted - for a period of time, then I have to withdraw and recharge. So as has been suggested, take baby steps in learning to interact with others and increase your confidence and comfort level interacting with others. Agree. I'm very much an introvert, but I'm also really outgoing so people are often surprised to learn this. I think this is more about a lack of confidence than introversion vs. extroversion. OP, what steps have you taken to try to improve your self-confidence?
Lotsgoingon Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 Oddly enough, you don't have to be the most talkative person in the room to connect with people. I was at a conference the other day ... and the speaker was someone who talked on a subject that simply dazzled me. No romantic interest ... But after his talk, I just walked over to him and stood as the line formed and others asked their questions of him ... I finally got in my question. The point is that me simply standing there listening after his talk ... showed that I was very interested in this guy's presentation. You can hang out with people and laugh ... and listen carefully and only occasionally make a comment. People will be OK with that. Body language means a lot. Plus, there are introverted people you can look to date ... who have the same worries that you have ... You should also know that some of the most confident-looking people you encounter would tell you they are nervous, have social anxiety, fears of interacting with others ... and so on ... 1
basil67 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 So while you're being this way on a date, what feelings are you having? You need to address those underlying issues if you're to be a better conversationalist. 1
yellowhibiscus Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 I can totally relate. As an introvert, I want human interaction but am usually fine staying at home and being by myself. I don't "need" to be around other people and am fine staying in and watching netflix all night. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 I can totally relate. As an introvert, I want human interaction but am usually fine staying at home and being by myself. I don't "need" to be around other people and am fine staying in and watching netflix all night. Ditto! But it's even more ideal if you can find someone who also loves doing this so you can do it together. 2
Chilli Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 (edited) Ditto! But it's even more ideal if you can find someone who also loves doing this so you can do it together. Well , this was exactly what l was thinking when l read the start. Would being with another introvert work? l've always had a like minded partner, so l dunno why an introvert couldn't do the same. Weirdest thing is l'm thinking now l'm probably fairly introverted myself actually after reading this thread . Edited November 17, 2018 by Chilli
guest569 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 (edited) I would consider myself very introverted around new people and when I’m comfortable, the extrovert comes out. It sounds more like you're a shy extrovert then. What are you afraid of? Edited November 17, 2018 by smiley1 Quote 1
Gretchen12 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 Smiley is right. You're a shy extrovert. I'm a not-shy introvert, and no matter what haapens there's no extrovert coming out. I find it's important to be comfortable being as you are. If you put on a personality for dating, sooner or later your true self comes out and that's confusing.
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