yellowhibiscus Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 Someone I have known for about 10 years now messaged me the other day and ended up asking me for a drink. I agreed and said yes. The conversation went on about how things were going on in our lives. At one point, he asked me to come over that night and I said I couldn't because I have a 12 year old son at home and can't just go out whenever I want to. He suggested that one night we have a movie night all together and said " I have an extra bedroom for him and a couch for me"- this seemed very strange to me that he would be suggesting that we would be sleeping over....also in the conversation he referred to me as "babe" and "honey". This overall made me very uncomfortable. He is now asking about getting that drink tomorrow and I really just don't want to anymore given how the conversation went the other day. He is a nice person but I just don't think we are on the same page. How do I kindly let him know that I need to decline? Thank you all for your help!
Garcon1986 Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 Thanks for your enthusiasm, but I don't see us dating because we are on different pages now. I would prefer that we stay friends. 1
carhill Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 Thanks but I don't like you in that way. Heard many times as a younger man. Deflated any attraction I might have had immediately. 1
alphamale Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 just tell him that you are sort of seeing someone already
Author yellowhibiscus Posted November 16, 2018 Author Posted November 16, 2018 I don't want to say that because I'm not and I want to be honest with him.
Author yellowhibiscus Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 just tell him that you are sort of seeing someone already I don't want to say that because I'm not and I want to be honest with him.
alphamale Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 I don't want to say that because I'm not and I want to be honest with him. ok. try going into total NC (no contact) 1
Author yellowhibiscus Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 I feel like saying "Hi, __________, I know I agreed to go get a drink with you the other day but after our conversation and thinking more about it, I think we are on different pages, and I would prefer to just be friends". Does that sound okay? 2
Garcon1986 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 quite reasonable. I can raise a Heineken to that.
Million.to.1 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 I feel like saying "Hi, __________, I know I agreed to go get a drink with you the other day but after our conversation and thinking more about it, I think we are on different pages, and I would prefer to just be friends". Does that sound okay? I think you can afford to be more casual about it. Also, if you mention being friends, he will turn the movie night or drink or whatever into just being "friendly" and if you don't really want to go... then you'll just have to try re-explain yourself to get out of another "date" Just say something like .. Hey _____, It was nice to catch up the other day but I'll have to decline the drink tomorrow. Hope you understand. You don't really need to justify anything further. 1
BaileyB Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 Tell him, "I enjoyed seeing you again the other day, but I've decided that I'm just not ready to date or have a relationship right now. All the best..." 1
Author yellowhibiscus Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 Tell him, "I enjoyed seeing you again the other day, but I've decided that I'm just not ready to date or have a relationship right now. All the best..." Thank you- this is what I just wrote to him. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 The good news is that not really your duty to be gentle in expressing your disinterest. Telling someone you're not interested in hanging out or dating ... is an act of integrity. You can just say you're busy ... and be busy again ... and again ... and people typically get the message. Or you can be more direct and say you haven't seen him in ten years, you have a son. You do not feel comfortable hanging out with him or ... I think you may be wanting more than I want. Also you can say, I don't really feel comfortable with you calling me "honey." This guy seems like out of the blue he has fallen for you. It's totally in his head instead of being based on real interaction with you.
Author yellowhibiscus Posted November 17, 2018 Author Posted November 17, 2018 Well he responded..."I wasn't looking to date or have a relationship. Just wanted to hang out with a friend". I find it odd that he would call me babe or honey if he just wanted to be a friend. Now I feel super awkward!
Garcon1986 Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 You did the right thing to express your honest opinion, honesty is the best policy with these things. Electronic high five to you yellow hibiscus! 1
Highndry Posted November 17, 2018 Posted November 17, 2018 After that message I think you should be a little more direct, letting him know that the "babe" and "honey" thing along with the suggestion that you two stay the night was off-putting and led you to believe he had romantic interest. That being said, as a guy I have zero interest in hanging out with any women my age as friends, so my bet is that he wants to sleep with you at a minimum but after getting shot down he was saving face, acting like he didn't want you anyway. Just my two cents. 1
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