off2sea Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 So yesterday as I predicted I received the Happy Birthday text message that I dreaded. I tried to wait a few days to respond but did send a thank you several hours later. All it did was make me wait for another message which never came and set me back in the overall healing process. Lesson learned: don't respond at all, leave your phone off or at home. Its just not worth it...
samski3409 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 i hear that!! it's so easy to convince yourself that it's not a big deal to reply.but it ends up screwing you up every time!I've had the same set backs plenty of times,but you just have to start all over.it's okay,nobody's keeping score and we've all been there.
Helmet Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Man, there's nothing worse than the happy birthday message. It's so disingenuous. Intended to appear thoughtful, but actually slyly hurtful. I suffered through one of those. Ugh.
Drivetildriven Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I got a birthday card in the mail that said she was happy she met me and wished me well. Happy she met me?? She wishes me well?? We were together for over three years when she left. That damn card only pissed me off and hurt me even more. Like another knife in the heart.
Art_Critic Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Glue the envelope back together and write return to sender on it and send it back. That sucks.. the card was a pot shot.. Sorry it hurt man
JS17 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Glue the envelope back together and write return to sender on it and send it back. :lmao: GREAT IDEA You should do that Drivetildriven I'm still with you off2sea. I'm this weekend and i'm so afraid he'll say something. Who am I kidding? narcissistic prick
smile95 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 good to know since my b-day is coming up.....so we just should not respond at all then?
Drivetildriven Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 I'd love to send it back, but she sent me an email asking if I got it and I said yes, thanks. I know, i should have not replied at all. I say NC all the way. Ignore, ignore, ignore.
933KJL Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 OK I get the NC deal for a while, but when a couple breaks up, and has moved on--say 6 months, what is wrong with a birthday card or a birthday test or email? I always try to keep things civil with old girlfriends. Hey, I have moved on, they have moved on, it was very nice while we were together. I am not going to totally forget a person who was a part of my life. I just don't get it.
Author off2sea Posted September 13, 2005 Author Posted September 13, 2005 Thanks all for your input! Beth, my advise is strongly to ignore any contact. After 10 months, I now find myself waiting for another message that I know won't come. Its taking a lot of will power not to send another and am hoping that in a few days the urge will pass.
blackendangel13 Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Wow, I totally know what you mean off2sea. I have been broken up from my ex for over a year and we started talking again and now I am back to waiting for emails/text messages that never come. He only talked to me to clear his own selfish conscience. Sucks for me because his birthday is coming up. I won't be congratulating him.
bluechocolate Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 I always try to keep things civil with old girlfriends. Hey, I have moved on, they have moved on, it was very nice while we were together. I am not going to totally forget a person who was a part of my life. I just don't get it. The "moving on" part is what is key to having a friendship with an ex. A lot of people use the friend angle as a way of keeping in touch because what they really want is something more. So they settle for crumbs. In the end they still have to deal with the break up & have months of extra resentment piled up on top of it. And a lot of dumpers use it as a way to "soften the blow" when in reality the last person they want hanging around them is a bitter ex looking for crumbs.
Merin Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 LOL My EXBF sent me a text for New Years, I didn't respond... Then he send me another for Easter, I didn't respond... WTF is up with this? What are text messages for holiday like the new freakin hallmark? It killed me to not respond with a giant **** you! BUT damn I'm learning sometimes the BEST response is NO response... they still get the message and sentiment there.
Author off2sea Posted September 13, 2005 Author Posted September 13, 2005 I was doing great with NC for so long- 10 months. I can't figure out why I am weakening again. I actually just dialed her number and quickly hung up. I truly wish I hadn't gotten that impersonal b'day text. Any advise for getting over this setback??? Thanks all...
Art_Critic Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 Any advise for getting over this setback??? Thanks all... Yeah ..DON'T CALL HER.. and go find something to occupy your time for a day or so till you peel her off your brain.
smile95 Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 It is going to be hard for me not to at last say thanks....I do not want to be rude(eventho he was awful to me). But, I think that you all are right....if I respond, I will expect more and Iknow already I will not get it. So I might as well make him wonder this time as to why I am not chasing after him like always!
Author off2sea Posted September 14, 2005 Author Posted September 14, 2005 What a great place to vent, thanks to all for your advise. Although I did have a hiccup yesterday by dialing the number, the urge does seem to have passed now. I guess the bottom line is if you are in NC- stay that way! Even a momentary thought of reconnecting contact will set you back. But if you do, don't worry you can recover. Time is truly the best cure.
rastafari Posted September 16, 2005 Posted September 16, 2005 damn,this sight saved me again! i have been on the NC thing for about 4 months. i just got back to college, and i have seen the ex a few times, but just smiled, she waved. her birthday is right around the corner, and for some reson i was thinking about blowing all this healing time with a birthday call. that would have put me back to square one. thanks everyone, -R
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