Keeping Dates Short

[Larry88]

So here's a rundown for timespan of dates. I believe in keeping it short in the early dating stages. The shorter the date the less chance I am wearing out my welcome with a woman. I try to end the date while on a high note. That is when she is laughing, seems to be enjoying my company and shortly after she touches me on my arm or leg, etc.

 

1st date is 30 minutes. 2nd date is 60-75 minutes. 3rd date and beyond is 2-3 hours. If she becomes my girlfriend then 4-5 hours.

[Rockdad]

30 minutes? That's a hello have a seat and then good-bye I'll see ya !

[Larry88]

30 minutes? That's a hello have a seat and then good-bye I'll see ya !

 

Wel not if it is a coffee date. Parent/teacher conferences and some job interviews are that short.

[PRW]

So here's a rundown for timespan of dates. I believe in keeping it short in the early dating stages. The shorter the date the less chance I am wearing out my welcome with a woman. I try to end the date while on a high note. That is when she is laughing, seems to be enjoying my company and shortly after she touches me on my arm or leg, etc.

 

1st date is 30 minutes. 2nd date is 60-75 minutes. 3rd date and beyond is 2-3 hours. If she becomes my girlfriend then 4-5 hours.

 

I agree with the principle, but not the "hard" timestamps.

 

The date should end at a point that she would still want to see more of you so it helps with her being open to the next date. But you are being way too mechanical about it. You place too much value on the touching as well,...that varies with personality types.

[PRW]

Wel not if it is a coffee date. Parent/teacher conferences and some job interviews are that short.

 

 

Coffee dates are often Friend Zone dates because they lack a romantic feel. It is the kind of thing you do with your "friends",...so she starts thinking of you that way and can not envision herself acting romantic toward you.

[Larry88]

Coffee dates are often Friend Zone dates because they lack a romantic feel. It is the kind of thing you do with your "friends",...so she starts thinking of you that way and can not envision herself acting romantic toward you.

 

Coffee dates were just one example. I think the first date should be inexpensive like 15 bucks or less whether it is coffee and donuts or going out for ice cream or a drink.

[d0nnivain]

If it's a first meet first date, 30 minutes is not unreasonable. There is nothing wrong with taking things slow & not wearing out your welcome but don't be a slave to a clock either. It will come across as awkward, suspicious or rigid.

[anika99]

A 30 minute date isn't a date, it's a meet and greet. I think that's what people do when they connect on dating sites. They meet so they can decide if they're even interested in a first date.

 

I get what you're saying OP about not wanting to wear out your welcome but I'm not sure that these time limits you have chosen should be hard rules. In my longterm relationships they started with dates that went on longer than expected. Because there was a connection and chemistry that was hard to pull away from. We didn't start the date planning to spend 5 or 6 hours together but we were having such a good time and enjoying one another's company so much that time just flew by. That's why we moved onto becoming boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

However I can see the logic in starting slow and not rushing. That's level headed and smart but just don't be rigid. Of course you don't want to drag a date on if the girl is being quiet or standoffish but if you're having a great time and really enjoying each other it could feel really weird to her for you to suddenly end the date. She's likely to think that you weren't really into her as much as she's into you.

[hippychick3]

There should not be any hard and fast rules. Every first date/meeting that was only 30 min did not result in a second date...it meant there was no chemistry or attraction. Every guy I was really into...first meeting or date lasted 1-2 hours minimum, unplanned. First date with my current bf lasted 5 hours.

 

When you're really into someone, you want to spend more than 30 min together. If I really liked a guy and he ended the first date at 30 min, I would assume no interest and move on to the next guy. No or low interest is a HUGE turnoff.

[Simple Logic]

Well you can do 30 minutes if you want, but I think you are leaving the impression you can’t wait to get away.

[smackie9]

The time will vary obviously. But if there is no big interest then ya cut it short to 30 to 45 mins to be polite about it.

[Larry88]

Well you can do 30 minutes if you want, but I think you are leaving the impression you can’t wait to get away.

 

I think it depends on how I end the date. If I smile and shake her hand after walking her to her and say "Thank you for your time" then it might be ok.

[PRW]

I think it depends on how I end the date. If I smile and shake her hand after walking her to her and say "Thank you for your time" then it might be ok.

That sounds like a business meeting,...and your going to measure her interest in you in percentage points.

[d0nnivain]

I think it depends on how I end the date. If I smile and shake her hand after walking her to her and say "Thank you for your time" then it might be ok.

 

Nope. It will be disaster.

 

If you smile, reach in & give her a peck on the cheek, then say "Let's do this again." you might have a shot.

 

The above combo -- your plan -- 30 minutes, followed by a handshake & a brush off -- mind you after she waited a week for you to call will telegraph to her that you are not interested.

[Larry88]

Nope. It will be disaster.

 

If you smile, reach in & give her a peck on the cheek, then say "Let's do this again." you might have a shot.

 

The above combo -- your plan -- 30 minutes, followed by a handshake & a brush off -- mind you after she waited a week for you to call will telegraph to her that you are not interested.

 

 

I kiss at the end of the 3rd date. Also I don't think I should talk to her about the future.

[d0nnivain]

I kiss at the end of the 3rd date. Also I don't think I should talk to her about the future.

 

A real kiss at the end of the 3rd date fine. You better end this 1st date with something less platonic then a handshake if you hope to ever see her again.

 

Talking about the "future" meaning not talking about marriage & kids great. Failing to at least imply that you want to see her again will lead her to conclude that you are not interested. Then when you wait to reach out a 2nd time she will conclude that you are a playing games & using her because the girl you really wanted isn't available.

 

I know you are groping to find a go slow strategy that works for you, but all you are doing is shooting yourself in the foot.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think it depends on how I end the date. If I smile and shake her hand after walking her to her and say "Thank you for your time" then it might be ok.

 

Sure, it will be okay.

 

If you don't want a second date, that is.

[guest569]

Sure, it will be okay.

 

If you don't want a second date, that is.

 

Thank you for your time! That’s hilarious. May as well say “I hate your guts and can’t wait to leave and never see you again”

 

“We will call you”

[hippychick3]

I think it depends on how I end the date. If I smile and shake her hand after walking her to her and say "Thank you for your time" then it might be ok.

 

This is great if you want to be single FOREVER.

[Larry88]

This is great if you want to be single FOREVER.

 

Do you think being single forever is the worst curse to happen to somebody? We have to take the bad with the good no matter what our situation is with our relationship status. The grass is not necessarily greener just because we get married.

[BaileyB]

Do you think being single forever is the worst curse to happen to somebody? The grass is not necessarily greener just because we get married.

 

There is nothing wrong with being single forever. And no, the grass is not necessarily greener just because we get married.

 

We are all just saying, if dating and having a relationship (or just sex) is your goal, then you can not be this rigid in your thinking and expect that you will get positive results. Human relationships don't work this way, you need to be flexible, adaptable, and responsive...

[hippychick3]

Do you think being single forever is the worst curse to happen to somebody? We have to take the bad with the good no matter what our situation is with our relationship status. The grass is not necessarily greener just because we get married.

 

Being single can be awesome. If that's what you want, go for it!

[Larry88]

Being single can be awesome. If that's what you want, go for it!

 

Never said I wanted to be single. I just believe in trying to make the best out of whatever position I end up in as there are no guarantees in life. I'm single now and not in a big hurry to get into a relationship but if it happens naturally without any pressure on my end then fine.

 

I am sure some married folks have moments when they wish they could be single but it's too late. They have responsibilities they can't avoid so they learn to make the best of their situation.

[FMW]

Lighten up Larry

 

This sounds so rigid you're surely putting out a really stressful, uptight vibe. That will doom any future prospects.

[losangelena]

Handshake makes it feel like a job interview!