rabsaque Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Hi guys i'm really worried about something that happened recently. You see two weeks ago i found i'm going to be a father, yes wife is 5 weeks pregnant and we are very happy about it, she even more than i, she is in full motherly mode but i'm terrified about our finances, so i'm looking for extra time and more work to do in order to earn that extra cash we will be needing, but this is stressing me out to the extreme. In ever have been a very touchy or corny and i'm very independent but wife is the opposite of me (she lives being all over me touching me and being extra corny, i hate it but learned to tolerate it) i always knew this but since she found out she is pregnant her clinginess skyrocketed, to the point that she even wants to follow me to the bathroom she even gets mad when i'm going to sleep, dear lord the other day i was going to take a shower here is how the thing went down . her-"are you abandoning me? I-" honey i'm going to take a bath i'm filthy!" her- "you have been avoiding me the whole week you are working 24/7 i don't see you anymore" *starts crying* i don't see a reason because even in my tight calendar i make time for her i wake up 4:00 am get ready to work and get there at 5:45 my shift starts at 6:00am to 3:00pm then i go home and do some freelancing stuff till 7:30 when she comes home, then i start making dinner (yes i'm the one who cooks in this marriage) while i make dinner i make shure she is in there so we can talk about her day while i cook, then we dinner maybe see her favorite netflix series and then i get up and go to the kitchen again to prepare next day meals (making sure she eats healthy), and then is were the fun begins sometimes i need something from the grocery store next to our home is not even 1 block away but we live in a neighborhood were people love pit bulls and other big dogs that scare the **** out of me and she insist i coming with me cause she doesn't want to be alone not even for 5 or 6 minutes while i buy whatever i need from the store, last time i had to be serious with her and tell her, " you have to stay its only five minutes and i don't want any of those daam dogs biting you or worse". when i get back finish cooking and go back to the room were she is still looking her favorite netflix show (Jane The Virgin or Versalles if someone wants to know) then i get ready for a bath and then try to go to sleep and then more fun begins she gets mad at me for going to sleep so early, by that time its 11:00pm and i have to be wake up on at least 5 hours so thins is getting worse and worse with the days and i mean if this is at just 5 weeks i can't imagine what's coming for me in the next months its like she reverted to being a child sometimes i feel i'm living with a toddler not A PREGNANT WOMAN!! i don't know if i'm exaggerating but i'm very worried about her and about if i'm going to be able to take it, dear lord last night she told me "is soo good to have a piece of you inside me!" and i was like oh got what i got myself into?. should i be worried? is this normal? is it going to end or get worse? what can i do to tell her she is being to clingy without hurting her feelings and by extension affecting the baby?
Gaeta Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Yes it's normal and it will pass. Her body is being flooded with hormones and it can make us a bit coucou. My first few weeks of pregnancy I spent them crying because of my dog that had died 15 years earlier. I cried because I was afraid my husband would die, because my dad could die, every thing under the sun was a reason for me to get emotional. It stopped when I reached my 2nd semester. Be patient. ETA: Also don't start working around the clock, she needs you. She needs your support and your presence. Working for the baby isn't a valid excuse at this point. 2
PRW Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 her-"are you abandoning me? I-" honey i'm going to take a bath i'm filthy!" her- "you have been avoiding me the whole week you are working 24/7 i don't see you anymore" *starts crying* dear lord last night she told me "is soo good to have a piece of you inside me!" and i was like oh got what i got myself into?. should i be worried? is this normal? is it going to end or get worse? Is it normal? It is hilarious!!! I had to wait till I stopped laughing before I could type. You're doing the "Man Version" of the same thing with the finances. "is soo good to have a piece of us in the bank account". Just find more time to spend with her,...and don't whine and complain to pregnant women about it when you are doing it,...they'll get [more] upset. You don't want them upset.
stillafool Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 OMG that would drive me batty and I'm a woman. Maybe it would help if you had your wife bring home what you need for the next days meal so you don't have to go out again. All you can do is hope that when the baby gets here she won't have the time and energy to worry about you.
Author rabsaque Posted November 15, 2018 Author Posted November 15, 2018 don't whine and complain to pregnant women about it when you are doing it,...they'll get [more] upset. You don't want them upset. I think baby rabies get us all different
preraph Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 I broke up with a guy for following me around and to the bathroom. It's very annoying. Someone who is going to be a parent should have better control than that. I know she's hormonal, but this doesn't sound like anything new, it's just that now you're trying to work more -- and you should NOT let her deter you from doing what you need to do. LET her cry, but you need to sit her down and tell her these things are bothering you and she needs to stop and that you need to work more now because you two are pregnant. The good news is once she has the baby, with any luck, maybe she'll transfer all that clingy over to it, but if she doesn't, you are in BIG trouble.
major_merrick Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 I think baby rabies get us all different HAHAHA I love that! Baby rabies is about what it is like. I recently went through pregnancy and childbirth, and I just found out a couple of days ago that I'm pregnant again. The hormone thing is making your wife feel like her world is coming apart. If she's clingy, physical affection is the best thing to soothe that. Note that I said "soothe" not "make it go away." She wants to bond, and if you don't give her what she craves, you're going to see the other side of it which is irrational anger. You may see that anyway at some point regardless. I alternated between clingy and aggressive. I was lucky that I have other partners in my house, so I didn't have to dump all of my neediness on my husband. I have a clingy girlfriend who wants to cuddle a lot, so it really helped. Once I started staying home, I'd estimate I spent 4-6 of my waking hours in physical contact with someone else. The first thing you do when you get home...filthy, tired, or whatever...the FIRST thing is kiss your girl and hold her. Don't do anything else. If you take a shower, bring her along! If she's slicing stuff to cook for dinner, stand there with your arms around her while she does it. It may get tiring, but she needs company and physical contact. If you give her what she's needing, it'll reduce her stress level and she'll have more energy for work and to put into the life growing inside her. It really is that important.
rabsaque4454585 Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 The first thing you do when you get home...filthy, tired, or whatever...the FIRST thing is kiss your girl and hold her. Don't do anything else. If you take a shower, bring her along! If she's slicing stuff to cook for dinner, stand there with your arms around her while she does it. It may get tiring, but she needs company and physical contact. If you give her what she's needing, it'll reduce her stress level and she'll have more energy for work and to put into the life growing inside her. It really is that important. thanks for your answer maam i must say tho i'm the one who does almost all the chores on our marriage i cook and clean and do everything so she is even more frustrated cause she haven't done anything during the day and onviously gets bored, basically since i met her i'm kind of her hobbie she relies on me for entertainment you see for me is the other way around i love spending time by miself sho this will be tough to me cause i'm not acustomed to fullfil someone emotional else's needs that much.
rabsaque4454585 Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 ETA: Also don't start working around the clock, she needs you. She needs your support and your presence. Working for the baby isn't a valid excuse at this point. Sorry i can't clone myself and my baby is not going to eat air, also my wife is kind of a princess so she wants only the best stuff for our baby and the best stuff its expensive.
RecentChange Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 thanks for your answer maam i must say tho i'm the one who does almost all the chores on our marriage i cook and clean and do everything so she is even more frustrated cause she haven't done anything during the day and onviously gets bored, basically since i met her i'm kind of her hobbie she relies on me for entertainment you see for me is the other way around i love spending time by miself sho this will be tough to me cause i'm not acustomed to fullfil someone emotional else's needs that much. Funny, my husband and I have been together for a long time, and we know a lot of younger people, couples etc that tend to ask us for advice. My husband’s first piece of advice for any couple? “Don’t be each other’s hobby”. He believes, and I agree, that it is really important for a couple to have their own individual interests, sports, hobbies what have you. For us, we go do our own things that we find enjoyment in, and then come together each day and enjoy each other. This piece of advice he usually directs towards men, as, well, more when tend to make the relationship thier hobby. So there is one thing that is out of balance, out of many from what you describe. Does she work? If not, why not? Why doesn’t she grocery shop or cook? If she is going to be a stay at home mom, taking care of the baby, these are skills she needs to have. Now, those things should have been underway ( having hobbies bedsides YOU, cooking etc) before she got pregnant. Because as others have pointed out, now she is super hormonal, which can make the most level headed person lose their mind. I agree with Merrick, you need to give her the physical affection. I know for me, it’s a NEED not a want, and I am not even pregnant! But she also needs to start learning how to cook and grocery shop. Personally, because I have a very busy work schedule, on sundays I plan the meals for the week, shop for it, and then do meal prep - chopping vegis, marinating meats etc so that I can get dinner on the table in a flash on week nights. Could you start doing this as a couple? Meal planning and prep sundays? That way you could spend time together, get more efficient when it comes to cooking dinners, and she could gain some skills. The following you to the bathroom etc I find ridiculous. And could never live with that, but I don’t know that first trimester hormones are going to be great for rationalizing with.
anika99 Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 thanks for your answer maam i must say tho i'm the one who does almost all the chores on our marriage i cook and clean and do everything so she is even more frustrated cause she haven't done anything during the day and onviously gets bored, basically since i met her i'm kind of her hobbie she relies on me for entertainment you see for me is the other way around i love spending time by miself sho this will be tough to me cause i'm not acustomed to fullfil someone emotional else's needs that much. Ok this post made me go look at your last thread and so it seems that this behaviour isn't new and not all that related to pregnancy. Your wife is not behaving or living like a normal adult and you are contributing to this dysfunctional behaviour by doing everything for her and having no expectations of her whatsoever. You are treating her like a child. Actually that's not true because even children have to go to school everyday. They have interests and can enjoy time away from their parents. So you are not treating her like a child, you are treating her like a helpless infant and in so doing you are half the problem. You have been married less than a year so this is still the honeymoon phase. At this point you maybe find this incessant needy demanding behaviour endearing because you still have those butterfly in love feelings. However if you don't put a stop to this now, in ten years you are going to feel like you are living in hell. By then you will have a couple of kids, a house and tons of bills. You will be seething in resentment at how poorly your wife treats you and having to carry the whole load yourself. You will wish you could leave but feel trapped by the kids and responsibilities. You will blame your wife but it won't really be all her fault because played along and helped her create your misery. Yes your wife may be hormonal and need a little extra affection and attention. Give that to her, but stop this nonsense of working all day and then doing all the cooking, housecleaning and laundry while your wife does nothing but laze about and think up more ways to be demanding. 1
Gaeta Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 Sorry i can't clone myself and my baby is not going to eat air, also my wife is kind of a princess so she wants only the best stuff for our baby and the best stuff its expensive. SLOW down, Babies don't eat t-bones and caviar and you have a good 6 months in front of you before he starts eating pablum at $5.86 a box!. You married a princess so you've made your bed a while ago, now is time to lay in it. Good luck with everything.
Rockdad Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 thanks for your answer maam i must say tho i'm the one who does almost all the chores on our marriage i cook and clean and do everything so she is even more frustrated cause she haven't done anything during the day and onviously gets bored, basically since i met her i'm kind of her hobbie she relies on me for entertainment you see for me is the other way around i love spending time by miself sho this will be tough to me cause i'm not acustomed to fullfil someone emotional else's needs that much. I would have to think this is part of the problem. She has to much time on her hands! Everything is provided and most things done for her. For what you have posted it reads that she has 2 primary things. You and TV as a distraction.
stillafool Posted November 16, 2018 Posted November 16, 2018 Start leaving chores for your wife to do while you're away. She's pregnant, not disabled and should help out with cooking, cleaning,etc. If she likes good food as you say, maybe she could practice making good meals for you. She is going to have to learn to pull her weight, if not, when the baby comes you may start thinking about a divorce. Also she is going to have to learn to self soothe herself. You need to speak up for yourself.
Author rabsaque Posted November 16, 2018 Author Posted November 16, 2018 (edited) Does she work? If not, why not? Yes she does she is a teacher, she comes home by 7:30 pm i come home by 4:00pm thats why i make almost all the shores by the time she comes home there is nothing to do. Why doesn’t she grocery shop or cook? If she is going to be a stay at home mom, taking care of the baby, these are skills she needs to have. She says the bags are too heavy you see she is very delicate like her mother that's what i meant when i say she is a princess. I joke about her being like that fairytale princess who no matter how many mattresses she used to sleep she still feel one single bean put under. So for example recently i had to change our mattress cause her back started to hurt, i had to buy a 1000$ orthopedic mattress cause that's the oly one that didn't **** up her back, even more, i had to spend other 1000 on a special washing machine that takes care of fluff cause she is allergic, i had to buy a lot of garbage i don't need cause the minimum **** gives her allergies or gets her back hurting or makes her sick,(compared to my family hers' is rich) she is a city rich girl she was raised on a ver high class neighborhood she always had the best stuff money could buy and she is accustomed to that to a point that if she get less she gets sick , while i was raised on the fields i literally can sleep on the dirt (i did it once and sleeped like a baby) i could live next to a freaking volcano and never get allergies or anything we really are opposites. you could leave me naked in the middle of nowhere and i can still be ok but for her the most minimum change on her environment triggers a lot of **** that is too annoying to deal with. that's why i have to work extra if she is like that i don't want to imagine what kind of weakness my baby will have so i need to be prepared for that.. Edited November 16, 2018 by rabsaque
Recommended Posts