purplesoccer34 Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Earlier this year, I was out at dinner with some friends and I happened to meet a guy. My first thought upon meeting him was that he was very nice and friendly. We had a few conversations throughout the night, and at the end, he asked me for my number. I gave it to him, hoping I'd stay in touch with him just as a friend--but nothing more, because I had no romantic interest in him. I wasn't sure how he felt about me at that time, but I was hopeful he didn't feel anything other than friendship. A couple weeks after that event, we met up for lunch and had a great conversation. I felt so comfortable with him, and I really loved the fact that I could talk to him about almost anything. We had deep, intellectually stimulating discussions about a variety of topics and I found that I enjoyed his company. But that was all--once again, I knew I didn't see any romantic potential. After that, over the course of several months, we continued to meet up for lunch/dinner, mostly because he kept asking me to hangout. I never said no, because I wanted to maintain the friendship and I loved talking to him. Because of that, as of today, he and I are good friends. We text nearly everyday, we talk on the phone every now and then, and meet up maybe once a week. I've gotten to the point where I'm starting to question whether I actually have feelings for this guy now. I don't get crazy excited whenever I think about him, and the thought of him dating other women doesn't necessarily bother me. I don't even get nervous around him. But I do look forward to seeing him and telling him about my day. And there are times I look at him and think about how handsome he really is. One thing I am certain about is that his friendship is very valuable to me. Considering all of this, is it possible that I'm starting to develop feelings--even if I'm not quite crazy about him just yet?
LoverOfDance Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 What does it matter? From what you've written, he hasn't made any clear moves and neither have you. I don't see any real issues here. If you don't know whether you like him or not, then let things be. It's not like he has put you in a situation where you have to figure out your feelings. He might like you, he might not. He hasn't said anything so you don't need to decide anything. I honestly don't know why you are concerned about this, lol. If you eventually realize one day that you like him, then let him know. If he is still available and interested then you too can go ahead and date.
snowboy91 Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Sounds like a good friendship and nothing more. If he feels the same way about you - congrats, you've got a new friend! There's nothing wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex, as long as one doesn't put the other in an awkward situation.
LoverOfDance Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 I think maybe you do kind of like him. There are different levels of liking someone, but like i said i don't think it matters. If you have any feelings at all, i'd say they are lukewarm. There isn't much you can do with lukewarm feelings. Maybe your feelings will grow later, maybe they won't, who knows. Does it matter whether they grow or not? Nope, because you two aren't dating.
barneydin Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Whenever a guy asks for a girl's number and then asks to hang out, I think he means a date. I don't think that is how friendships between men and women start. I would bet a bottle of good wine that he thinks of these as romantic dates. My advice is: just tell him. Tell him exactly what you wrote here. Honest communication is such a rare commodity that even if I had romantic interest in a girl who would state these things clearly, I would allow my expectations to subside and would allow a possibility of a platonic relationship to start 2
FMW Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Do you ever think what it would be like to kiss him? Do you ever have the desire to just touch him, like putting your hand on his arm while you're talking if you're sitting next to each other? Those are the things that have made me think I might have more than just platonic friend feelings for someone in my life that sounds like a similar situation to what you're describing. I understand why you're asking, I've asked the same. I think that probably means that you DO have more than just friendly feelings.
MaleIntuition Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Out of curiosity; why didn’t you see any romantic potential? Handsome, smart and friendly isn’t good enough? Very much doubt that he was looking for a new friend. 1
PRW Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Earlier this year, I was out at dinner with some friends and I happened to meet a guy. My first thought upon meeting him was that he was very nice and friendly. We had a few conversations throughout the night, and at the end, he asked me for my number. I gave it to him, hoping I'd stay in touch with him just as a friend--but nothing more, No guy is ever going to do that and not expect it to be a date. He is the quintessential "nice guy". They have this idea that you can be friends first and lovers later,...which rarely ever happens. The first mistake that they make up front is assuming it works this way in the first place. Their second mistake is not being direct about their intentions. He has not indicated he wants anything more than friends because in the logic of guys of this nature they are expecting you to do that. They are expecting that one day you will see how nice they are, fall in love with them, slap your forehead, and ask them to be your boyfriend. But it never happens that way except in silly movies (which is where they get the idea). They will generally only be honest about their intentions if they see you start to pay attention to another guy in a romantic way. This is when they dump all their feelings on you, and then they are shocked and confused that you picked the other guy who seemed to come out of nowhere instead of picking them when they have "been there all along". Your options are: 1. Fall in love with the guy and ask him to be your boyfriend like they do in the silly movies 2. Keep going as you are until you meet a guy you do want to date, and then you will see what I described above happen. 3. Make your intentions clear right now, and expect what I mentioned above to happen. Although he may just agree with you, while secretly hoping you will change your mind later since there is no other guy in the picture, meaning he hasn't run out of time yet. Years ago I used to BE one of these guys,...so I speak from experience. Luckily I am not that guy any longer. 2
kendahke Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 (edited) Considering all of this, is it possible that I'm starting to develop feelings--even if I'm not quite crazy about him just yet? No. You're developing familiarity and that's not a good enough foundation on which to build a happy relationship. It will not make you happy and content in the long run. If the thought of him doesn't curl your toes and keep you smiling, then tell him sooner than later than you just see him as a friend and that there is no hope. He deserves a woman who orbits out to the Kuyper Belt and back over him, not someone who's more like "meh" about him. Have you ever expressed, even in general terms, that you're cool with him dating others? Because you should if that's how you feel. That will tell him that you are not romantically interested in him without being too direct. I'd be concerned with finding out what this guy's attention meant. Could be he's gay, he's fun to hang with and doesn't want anything romantic with you; could be he really likes you, is taking a glacial pace and doesn't want to blow his chances of a full blown relationship with you. Earlier this year I happened to meet a guy. If you're not crazy about him by now, at the end of the year, you're not going to be. I'd caution against engaging in any behavior/activity that would lead a reasonable person to conclude that you were romantically/intimately interested in him when you're not. we met up for lunch and had a great conversation. I felt so comfortable with him, and I really loved the fact that I could talk to him about almost anything. We had deep, intellectually stimulating discussions about a variety of topics and I found that I enjoyed his company. But that was all--once again, I knew I didn't see any romantic potential. After that, over the course of several months, we continued to meet up for lunch/dinner, mostly because he kept asking me to hangout. I never said no, When you go out to these lunches and whatnot, who's paying for it? Is your reluctance to tell him to his face that you don't have romantic feelings for him the fact that you don't want the girlfriend-y perks to end? Edited November 15, 2018 by kendahke
smackie9 Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Ya I was going to say...when a guy asks you for your number it is not for friendship. He does have a romantic interest in you. And I agree he's one of those guys the tries to work his way out of the friends zone by keeping in the girl's orbit hoping she will warm up to the idea of having a romantic interest. You my dear need to know the difference between fondness and attraction. My money is fondness. To test yourself by picturing you and him having sex, seeing him naked and day to day BF/GF stuff. That should iron out your wrinkle. 1
divegrl Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 Hi! I would say you are developing feelings for him.... as a friend. Rarely does romantic attraction ever take months to build up. Sometimes it make take a couple of dates or weeks but the progression is pretty quick. If you do decide to turn this into a romantic relationship, I think you will find pretty quickly that it’s not working Have a beautiful day my friend.
Mrs._December Posted November 15, 2018 Posted November 15, 2018 I have never tried to pretend that any man asking me for my phone number was asking purely because he wanted to be my 'buddy.' I find your claim that you thought he wanted your number so he could be your friend - and you were hoping he knew it wasn't for anything more than that - just rings SO hollow. You knew he was interested and I believe you had JUST enough interest to give it to him, but used the 'buddy' disclaimer because you weren't initially too sure about a romance with him. At least be honest about it. And the others are right - you've got your classic 'nice guy' (a/k/a spineless guy too afraid to man up and tell you the truth) orbiting around you hoping you'll change your mind. 1
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