Completely lost and broken! What-should-I-do?

[Dreamer1010]

Hi guys

 

I have this big burden in me right now. And I'm lost. I don't know what to do and so so confused about things lately.

Through my last thread, my boyfriend and I made up. We were cool, affectionate, talking hours through phone calls (he's away for working), texting everyday... Things were so great then. We're living together. He asked me to move in. Everything was so great and wonderful though.

I am emotional lately, its been a while since we fought a lots. But I'm trying my best to recover from things. And I had a terrible stomachache last week that I had to go to hospital. Still remains till now but not so bad anymore. Then my work is stressful, pressured and I couldn't sleep enough which all of it makes me feel really exhausted, unhealthy and tired.

However, I still maintain and was happy every time we talked through the video calls.

But it became weird few days ago. I was watching a sad movie about bullying and suicide which made me become emotional and I started crying. I was upset thinking about what happened and what I had been through. He called me and saw me crying. He asked me why and I told him its because of the movie reminded me of some bad things that happened. And I said I will tell him face to face. I prefer talking about sensitive problems face to face than through texting or call. And this have nothing relates to our relationship. Just about what happened to me in the past and I wanted to tell him about it. Then out of sudden, he got frustrated. Actually furious (I had no idea why) and started to accuse me that I have a dirty secret that I'm hiding from him. I was What? I texted telling him why (which turned out he missed my messages). Yah, and he brought up my past again and saying some not nice things to me.

I asked my girl friend to come to stay with me that night. I was so upset about his behaviour. I cried like I never cried before. And really really hurt.

Anyway, I replied his texts the next day. I was not okay. I was hurt and vulnerable and emotional and really really upset. He read my messages and didn't reply to them, but just saying "Have a nice day. I hope you're okay". Well, I felt more upset and asked him if he read my messages; and he answered "Yes, but I didnt know what to say. I will spend some time to reply your messages later". Which I understood that he didn't want to reply my messages so I told him not to reply if he didn't want to. I don't think I was wrong to say this. Right???

We talked shortly till night, he became angry and frustrated again which telling me that I disrespect him, being rude to him all the time (!?), how I see him as a property and only asked him when I feel I need something (I never asked him for anything since the first time we met then dates. He bought me randomly things which I really appreciate it. He took me by surprises. He couraged me to ask him more because it makes him being a big man to me which I tried to do as he said), how my reasons are bull**** (those all I got, should I make a lie or something to please him?)

He called out all of the little things that actually not my fault to blame me. Like when my colleagues asked me if I was okay because I looked sad, tired and different. Like I replied him slow (actually just few mins) which I told him sometimes I need to go to pee or clean the dishes or other stuff and it only took 1 few mins... Things unreasonable like that.

He said he's sick of me and my behavior (which he said before he said this). I didn't know what happening and so so confused (since the fight started the day before). I didn't know what's going on. I felt empty in mind. Then we talked through calls. Finally, he asked me Now what? I said "I don't know. I'm confused...". And he immediately twisted my words into "I don't know what I feel for you anymore, what is this relationship..." Then he told me this "I dont wanna spend time or waiting for A PERSON/ SOMEONE that dont even know they willing to stay with me or not". I was WTF? I didn't even mean that. I just didn't know what's going on and I was confused. To be honest, I was completely broken down and frustrated. I NEVER call him a person/ someone or things like that. I only call him by sweet name or his name even we argued or mad at each other.

So, yah, I cried and said "No more this". I punched my hands on the table and smashed my phone which is completely broken now. I have no other way to contact him so yah, its been 2 days without contact.

 

I dont know, really dont know and completely dont understand him. Can you guys explain this to me?

[Dreamer1010]

Plus, the date the fight started. I had a very busy day at work so I told him I couldn't text him until I free again. And I texted him when I got home. I had a terrible pressured date.

Yah, and he called out me for this saying I never ignore him before and sort things. I was busy and I told him about it.

He's busy at work sometimes too and I understand because I have work too. He disappears without waring while texting too. But I never make it a problem.

 

I just feel like everything I do seems wrong to him. I'm trying a lots for this relationship too. I did and do things as he asks/ wants. But he has my words or my affectionate/ feelings in a kinda negative/ weird/ sometimes insult way. And he puts them on me and kinda push me to admit them to prove him right.

 

I really lost and really don't know what to do.

I love him a lots. I value and treasure him so so much...

[smackie9]

We already told you to breakup with this guy.......that's your solution.

 

 

You can give it your all in this relationship, but it won't do anything...because he is an abuser...they can't be fixed...been there done that....get out NOW.