Assume the date is still on?

[JQC1]

This girl I[24F] am kind of seeing is causing much anxiety. I met her[26F] online and went on a first date with her last week. I thought the date went well. I was going out of town for a week so I told her that maybe we could get together again when I got back. She said that sounds nice.

 

I got back Monday and texted her saying I’d love to see her again and that we should go to dinner Wednesday if she was free. She said she was busy Wednesday but was free Thursday, which works for me also. I told her of the restuarant I was thinking about going to since she mentioned on our first date about she now likes that type of food that the restaurant serves and how I’ve never been there but that they do serve other stuff Incase she isn’t in the mood for that type of food. She responded by saying that she has been there before and she can “totally dig it” and that she will probably get that kind of food.

 

So then I send a message proposing 6:30 for a time, as well as offering her to come to my place first so I can drive us and take 1 car instead of 2 (she would probably be passing my place on her way to the restuarant anyway). I included that I promise to be on my best driving behavior, as a reference to a story I told her on our first date about my drivers test that made her laugh. I sent a follow up message directly after this, saying that we can also meet there if she prefers since I understand we are still strangers and would totally be ok with it if she was uncomfortable with this.

 

She read those messages and never responded back. I Really don’t think I said anything off putting or over stepped any boundaries... in the past when dates have asked if I needed a ride or something, I’d always just decline and offer to get there myself, no biggie. I really really like her so I hope I didn’t mess things up by seeing if she wanted to take one car...

 

I plan on confirming that we are still on for the date Thursday morning but I’ve been getting conflicting answers on how to confirm. I was thinking of just sending a simple text asking, “still on for tonight?” (I will not be mentioning anything about her not responding previously). But some are telling me to say something along the lines of “look forward to seeing you at xyz place tonight at 6:30”.

 

I am hesitant to send the second text because I would be assuming she had agreed to the time even when she never responded. I don’t want to be one of those people who can’t take a hint... plus, I feel like if she decided she didn’t want to go out anymore, the rejection is easier to take if I ask if we are still on instead of assuming I will be seeing her.

Edited November 14, 2018 by JQC1

[Logo]

I wouldn’t assume that. I knew someone who was a total flake and even though we were just friends claimed that she ‘never confirmed’. She wanted to keep her options open because she was selfish and lacked integrity.

 

In your case, I would wait to hear from her first. It would be a good way to also measure her true level of interest.

 

 

If she was put off by your offering to take one car, she could have taken you up on the offer to meet there.

 

 

When did you send the text about meeting at 6:30? Was it Monday? You still have two days. I would wait.

[salparadise]

My guess is that she's ghosting you. You didn't say how long it's been since the last messages with no reply, but if more than a day it's probably not good.

 

The ball's in her court. It's up to you if you want to keep trying to wring a response out of her, but all you'd be doing is giving her another opportunity to disrespect you. Real people don't leave others hanging like that. She's probably bedazzled by the other several dozen guys showering her with attention.

 

It's minor, but I'd say the only mistake you made was in giving her a choice about meeting at your place. It's too soon to invite her to your place, and she may be on the defensive about that.

[JQC1]

I wouldn’t assume that. I knew someone who was a total flake and even though we were just friends claimed that she ‘never confirmed’. She wanted to keep her options open because she was selfish and lacked integrity.

 

In your case, I would wait to hear from her first. It would be a good way to also measure her true level of interest.

 

 

If she was put off by your offering to take one car, she could have taken you up on the offer to meet there.

 

 

When did you send the text about meeting at 6:30? Was it Monday? You still have two days. I would wait.

 

 

Yes that text was sent Monday night

[Simple Logic]

She is probably trying to figure out why you are texting her instead of calling for a second date.

[JQC1]

She is probably trying to figure out why you are texting her instead of calling for a second date.

 

Well the thing is we are communicating through Instagram DMs... it’s how we met and I completely forgot to ask for her number after our first date in person. I was going to ask for it the second date.

 

I didn’t want to ask for her number through Instagram because when I first messaged her, I had given her my number but she replied through Instagram instead which makes sense, she didn’t want a complete stranger to have her number. After our first date though, I didn’t expect her to scroll all the up to the first message ever to retrieve my number. She probably doesn’t even remember I had given it to her since this was months ago

[Logo]

Any update?

 

 

I wonder if your intuition was on the nose when you voiced a concern about her message after the first date.

 

 

 

Hmmmm. Maybe she's a player. I hope not.

[JQC1]

Any update?

 

 

I wonder if your intuition was on the nose when you voiced a concern about her message after the first date.

 

 

 

Hmmmm. Maybe she's a player. I hope not.

 

I’m usually a pretty good judge of character and she really does not seem like the player type or the type to ghost to be honest, but I’m less certain about being the type to ghost.

 

I haven’t reached out yet. Planning on messaging her around 11 or noon today if I don’t hear from her. I just have this uneasy feeling about doing it... she has left me so confused and I feel like she’s given me mixed feelings. It’s gonna suck if she rejects me due to me not catching into the hint. If that’s the case, I hope I never run into her in public hahah

[guest569]

I would assume that the date is NOT on until/if she responds to your message about the time and travel arrangements. I wouldn't bother texting again, it's kind of rude that she hasn't responded for a few days.

[JQC1]

I would assume that the date is NOT on until/if she responds to your message about the time and travel arrangements. I wouldn't bother texting again, it's kind of rude that she hasn't responded for a few days.

 

Agreed. I’m gonna try one last time with the message today and if she doesn’t bite, I’m done trying with her. Sucks because I thought we really hit it off

[JQC1]

What I don’t want is for her to agree out of pity this time. Maybe she though I’d get the hint but because I didn’t, she feels bad and says yes to going out. I don’t know if she is capable of doing that but it’d horrible leading me on like that

[guest569]

I don't think you did anything wrong. She seems a bit iffy that's all. Keen to talk about vague plans.. Free on Thursday.. Likes that restaurant.. Setting a time? Noooope. Gone. That doesn't show much enthusiasm on her part. If I'm interested in a guy and he asks for a date I'm dancing around the living room and taking a few breaths and waiting a few mins to reply, not days.

[guest569]

What I don’t want is for her to agree out of pity this time. Maybe she though I’d get the hint but because I didn’t, she feels bad and says yes to going out. I don’t know if she is capable of doing that but it’d horrible leading me on like that

 

Texting her "see you tonight at xyz" might also corner or pressure her into going which isn't ideal. As I said above, if she was keen she would have responded to confirm. You suggested a time, she said nothing. No confirmation = no date. Make other plans, I say.

[JQC1]

Texting her "see you tonight at xyz" might also corner or pressure her into going which isn't ideal. As I said above, if she was keen she would have responded to confirm. You suggested a time, she said nothing. No confirmation = no date. Make other plans, I say.

 

I was planning on texting, “we still on for tonight?” But I have thought of just not reaching out at all.... I have been getting a lot of conflicting advice among forums/friends. Have a lot to think about before noon...

[snowboy91]

Just reach out. You have nothing to lose - if you get no answer then the date is off. If you do, then it's whatever the answer says. You said it yourself - the rejection (if there is rejection) is easier to handle if you do that.

 

Say "are we still on for tonight?". That is the question you want answered, right? Even if it was confirmed, it's still good to double check.

Edited November 15, 2018 by snowboy91
suggest what the text should be!

[JQC1]

Just reach out. You have nothing to lose - if you get no answer then the date is off. If you do, then it's whatever the answer says. You said it yourself - the rejection (if there is rejection) is easier to handle if you do that.

 

Say "are we still on for tonight?". That is the question you want answered, right? Even if it was confirmed, it's still good to double check.

 

Yes I suppose I have nothing to lose. Dating seems so hard now a days... is it supposed to be this hard!? I feel like it should be a very and easy thing lol

[d0nnivain]

Your initial idea to text, are we still on for tonight? is the correct approach. Do that.

 

Assuming the date is still on when it hasn't been confirmed is too presumptuous. Not doing anything & you not showing up is passive aggressive & mean. You could possibly be ghosting her. Take the high road. Send the 1st text. See what she responds.

 

If you don't get an answer, write her off.

[JQC1]

Your initial idea to text, are we still on for tonight? is the correct approach. Do that.

 

Assuming the date is still on when it hasn't been confirmed is too presumptuous. Not doing anything & you not showing up is passive aggressive & mean. You could possibly be ghosting her. Take the high road. Send the 1st text. See what she responds.

 

If you don't get an answer, write her off.

 

Your response is reassuring and removing my doubts about reaching out. I do feel that her ignorance is a bit rude when making plans but I also don’t know what’s going on in her life. Although she does seem to be active on social media. I guess I’ll find out

[JQC1]

So update. Texted and asked if we were still on for tonight. The weather is pretty bad today, and she said that she wasn’t going into work because of the weather and asked to reschedule. I think I’m gonna respond by telling her to let me know when she’s free... I need to take a backseat I feel like for now and let her initiate

 

It’s a good sign she asked to reschedule but I’m still so so confused about why she never responded before.....

[d0nnivain]

The weather here is bad too. It's a legit excuse to beg off today. I'm bugging out at the 1st snow flake. Doesn't excuse her not reaching out before but shoot her a text tomorrow & ask how she made out with the weather. If that doesn't prompt her to pick a reschedule date give up.

[JQC1]

The weather here is bad too. It's a legit excuse to beg off today. I'm bugging out at the 1st snow flake. Doesn't excuse her not reaching out before but shoot her a text tomorrow & ask how she made out with the weather. If that doesn't prompt her to pick a reschedule date give up.

 

She already wrote back after I told her to let me know when she’s free “Saturday or Sunday night for dinner?”

 

I responded by saying that Saturday will work for me. Gonna let her suggest a time... or see if the same situations occurs all over again lol

[PRW]

I think I’m gonna respond by telling her to let me know when she’s free... I need to take a backseat I feel like for now and let her initiate

 

It’s a good sign she asked to reschedule but I’m still so so confused about why she never responded before.....

 

She isn't going to initiate. That is not her job. Her job is to just tell you when she is free (if that is what you ask her to do). When she does that it is your job to make the next date.

 

If she does not tell you when she is free then leave her alone and move on to the next one. Women who WANT to be around you are not going to make it difficult.

[JQC1]

She isn't going to initiate. That is not her job. Her job is to just tell you when she is free (if that is what you ask her to do). When she does that it is your job to make the next date.

 

If she does not tell you when she is free then leave her alone and move on to the next one. Women who WANT to be around you are not going to make it difficult.

 

She responded to me with “Saturday or Sunday night for dinner?” And I told her Saturday. I’m kinda done doing all the work here. I need some from her... she read the message but didn’t respond with a time and if she doesn’t, I’m not gonna reach out again.

[olivetree]

She isn't going to initiate. That is not her job. Her job is to just tell you when she is free (if that is what you ask her to do). When she does that it is your job to make the next date.

 

If she does not tell you when she is free then leave her alone and move on to the next one. Women who WANT to be around you are not going to make it difficult.

 

They are both women.

[guest569]

She responded to me with “Saturday or Sunday night for dinner?” And I told her Saturday. I’m kinda done doing all the work here. I need some from her... she read the message but didn’t respond with a time and if she doesn’t, I’m not gonna reach out again.

 

Yeah I get the frustration. It's like she just won't seal the deal by setting a time, ahead of the day. Day and place sure, but just won't commit. My fingers crossed for you!