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I have a stalker

ohso

By ohso
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ohso Established Member

ohso

Posted
Posted

This is serious and not flattering in any way. He is my ex. We were not even in a relationship, but were lovers for a very short time. We had a one night stand, but were friends before and after for a short time.

He started acting sickly weird and abusive and I figured I need to end what we had. He didn't let me to break up with him. He denied my words and kept believing in his head that we'd still be together forever and stupid things like that. He didn't understand at all how to let me go.

 

I ignored his messages and then he started bashing me publicly online, accusing me of things that he did to me. That were lies of course.

 

It all happened 4 years ago and he is still mad. He keeps following me. He walks close to me or he stares, but he never does anything dangerous.

 

I don't know what do to? I haven't report him to the police because he didn't threaten me and I don't have any evidence for anything. Besides it's not like police will protect me while I'm living my life all the time. It may also just trigger him into violence perhaps, I'm not sure. I hope he will give up eventually if I keep ignoring him like I do. I'm kind of numb already and I don't stress much about it.

 

Does this seems like harmless stalking or it could escalate? What can I do about this?

Logo Established Member

Logo

Posted
Posted (edited)
This is serious and not flattering in any way. He is my ex. We were not even in a relationship, but were lovers for a very short time. We had a one night stand, but were friends before and after for a short time.

He started acting sickly weird and abusive and I figured I need to end what we had. He didn't let me to break up with him. He denied my words and kept believing in his head that we'd still be together forever and stupid things like that. He didn't understand at all how to let me go.

 

I ignored his messages and then he started bashing me publicly online, accusing me of things that he did to me. That were lies of course.

 

It all happened 4 years ago and he is still mad. He keeps following me. He walks close to me or he stares, but he never does anything dangerous.

 

I don't know what do to? I haven't report him to the police because he didn't threaten me and I don't have any evidence for anything. Besides it's not like police will protect me while I'm living my life all the time. It may also just trigger him into violence perhaps, I'm not sure. I hope he will give up eventually if I keep ignoring him like I do. I'm kind of numb already and I don't stress much about it.

 

Does this seems like harmless stalking or it could escalate? What can I do about this?

 

 

 

To my knowledge (I’m not a lawyer) his behavior, the way you describe it, fits the legal definition of stalking. Stalking is actually a crime. I don’t know where you live, but if you’re in the States, it most likely is a crime where you are. So if his behavior makes you feel unsafe or harassed or uncomfortable then you should and can report him if you want to.

 

 

Check with your local police. See what they have to say. They also deal with cases like that more often than the average person, so they’ll give you better advice on how to handle it or what to do.

Edited by Logo
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted

If he's bashing you online, you can take screenshots of the posts as evidence. Also, any emails, texts, recordings of phone messages, etc.

 

A guy I dated briefly some years ago started harassing me after I broke it off. Once he started sending hateful messages to my friends on social media accounts, I sent him a letter saying if he did it again, I would file for a restraining order (order of protection).

 

He persisted, so I filed and it was approved immediately. The harassment stopped the moment he was served. Now if he ever contacts me or any of my friends again, he's in violation of police orders.

divegrl Established Member

divegrl

Posted
Posted

Hi my friend,

 

I am going to the court house today to get a restraining order against a stalker. They are simple and easy to get. You just go and say have fear or feel threatened. Where I live you show up at court at 8am and can have an order within the hour.

 

If they contact you in any way. Via text, phone, social media or in person they go straight to jail.

 

Good luck my friend

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lurker74 Established Member

lurker74

Posted
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Save the information but with regard to the PPO, it sometimes causes unstable men to become worse. Talk to the police or an attorney but if the behavior is more annoying than dangerous, you may consider getting ready to file but not actually file. If you truly feel unsafe, file. But I have seen statistics that show that PPOs may cause more trouble than they solve.

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

I feel sorry for you....I have a stalker. I knew him from school. He got weird so I stopped contact with him. 2 decades later he finds me on social media so I thought he would have moved on so I started talking to him again...boy was I wrong..slowly but surely he got weird again. Off and on for over a decade he would send me weird emails, and one time he tried to corner me in a grocery store. He tried a friend request on linkedin just recently. He's not much of a threat but it's annoying. You my dear should be video him, and get your friends on board to help you document his behavior. Then show it to the police for a restraining order. I understand that you don't feel sure about getting one, but he is invading your personal space physically....that is a threat. You just never know how far he will go and why wait til he does get violent....especially if you start getting a serious BF. Getting a dog for protection might be a good idea too.

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
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He's giving you so much ammunition to use in a legal restraining order--you need to start documenting and collecting screen shots, audio messages, photos of him stalking you---anything. That's your responsibility to yourself in this.

 

I don't stress much about it.

 

??? Ok...

 

I don't know what do to? I haven't report him to the police because he didn't threaten me and I don't have any evidence for anything. Besides it's not like police will protect me while I'm living my life all the time. It may also just trigger him into violence perhaps, I'm not sure. I hope he will give up eventually if I keep ignoring him like I do..

 

A lot of stalkers don't physically harm their targets until they're ready to physically harm them. That guy who stalked actress Rebecca Schaeffer never harmed her until the day he killed her.

  • Like 1
Gretchen12 Established Member

Gretchen12

Posted
Posted

This has been going on for 4 years? How have you dealt with it the past 4 years? What happened recently to prompt you to seek advice now, is he escalating?

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ohso Established Member

ohso

Posted
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??? Ok...

 

 

 

 

 

Well, look I'm obviously concerned if I'm asking about it, but I don't allow myself to be so much afraid or stressed about it that it would ruin my health. I'm asking what can I do, but I know I can't control everything what will happen.

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ohso Established Member

ohso

Posted
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This has been going on for 4 years? How have you dealt with it the past 4 years? What happened recently to prompt you to seek advice now, is he escalating?

 

Nothing. I've just kept ignoring him firmly. Sometimes I walk by him like he doesn't exist. Sometimes I run in another direction etc.

I didn't say to him anything. Never. I don't even look at him. I don't consider letting him know if I go to the police as I don't think I'll do much difference. It can only make him more mad IMHO.

 

Yes, recently, I have been seeing him more often and he gets closer to me. Last time he walked towards me directly. He never did that before, so I decided to check what can I do.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
I'm asking what can I do,.

 

document everything and collect it for when you DO go and file a PRO.

 

You got any burly, big male relatives who can walk up on this dude?

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ohso Established Member

ohso

Posted
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document everything and collect it for when you DO go and file a PRO.

 

You got any burly, big male relatives who can walk up on this dude?

 

Guy has been involved with drugs, fights and all sort of such activities as well as his burly, big male relatives and friends, so I don't think it's a good idea.

Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

Posted
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Document everything. My ex/father of child was constantly (still is occasionally) sending me harassing texts, emails, etc. Anything you have in writing will help you greatly.

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted (edited)
Guy has been involved with drugs, fights and all sort of such activities as well as his burly, big male relatives and friends, so I don't think it's a good idea.

 

I'll take that as a "no".

 

Then you're going to have to be extra vigilant about documenting everything you take to the police/court, no matter how small you may think it is. Lots of things turn on the smallest of evidence. Not only that, but you're going to have to enlist your close circle of friends to help keep a lookout for him if they're out and about with you. The more eyeballs on this, the better. The more people around you who know what he's doing, the better and safer it is for you.

Edited by kendahke
  • Like 1
Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

Posted
Posted
Guy has been involved with drugs, fights and all sort of such activities as well as his burly, big male relatives and friends, so I don't think it's a good idea.

 

He sounds like a big bully. Please document everything and go to court with it. Has he threatened you? You can tell the court that as well. If you fear for bodily harm, you should be able to get a restraining order. I guarantee you, you aren’t the only one who he has done this too and I bet anything he has been in court before for these types of things.

Gretchen12 Established Member

Gretchen12

Posted
Posted

Is there any way you can relocate? Sometimes out of sight out of mind and he might move on.

maxi105 Established Member

maxi105

Posted
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hi ohso,

 

 

if this is still going on then you need to report it (get evidence first of course) and then go to the police.

 

 

if you don't report it and something happens, if it has to go to court it will not look good for your case!

 

 

if something more serious or tragic happened (and no one would wish that) then it might make things very difficult for your family and loved ones and the law and various assistance may not be able to utilised.

 

 

you need to get professional advice and upon that advice if it is safe for you do to so, then you need to let this person know you are serious and give them the opportunity to stop. if that is ignored then you go back to the police and get legal advice if they think you need that sort of protection etc..

 

 

stalking can be silly, but if the intent and person doing it is more serious then it can be a very very dangerous thing.

 

 

so don't just sit there letting this happen, even if you are not sure how much of a problem it is for you right now. stalking is an offence, but morally I think it is also not good for you to not act if this is worrying you, and you have written in, so it must be starting to get to you.

 

 

there is no knowing what goes through people's minds, but don't feed his games over this one, it isn't worth putting your safety or life potentially at risk for. ex or no ex!!!!!! and that goes doubly if taking drugs or and aggression are part of his life!!!!!

 

 

good luck. maxi.

olivetree Established Member

olivetree

Posted
Posted

Have you actually told him to leave you alone?

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