I don’t know anymore

[PRW]

Eh, I don't know about that. If I was the guy, and I got a basket of baked goodies with a phone number and a name inside, I'd feel that the person who gave it to me doesn't have the self-confidence necessary to make me feel hot and desireable by approaching me, or by at the very least ask me for my name in person.

 

Exactly. Although it would concern me more if it was the guy doing this. I expect a more indirect approach from a woman. But yea, I don't think she should do it that way.

[PRW]

To my knowledge he has never been married. So no divorce.

 

So he never had the confidence to ever make that happen in the past. He has never been very successful with women. Again, I'm not saying don't get involved. It's your choice. I'm just saying you need to keep in mind what the real situation is.

[Gaeta]

So he never had the confidence to ever make that happen in the past. He has never been very successful with women. Again, I'm not saying don't get involved. It's your choice. I'm just saying you need to keep in mind what the real situation is.

 

 

That means nothing. He has children so I imagine he was in a common-law relationship for a few years, maybe she was the one not believing in 'papers' and marriage. OP needs to speak to him and see what's his story before judging him.

[PRW]

I just thought he was a nice neighbor until he gave my girls a small simple gift. Then I thought that was his way of showing he wanted to get to know me better?

 

Please reread what you just said here.

 

Yes, that is why he did it,...but is that a good thing or a bad thing? Again, not telling you what to do,...just saying you need to be conscious of what you may get into.

[Highndry]

Just drop some hints.

[PRW]

That means nothing. He has children so I imagine he was in a common-law relationship for a few years, maybe she was the one not believing in 'papers' and marriage. OP needs to speak to him and see what's his story before judging him.

 

Yes, that is exactly what she needs to do. I'm only pointing out possible red flags. She has two young girls to protect.

[JuneL]

She doesn't need to jump on the 'dating wagon'. How about just getting closer to get to know him better first? Invite him in for a coffee when the kids play, invite him to tag along to activities with the kids, then see if you are connecting on other levels.

 

I think Gaeta has a point. Dating a neighbor is like dating a work colleague, so it’s better to let things develop organically and escalate naturally. When you drop by to give him the baked goodies, I’m sure you can make some small talk. You can just say, btw I’m divegrl You can then chat about your Thanksgiving plans, etc.

[snowcones]

Exactly. Although it would concern me more if it was the guy doing this. I expect a more indirect approach from a woman. But yea, I don't think she should do it that way.

 

 

How do you think she should do it? I have sabatron on ignore so I don't see his posts unless someone quotes him. I'd rather hear it from you anyway.

[divegrl]

I agree with the others that he is interested. He just doesn't have the guts to ask you out.

 

If you want to date him you will have to make you intentions clear. But you have to consider if you want to get into a relationship with a guy who doesn't have enough confidence to ask you out in the first place. The insecurity and lack of confidence can come out later in a lot of negative and frustrating ways. Most women don't want to teach a man how to be a man.

 

You also have to consider how geographically close he is as a neighbor. If you break up, especially if it is a bad breakup (with insecure low-confidence guys it usually is a bad breakup), do you want an Ex living that close by.

 

The choice is yours.

 

Hi!!

 

So this is what I’m confused about. Normally the type of man I would date would have asked me out by now. However I seem to be attracting the wrong type of man.

 

I was hoping that dating someone a bit different would yield better results. I do not want to date a man with low esteem or lack of confidence. Because I know the types of issues that can arise.

 

He seems a bit shy and introverted. But he does have a successful job and is very kind so I was hoping these would be good signs?

 

Thanks for you help my friend!!!

[Garcon1986]

So he might be shy for any number of reasons, he thinks you are really attractive, he's trying to hide his sinus infection, etc etc.

 

 

If you really like him go forward and talk to him and make your interests explicitly known. Give him the baked goods while on a date. Have a smashing time on one date or two. Then you will know if you either have a smashing bloke, or somebody to move on from, before getting too emotionally attached.

[divegrl]

The body language will be different from when your neighbor granny gives you her baked goods.

 

It’s okay you don’t get it , as this is a screening mechanism too (PRW explained well). I remember a couple of OP’s earlier threads, and I don’t think she’s the kind of women who enjoy chasing after men.

 

Hi!

 

Yes exactly JuneL. I strongly believe that men should pursue women. I do not want to be the one initiating everything. I would like to make it obvious to him that I’m interested. But that’s it. He should take it from there.

 

I think giving him my phone number should make this clear?

 

Have a beautiful day!

[JuneL]

Just curious: Was the stuff he gave your kids really gifts, or was it more like, say, leftover candies from Halloween?

[PRW]

How do you think she should do it? I have sabatron on ignore so I don't see his posts unless someone quotes him. I'd rather hear it from you anyway.

 

Well, I'll admit it is a delicate balance. I like what Gaeta said about not jumping on the dating bandwagon right away. I think she should make the fact that she is interested known. It needs to be somewhat direct and yet subtle at the same time, ...tough to balance that. But putting contact info in baked goods just seem too odd to me.

 

What makes it difficult is that the guy doesn't have the confidence to do his job in the first place. We wouldn't even be having this conversation if he did.

 

I don't think people in general today grasp the severity of the problem that a weak or low-confidence guy represents. There is nothing more dangerous than a weak man [said by Dr Jordan Peterson]. They have the same emotions and thoughts as a strong confident guy, but their emotional control is hanging by a thread and can be triggered by any little thing. You break that thread and you can get anything from a mild annoyance, to a stalker, to a rapist, to a murderer. Granted the majority are just an annoyance,...but how do you know? We call them clingers when they are cute, and stalkers when they aren't so cute. I am a little concerned that he tried to get to her by giving unsolicited gifts to her two young daughters. Now that isn't so bad if he gave the gifts to her first to pass on to the daughters,...but I can't tell from this thread exactly how that went down.

 

Yes, yes,...maybe I am over worried about it, but we are just nameless faceless entities on the Internet in a web forum with next to no solid information beyond what the OP gives us to make any judgments.

[PRW]

So this is what I’m confused about. Normally the type of man I would date would have asked me out by now. However I seem to be attracting the wrong type of man.

 

I'll admit I could be wrong in estimating him. I can only work with what I have to work with. But the kind of guys I'm cautioning against don't require attracting. They are kinda like bugs attracted to a light bulb,...they just come around. All you have to be is breathing air and standing vertically.

 

But we can hope for the best on him,...I'm just saying keep your eyes peeled for problems. Low-confidence guys don't need much encouragement at all to "cling", just be slow and cautious.

 

But he does have a successful job and is very kind so I was hoping these would be good signs?

Well, they aren't bad signs. They are just kind of neutral.

[snowcones]

Maybe she can just give him her number without the baked goods then?

[sabaton]

Hi!

 

Yes exactly JuneL. I strongly believe that men should pursue women. I do not want to be the one initiating everything. I would like to make it obvious to him that I’m interested. But that’s it. He should take it from there.

 

I think giving him my phone number should make this clear?

 

Have a beautiful day!

 

How come? When you pursue what you want the chances of you getting what your heart desires increases, for several reasons. there's billions of women in the world. It's hard for a man to notice a woman sexually or romantically, when there's plenty of other women who'll make it easy/easier for him.

 

A woman who approaches you is going to become a part of your radar. Say you have a beautiful woman sending you signals of interest. But she looks like she expects you to approach her and to impress her, and to take her out on dates, probably expects you to pay for them too.

 

Then you have a very attractive girl, who isn't as hot as the first one but ain't that far from it. She approaches you, asks you out - and pays for her share - and makes things a lot easier than the first one, who still clings to old patriarchal values, which demeans women and makes women feel that they are property that needs to be bought by being approached, asked on a date, and paid for, that women can't be assertive, and that is counter-productive.

 

My mother approached my father. In the middle of a full coffee shop/restaurant, which made her vulnerable to what others might think, if she was to get rejected. But she still approached him, asked him out on a date, and 40 years later my parents are still very happily married to each other.

 

And that's how I see it. If a woman is truly attracted to me she WILL approach me. Signals of interest don't mean much to me. I get them everyday from several girls. Coming up to me and striking a conversation. Asking for my name, or even coming up with a fake story of how they're new to the city and need me to tell them how to get to x and y spot is going to work to their advantage a lot more than just sitting there pretty playing with their hair and smiling at me.

 

The way I see it. These women aren't virgins. There's no reason for me to treat a woman like she's a virgin when she isn't.

 

Now, you're free to wait and see if this guy asks you out. But if he's still an attractive man, despite being middle-aged or in his mid 30s or whatever, the truth is that he's a hot commodity. And hot commodities don't stay single for long. Even if they are shy. What you don't want to do - to ask him out on a date - is something some other woman will have no problem in doing.

 

 

I think giving him my phone number should make this clear?

No, it won't. I get phone numbers from women all the time. Women who enjoy my company but aren't interested in me sexually. Friends of friends. Women who are the girlfriends of my friends. Women who are clients of the jobs I worked, and many other reasons. A woman giving me her number is not going to make me feel that she wants me to call her or text her, or ask her out on a date. A woman flirting with me, being sexy about it, and then asking for MY number is going to make me think that she wants to hang out with me, yes. But the rest? No. Edited November 14, 2018 by sabaton

[SunnyWeather]

I wouldn't make it so complicated. I'm not a fan of the baked goods w/phone number, seems to be trying too hard.

 

on the other hand, next time you see each other, invite him over for coffee or a drink. if it's lunch or dinner time, invite him to join you. keep it casual. if he's interested after your hospitality, he'll ask you out. if not, you've made a nice neighbor friend

[Highndry]

All this blather about no self confidence, low self esteem, etc. is for the birds. Nobody even knows this guy! Geez, talk about negative, give the guy a chance to show who he is.

[Chilli]

How do you think she should do it? I have sabatron on ignore so I don't see his posts unless someone quotes him. I'd rather hear it from you anyway.

 

Haaaa smart move wish l could put him on ignore .

[Chilli]

All this blather about no self confidence, low self esteem, etc. is for the birds. Nobody even knows this guy! Geez, talk about negative, give the guy a chance to show who he is.

'

Well said , for the bloody birds alright and so what if he did have anyway, that would make him human like most people in my book.

[snowcones]

I wouldn't make it so complicated. I'm not a fan of the baked goods w/phone number, seems to be trying too hard.

 

on the other hand, next time you see each other, invite him over for coffee or a drink. if it's lunch or dinner time, invite him to join you. keep it casual. if he's interested after your hospitality, he'll ask you out. if not, you've made a nice neighbor friend

 

 

She could wait until the next time she sees him too, but that could be a while and I'm guessing she doesn't want to wait so long.

 

 

Haaaa smart move wish l could put him on ignore .

 

 

You can. Everyone has use of the Ignore function in their My Profile/CP.

[Logo]

Hi!

 

So there’s this guy who lives in my neighborhood. Over the past couple of months we have gotten to know each other. Our dogs and kids play together. He seems like a really nice genuine man.

 

He has bought my girls gifts and always comes over to say hi and talk with us. When we talk he seems nervous and shy.

 

I think he is interested, but he has not asked me out. Every time I talk with him I smile. Ask him questions. I am extremely nice to him.

 

So what do you think? Is he interested and just shy? Or is he just being nice?

 

 

 

Thank you so much for your advice. Have a beautiful day!

 

 

I have asked myself that question so many times and the only way I found out for sure was to ask.

 

 

 

If you like him, ask him. What's wrong with a woman asking a man out?

[Logo]

Hi!!

 

So this is what I’m confused about. Normally the type of man I would date would have asked me out by now. However I seem to be attracting the wrong type of man.

 

I was hoping that dating someone a bit different would yield better results. I do not want to date a man with low esteem or lack of confidence. Because I know the types of issues that can arise.

 

He seems a bit shy and introverted. But he does have a successful job and is very kind so I was hoping these would be good signs?

 

Thanks for you help my friend!!!

 

 

Shy doesn't mean that he has low self-esteem. Some people with very high self-esteem can be shy, too.

 

 

 

It's the same thing with confidence.

 

 

 

The world is not black and white.

 

 

Get to know him, first, if you like. See what he's all about.

[divegrl]

Hi All

 

Thank you for your continued replies. I feel differently today. I am going to continue things as they are. I have given him plenty of clues to know I’m interested. I strongly believe it’s the mans place to pursue me. I hope he asks for my number, but if not that’s ok too.

 

On another note I did make chocolate chip oatmeal bars! Wish I could share with you guys!!

[JuneL]

Hi All

 

Thank you for your continued replies. I feel differently today. I am going to continue things as they are. I have given him plenty of clues to know I’m interested. I strongly believe it’s the mans place to pursue me. I hope he asks for my number, but if not that’s ok too.

 

On another note I did make chocolate chip oatmeal bars! Wish I could share with you guys!!

 

I'd rather you share with us your cute story about giving him some of your chocolate chip oatmeal bars