Michael 93 Posted November 13, 2018 Posted November 13, 2018 What's going on all.. Just after a little bit of advice really. So I've been seeing this girl for a little while, things were going well, eventually she pushed for exclusivity, I felt she was worthy and well here we are, been with her now for around a month 'Officially' Here's the rub, she hasn't been to my place yet (I live with my mum currently) saving for deposit etc.. I have always spent a lot of time at her place with her family, pretty much lived there at some points. We have always been very open about our 'Dream House' and what kind of things we would like etc, she does seem quite materialistic, and a lot of her previous partners have lived in big pads, parents were very well off etc, she lives in a 3 bed- nice house etc She's started to push on the: "When am I going to start coming round yours and being with your family babe etc etc" This is the problem, I live in a 2 bed council flat with just me and my Mom - she isn't aware of this fact yet, but evidently - she is going too soon enough. As much as it isn't a DJ trait- I am quite insecure about this aspect of my life - I am pretty sure it will not be an issue at all with this girl but there's always the inklin of what if she judges me on it? Especially since she has had the guys with the pools - island kitchens etc etc Other girls have been back but my IL was always low with these, so I didn't really care what they thought, however, with this one, its different. How do I approach this? Is it worth me speaking with her about it before hand and revealing why she hasn't been back yet? Cheers! MT
HumanMachine Posted November 13, 2018 Posted November 13, 2018 Mate with all due respect, I know you’re self conscious about it but it really doesn’t matter. You sound like a decent lad and you’re saving to move out - what more can she ask for? Another guy banking on his parents assets? Have the chat with her, tell her that it makes you slightly insecure.. i’m sure it won’t change her view of you though. 2
Garcon1986 Posted November 13, 2018 Posted November 13, 2018 Have a chat with her and tell her openly that you live in a small council flat. It will be a test of your nerves - women want men who have nerves of steel. It will also be a test of her willingness to keep you around for who you are - rather than just going for a bloke who is flush with cash. Benefits all around. 3
BaileyB Posted November 13, 2018 Posted November 13, 2018 A girl who truly loves you won't care that you live in a small flat with your mom. If she leaves you for a guy with a pool who can buy her things... Well, you didn't really want her anyway. Good luck! 2
Gretchen12 Posted November 13, 2018 Posted November 13, 2018 Think about who you are and own it. You are self conscious because it is you who judge yourself. But you are young and starting out. Here's some advice. Some of the greatest men in history lived in tiny rooms. Men with ideals, courage, intelligence, talent. Some of these small humble rooms are now museums. You walk in to where the great contributor to humanity once lived and worked, do you look for glitter and wealth? If I am to judge a man's home, these are the things I don't want to see: uncleanliness, garbage piled up, dirty dishes, clutter of too much belongings that are disorganized, bad smells. It's not the size of the house. It's whether you live with pride and grace. I'm sure your mother keeps the place nice so you have no worries! 2
Author Michael 93 Posted November 13, 2018 Author Posted November 13, 2018 You guys are awesome! Thanks a lot for your words of advice and support, I've invited her over before we go out on Sunday. Will have the conversation before this day but wont make a big deal out of it just sort of drop it in so she is aware... its just me and my Mom and i am quite protective of who i allow to come into my home. I'm sure everything will be ok. Like most of you have said if she does have an issue surrounding my circumstances then we will have to deal with that as and when. 3
olivetree Posted November 13, 2018 Posted November 13, 2018 It sounds like you've been together a few months? The part that would bother me, if I were her, is that you didn't tell me you lived with your mom in all the time you've been together more than you actually living with her. It would seem dishonest/not transparent to me. So when you tell her you should apologize for not being up front about it... IMO.
lurker74 Posted November 13, 2018 Posted November 13, 2018 Ever watch a romantic comedy? Something like 90% of them are about how one part of the romantic partnership has a secret they don't want to tell the other and then they go through tons of hoops trying to keep things alive and the secret in place until it blows up. In the movies, they always get past it. In real life, secrets tend to torpedo relationships. So tell her. Heck, if she's a good person, she'll like the vulnerability; and if it's a deal breaker, it's a lot better to get out now. I'm betting she won't mind at all (except maybe the no sex at your place thing, although quiet, hidden sex can be fun too!).
Lotsgoingon Posted November 14, 2018 Posted November 14, 2018 Dude, this is totally an opportunity to share a part of who you really are with this woman. You will feel a sense of exhaling and breathing. If she rejects you, then you know that she wasn't gonna work for you. Good luck. I get the nervousness ... but actually this is great! I think of the times I hid something from a gf ... and then finally opened up ... and bang: things always turned out pretty well. 1
snowboy91 Posted November 14, 2018 Posted November 14, 2018 I'm just going to agree with the others here. You need to tell her sooner rather than later - it's a part of where you're at at the moment. Garcon says it's a test of your nerves, but I think it's just as much a test for her - if she chooses to judge you on your current situation knowing that you're making good progress toward saving for a deposit, then that says more about her than about you. Do you really want to be with someone who judges you on the size of your house?
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