SophieG Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Honestly, I understand you sooooo much! I'm ALWAYS overthinking, as in ALWAYS. I'm anxious to a point where it's problematic. When I started dating this guy, we would always text through the day, like a lot... after a few weeks, he started texting only before his work day (at 5h30am) and in the evening (around 7h00pm). I started thinking he wasn't interested anymore and everything... not so much because he was only texting twice a day, but because of the drastic change from the beginning. So I explained to him that I'm a creature of habit, if you get me used to something and then you start acting differently, my anxiety is going to go through the roof and I'm going to start imagining 1000 scenarios. He explained that at first, he was texting a lot to keep me interested and everything, and once the relationship (exclusive but not and official couple) was established, he didn't need to keep in touch as much, BUT that didn't mean I wasn't on his mind all day long. Plus, since we speak on the phone every night, if we text too much, we won't have anything to say on the phone. Now, 5 months in, he usually answers my texts, but he's always the one calling me at night, like ALWAYS. And that balance works well for us. I often see him online or commenting on FB posts and he's not talking to me... or I text him and he sees it immediately but only answers a couple hours later (when he's at the gym or gaming). I've learned that it's not disinterest on his part, only that he's not really that much into texting... especially since we sometimes have misunderstanding over it. From time to time, I will overanalyze everything and my brain will just go crazy. Instead of talking to him about it (because I mean, there's so much anxiety a guy can take), I text one of my friend, and after when I read what I wrote I'm like : Jesus girl, calm the f*** down! So that's my strategy when I start to feel anxious.
MaleIntuition Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 Honestly, I understand you sooooo much! I'm ALWAYS overthinking, as in ALWAYS. I'm anxious to a point where it's problematic. When I started dating this guy, we would always text through the day, like a lot... after a few weeks, he started texting only before his work day (at 5h30am) and in the evening (around 7h00pm). I started thinking he wasn't interested anymore and everything... not so much because he was only texting twice a day, but because of the drastic change from the beginning. So I explained to him that I'm a creature of habit, if you get me used to something and then you start acting differently, my anxiety is going to go through the roof and I'm going to start imagining 1000 scenarios. He explained that at first, he was texting a lot to keep me interested and everything, and once the relationship (exclusive but not and official couple) was established, he didn't need to keep in touch as much, BUT that didn't mean I wasn't on his mind all day long. Plus, since we speak on the phone every night, if we text too much, we won't have anything to say on the phone. Now, 5 months in, he usually answers my texts, but he's always the one calling me at night, like ALWAYS. And that balance works well for us. I often see him online or commenting on FB posts and he's not talking to me... or I text him and he sees it immediately but only answers a couple hours later (when he's at the gym or gaming). I've learned that it's not disinterest on his part, only that he's not really that much into texting... especially since we sometimes have misunderstanding over it. From time to time, I will overanalyze everything and my brain will just go crazy. Instead of talking to him about it (because I mean, there's so much anxiety a guy can take), I text one of my friend, and after when I read what I wrote I'm like : Jesus girl, calm the f*** down! So that's my strategy when I start to feel anxious. But this can’t possibly be sustainable in the long run. When you start a new relationship going at maximum pace with constant texting/snapping/phone calls and meet-ups; where do you go from there? At some point it is just reasonable that it has to slow down somewhat.
SophieG Posted December 3, 2018 Posted December 3, 2018 @MaleIntuition... Personally, my last relationship (that lasted 4 years) we were always in contact from day one. We would always exchange at least 1 or 2 text messages everyday. Once we lived together, we texted less, but with our different schedules, we would check up on one another every day. In my current relationship, I agree that as time passes, texting is less frequent, but it's still daily. I remember when my mom started dating her boyfriend 8 years ago, they would talk everyday over the phone, and they continued until they moved in together last year. What I'm saying is when you get used to having constant exchange, and slows down all of the sudden, as an anxious person, you start wondering why. Your head just goes crazy and you replay everything trying to find the explanation (Did I say something stupid? As he lost interest? Did he meet someone else?). I'm not saying it's healthy behaviour, far from it, I'm just saying that when you have high level anxiety, it can be common. Like I said, I'm a creature of habit and I HATE change... anxiety = fear of not being in control, and change = lack of control. So all I was saying was that I understand, but I'm not saying that it's appropriate.
Recommended Posts