Girl I'm head over heels infatuated with, and drugs

[slingchilders]

We're both 26. We went out on 4 dates which were incredible, with attraction on both sides - no talks of exclusivity yet and no sex, as I only have sex with people I'm exclusive with.

 

In my life, I have been this infatuated maybe 2 times. It's extremely, extremely rare for me to click so well with someone, so it's kind of a big deal.

 

Everything is perfect except one red flag. She uses drugs recreationally, slightly harder than weed. Not to be hypocritical, I do too on occasion. But I don't see recreational drug use as something I would like in any serious relationship - I've been there, and it complicates things tremendously. And a serious relationship is the only thing I'm after. If I get in a long term relationship I would cut down on my drinking, and drop drugs completely, no biggie. But can I expect that of this new girl I just started dating? I guess you can't expect anything from other people without discussing it, but how do I bring it up?

 

Should I just let it go and try to prevent a bigger heartache? Should I bring it up at all at some point? Is there a way to not sound like a creep discussing it? It's only 4 dates in, and I feel a talk about specific expectations would come of as way too serious. But I really am protective of my time and hate wasting it. I know I am head over heels with this girl but I don't want to get myself into a position where I'm in love with someone, but can't stand their behaviour.

 

I also know that you really can't change people, so what should I do?

Edited November 11, 2018 by slingchilders

[HumanMachine]

Egotistical drug abuser hypocritically judges girl he’s been on 4 dates with. (And hasn’t managed to have sex with - but that’s your choice, isn’t it?).

[slingchilders]

Egotistical drug abuser hypocritically judges girl he’s been on 4 dates with. (And hasn’t managed to have sex with - but that’s your choice, isn’t it?).

 

I don't judge it to me a BAD thing. I judge it to be problematic when in a long term relationship.

 

Is it egotistical to discuss your attitude towards psychoactive substances in the light of a possible relationship? Or am I really fault-finding - honest question ?

 

And what is this comment about sex supposed to mean?

Edited November 11, 2018 by slingchilders

[d0nnivain]

Just talk to her. Explore her views on the subject & share with her that when exclusive your usage goes down. See her reaction & gage what she volunteers but in the 1st conversation don't ask her to change.

 

Problem is, that since both of you indulge, odds are if you get involved with her your usage will probably go up because you have somebody who shares your taste for the stuff.

[smackie9]

I agree with your concern....I quit, he didn't and his use got worse, things fell apart pretty badly. d0nnivian is right, communication about this is key. Your expectations and hers need to be brought forward to be explored if this is going to work or not.