iash101 Posted November 11, 2018 Posted November 11, 2018 Hi everyone! I posted a while back regarding the break up between myself and my ex . We broke up 10 weeks ago after a very intense 9 month relationship . She broke it off with me because I let work stress get to me and became very distant and ratty towards her ( all sorted now ) after no contact and blocking of all social media we reached out to one another yesterday as it turns out we both still think about each other every day , still miss and love one another . This is where it gets complicated ! Iv moved on met a lovely woman who I could see a future with ,we get on great like the same hobbies spend quite a lot of time together, however I don’t get the same buz from the new relationship as I did with the ex . Without sounding shallow I’m 45 the ex is 32 extremely attractive in every way . My new partner is 37 so a slightly less age gap , I do find her attractive and am very fond of her but I now feel the ex and I have unfinished business. Iv asked the ex for her reasons for wanting to give it another go ie. loneliness or perhaps not liking the fact iv moved on etc but as I said above she reckons she still loves and misses me . I guess my question is ...Does going back to a ex ever work ? Or should I just put the past behind me and go with the safe bet of my new partner , I am very fond of her but it’s just not as exciting lust and fun factor wise .. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Itsnotyou Posted November 11, 2018 Posted November 11, 2018 Hello, How are you today? This is my very first time on a forum and my very first reply. So here's what I think: -according to your post you've mentioned that you were no contact with your ex for around ten weeks. It's quite recent therefore the breakup. I wonder if the current relationship therefore was a bit of a rebound? As to really envision someone in your future you have to have moved beyond the 'honeymoon phase' to see clearly where each of you stands. Do you think that you are sure about this lovely woman you are with? -you also mention the lack of excitement, lust or fun in the current relationship? Are these deal-breakers for you? Or would you rather be with someone who instead is ready to be loyal, committed and consistent with you? -lastly, you mentioned unfinished business with your ex. I assume that might be that you still love her. I am sorry perhaps i have confused you further than respond to your issue. According to me, love is a consistent choice to be with someone everyday no matter the circumstances, situations or debilities (unless the relationship has an addict, abuser or such then it's better to leave for one's own safety). Likewise, it would be unfair to base a relationship through the variables of excitement, lust or fun because that would also subside after some months or years. In short, if you still love your ex beyond reasonable doubt and see a great future with her then the answer lies within you to do what seems best. I don't believe anybody could perhaps guide you if it's the right choice or the wrong one. I hope maybe somewhere the response helps if not I wish you lots of good luck.
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2018 Posted November 11, 2018 Your relationship with the EX was short, 9 months. At age 45 that is brief. You never even made it through a full year together. It's been about 10 weeks / 2.5 months since you have been apart. That is not very long. You say you "sorted" your work stress & you now have a new relationship. You work at lightening speed there. Both tell me you have not addressed anything. You may be one of those people who can't stand to be alone. You took absolutely no time to reflect, to process to really understand what happened or how to prevent it from occurring again. Until you get a meaningful handle on your own emotions & reactions, you may not be a good match for either. If you can throw over the new woman so easily to go back to the EX the new one is only a rebound & you just used her to not be alone. Don't you think she deserves better? I doubt things will work with the EX but I think you need some time alone outside of a relationship to heal & process.
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