T_April Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 I was dating my ex for 7 months. We both said it was the best relationship we'd ever been in. We had fun together, our differences balanced each other out, we made each other better people, we were both committed. He was going to meet my family at Thanksgiving. Then, out of the blue, he dumped me after a fight we had on Tuesday last week. It was a dumb fight that started because we were at a karaoke party and he wandered off without saying anything, and when I asked him about it he got defensive. Anyway, the main issue in our relationship is that I have anxiety, depression, and a history of anorexia (although I do not actively suffer from that before). He does not experience any of these issues and would get frustrated when I would become highly emotional. This first happened on the 4th of July when we were at a party and I ended up going to my car and breaking into tears. He was frustrated and annoying when I asked to leave early. This happened a few times, and I never really got why he couldn't be more supportive. I thought he was just being insensitive. On Tuesday, our fight turned into me having an anxiety attack which meant I was up almost all night crying. He canceled our Halloween plans the next day and wouldn't see me for two days. Then when he came over on Friday, he broke up with me, saying things like "I just can't do this," "I'm not ready for a relationship," "I wish I could give you the time and energy you deserve from a boyfriend," etc. I'm heartbroken. I'd taken those two days apart to create a plan for how we could handle my anxiety in the future so it wouldn't hurt our relationship. I told him that and asked for a chance to do better, but he wouldn't give it to me. He said he still loves me, but stuck firm to breaking up. We talked the day after the breakup, and I got a better understanding of why these events were a big issue. But the thing is, he never explained it to me before or told me what a big deal it was, so I never saw this coming. I feel hurt and betrayed and just want a chance to prove I can do better. But of course he still thinks breaking up is the best idea. I think these issues are ones we can address. Since breaking up, I've been working on myself, doing therapy, etc. This has been the worst breakup of my life. I can barely sleep. I have no appetite. I cry all the time. I miss him so much. I just want him back and I really believe that if we got back together we could make things work. He wants to stay in touch, but he also seems like he's moving on. For example, he picked up an extra evening weekend shift at work that he wouldn't have done if we were still dating. I'm trying to give him space but I can't help but want him back. Do you think I have a chance? What should I do? Help!
stillafool Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 The emotions you are feeling right now after the breakup are normal. Loss of appetite, sleep and fatigue. However constant anxiety needs medical treatment and I'm glad to hear you are now in therapy. To expect another person to have the tools to deal with your constant anxiety is asking a lot; especially for a young person. He wasn't wrong to break up because your anxiety was affecting his mental health. I think it would be wise for you to finish treatment for your anxiety before you enter your next relationship or the same thing will happen again.
Zahara Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 It’s a step forward that you’re seeking therapy and working on yourself but change can’t be accomplished overnight. Emotional instability can really grate on a partner and cause tension in a relationship and ultimately destroy it. He dated you for seven months and it’s usually a good timeline to see if someone or the relationship is right for you. He has decided it isn’t and you should let him go. Listen to what he’s saying. Stop all contact and don’t put yourself in s position of uncertainty. If you are dealing with emotional issues, focus all your energy on getting better — create a relationship with yourself first before you do with another. You’re grieving and everything that you’re feeling is normal. Lean on your friends and family and continue with your therapy and not because you want to show him change but because you want to focus on your self-development.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 It’s a step forward that you’re seeking therapy and working on yourself but change can’t be accomplished overnight. Emotional instability can really grate on a partner and cause tension in a relationship and ultimately destroy it. He dated you for seven months and it’s usually a good timeline to see if someone or the relationship is right for you. He has decided it isn’t and you should let him go. Listen to what he’s saying. Yes, agreed with all the above. I am sure he cared about you OP, but anxiety can be extremely difficult on the sufferer's partner too. Perhaps he could have been more sensitive to your needs. And perhaps the reverse is true, as well. It is a lot to ask of a partner to tend to your highly emotional states, particularly when it's a pretty new relationship as yours was. It was likely weighing on him for some time and he finally realized it wasn't fair to keep going when he just wasn't into it anymore. Just for more context, what was it that triggered you back in July that had you breaking down crying in your car and wanting to leave the party? You say these sorts of episodes happened a few times, so I would be curious to hear more about what brought them on.
d0nnivain Posted November 10, 2018 Posted November 10, 2018 You broke up in part because he can't handle dating somebody with anxiety. You will always have anxiety. Even when you eventually get it under control, which will take time & therapy, it will always be there below the surface & he will never be able to handle it. So as much as you want him back, it's not gonna happen because he doesn't want it to. I'm sorry.
Recommended Posts