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Got her back but might dump her again!


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Posted

So me and my Girlfriend have been together for 2 years and a bit, one month of that was broken up. We moved in with each other really quick and she leaned on me while she was completing her masters degree. We also still lived with each other during our break up.

 

The reason for our break up was that I felt like she wasn't putting enough effort into the relationship to keep me satisfied, e.g 2 weeks before i broke up with her i let her know that I wanted her to dress nice for me on a few dates but failed to even do her hair nicely and didn't wear nice outing clothes and couldn't talk to me in a normal voice (she used a cute bubbly tone, like how you talk to an animal) and knew that if some other guy came along she would start putting in effort. And in the car after a date i was trying to tell her these things then she brought up another guy that she worked with and I saw that as a challenge and broke up with her.

 

I admit I done a naughty and read her texts about 3 weeks into the break up and saw some rather vulgar texts exchanged between the two of them and my heart just sank (especially since she wanted me to keep sleeping in the bed and would be cuddly and put her face right close to mine). She was sexting like she never done before with him and was saying how she was already falling for him.

 

She ended up sleeping and sucked him off in the back of her car and I remember then night it happened because i was in the lounge and she came home and looked at me then felt embarrassed. She never told me the whole time and I asked her if she slept with someone else and she said no and made me question what i read... But that was just a flat out lie.

 

Turns out the guy was a total douche and was doing this to multiple women and asked me if i've seen john tucker must die and yeah... a little cringey but

She later came back to me and I took her back... I was in an emotionally desperate state of hurt so i didn't use my best logic at that time.

 

5 months down the line I moved in with a friend and shes still my girlfriend, things do seem better but i just feel this absurd betrayal and have trouble deciding if I want to continue this relationship. Shes a really sweet girl but these choices she made certainly contradict that. Shes totally enamored by me and tells me how much she loves me and wants to be with me... but she also said that to some guy (who was definitely just going hunting) 3 weeks in!

 

I apologize for posting my entire life story, theres alot more to it (as in most cases) but this is just eating away at me! please some expert opinions and advice would be highly appreciated!!

Posted

Hi,

 

So when I just read that I thought “he’s better than her” sounds terrible but it sounds like she was using his attention to make herself feel better....

Girls seem to do that more than guys do....

 

Is she quite young?

 

I suppose in some ways it was when you were broken up but it’s still pretty disgusting that she was acting like that with you but did that....

 

To me, you can do better but if you want it to work...

I would have an open and honest conversation with her about it, not in anger just calmly and see if she can put any of what you’re feeling to rest... if she can’t then maybe reconsider?

 

I admit, when I’ve felt not good enough for a guy there’s been times I’ve used other guys (unintentionally) to build myself back up... no excuse but it had no reflection on how I really felt about the person I loved, it was how I felt about myself or how he had been making me feel.. I’m mature when that stuff happens now but that’s definitely something I could see a lot of girls doing if their confidence is low.

 

Hope you work it out

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted (edited)

she's 23 and i was 23 at the time... I tried to kiss her 3 times but she rejected everyone of them so i pulled back but she came back after being really upset about the other guy for 3 days. I guess i'm still a little traumatized because we lived together during that whole ordeal and I managed to do enough things right to not completely put her off of me because i really wanted her back, but i'm just a little traumatized from watching every phase happen in front of me.. We've definitely talked and have had heated discussions and what you said is pretty much how she felt. She also really liked the guy.

I've given myself a week away from her to make my mind up so hopefully i pick the right desicion.

Thankyou!

Edited by Yuriznotyourz
Posted

Trouble is that when you break up with someone they tend to go out and find someone else which is what your "ex at the time" did.

Unfortunately after the break up, you were still cohabiting and you snooped her texts so you were right in the middle of something normally that would have occurred out of your sight.

When you break up with someone you lose the right to "exclusivity", they are free to do what they like. You cannot really blame her for bad choices when you were the one who dumped her.

 

Personally I am not a great believer in reconciliation after a break up, as the problems before the break up, tend to stick around and on top of that, there is the added complication of dating/sleeping with third parties during the break up, to get over too...

  • Like 2
Posted
Trouble is that when you break up with someone they tend to go out and find someone else which is what your "ex at the time" did.

Unfortunately after the break up, you were still cohabiting and you snooped her texts so you were right in the middle of something normally that would have occurred out of your sight.

When you break up with someone you lose the right to "exclusivity", they are free to do what they like. You cannot really blame her for bad choices when you were the one who dumped her.

 

Personally I am not a great believer in reconciliation after a break up, as the problems before the break up, tend to stick around and on top of that, there is the added complication of dating/sleeping with third parties during the break up, to get over too...

 

 

I agree with Elaine. I don't think getting back together is ever a good idea. There was a breakup for a reason. The person who broke it off doesn't deserve a second chance, in my opinion.

  • Like 1
Posted

you both don't really seem like you're that compatible to be honest. You want her to act in a different way than she really is, basically your expectations of a partner are not within her; and she isn't fulfilled in the relationship either, emotionally and or physically.

  • Author
Posted

Thank you all for your opinions, i have taken it all in and have decided to take her on a date on tuesday night and will treat it with an open mind and base my decision off of that :) I will update this in a weeks time if anyone is still curious, please keep an open mind as there is still alot of positives to our relationship and we can always grow and I can always change my approach to at anytime. No matter what desicion i make i will still cherish her for all our positive memories instead of the negative.

Thank you

Posted

Before the breakup when she mentioned a guy she worked with, what did she say about him?

  • Author
Posted

she said he was calling her cute, and was doing chivalrous things like opening doors for her. But in the moment she heavily implied that hes her back up.

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