geotaz Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 Bit of advice needed, met this girl through a dating app (both in our late 20’s). We have been on 5 dates in total but neither of us have made a move, at the end of each date we have always hugged but that is literally as far as it goes. Regarding the 5 dates they included; Dinner, Bowling, Lunch, Drinks & home cooked meal. My biggest issue is that I have always seen her as way out of my league, she is by far the best-looking girl that I have dated which has caused me to almost hold off from making a move due to the fear of making a mistake and pushing her away. With each date the conversation has flown well and has never felt awkward & always managed to make each other laugh. The conversation offline however can sometimes feel a bit slower. For the next date I have decided on a trip to London: Dinner, Comedy show, followed by a drink or two at a roof top bar. My question is I want to make a move to ensure that she knows I am interested but I do not want to make things awkward. Any advice is honestly welcome
Chilli Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 Shyt , pretty full on dates ya doin there , if it was me l would've preferred some simple time after one or two , just be together , talk , cuddle, walk, all this busy busy wouldn't be helping the cause. Anyway , you better do something next time or it'll just get too weird, she'll already be wondering wtf. And don't forget to hold her hand, put your arm around her and things too as your walking or sitting whatever you've gotta start touching and make sure you kiss next time. Look at it this way , if she's not interested then your wasting your time anyway.
40somethingGuy Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 Bit of advice needed, met this girl through a dating app (both in our late 20’s). We have been on 5 dates in total but neither of us have made a move, at the end of each date we have always hugged but that is literally as far as it goes. Regarding the 5 dates they included; Dinner, Bowling, Lunch, Drinks & home cooked meal. My biggest issue is that I have always seen her as way out of my league, she is by far the best-looking girl that I have dated which has caused me to almost hold off from making a move due to the fear of making a mistake and pushing her away. With each date the conversation has flown well and has never felt awkward & always managed to make each other laugh. The conversation offline however can sometimes feel a bit slower. For the next date I have decided on a trip to London: Dinner, Comedy show, followed by a drink or two at a roof top bar. My question is I want to make a move to ensure that she knows I am interested but I do not want to make things awkward. Any advice is honestly welcome It is common for the girl to be 'hotter' than the guy. If you don't escalate next time, you may as well say 'I have no confidence and you are out of my league.' Just act like an equal. You had 5 dates for a reason but she will take you as not confident if you don't escalate. I mean, you never kissed? Doesn't mean you have to have sex yet but show her your attraction. You already showed her you're willing to take it slow.
Highndry Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 She already knows you're interested by taking her on the dates, but you are taking way too long to escalate things and you're going to lose her if you don't. I'm honestly surprised she agreed to a 6th date after the 5th date of a home-cooked meal didn't lead to anything.
Mrin Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 She's already probably getting annoyed. And making up stories that you're either not attracted to her or gay. There are a finite number of minutes in the day that she is going to think about you - do you want her thinking "wtf is wrong with me/him - does he even like me?" or do you want her wondering what your kids would look like? Agree on the next extravagant date. Plan something with some private time.
Art Anderson Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 I don't know where you live but for us North Americans, going to London is a big, expensive deal. You're both in your late 20's. That would place you as well off (or about to go broke), and she's a woman, not a girl. What's she got going for her besides looks? You're probably in the same league when you add your respective points. I'm very average in looks, but called "handsome" frequently. Doesn't get me anywhere. I can totally disappear and be ignored in a room. When I was young, there was a girl I grew up with through at least ten years of friendship. She looked like an actress you can Google called Lynda Day George. One time we went to a banquet, sat at an empty table for 6 and when I came back from one minute to get drinks, there were 5 guys sitting around her, no room for me. But to me she was just Michelle and we had fun together. Same thing happened in my late 20's. Took my then girl friend of 3 years to an Italian restaurant, went to wash my hands and came back to 3 waiters hovering over her competing to get whatever she desired. "C'mon guys." Italians. LOL. She's hopefully just a normal person; same for you. Just relax and enjoy the company. Maybe cool it with the extravagance and concentrate on getting to really know her from the inside. Somewhere in her psyche, she's probably got insecurities and foibles you don't know about yet.
damni Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 I am surprised you are even getting a 6th date at the pace you are going at. 1
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 Ummmmm she knows you are interested in her...because you keep taking her out....she's interested in you....because she keeps saying yes to the dates.....stop making this a Mexican stand off....be a man and show her some affection before she starts thinking you are too insecure with yourself. Confidence is sexy, so use it!
Gretchen12 Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 You're judging a book by its cover. This is actually not quite fair to her, as a person is more than just looks. I am saying this with the intention to help you psych yourself up: some of the most beautiful people are also the most messed up, so the relationship may not work out long term anyway. Some beautiful people are actually extremely insecure. I went out with this really hot guy. Wow! he looked like a hollywood hearthrob, and so sincere, such a gentleman. Unfortunately in relationship he was a basket case due to genetics for mental illness. Dang.... So don't worry, don't believe yourself as being out of her league. Afterall, there might be a reason why she's not taken yet. Go for it!
PRW Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 You're going to screw it up with the mentality that you have. You are coming from a state of fearfulness, "unworthiness", and are going to push it hard and fast to "lock her down" because you think some other guy will steal her from you. Ironically, that kind of attitude, and the action taken based on it, will end up causing exactly that to happen. Every guy, no matter who they are, has a certain amount of insecurities. If you are approaching a situation with a girl that you have this idea of she's "Out of My League" then you are going to hit a point where you will not be able to cover your insecurities (and that kind of view point IS an insecurity) and she will lose interest in you. When you notice her doing that you will panic and push even harder to try to "save" it, which will only make it worse,...and you go down in flames. The first video in the links below is probably the most relevant to you, but you need to watch both. She's So Hot! Dating Out of Your League 1
Juha Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 dude you're in the friend zone I think this may be true, I would not be planning any expensive date to London without knowing where you stand. You need to do a little something before the London date and kiss her to make sure she is interested. Last thing you want to be doing is wasting your time/money on someone not interested in you romantically. Get moving and go for the kiss, touch her lower back when holding the door for her, etc. Ramp up the touching and kiss. You need to know, since she has not initiated anything physical I tend to agree with Alphamale about friendzone If she was really interested in you romantically she would have given you the red carpet by now to initiate a kiss, unless you just have no clue and missed them. Also if she was interested in you she has probably lost that by now with your lack of initiative.
PRW Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 Quote: Originally Posted by alphamale dude you're in the friend zone I think this may be true, I would not be planning any expensive date to London without knowing where you stand. I don't think he is in the friend zone just yet,...but is heading there. The very act of trying to "find out where he stands" will dump him in the friend zone almost immediately. Worrying about where he stands is a position of weakness. He has one simple job,...make the dates,...hang out, and have fun. And...kiss her for crying out loud. Aim for that spot right under her nose. If she rejects it or gives him the cheek then he is in the friend zone. 1
BMWN52 Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 I don't think he is in the friend zone just yet,...but is heading there. The very act of trying to "find out where he stands" will dump him in the friend zone almost immediately. Worrying about where he stands is a position of weakness. He has one simple job,...make the dates,...hang out, and have fun. And...kiss her for crying out loud. Aim for that spot right under her nose. If she rejects it or gives him the cheek then he is in the friend zone. DUDE, go for the kiss. If she pulls away then you know shes either shy or not attracted to you anymore. I've done this test on first dates. One girl was immediately turned on and things escalated from there. The other, hesitated a bit. But did kiss me and she ended up flaking out on the second date anyways. Works like a charm, don't worry about being overly aggressive. If shes into you she'll accept your advances if not you'll know. 1
Juha Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 I don't think he is in the friend zone just yet,...but is heading there. The very act of trying to "find out where he stands" will dump him in the friend zone almost immediately. Worrying about where he stands is a position of weakness. He has one simple job,...make the dates,...hang out, and have fun. And...kiss her for crying out loud. Aim for that spot right under her nose. If she rejects it or gives him the cheek then he is in the friend zone. That is exactly what I said??? He needs to know where he stands with her by trying to kiss her and ramping up the touching. You never ask where you stand and if you read what I wrote you will see I never advocated that. Gotta know where you stand with her by touching and going to kiss her. If she does not kiss you then you know where you stand and I would be moving on down the road 1
PRW Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 DUDE, go for the kiss. If she pulls away then you know shes either shy or not attracted to you anymore. I've done this test on first dates. One girl was immediately turned on and things escalated from there. The other, hesitated a bit. But did kiss me and she ended up flaking out on the second date anyways. Works like a charm, don't worry about being overly aggressive. If shes into you she'll accept your advances if not you'll know. Yep. Well I often don't on the FD, but for different reasons. Most often I am the one that isn't sure I want the kiss. It's like I don't want to start something that I am not willing to finish. I find very few that I want to even ask on a 2nd date, so I'm not clouding my own judgement by kissing on the FD. I'm not the one worried about what date I'm going to make it past, I'm more focused on what date they are going to make it past with me.
CollinW Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 You're already in the friend zone. A good looking woman will implicitly implore you to escalate. The fact that you are doing all this expensive extravagant stuff to advance opposed to actually building physical connection shows at this point you're just a simp to her. Either seal the deal before London or stop wasting resources and energy. 1
PRW Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 That is exactly what I said???We're on the same page.
guest569 Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 Leagues are bs. She's going on dates with you. She likes you. Do you usually have low self esteem? Either way, get her off the pedestal. The next date sounds fun. Bring in some hand holding and a kiss goodbye?
mortensorchid Posted November 10, 2018 Posted November 10, 2018 When I read something like this, I never cease to be amazed at something that I always thought was true when I was a kid but realize more and more as an adult to not to be true : Men are not men anymore, they're boys when it comes to women. If you like her, TAKE THE CHANCE. TAKE THE RISK. Women like it when men take the chance and say "I love you" or want to have a serious relationship. And they don't initiate or let it slide, or go for someone who is lesser than they are. If you like this woman, don't let her go.
Art_Critic Posted November 10, 2018 Posted November 10, 2018 IMO no girl is out of your league, women are just people like yourself... BTW.. remember the hot crazy matrix applies as well...
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