GF sent me “I want to see you” at 5am, but she can’t find the time?

[Occitanie]

Just a head’s up:

 

My GF is a student nurse in her 2 year. She’s had to redo the year. She’s also on an internship till December and has a part time job on top of that too. We’ve been together for 5 months.

 

 

Last week on Thursday she sends me a message at 5:00am saying “I want to see you”

 

I replied later on: “I want to see you too, when are you free?” She tells me she can’t because of exams during the week and finishing her internship late on the weekend.

 

I say “Sounds like your schedule is backed up, get in touch when you’ve got some time and we can organise something then”

 

3 days later she asks me how I am - I try asking her out again, to no avail.

 

3 days later on Sunday she sends another “How are you?” Text.

 

Went back and forth a couple of times but then I said I was exhausted and going to bed.

 

What the hell is going on?

[d0nnivain]

What's going on is she's swamped & scared. She has a lot of pressure but she misses you.

 

Try this. Even while studying she has to eat. Offer to bring her food for 1/2 hour.

 

Try to be more understanding until exams are over.

[Occitanie]

What's going on is she's swamped & scared. She has a lot of pressure but she misses you.

 

Try this. Even while studying she has to eat. Offer to bring her food for 1/2 hour.

 

Try to be more understanding until exams are over.

 

So you think it’s down to her busy exceptionally busy and not a loss in interest?

 

I like your idea...

 

Yeah, she said her internship finishes next month, so I can only wait now - there’s nothing else we can do but wait.

 

I miss her too, but I also understand that her studies, passing her exams, and doing well are her priorities.

[d0nnivain]

So you think it’s down to her busy exceptionally busy and not a loss in interest?

 

I don't know any more then what you posted. Sure it's possible that she met somebody but if that was the case she probably wouldn't be texting you when she has a free moment at 5 a.m.

 

She has obligations: a job, an internship, her studies & you. Of that list, you are the most flexible so until the others are complete, you get short shrift.

[Redhead14]

What's going on is she's swamped & scared. She has a lot of pressure but she misses you.

 

Try this. Even while studying she has to eat. Offer to bring her food for 1/2 hour.

 

Try to be more understanding until exams are over.

 

I agree with this thinking. But, if she can text why can't they have an actual phone call? That would be a little more of a quality connection anyway and feel more substantial in terms of missing each other.

 

I get that they are younger and texting seems to be "the way" nowadays but, in this case, they need to put a little more quality in their communication. It doesn't need to be a long conversation. But if my SO and I can't see each other for a few days or so, a good night phone call makes us both feel better and recharges our connection.

[ExpatInItaly]

How often do you and she actually speak to each other?

 

I recall your other threads, and strongly got the impression that this was more of a casual arrangement than a solid relationship.

[Occitanie]

How often do you and she actually speak to each other?

 

I recall your other threads, and strongly got the impression that this was more of a casual arrangement than a solid relationship.

 

1-2 times a week now.

[Larry56]

I think the guy feels like he's doing more of the work to continue the relationship because this girl is ripping him off by taking more of the attention...and leaving him feeling used.

 

I suspect even if he does offer to bring lunch to this oh-so-busy girl she'll just reject him.

 

Then what are you all gonna say? Try harder. Lol.

 

Look...if you're putting in 50% and she isn't trying to put in more than 25%...

 

She's full of it. Most women are obsessed about men. I know there is some hardcore tiger parenting out there, but girls who are excited about men....tend to want to try to see the guy REGARDLESS of her schedule.

[ExpatInItaly]

I suspect even if he does offer to bring lunch to this oh-so-busy girl she'll just reject him.

 

Then what are you all gonna say? Try harder. Lol.

 

Actually, no. Quite the opposite.

 

There comes a point when it's time to concede that one person just isn't that interested anymore. I don't know if that's the case here (though I am starting to wonder that, too) but I would not tell someone to try harder when their significant other isn't reciprocating.

[smackie9]

She keeps reaching out so you will know she hasn't lost interest. She's had to redo the year, so she's making sure she doesn't f*&^ up this time and she knows she needs to be full on focused.....have some patience and be supportive.

[Occitanie]

She keeps reaching out so you will know she hasn't lost interest. She's had to redo the year, so she's making sure she doesn't f*&^ up this time and she knows she needs to be full on focused.....have some patience and be supportive.

 

I hope that’s the case.

 

I wouldn’t want to get in the way of her succeeding this year, if she’s still interested and, like you say, she’s full on focused in passing this year, then of course I will be patient.

 

I just miss spending time with her, and from time to time it’s difficult.

[ExpatInItaly]

I hope that’s the case.

 

I wouldn’t want to get in the way of her succeeding this year, if she’s still interested and, like you say, she’s full on focused in passing this year, then of course I will be patient.

 

I just miss spending time with her, and from time to time it’s difficult.

 

And this is perfectly normal.

 

I think you two would benefit from simply talking more. Keeping communication open and consistent is key in a relationship, especially when you rarely see each other. It doesn't mean you need to spend hours on the phone every day, but an actual phone call a couple times a week shouldn't be too much of a strain.

[guest569]

I agree with this thinking. But, if she can text why can't they have an actual phone call? That would be a little more of a quality connection anyway and feel more substantial in terms of missing each other.

 

I get that they are younger and texting seems to be "the way" nowadays but, in this case, they need to put a little more quality in their communication. It doesn't need to be a long conversation. But if my SO and I can't see each other for a few days or so, a good night phone call makes us both feel better and recharges our connection.

 

I say “Sounds like your schedule is backed up, get in touch when you’ve got some time and we can organise something then”

 

3 days later she asks me how I am - I try asking her out again, to no avail.

 

It doesn't sound like OP wants texts or phone calls. He wants to see her or for her to shut up until she is free? He is also not initiating any communication. It doesn't seem that a daily phone call is their thing. Maybe she hesitates to reach out because she will feel guilty about not being able to meet.

 

I agree you should just call her and suggest the food idea from donnovain, rather than asking her out. I know what it's like but always need time out for eating and thinking and a debrief with the partner. But make it easier for her. She might struggle to plan when she's swamped.

[carhill]

What the hell is going on?

 

A healthy relationship with you isn't a priority right now.

 

Funny how men went through all this stuff for centuries and still had time for romancing women.

 

Personally, if it wasn't flowing for me, I'd date other women. No sense in getting all invested in one for whom I'm not a remote priority at such a young age. She's busy, she's focused. Good on her. I hope she's successful in life.

 

I get this stuff all the time from women. Long, long history so I know the game. It's an emotional grab. At 5am she could've texted you let's meet for a quick breakfast at xxxx. I miss you. No big deal, spend less time on nails and hair and have breakfast with boyfriend then off to school, work whatever. Priorities.

[ThorntonMelon]

A healthy relationship with you isn't a priority right now.

 

Funny how men went through all this stuff for centuries and still had time for romancing women.

 

Personally, if it wasn't flowing for me, I'd date other women. No sense in getting all invested in one for whom I'm not a remote priority at such a young age. She's busy, she's focused. Good on her. I hope she's successful in life.

 

I get this stuff all the time from women. Long, long history so I know the game. It's an emotional grab. At 5am she could've texted you let's meet for a quick breakfast at xxxx. I miss you. No big deal, spend less time on nails and hair and have breakfast with boyfriend then off to school, work whatever. Priorities.

 

+1. Nailed It.

[smackie9]

OP can do one of 3 things....stick it out and keep communicating, request a compromise and meet up for short dates, or ditch her and date other women...and when she's done with whatever she can reach out again, if he's still single.

[Interstellar]

The nursing program is very, very demanding and stressful. Have her set up the time and place then. If she had to redo the year that means she didn’t pass the course. That sucks big time, plus there’s this emotional toll that comes with it. Be supportive of her and keep it positive.

Edited November 12, 2018 by Interstellar

[Juha]

I would agree that, yes she is very busy with everything but not being able to carve out any time in a week to just have a meal, coffee, or something together would not be something I would be liking or someone I would be investing much in until they could/would pull their half of the relationship.

 

I would be engaging with her but dating other women and if/when her schedule slows down and she makes time to see you see how it goes.

 

I would not be standing by waiting when the other person is not pulling anywhere near their share of the relationship weight...

[Occitanie]

Thought I would give you an update:

 

Last night she asked me if I would be interested to go to Sevilla with her. She’s planned the trip, booked the flights and the hotel. We’re going on January.

 

She’s also coming over this weekend with a bottle of wine and we’re making dinner together.

 

All’s good.

[d0nnivain]

Glad things are more positive. Do expect that she may need a few days after your trip. All that togetherness makes people crave solitude when they get back.

[Occitanie]

Glad things are more positive. Do expect that she may need a few days after your trip. All that togetherness makes people crave solitude when they get back.

 

Thanks for the heads up!