Author dateme Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 I agree. OP,...you talked for a month or more before you met,...why didn't you ask? The first time you met (when you finally did) you had sex the first time you met, so you are both playing it pretty "loose". You don't really have much to criticize her for that isn't pointing back at you too. Think about her,...she chats with a guy long distance, eventually travels to where he is and jumps in bed with him the first time they meet,...a guy who in reality she barely knows. How often do you think she does that? How many guys do you think she's been with? I'm sure there are a lot of them close at hand that she doesn't have to travel for. Why travel with all the nearby guys? Did she wear out her welcome? Has she been with all of them already and needs some new stuff? It would be a miracle that a girl like that would not have a kid. We met 6 months ago. And we've been in touch. We talked a lot. It's been a friendly flirty thing. She was supposed to come 3 months ago but it fell apart. Then she finally was able to come. She's coming back in Jan. She's not my gf just fwb and a good friend. She travels all over the country having fun. It was just surprising because I never had to know.
Author dateme Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 I wouldnt tell people i have kids. Only cos i got be careful of pedos, they target woman with kids. Then women with kids shouldn't talk to men. Just meet them for fun and move on.
Author dateme Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 How is the fact she has a child relevant if you're not dating or seeking a relationship? It will have exactly ZERO effect on you. She should have kept it to herself. We're fwb. Why does anyone need to know she has a child? 1
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 It was a fwb thing. But she didn't have to tell me. I would have never known. Right so what difference does it make? If you were trying for an LTR & you were expected to interact with this child, yes, you needed to know. But when she was with you, she was a woman looking for a good time which you presumably gave her. She was not in mommy mode. She probably felt more comfortable with you so she overshared. As much as she thinks she's OK with NSA sex / FWB be careful she's not catching feelings for you. 1
basil67 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 She should have kept it to herself. We're fwb. Why does anyone need to know she has a child? First you say she should have told you. Now you're saying she should have kept it to herself. Which is it? Also, notice the F in FWB. F = friends. And friends naturally open up and share stuff as they get more comfortable with each other. 5
basil67 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Then women with kids shouldn't talk to men. Just meet them for fun and move on. How does a woman go about meeting men for fun if she shouldn't talk to them? 2
kendahke Posted November 8, 2018 Posted November 8, 2018 Then women with kids shouldn't talk to men. No, that's not how life works for the mature. Just meet them for fun and move on. Ummmm... that's what she was doing when you started clutching your pearls. 1
Author dateme Posted November 8, 2018 Author Posted November 8, 2018 How does a woman go about meeting men for fun if she shouldn't talk to them? It's not serious. If she is liking me it would be. It was just weird is all.
bathtub-row Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 Since you guys talked for that amount of time, your instincts are right that something is off about her not telling you. It’s a lie by omission.
grays Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 (edited) You’re all over the place, OP. First it was entrapment to tell you late in the game. Now it would’ve been more upstanding for her to not tell you at all. I think she was thinking fwb’s but you were hoping for more. She’s not looking for a daddy, but bc you want to be with her, her having a kid means you have to be a daddy if you wanna really be with her. I think you’re the one who’s stepping out of your lane, not her. Unless you guys had talked in such a way that you expected more than fwb. FWIW, I am a mom and I’m sure I’ve ****ed guys who I haven’t told. Tho I have no doubt that my body tells a lot of that story. Edited November 9, 2018 by grays 1
guest569 Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 (edited) I'm with you OP. It is bloody strange that she never mentioned her kid in 6 months of chatting. Even if this is a FWB or casual thing. However you had not yet met so I wonder how close you guys were. Maybe you weren't sharing that much info. Hard to say. I get that a lot of men and women hide the fact they have kids and hope that you'll become emotionally invested first before revealing it, which is entrapment. But in your case, I assume that "get with her" means you just wanted to meet her and maybe have sex, not get into a relationship? I get why she wouldn't post her kid all over social media and it seems like a good thing as a lot of kids have their privacy stripped nowadays and the pedos are out there. I think the "don't tell unless asked" thing sucks. I went on a first date with a guy who casually mentioned he has 2.5 kids. I hate kids. I don't want any. Always better to be honest and up front because when the truth comes out it shows that you are deliberately deceptive. I would probably ask older guys where it seems more likely, given that there a lot of shady people. Edited November 9, 2018 by smiley1
Author dateme Posted November 9, 2018 Author Posted November 9, 2018 You’re all over the place, OP. First it was entrapment to tell you late in the game. Now it would’ve been more upstanding for her to not tell you at all. I think she was thinking fwb’s but you were hoping for more. She’s not looking for a daddy, but bc you want to be with her, her having a kid means you have to be a daddy if you wanna really be with her. I think you’re the one who’s stepping out of your lane, not her. Unless you guys had talked in such a way that you expected more than fwb. FWIW, I am a mom and I’m sure I’ve ****ed guys who I haven’t told. Tho I have no doubt that my body tells a lot of that story. �� I didn't want more. It was just strange that she told me at all. I never had to even know. There was no reason to tell me.
basil67 Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 I didn't want more. It was just strange that she told me at all. I never had to even know. There was no reason to tell me. It's not strange that she opened up a bit after being with you in person. I suggest that next time you have a FWB thing going on, you make it clear from the outset that you don't want to know anything about their lives. That should fix the problem.
grays Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 I didn't want more. It was just strange that she told me at all. I never had to even know. There was no reason to tell me. This complaint makes no sense to me at all. Do you have a whole list of things you’d rather not know about the person you’re having sex with? You didn’t have to know, but is it some kind of burden to know? 1
WomenWubber Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 Maybe she needs more time for her kid, so she told you so you guys can ease up a lil bit. How often do you see each other?
Author dateme Posted November 9, 2018 Author Posted November 9, 2018 Maybe she needs more time for her kid, so she told you so you guys can ease up a lil bit. How often do you see each other? twice. once in may and last weekend. she was coming in aug but it fell through. she's coming in jan. i didn't think she likes me it was just odd.
guest569 Posted November 10, 2018 Posted November 10, 2018 I didn't want more. It was just strange that she told me at all. I never had to even know. There was no reason to tell me. I find that even stranger that you think she shouldn't tell you. Why not? If I had an 8yo kid, my whole world and life would revolve around them. So I don't get why she shouldn't tell you. FWB means there is friendship. I can't imagine hiding it from a friend.
Author dateme Posted November 10, 2018 Author Posted November 10, 2018 I find that even stranger that you think she shouldn't tell you. Why not? If I had an 8yo kid, my whole world and life would revolve around them. So I don't get why she shouldn't tell you. FWB means there is friendship. I can't imagine hiding it from a friend. It's weird to not tell someone from the beginning then tell me later. Because the dynamics didn't change. EVen if we're fwb why should I not need to know in the beginning then why tell me now. What's changed? I'll never meet her son. Why would I?
ElKay Posted November 10, 2018 Posted November 10, 2018 It's weird to not tell someone from the beginning then tell me later. Because the dynamics didn't change. EVen if we're fwb why should I not need to know in the beginning then why tell me now. What's changed? I'll never meet her son. Why would I? So... if she tells you that she loves XYZ (a specific kind of food, or some kind of music), will you be offended that she didn't tell you earlier? Or will you tell her: "I'll never make that food for you, why are you telling me this?"? 1
Author dateme Posted November 10, 2018 Author Posted November 10, 2018 So... if she tells you that she loves XYZ (a specific kind of food, or some kind of music), will you be offended that she didn't tell you earlier? Or will you tell her: "I'll never make that food for you, why are you telling me this?"? Really? A kid is like a bigger deal. I just don't understand why she told me. I get she feels more comfortable. But why now? It was just weird. 1
basil67 Posted November 10, 2018 Posted November 10, 2018 Really? A kid is like a bigger deal. I just don't understand why she told me. I get she feels more comfortable. But why now? It was just weird. Why not now? Dateme, you're seriously overthinking this. Why are you spending so much time ruminating over something which won't effect you? 1
grays Posted November 10, 2018 Posted November 10, 2018 Really? A kid is like a bigger deal. I just don't understand why she told me. I get she feels more comfortable. But why now? It was just weird. I don’t understand how you can possibly fault her either way. She doesn’t owe you a inventory of the important people in her life and she shouldn’t be required to not tell you. Really, the only thing that makes sense to me is that finding out she’s a mom has horribly modified your image of her. And that’s crappy. Why would that make her a bad person? 2
WomenWubber Posted November 10, 2018 Posted November 10, 2018 twice. once in may and last weekend. she was coming in aug but it fell through. she's coming in jan. i didn't think she likes me it was just odd. Well you are practically strangers. Maybe she just felt like telling you, it may not be a big deal for her. If her having a skid bothers you that much maybe you should stop seeing her.
Interstellar Posted November 10, 2018 Posted November 10, 2018 She's been having trouble getting a guy to date her because of the kid....so she does the, let him like me a lot first to get him hooked before I tell him. IMO this is a big big red flag. Keep it casual, and wear a condom. Indeed. Be careful out there.
Author dateme Posted November 10, 2018 Author Posted November 10, 2018 Well you are practically strangers. Maybe she just felt like telling you, it may not be a big deal for her. If her having a skid bothers you that much maybe you should stop seeing her. I will. It's not so serious. I just was surprised.
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