dateme Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 So a girl I've been trying to get with for a few months came to my town and we had a great night out and had sex. We have been talking for months and we got close. She then told me she had a kid who is 8 and she doesn't tell anyone about it. I don't know if I like her not sharing before.
GinON Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 That seems very odd to me. I have 2 kids and if my marriage fails it would be hard for me to not tell someone I had kids. Its nearly the first thing out of my mouth when I speak to anyone.
Author dateme Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 That seems very odd to me. I have 2 kids and if my marriage fails it would be hard for me to not tell someone I had kids. Its nearly the first thing out of my mouth when I speak to anyone. I thought the same thing.
Logo Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 She might have thought it was going to scare you off if she told you that from the get go, so she waited until she was sure you liked her and then she told you. 1
basil67 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 How much time did you spend getting to know her before you asked her out? I'm trying to work out if it was deliberate omission on her part or if she simply didn't know you well.
Author dateme Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 How much time did you spend getting to know her before you asked her out? I'm trying to work out if it was deliberate omission on her part or if she simply didn't know you well. We live in different states. We've been trying to link up for 6 months. We've talked several times.
Author dateme Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 She might have thought it was going to scare you off if she told you that from the get go, so she waited until she was sure you liked her and then she told you. Yeah but still. That's like entrapment.
basil67 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 (edited) We live in different states. We've been trying to link up for 6 months. We've talked several times. I'm guessing you didn't talk long enough and frequently enough to find out what her average weekend looks like. Edited November 7, 2018 by basil67 2
basil67 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Yeah but still. That's like entrapment. No, entrapment is putting a hole in a condom. This is just a case of you getting to know her far better than you had before. 3
Author dateme Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 I'm guessing you didn't talk long enough and frequently enough to find out what her average weekend looks like. I knew she partied. She told me and she posts everything. I met her at a party event. So I went and looked at all her social media pics and there is a pic of her child from 7 years ago. I don't blame her for not posting her child but that's not right to with hold that info. And we're not dating we're friends who finally got together. She may not want to be my gf but she asked me to go on a cruise with her and her best female friend. She seems like she wants to spend more time. Even if it's a fwb thing it's still kinda shystie.
Art_Critic Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Did you ask her ? She didn't hide it.. she didn't share it with you till she felt comfortable sharing it then she shared it.. Just because you go on a date with someone that doesn't give you the right to all the info in their lives in the short 3 hours you are together... If this was OLD it would be different as the profiles allow for this item but IRL things are more organic and take more time. I take it you have an issue with her having a child ? if so it's okay to bail because of the child.. but if you don't then I think the bar is too high that you are setting for her.. give it some time.. 2
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 From the way you phrased your initial Q & express yourself in this post you seem young to me & definitely give off the fancy free vibe. Of course she didn't volunteer that she was a mom because she knew that you'd bail. If she shields her child from her partying ways & keeps the young kid off social media she has some sense. This woman lives in a different state. She is well aware that you are not daddy material. She was DTF & may have used you for sex. So calm down. She withheld info you a). didn't ask about and b). didn't need before deciding to get busy with her. Nobody talked about you being anything but FWB so what difference does her parental status make? You are never going to get within miles of this kid. 4
smackie9 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 She's been having trouble getting a guy to date her because of the kid....so she does the, let him like me a lot first to get him hooked before I tell him. IMO this is a big big red flag. Keep it casual, and wear a condom. 2
kendahke Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 So a girl I've been trying to get with for a few months came to my town and we had a great night out and had sex. We have been talking for months and we got close. She then told me she had a kid who is 8 and she doesn't tell anyone about it. I don't know if I like her not sharing before. She probably didn't tell you because of this right here. She already knows having a child and being single is judgment fertilizer--she probably keeps it to herself until after she's had time to gauge the maturity of the man she's dealing with. 2
kendahke Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 From the way you phrased your initial Q & express yourself in this post you seem young to me & definitely give off the fancy free vibe. Of course she didn't volunteer that she was a mom because she knew that you'd bail. If she shields her child from her partying ways & keeps the young kid off social media she has some sense. This woman lives in a different state. She is well aware that you are not daddy material. She was DTF & may have used you for sex. So calm down. She withheld info you a). didn't ask about and b). didn't need before deciding to get busy with her. Nobody talked about you being anything but FWB so what difference does her parental status make? You are never going to get within miles of this kid. ^^^^^All. Of. This. Here.
kendahke Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Yeah but still. That's like entrapment. No it's not. It was information on a "need to know" basis and you didn't need to know until she told you. What you constructed in your imagination about who/what she is is on you, not her. 1
PRW Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 (edited) No it's not. It was information on a "need to know" basis and you didn't need to know until she told you. What you constructed in your imagination about who/what she is is on you, not her. I agree. OP,...you talked for a month or more before you met,...why didn't you ask? The first time you met (when you finally did) you had sex the first time you met, so you are both playing it pretty "loose". You don't really have much to criticize her for that isn't pointing back at you too. Think about her,...she chats with a guy long distance, eventually travels to where he is and jumps in bed with him the first time they meet,...a guy who in reality she barely knows. How often do you think she does that? How many guys do you think she's been with? I'm sure there are a lot of them close at hand that she doesn't have to travel for. Why travel with all the nearby guys? Did she wear out her welcome? Has she been with all of them already and needs some new stuff? It would be a miracle that a girl like that would not have a kid. Edited November 7, 2018 by PRW
Sunlight72 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Yeah but still. That's like entrapment.Ha ha ha ha ha, right. How horrible that you had to spend part of an evening with a woman, and have sex with her! Dude, you have been hornswaggled!! Start a petition and get a new law on the ballot - this cannot continue! 3
RedHead5 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 When I was dating after my divorce, I never offered the info about my kids unless asked. I never asked them if they had kids. It usually came up after a few dates but I didn't really care either way. I also never swiped on people who said they were looking for a LTR. I did all those things because I wasn't looking for a relationship. If you are looking for something somewhat casual, good, this girl is probably emotionally unavailable like I was. If not, you should probably stop seeing her. You will likely get hurt. 1
basil67 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 And we're not dating we're friends who finally got together. She may not want to be my gf but she asked me to go on a cruise with her and her best female friend. She seems like she wants to spend more time. Even if it's a fwb thing it's still kinda shystie. How is the fact she has a child relevant if you're not dating or seeking a relationship? It will have exactly ZERO effect on you. 4
Mrs._December Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 How is the fact she has a child relevant if you're not dating or seeking a relationship? It will have exactly ZERO effect on you. That's what I was wondering - especially since the OP opens with the fact that he's been 'trying to get with her.' It's pretty obvious what the OP was looking for with this young woman. She didn't bother telling you OP because it made no difference in the fantasy online 'relationship' you were having with her. It's not like she lives next door and she hid the kid in the basement. It simply didn't matter because this isn't going anywhere (except Pound Town). 3
misspalmy Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 I wouldnt tell people i have kids. Only cos i got be careful of pedos, they target woman with kids.
IntBrowser Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 OP I can see how it can be hard to continue talking to this lady because that is a long time not to reveal you have a kid. The woman I am dating didn't tell me her living situation until it was time for us to spend a quiet evening together and found out she lives with her mom. I didn't let it stop me from dating her but I didn't think many people was able to maintain a house, car, on one salary so I was not surprised. That's a lot for one person.
Author dateme Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 From the way you phrased your initial Q & express yourself in this post you seem young to me & definitely give off the fancy free vibe. Of course she didn't volunteer that she was a mom because she knew that you'd bail. If she shields her child from her partying ways & keeps the young kid off social media she has some sense. This woman lives in a different state. She is well aware that you are not daddy material. She was DTF & may have used you for sex. So calm down. She withheld info you a). didn't ask about and b). didn't need before deciding to get busy with her. Nobody talked about you being anything but FWB so what difference does her parental status make? You are never going to get within miles of this kid. It was a fwb thing. But she didn't have to tell me. I would have never known.
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