Author Sad Girl Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 I refuse to get another boyfriend. No way will i let another person hurt me. He told me he loved me more than anything and would never leave me, but it was all a lie. I dont want anyone but him. Anyone i could be with i would compare to him because to me he was perfect. He was the only one who could make me smile, he was the one who made life worth living. No one else can do that...i know it. I wont even give anyone the chance. If its not him, then its no one because even though he hurt me i would still go back to him. I figure, he cant hurt me anymore than he already has, right? Plus the tiny fact that i still love him...
AndrewJ Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 Sad Girl, You need a holiday, you have wound yourself up so tight! You need time out to assess your situation only time alone can give u thye answers you are looking for. Take it easy;)
truelyblue Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 hey gurl, please dont say things like no one loves me or things like i cannot make friends .......its a good thing you are finally taking councelling because you have to learn to love yourself........... about what you want to do trust me its ok lots of ppl dont know tht .i know i did not... i even did an engg in information technology where i cant stand programming.........so there but look at it this way while you are doing something it helps your mind off other issues at least for sometime......... get a hobby and get into a club even if you dont like the ppl at least you will have something else to think about............seriously get out there an idle mind is honest to god the devils workshop......... thinking of ending your life etc wont help matters you wont be able to kick ass when ur no more............ think about yourself how you should move on not on the past or about how much he lied or all that he did ......... gurl take care of u first the rest will fall into place....
jimbea Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 To SadGirl: This is what to do, get a odd job doing anything at all to make a little extra cash and keep active, save it up. Spend some of it on a workout machine that'll fall apart, but it will motivate you to drop thoose 10 lbs on your own. Use the rest of that money to go on a cruise and get drunk and take your frustration out on some sailor for a 1 night stand.
Author Sad Girl Posted October 21, 2005 Author Posted October 21, 2005 Can anyone tell me why people change so much? I recenly spoke to my ex asking him how a friend of his was because he had been in a car accident. He didn't tell me, but told me stories of things he supposedly did that were SO different from the way he was before. I assume that he's just making up stories to make me mad and hurt me. It works too. I was getting a little better and he ruined it by telling these horrible stories of what he has been up to. Why is he doing this? He hates me so i think its to hurt me, but what if its not? How can someone i thought i knew so well change so dramatically so quickly..if he changed at all? Oh, and nothing is working to get him out of my head...any other thoughts aside from suicide??? I've been told thats not the best solution but i see no other way to stop the pain. If someone could get back to me quickly i would appreciate it. Keeping myself busy didnt work...while i was busy doing other things, my mind kept going back to him. Anyone have any more ideas or advice? I really could use the help because I dont know what to do anymore....
AndrewJ Posted October 21, 2005 Posted October 21, 2005 Can anyone tell me why people change so much? I recenly spoke to my ex asking him how a friend of his was because he had been in a car accident. He didn't tell me, but told me stories of things he supposedly did that were SO different from the way he was before. I assume that he's just making up stories to make me mad and hurt me. It works too. I was getting a little better and he ruined it by telling these horrible stories of what he has been up to. Why is he doing this? He hates me so i think its to hurt me, but what if its not? How can someone i thought i knew so well change so dramatically so quickly..if he changed at all? Oh, and nothing is working to get him out of my head...any other thoughts aside from suicide??? I've been told thats not the best solution but i see no other way to stop the pain. If someone could get back to me quickly i would appreciate it. Keeping myself busy didnt work...while i was busy doing other things, my mind kept going back to him. Anyone have any more ideas or advice? I really could use the help because I dont know what to do anymore.... You are mentally not all there atm. You need someone to reassure you atm. You need to rise above this situation/infactuation it's doing you harm. In the future you will laugh about it. Be strong Sad girl! It's not the end of the world
whereismylifegoing Posted October 25, 2005 Posted October 25, 2005 don't be sad. i was dating my ex for five years. i bet i was worse than you and i'm a guy...... i'll be the first to admit that i was crying and drinking myself to sleep and trying to forget about her for the longest time.....jeez it's been 4 months since my break up and my emotions have done a complete 180. i went from total depression to not giving a f*** anymore about what she is doing. in fact, i have been totally ignoring her since she trys to call and see me more, that it makes me feel good to know that i don't need her anymore. she doesn't call and harrass me though. she just wants to say "hi"...... don't ever fall for that $hit. let him go and you will see what happens..... that's all you can do...... if you need another guy to date, i'm available.
Author Sad Girl Posted November 29, 2005 Author Posted November 29, 2005 Just to let everyone know...love is all a bunch of bs...it's pointless, as is life, and don't ever fall for anything anyone says b/c it is all lies. This is what I have learned the past few months and no matter what anyone says, it's the truth. It's good to know you can't trust what anyone says...except for when they say that you're worthless. But I guess that part is true....
Leikela Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 No offense Sad Girl, but we've all taken time out of our lives to give you advice and each time you post about how rotten your life is and how much you don't trust people, etc etc... How about you take control of your life and change it and not base your worth on what others tell you?? I'm kinda sick of having to give you a pep talk each time you write your sob story. Go ahead and believe what you want about the human race. You're only letting the negative people in your life bring you down. How about you listen to a positive person for once and go seek counseling. REAL counseling... Unless you take a pro-active decision to change you're life, you'll be posting this same BS over and over. I'm getting off this roller coaster ride.... Later...
JayKay Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Sad Girl A lot of perfect strangers took time out of their lives to offer you condolences and advice. That's proof right there that people have goodness in them. You had a bad experience. Don't let that color your perception of the whole human race. And you know what? You have to take responsibility too.... You obviously chose someone wrong for you, or didn't open your eyes to the reality of what was wrong with the relationship. You made choices along the way that affected the outcome of your life. If you choose to blame everyone else for the poor outcome, you will play the victim role your whole life. Again, I urge you to get into therapy and develop a sense of self.
Author Sad Girl Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 Wow...so much for kindness here. I guess I will have to go elsewhere to get advice because all I get here is grief. Thanks so much for helping me out...I appreciate hearing from everyone (even people who don't know me at all) how horrible a person I am & how I am irritating them. I assumed if I came here I would find understanding people who would give me a break for once...guess not! Now I know never to come here AGAIN for advice, because it will not be given without rudeness. All I posted was my thoughts, but those weren't good enough for you because they aren't the same thoughts you have. I wanted to get something off my chest because I have no one else to talk to...and I got this. Thanks. By the way, if you didn't have anything nice to say, you shouldn't have said anything at all.
Walk Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Just to let everyone know...love is all a bunch of bs...it's pointless, as is life, and don't ever fall for anything anyone says b/c it is all lies. This is what I have learned the past few months and no matter what anyone says, it's the truth. It's good to know you can't trust what anyone says...except for when they say that you're worthless. But I guess that part is true.... I realize that it won't matter what I post for sadgirl since she's so mired in self-pity she can't see anything else. but what the hell.. Unfortunately, I was sadgirl for way too many years. Had this whole, 'world out to get me' view of life. Thought everyone was fake, love wasn't real, and no one could care if i fell off the face of the planet. Then I grew up. Figured out that no one will love me unless I love myself. And pushed the boundaries of what I could do, to find out who I was. I don't feel bad for you sadgirl, because you do this to yourself. Simply because the words aren't nice, doesn't make them untrue, or uncaring. When you decide you'd like to help yourself, then others will be there for you. But if you're looking for some magic wand, fairy tale outcome, then go look elsewhere. Most of us have been through your most excrutiating problem several times already. We learn from it. You have not. We continue to fight to find the truth within ourselves, but you're just a sad child who's still searching for the "forever after" without any work on your part. Good luck in life.
JayKay Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Wow, give her a little bit of tough love and she turns and snaps the hand that feeds her....
Leikela Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 We've been nothing but NICE to you Sad Girl. It's really sad to see that even TOUGH LOVE won't help you out. You're really a lot sicker than you come across in your posts. Two tough love posts and you spit in our faces. What will it take to make you feel better? Did you want us to tell you it was going to be ok? That you're a good person? WE'VE ALREADY DONE THAT!! Anyway, that needs to come from WITHIN YOU!!! When you quit judging your self-worth based on what others tell you, and you start believing in yourself then you'll be on the road to healing yourself. If you don't change your mindset, sadly, you will be SAD GIRL for the rest of your life. It's your choice...
Author Sad Girl Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 You have all told me I need to change my mindset and see things in a better light. I am trying to figure out how to do this, but I don't know how. Normally, I would go to friends or someone who cared about me...I don't have that luxury at this point...so what do I do? I'll be the first to admit I'm seriously screwed up, but I don't know anything else. All my life people have been telling me that I need to be more positive and look at the good things in life, yet the whole time these same people are telling me how terrible I am, how I'm never going to be anything, how I won't ever be happy, etc. I have always tried my hardest to be a good person, to be kind, to work hard, but I've basically gotten nothing from it. I know I'm making myself be like this, because I'm letting others dictate my thoughts, but all of my thoughts about myself are negative. This is what has been ingrained into my head for so long that its hard to see past that. And, no, I'm not blaming anyone for my problems, b/c I know they are all mine. I just can't seem to find a way to see anything positively, not right now at least. I promised myself long ago I wouldn't be dumb enough to get caught up in something like a relationship b/c to me, it seemed like a situation that would end up badly. Then something comes along & I break down the barriers to let someone into my life b/c they told me they wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Now this person tells me they lied to me & they say they hate me....basically they are telling me (and in essence, reinforcing what everyone else has said) I'm worthless. Right now, I have no sense of self because it has become so warped from everything. The thing that prevents me from moving on & trying to see things better is all the memories from my life in which people pushed me down. For some reason, I can't get rid of these memories. And yes, I am young, but it still hurts the same....I've been living with sadness and no self-esteem for so long, it's all I know now. I have no pity for myself b/c if I were normal or w/e, I could handle this like everyone else...but I'm not and I can't. It's not easy b/c I have no one to talk to about this at all...I live at home while going to school & if I wanted to get real help, I'd have to tell my parents. They have told me once before that w/e is wrong will go away & if I got counseling or therapy, it would ruin their reputations and probably my future....I mean, my own mother has told me she wouldn't care if I killed myself...this is what I'm trying to deal with and right now I'm not doing a good job. So I'm sorry that I snapped at everyone, but this is the only place where my parents don't know i'm here, I can go in anonymously, and hopefully get advice from people who have experienced what I am. I know I need some tough love, but its almost like everyone here is just turning into everyone else, telling me how its my fault & im screwed up. Anyways, sorry this is long, but I felt bad for getting angry. Everyone was so nice before and gave me lots of advice...its just that I couldn't seem to make it work in my life for many reasons. So thanks for all your help and sorry for snapping. -Sad Girl
JayKay Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Thanks for the thoughtful reply, SadGirl. I'm glad you took the time to explain things and not just run off in a huff. Are there any counselors you can talk to? You're in college, right? Why not go to the student health center and see if there's someone you can talk to? Your parents don't have to know. Your mother sounds terribly cruel...to tell you she doesn't care if you killed yourself? She obviously has deep, deep emotional issues. You are not an awful person, no matter who says it or for what reasons. It sounds like you were emotionally abused. children who come from abusive backgrounds often seek abusive types out. They are unconciously attracted to them. So this former boyfriend of yours, who tells you you're worthless, that's what you grew up with I suppose. It feels normal to you....even though it's miserable. In order for you to learn self esteem and how to have positive relationships, you need to start with a therapist who can help you re-learn how to see yourself. Are you over 18? You are an adult and can make the decision to enter therapy without your parents' consent or approval. I went to therapy for years and never told my parents. I got a job and paid for it myself. A lot of therapists will work with a low income level so you can afford it. You may come to a point in your life where you no longer desire a relationship with certain members of your family -- sometimes we need to drop toxic people, even though we are related to them. You may want to also take some books out of the library that discuss abusive relationships and how to recognize them.
Leikela Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 JayKay wrote a great post Sad Girl! Colleges all have a counseling center. Check it out and you can go there for free and your parents don't have to know about it. I've had issues in the past and what helped me the most were self-help books. They are at least a start for you if counseling is really out of the question. Definitely find some books on being emotionally abused. Sad Girl, your parents are the ones that feel worthless which is why they project this onto you. From what you've written in your posts, you're a beautiful person and it took a lot for you to write what you did. Keep up with your education, get some self help books, and look into the school counseling program. Knowing and admitting you need help is half the battle. It's only up from here!
Author Sad Girl Posted December 6, 2005 Author Posted December 6, 2005 I just wanted to thank everyone for their help. You have all been so kind and accepting and I really appreciate it, more than you know. I have been going to some counseling at school, but I don't know if it's helping. Mostly, its just helping to talk to someone who won't judge me. I think I will check out some self help books and see what I can learn from those. Its hard because sometimes I just feel like I'm not worth the time spent on trying to get help. I don't feel I'm a beautiful person, but I just want to be happy again. I want to learn how to love myself and I've learned that's the only thing that's going to help me now. Anyways, thanks again everyone for taking the time to give me advice, because you really don't have to. I truly appreciate everyone. -Sad Girl
JayKay Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 In addition to counseling, I'd also start getting into a physical fitness regimen. Excercise helps relax the mind and release stress. See if there are yoga, pilates or aerobics classes you can join. I think a good book for you might be "Women Who Love Too Much" and I'm sorry, I don't recall the author.
Leikela Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Yes, Women who love too much is an excellent book. I read it many years ago. It was passed on to me by a good friend of mine. Here it is on Amazon.com and scroll down where there are more books about emotional bad habits and how to break them. Good luck to you Sad Girl. I commend you on working on yourself. IN the end you'll see what a great person you are and loving yourself will open up your world to others. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/102-5966947-5596916?url=index=blended&field-keywords=Women+who+love+too+much&Go.x=10&Go.y=16 http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553282158/qid=1133843942/sr=8-5/ref=pd_bbs_5/102-5966947-5596916?n=507846&s=books&v=glance
NYCmitch25 Posted December 6, 2005 Posted December 6, 2005 Maybe he left you because he was tired of dealing with a co-dependant and abusive girl? You need to change that, you haven't gotten a fair shake in life, obviously your upbriging has facilitated you to being this way. And just hearing what dumb things your mother would say to you somewhat confirms it. You *need* to deal with your self-esteem issues and what makes you feel this way... perhaps "mood swingy" if you will. Do you have highs and then sink to very lows ? Do you pick fights with people for little things like a waiter/waitress bringing you the wrong thing? Do you know why you do these things? IPerhaps *only* counsiling could help you but it seems that you aren't "ready" for it yet as you make excuses about it affecting your future. Stop throwing the pity party and seek some professional help. It's obviously affecting your relationships as you lost a bf and your friends.
matty17 Posted December 30, 2005 Posted December 30, 2005 Just to let everyone know...love is all a bunch of bs...it's pointless, as is life, and don't ever fall for anything anyone says b/c it is all lies. This is what I have learned the past few months and no matter what anyone says, it's the truth. It's good to know you can't trust what anyone says...except for when they say that you're worthless. But I guess that part is true.... Had it happen to me and just the same as you it hurts 24 7
TEEMAC Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me After Just Two Months Of Our Relationship. Of Course He Said I Was The One And He Couldnt See Hisself Without Me. He Said I Was To Attached,i Didnt See It That Way Until He Finally Told Me Why He Let Me Go. I Was Pregnent During The Second Month Of Our Relationship But Didn't Tell Him Until After We Broke Up. I Had A Miscarriage Because Of Stress Thinking About Him Wanting Him To Call And Check On Me, But He Never Did. Anyway Due To Some Situations At My House His Mother Let Me Stay At Their House Until Things Got Sraightened Out. We Had To Sleep In The Same Bed. He Seemed Like He Couldnt Get Enough Of Me. Then It Was Like He Forgot I Was There. So I Decided Time To Talk To Someone Else To Get My Mind Off Of Him So I Started To Talk To This Boy. One Night I Thought He Was Sleep So I Was Talking On The Phone To The Boy And He Was Talking About Hugging And Kissing Me. I Said Out Loud "why You Want To Hug And Kiss Me And We Just Started Talkin" Not Knowing That He Heard Me. So The Next Day He Wasn't Saying Anything To Me No Good Morning Good Night Or Anything.it Lasted For About Three Days Then I Couldnt Take It Anymore. I Left A Message On His Phone That I Wanted To Talk To Him When He Got Home . He Got Home We Talked He Said He Was Mad Cause I Was Talking To Another Boy. Note:we Don't Go Together He Dumped Me!!!! Anyway We Started Talking Again Laughing And Stuff. We Stayed Up To Like 4 In The Morning Just Laying Up In The Bed Talking. It Was Like We Had Never Broken Up. This Lasted For About 3 Days Thenit Stopped. Maybe It Was Me, We Stopped Talking Like We Were, It Was Like Oh Thats Donte And Thats Keira. He Showed No Effort To Get Back Together , Now Im Pregnant Again I Just Found Out And Its His. Im Confused On If He Still Wants Me Cause He Gets Mad If I Talk To Other People Or If I Should Let It All Go. Should I Ask Him Back Out Or Leave It Up To Him? He Also Said He Wasnt Ready For A Relationship So I Tried To Be His Friend Thinking It Would Lead Us Back Into A Relationship, But I Think I Showed My Effort Too Much. I'm Fine That He Not Ready For A Relationship I Just Want To Be The One Hes With When He Decides Hes Ready!i Need Some Serious Advice
Leikela Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 No offense, but you sound like a baby yourself. What are you doing getting repeatedly pregnant at your age? I think you should be more concerned about that than your "love" troubles...
Citizen Erased Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 It's funny cos all you read about on this forum is people saying pretty much that love sucks. People think that they require someone else to confirm that they are indeed worthy to be on this planet. Love doesn't suck, it is the most beautiful thing in the world, but sometimes people need to grasp the fact that love will grow and then sometimes fade away. The thread starter is grappling not so much the loss of her ex but the loss of love in her life, which she is requiring so much to confirm she is worthy to be alive. People threaten their ex's with suicide 'I'll kill myself if you leave me' type of thing, when they in fact just need to let go. My ex tried the whole suicide guilt trip thing and it tore me apart. I stayed with him for 2 months longer until I realised that it was just a guilt thing, they didnt mean it. Some think when a relationship ends, so does their life, when a new life is in fact just beginning. You can't 'win back' someones love. That means some sort of deceit will be involved. That's not love, that's just clinging on to something dead. I just wanted to add that Leikela and Jaykay have both included some wonderful insights in their post. If this girl had friends like you perhaps she would not be feeling like this. Great Work Guys!
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