Franklin400 Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 Been with bf for over 5 years. He has been employed but not in high paying jobs since the loss of his business over 12 years ago. He is not great with money. This has been the thing holding us back. We really love each other and enjoy the company. Long story short I had enough and broke it off after he was not even following my suggestions on how to get a handle on his bills and save something for a rainy day. He is 66 yrs old. He received some gift money so he paid off his bills. He reached out to me after a few months and told me he has completely changed and heeded my advice finally. I did reconcile with him b/c he did seem to change his ways including a new job. He also collects social security so there is more than enough for him to pay his living expenses and save something. I helped him set up a money market which debits a small amount each month. In addition, he has a modest sum still saved from the gift money. it was my understanding that money was to be deposited in the money market because he has NO other nest egg or savings whatsoever. Instead I believe he has spent this money not frivolously but on his recent bills etc. if he really changed, wouldn't he need to do more than just use the gift money to pay his bills like budget himself, etc.??? He wants to live with me. Am I crazy to consider that since i am financially comfortable bc I've worked all my life and saved. Am I correct to assume that I will be the "gift money" when the rest of it runs out? Advice?
carhill Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 Welcome to LS..... 66? In the US, he'd be eligible for Social Security so he'll have an income, plus he's on Medicare so has health care. If he's impoverished, there are housing programs for elders in that situation. He can live on his own. Men should be rugged individualists at that age Five years in. Hmm, IDK. Is this a you and me forever thing or hey we're having a good time for now thing?
Redhead14 Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 (edited) I wouldn't let him move in for some time now. You need to observe whether he starts consistently demonstrating that he's handling money better. He's on "reset". If he moves in now, he may just fall into his old bad habits and end up being a parasite rather than a mutually supportive and responsible partner. Once you feed "stray cats", they are hard to get rid of. Edited November 6, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact full quote of starting post
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 You have to assume that he will never be good at money. Any money he gets will slip through his hands. If you are OK with that & enjoy his company, carry on. Because his relationship to money makes you crazy, I don't see how this will work. If you stay with him you will be the major source of the financial support.
smackie9 Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 My mom is in her early 80's and this is what she would say...don't have him move in with you or get married....just have him as a gentleman friend. He seems to think he has his crap together...but he does't....he just got himself out of dept temporarily. Think about this...what if he becomes ill, has a heat attack or a stroke. You would be on the hook for his care. When you are retirement age, you shouldn't be getting married and all that crap...you need to protect your fiances and not have someone elses burdens. 1
Gaeta Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 What is gift money? an inheritance? If he was never good with money then he won't learn at 66. He'll burn through that gift and he'll be back to where he stood before. 1
Simple Logic Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 If he hasn’t figured it out by now he is not going to. 2
Chilli Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 (edited) l dunno what the answer is but you say you love each other, so what you throw love away at that age and probably never find it again just for money. l'd never understand that , can you love and cuddle your money? Well actually yeah l could haha, like money. But eh it could never be my love could it and make for a very lonely old age. My gf's got no money , she does have a unit back in her country but that's it. Sure would be nice if she was loaded but she's not , if it was just anyone l would be interested but it's a lot more than just anyone so we'll do whatever we have too l'd rather have her any day than more money. And women get plenty of health problems too , more than men by a mile been my experience. My ex w was 11 yrs younger than me but l was always looking after her, always something but of course she;d do the same for me , isn't that what real couples do ? My gf now has health problems too, but if it was reverse of course she'd look after me. l wouldn't even be with a women that was so self centered she was that useless when the chips were down. The thing is women all carry on about equality these days too , well , equality is equality it goes both ways. Be pretty damn sure they wouldn't be complaining when it's her that has no money or less money and he looks after her or when it's her that's sick but he's there for her. Soooo, dunno. Would you rather be alone into old age, cuddle up with your precious money ? If you really love each other maybe you can just keep on training him haha, except it. Sounds like they have a pension and health thing there anyway, who cares. Edited November 6, 2018 by Chilli
basil67 Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 When you say you set him up a money market, I assume you mean you've set him up investing in the stock market. Are you qualified to give financial advice? Does he fully understand what's being done with his money?
Gaeta Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 I think there is a difference between loving someone with little means and loving someone *bad* with money. I would have no problem living with a man that has much less than I - wait I already do - if he was hard working and honest and smart with the little bit he has. I would not date a man with little means that spends his extra bucks at the casino or buys unnecessary junks then complains he's short in cash. 1
Gaeta Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 When you say you set him up a money market, I assume you mean you've set him up investing in the stock market. Are you qualified to give financial advice? Does he fully understand what's being done with his money? I was wondering the same thing 'what is money market'. When you have little means you keep your money in a good old saving account and have it blocked there so you get a higher interest, you don't risk it on market. 1
basil67 Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 I was wondering the same thing 'what is money market'. When you have little means you keep your money in a good old saving account and have it blocked there so you get a higher interest, you don't risk it on market. I just Googled it: Money market basically refers to a section of the financial market where financial instruments with high liquidity and short-term maturities are traded. Money market has become a component of the financial market for buying and selling of securities of short-term maturities, of one year or less, such as treasury bills and commercial papers.
PRW Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 I'm going to treat this a bit different than I would if this was a younger couple with "their whole lives ahead of them". So I may seem to say things just the opposite of what I normally would do. At the ages involved here,...I hate to sound cold and mathematical, but how much time left do you possibly have together? I think if you protect a certain amount of your finances from him so that he can't take it and blow it somewhere without your knowledge, then you may be ok together. You didn't say anything about marriage,...and marriage would give him more access to your finances than just a "domestic partner". Marriage would make you more responsible for debt that he creates,...but as I said,...it doesn't sound like you are talking about legal marriage. At his age, yes he can improve his money managing, but he will never be perfect, and as long as you can accept that. It is very hard for someone who was a certain way all their life to make a sudden and drastic change. Consider also if you live together he may allow you to just be the financial manager of the household which would allow the more reasonable one to control and protect the finances. So, in the end, and long as you can protect the finances, which seems to be your only real complain against him, then you should be able to enjoy your golden years together.
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 When you say you set him up a money market, I assume you mean you've set him up investing in the stock market. Are you qualified to give financial advice? Does he fully understand what's being done with his money? A money market is a type of checking account. It has nothing to do with investing. 1
kendahke Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 Do not let him move in with you. Keep dating each other, but under no circumstances should you two share a household. He will become your dependent and you will never get him out of your house. Is the money market account so that he would get a higher rate of return on the investment? I think it's a good idea that he got rid of all that extraneous debt so that it's not an issue, but that's me. What's the point in having a windfall if you let your debt get out of hand? 2
Gretchen12 Posted November 6, 2018 Posted November 6, 2018 He survived without you for most of his life, so you shouldn't be telling him what to do. He was right to use the gift money to pay his bills. Bills are what he owes. You can either be mentally ready to give him some of your money, or not let him move in with you. Expecting him to change is just crazy. That's not an option.
Gaeta Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 A money market is a type of checking account. It has nothing to do with investing. Looks like it's a type of saving account in which you have limited access, you cannot withdraw more than 6 times a year. A money market account gives you a higher interest rate on your money but the downside is this account isn't insured by the FDIC so you could lose your money.
Gretchen12 Posted November 7, 2018 Posted November 7, 2018 Looks like it's a type of saving account in which you have limited access, you cannot withdraw more than 6 times a year. A money market account gives you a higher interest rate on your money but the downside is this account isn't insured by the FDIC so you could lose your money. Just to clarify, in the US money market accounts are mostly liquid savings accounts that earn an interest rate that fluctuates with the market (hence the name). The CD is usually fixed term with withdrawal penalties at a fixed (presumably higher) interest rate. None of this has much bearing on the topic of this thread, except that the MM account is not much of an investment when your balance is low. So the OP didn't really help the bf invest because he doesn't have much money to invest. 1
bathtub-row Posted November 9, 2018 Posted November 9, 2018 I would just keep him as a bf and leave it at that. He’s fully taken care of on his own but inviting him into your home could have serious consequences. If he does move in, make sure he doesn’t have access to your money in any way. But then you’d have to protect your debit card, etc. Basically, it’s not worth the risk. I’ve heard too many stories where this very scenario went very badly. At this stage of his life, he’s not going to change.
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