Girlfriend won’t talk to me until I apologise to her friend. I don’t think I should.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Regardless of whether you were right or wrong for telling his girlfriend the about his cheating, the reality is that this guy is a serial cheater who has unprotected sex with other women. His girlfriend was put at a serious health risk so she deserved to know the truth.

 

If X wants to keep lying and being deceitful, that's her choice, but I don't believe you should feel obligated to apologize for telling the truth.

[OnlyHonesty]

The fact that she thinks she can make you do something she wants you to do, by threatening not to talk to you again, says a lot about how she sees you. I'd laugh at the mere thought of a girl even thinking of doing something like that to me because it would never work.

 

Apologize if you are sorry, don't apologize if you aren't. In life, people don't always act in the way we would like them to and we accept it. Your gf is trying to make you act in the way she wants you to which is wrong.

I wonder where her outrage was when the guy hit on her too...

I smell a s***t test as well...

[OnlyHonesty]

They had no idea about each other. I found out that he had a girlfriend from browsing his facebook for 2 minutes. Unfortunately gf’s friend lied to his girlfriend about being pregnant, because the guy asked her to. Unbelievable.

 

 

I have a drama free life and anyone that tries to bring any into it, is ejected. Just from what you've described here, I'd have ejected all of them from my life already, including the gf. You cannot put a price on peace...

[HumanMachine]

No, you did the right thing!

Your gf is being irrational. If you don't love her, leave her! If she doesn't back you on this, what happens in the future when you really needs her support!

 

This is my main concern. She told her best friends boyfriend that he was being cheated on a couple months ago and I stood by her. She has palmed me off for this ‘friend’ of 2 months.

[ExpatInItaly]

I have to wonder if this friend already knew he had a girlfriend.

 

OP, you said it took you just minutes to figure it out by looking at his Facebook. In this age of social media, I would be surprised if the pregnant friend had not already done the same.

[sabaton]

Cliffs for easier reading

 

Girlfriend’s friend (“x”) is pregnant by one night stand (“sex friend”)

 

X’s sex friend visits X for the weekend

Why wasn't she on birth control? Why didn't she take the morning after pill? Why wasn't he wearing condoms?

 

Whilst there he tries to make a move on my girlfriend, being incredibly inappropriate and then messaging her on facebook. She tells him that my boyfriend (me) wants to talk to you tomorrow. He replies “haha”.

 

Sex friend won’t meet me face to face

Why would you meet this guy face to face? What if he has a knife? What if he has a gun and shoots you dead? It's a shame that he was inappropriate, but girls deal with that all the time, they are used to it. They can deal with it on their own.

 

There is no need for you to risk your life over that sort of thing.

 

I find out from his fb that he actually has a long term girlfriend (5 yrs)

 

I message his girlfriend explaining that he’s got a girl pregnant and explain how much of a sleazeball he is (haha back to you)

Why? It's none of your business. You are not the pregnant girl's brother or father. You have no dog in this fight, and you're only going to make things harder on yourself, now that the guy has a grudge over you.

 

People are already crazy enough, shooting up schools, killing each other over video games, or because they're bored, and you went ahead and made this guy hate you?

 

In my eyes I did two people favours - these women had no idea of each other before I did a little digging. Yes I did intentionally try to screw this guy over but two birds and all that....

 

I refuse to apologise on the grounds that it’d be a lie, and if I were in either one of their shoes I’d be grateful for the heads up.

 

Am I the bad one?

You should apologize. What this guy did with your girlfriend's female friend is of no concern of yours. She's an adult. No one forced her to have sex with this guy. And she kept coming back to him. I'm sure that even though she now knows he has a girlfriend she is still going to want him, and that's her right.

 

The guy hitting on your girl is unfortunate, but if you are going to get bristled everytime a guy makes a move on your girlfriend, you're going to spend a long time squaring up with guys.

 

I'd be careful if I was you. You never know how crazy this ''sleezball'' guy is.

[Mrs._December]

Yes I did it with the intention of messing his life up. What he said to my girlfriend shouldn’t go unpunished, at least where I’m from anyway.

 

Thanks guy, yes I have acted out of line but I’m not sorry.

While others seem to think your motivation matters for why you told the long-term girlfriend about her sleazy boyfriend, it really doesn't matter.

 

It doesn't matter whether you did it for revenge, sh*ts and giggles or because you were bored - YOUR motivation doesn't make that vital information to his long-term girlfriend any less important. I think most people would be grateful to be told the truth of their situations rather than be left in ignorant bliss just because the whistle-blower's intentions weren't as pure as the driven snow. Who cares?

 

You did that woman a favor and in the end, it just won't matter why you did it.

[Gaeta]

While others seem to think your motivation matters for why you told the long-term girlfriend about her sleazy boyfriend, it really doesn't matter.

 

It doesn't matter whether you did it for revenge, sh*ts and giggles or because you were bored - YOUR motivation doesn't make that vital information to his long-term girlfriend any less important. I think most people would be grateful to be told the truth of their situations rather than be left in ignorant bliss just because the whistle-blower's intentions weren't as pure as the driven snow. Who cares?

 

You did that woman a favor and in the end, it just won't matter why you did it.

 

 

In theory she should be grateful but in reality most of the time it's not how it unfolds. In reality you end up being the bad person, the one sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, most of the time these women already suspect or already know their bf are cheaters and they stay for various reasons, most of the time these cheaters are so good at talking their way out that they convince their girlfriend it's everyone else's fault but theirs, they,re just victims of circumstances and she is the real love of his life.

Edited November 6, 2018 by Gaeta

[Simple Logic]

As convoluted as this sounds, you owe an apology to the pregnant friend because for what ever reason she still wants the baby daddy around. The women see this as not to have been your business to interfere.

 

Personally, I would not apologize and get a new girl friend.

[Kellens]

I don't think you did anything wrong, if anything you helped people find out what an a****le this guy is. I wouldn't have done the same, because I don't like getting involved in other people's problems, but I can't say that you're wrong for doing it. I am with the others that think your gf and her friend are too much drama and I wouldn't want to be involved. It sounds like teen problems tbh.. how old are you guys?

[NuevoYorko]

Yes I did it with the intention of messing his life up. What he said to my girlfriend shouldn’t go unpunished, at least where I’m from anyway.

 

Thanks guy, yes I have acted out of line but I’m not sorry.

"x" is in a big mess, pregnant from a ONS and all. Evidently she makes very bad choices and has now screwed her whole life up. Who are you to add more garbage to her pile simply in order to get revenge on a creep.

 

You wanted to hurt the guy. If you'd told his girlfriend, it could be said that you may have done something useful. Instead you acted vengeful and the effects on "x" are just collateral damage.

 

Also, I'm sure you did not scare the guy or elevate yourself in the eyes of your gf or any of the other players in this sorry drama.

 

I have an idea. How about you stop hanging around with such skeevy characters. It sounds like a soap opera. Your gf's friendship with "x" really shouldn't be any of your business.

[olivetree]

I have to wonder if this friend already knew he had a girlfriend.

 

OP, you said it took you just minutes to figure it out by looking at his Facebook. In this age of social media, I would be surprised if the pregnant friend had not already done the same.

 

Yeah I questioned that one too.

[basil67]

While others seem to think your motivation matters for why you told the long-term girlfriend about her sleazy boyfriend, it really doesn't matter.

 

It doesn't matter whether you did it for revenge, sh*ts and giggles or because you were bored - YOUR motivation doesn't make that vital information to his long-term girlfriend any less important. I think most people would be grateful to be told the truth of their situations rather than be left in ignorant bliss just because the whistle-blower's intentions weren't as pure as the driven snow. Who cares?

 

You did that woman a favor and in the end, it just won't matter why you did it.

 

I might be grateful if I was told with compassion and support by a good friend.

 

But having someone who isn't close to me just blow me out of the water in an effort to destroy someone else....without an ounce of support or consideration for my feelings is a completely different thing.

 

He doesn't necessarily owe an apology for telling her - he owes an apology for his method. At the very least, he should have had a conversation with his girlfriend about how to approach this thoughtfully. Likewise with the dude's actual partner. His actions towards the two women couldn't have been more uncaring if he'd tried.

[HumanMachine]

I have to wonder if this friend already knew he had a girlfriend.

 

OP, you said it took you just minutes to figure it out by looking at his Facebook. In this age of social media, I would be surprised if the pregnant friend had not already done the same.

 

Apparently her friend is a bit naive/timid.

 

Saw my girlfriend tonight and all is good. We agreed to disagree and moved on.

[ChatroomHero]

As convoluted as this sounds, you owe an apology to the pregnant friend because for what ever reason she still wants the baby daddy around. The women see this as not to have been your business to interfere.

 

Personally, I would not apologize and get a new girl friend.

 

 

If a guy hits on your gf in that type of situation and continues on facebook after, he should be called out on it. If that has a negative affect on him because he chose to do it while having a gf and a secret fwb that he got pregnant, that part is on him. Any fallout was of his own doing.

 

 

It is his business because the guy knew it was OPs gf. OP is directly affected. Crappy people like this should be called out and not protected. OP should not apologize to anyone and in fact they should apologize to him.

[kendahke]

Wow--talk about swing and a miss.

 

What would have been better was for you to have met the guy and had this talk face to face like a grown man, not stand behind your girlfriend and her girl and lob grenades when your aim sucks.

 

What you did was mess with the life of someone who had nothing to do with him trying to holla at your girl.

 

If you want to address a problem you go to the source of the problem, not the people standing around the problem. You just made a huge mess that that woman probably will never forgive you for.

[HumanMachine]

Wow--talk about swing and a miss.

 

What would have been better was for you to have met the guy and had this talk face to face like a grown man, not stand behind your girlfriend and her girl and lob grenades when your aim sucks.

 

What you did was mess with the life of someone who had nothing to do with him trying to holla at your girl.

 

If you want to address a problem you go to the source of the problem, not the people standing around the problem. You just made a huge mess that that woman probably will never forgive you for.

 

I didn’t stand behind anyone, thank you. He was the one that refused to speak to me face to face. Nope I’ve done both girls a favour - maybe you’re the sex friend?

[ChatroomHero]

What you did was mess with the life of someone who had nothing to do with him trying to holla at your girl.

 

 

I don't know, if a married or attached guy hit on my girlfriend while hanging with his secret, pregnant fwb who was friends with my gf, I don't see keeping it a secret and leaving his actual gf in a state of blissful ignorance as a good thing.

 

 

If that damages the scam he has going, that is on him. The fallout to the women involved is all on him. The alternative is OPs gf would need to lie to her friend and avoid her whenever that guy is around to do right by OP. I know if a girl that shady was sniffing around me and I didn't extricate myself from the situation completely, I would be doing wrong to my gf.

[Tristian]

Apparently her friend is a bit naive/timid.

 

Saw my girlfriend tonight and all is good. We agreed to disagree and moved on.

 

 

With that we'll consider this one closed.

 

 

 

Thanks everyone for all your replies.