Girlfriend won’t talk to me until I apologise to her friend. I don’t think I should.

[HumanMachine]

Cliffs for easier reading

 

Girlfriend’s friend (“x”) is pregnant by one night stand (“sex friend”)

 

X’s sex friend visits X for the weekend

 

Whilst there he tries to make a move on my girlfriend, being incredibly inappropriate and then messaging her on facebook. She tells him that my boyfriend (me) wants to talk to you tomorrow. He replies “haha”.

 

Sex friend won’t meet me face to face

 

I find out from his fb that he actually has a long term girlfriend (5 yrs)

 

I message his girlfriend explaining that he’s got a girl pregnant and explain how much of a sleazeball he is (haha back to you)

 

Now apparently I’m the bad one?

 

In my eyes I did two people favours - these women had no idea of each other before I did a little digging. Yes I did intentionally try to screw this guy over but two birds and all that....

 

I refuse to apologise on the grounds that it’d be a lie, and if I were in either one of their shoes I’d be grateful for the heads up.

 

Am I the bad one?

[Orokotikki]

No, you aren't the bad one. If she can't see that (on her own) then I suggest you dump and successfully complete your bullet dodging maneuver.

[preraph]

Yeah, I'm not seeing it. I wasn't clear if you were to apologize to your gf's girlfriend or this sex friend, but either way, once he it on your gf and especially since she inferred she'd get you involved, she can't really expect you to do nothing. I mean, the gf who is pregnant should be grateful to know (if she didn't already) that he's already in a relationship so she doesn't get any delusions about him turning into Husband of the Year.

[basil67]

Would you have done all this if he hadn't made a move on your girlfriend? If not, then I see your move as vindictiveness rather than helpfulness.

 

Anyway, if you're not sorry, don't apologise.

[Estes]

Would you rather be happy or be right?

[PRW]

The part that made you look weak is expecting him to "meet you face to face". It is the weak guys who want to start a fight with a guy who "tried to get his girl". A strong confident guy would have just laughed about it and see it as an opportunity for his girlfriend to show her loyalty by blowing the guy off. But instead you wanted to get even with him.

 

I'm not sure about the apology. But if your girl won't talk to you until you do then she is using communication as a weapon. I probably would not contact her and wait till she contacts you,...which she will do eventually.

[basil67]

The part that made you look weak is expecting him to "meet you face to face". It is the weak guys who want to start a fight with a guy who "tried to get his girl". A strong confident guy would have just laughed about it and see it as an opportunity for his girlfriend to show her loyalty by blowing the guy off. But instead you wanted to get even with him.

 

This ^ Your reaction to the whole incident reflects really poorly on you.

 

Also consider that not all girls want a guy who gallops in being a white knight to save her. A confident woman would know she's got it all in hand and would not look kindly on you taking over the whole situation.

[smackie9]

What you did was back handed because you did it without consulting with your GF...that's what has upset her. And the motivation for this was not honorable, it was for your own benefit to see this guy suffer in some way.

[PRW]

It's too late now, but what you probably should have done if you discovered this guy already had a GF that he was cheating on would have been to tell your GF about it and let her do whatever she thought she should do.

 

But she still may have got ticked off that you were "investigating" the guy.

[BaileyB]

To be very honest, the whole group of them sound scetchy and I would be leaving them all behind me... Who wants this kind of drama in their lives? Not me.

[HumanMachine]

Yes I did it with the intention of messing his life up. What he said to my girlfriend shouldn’t go unpunished, at least where I’m from anyway.

 

Thanks guy, yes I have acted out of line but I’m not sorry.

[d0nnivain]

You don't get to punish this jerk. It's not your place. Nothing was actually done to you.

 

The other guy cheated on his

GF

, not you.

 

The other guy got his

ONS

pregnant & abandoned her. You are not pregnant nor did he leave you.

 

The other guy hit on your

GF

, not you.

 

Your

GF

stayed true to you.

Where in there was anything done to you?

 

What you did by calling this jerk out & threatening him with violence was made it harder for the pregnant woman to secure adequate child support. The jerk may now claim that he can't some see his child because he is in fear for his safety from you. You had no right to upend her life, even out of some protective sense but you weren't even protecting her, you were upset that this guy tried to poach your GF. You didn't even acknowledge that your GF shut him down. If you r GF wants to hide behind you, by telling this guy that you want to talk to him, that is her prerogative. But her friend didn't ask for or want your help.

 

Do apologize to the pregnant woman for doing anything that possibly made her life more difficult. She's got enough on her plate, don't you think?

[2much4]

Yes I did it with the intention of messing his life up. What he said to my girlfriend shouldn’t go unpunished, at least where I’m from anyway.

 

Thanks guy, yes I have acted out of line but I’m not sorry.

 

I don't think you should apologize if you don't feel sorry.

 

Having said that, by trying to mess this guy up you also messed up x and the girlfriend. It was none of your business. Imagine how awful it must feel to find out your baby daddy has a girlfriend. Just because you would want to know doesn't mean they have to be thankful.

[Gaeta]

Whilst there he tries to make a move on my girlfriend, being incredibly inappropriate and then messaging her on facebook. She tells him that my boyfriend (me) wants to talk to you tomorrow. He replies “haha”.

Who does that? If someone had been totally acting inappropriately with me my BF wouldn't send him messages through me, he'd jump in his car and go knock on his door.

 

 

 

I message his girlfriend explaining that he’s got a girl pregnant and explain how much of a sleazeball he is (haha back to you)

That was the coward way of getting back at him.

 

I refuse to apologise on the grounds that it’d be a lie, and if I were in either one of their shoes I’d be grateful for the heads up.

Apologize to her girl friend for getting involved in something what wasn't your business.

[basil67]

If anyone was to tell X that the baby daddy has a partner, it should have been your girlfriend...and it should have been done in a sensitive and supportive manner. But what you did was blow her out of the water with complete insensitivity and total lack of compassion and support.

 

Had you sat down with your girlfriend and discussed your concern for X and explore options to sensitively tell X what's going on, you wouldn't be in this position.

[HumanMachine]

Ok thanks guys. I saw the red when I saw how he spoke to my girlfriend and acted without any consideration to anyone else. You’re all right I should apologise to x.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, I am with the other posters here.

 

The way you handled your anger was not good and put the pregnant woman in a very awkward and difficult position. I am not suggesting she and the guy's girlfriend didn't have the right to know, but this was really not the way to go about it.

[olivetree]

Everyone involved seems shady.

 

While your intentions weren't honourable, if you've ever been cheated on you really wish that someone would have told you.

 

He hit on your gf while seeing her friend and cheating on his.

I don't really blame you for exposing the lying cheater he is.

Got what was coming to him.

[BaileyB]

Yes I did it with the intention of messing his life up. What he said to my girlfriend shouldn’t go unpunished, at least where I’m from anyway.

 

Why is it your job to pass judgment and decide on a punishment?

 

Not saying that he is not a total jerk or that what he did was not wrong. Just wondering why you think this is your responsibility to hand out his punishment...

[HumanMachine]

Why is it your job to pass judgment and decide on a punishment?

 

Not saying that he is not a total jerk or that what he did was not wrong. Just wondering why you think this is your responsibility to hand out his punishment...

 

It’s not. I just felt like this guy disrespected my girlfriend and myself. Why should he get away scot-free whilst ruining other people’s lives? I’ve been cheated on in the past which probably pushed me towards the route I took.

[olivetree]

Gotta say something else.

Maybe it's because the subject is cheating and I feel strongly about it...

 

Saying not to get involved is for pu$$ies, honestly.

It's like seeing someone get mugged and you can identify the perpetrator but saying nothing.

 

Maybe what you did was like helping someone in order to get a reward, but at the end of the day, who cares really? A lot of people volunteer so they can get in a certain job, graduate program, feel good about themselves, etc.

 

You did his gf a favour.

Your gf's friend (assuming she knew she was the OW) is shady AF and deserves to be exposed too.

 

Though I am actually not vengeful myself, I probably wouldn't be sorry either.

[d0nnivain]

Ok thanks guys. I saw the red when I saw how he spoke to my girlfriend and acted without any consideration to anyone else. You’re all right I should apologise to x.

 

 

It's understandable that you were upset. It's better that you have now figured it out & are apologizing to the pregnant woman.

[HumanMachine]

Gotta say something else.

Maybe it's because the subject is cheating and I feel strongly about it...

 

Saying not to get involved is for pu$$ies, honestly.

It's like seeing someone get mugged and you can identify the perpetrator but saying nothing.

 

Maybe what you did was like helping someone in order to get a reward, but at the end of the day, who cares really? A lot of people volunteer so they can get in a certain job, graduate program, feel good about themselves, etc.

 

You did his gf a favour.

Your gf's friend (assuming she knew she was the OW) is shady AF and deserves to be exposed too.

 

Though I am actually not vengeful myself, I probably wouldn't be sorry either.

 

They had no idea about each other. I found out that he had a girlfriend from browsing his facebook for 2 minutes. Unfortunately gf’s friend lied to his girlfriend about being pregnant, because the guy asked her to. Unbelievable.

[olivetree]

They had no idea about each other. I found out that he had a girlfriend from browsing his facebook for 2 minutes. Unfortunately gf’s friend lied to his girlfriend about being pregnant, because the guy asked her to. Unbelievable.

 

Ok in that case I would not be sorry about exposing the cheating but sorry I exposed the friend's identity (if you did).

[Noproblem]

No, you did the right thing!

Your gf is being irrational. If you don't love her, leave her! If she doesn't back you on this, what happens in the future when you really needs her support!