ar1489 Posted November 5, 2018 Posted November 5, 2018 Hey all, A guy I have been on a couple good dates with has been actively texting me, and asked me out on all 3 of our prior dates so I figured I should show interest and initiative so I asked him yesterday to hang out this week. The activity I suggested is outdoors,(something we both enjoy and have in common) so would have to be done during the day. Kind of stupid on my part since it’s a work week,but we both often work from home and I wasn’t really thinking of how it gets dark early now. He said yes, but when we tried to find a time he was ambiguous so I said if the week doesn’t work for you we can go this weekend. He just said ok sorry the week is probably too hard. Did not confirm doing anything this weekend. Is he just not interested? I feel a little silly bc I got the courage up to ask him and was hoping one way or another I’d get a yes or no and no Longer feel confused, but now I’m more confused than before!
d0nnivain Posted November 5, 2018 Posted November 5, 2018 For now I'd assume he's rejecting the activity not you. Working from home does not mean the person can just go off & play in the middle of the day. Where my husband works, if you say you are working from home you must use a company computer & give the times you will be working. They have a key stroke logger & if you aren't working the hours you said you would be working, you can be fired. A person got written up who said they would work from 8 - 4 because they logged on at 8:30 & logged off at 4:45. Even though they worked more, they got in trouble because the times were not what they said. Your guy may have taken your request for midweek day time fun as an indication that you don't take your job or his seriously.
carhill Posted November 5, 2018 Posted November 5, 2018 Presuming this request to hang out was done by text, try calling him next time. Also, be clear that you've enjoyed all 3 of your prior *dates* and love his company and would like to share xxxx with him. At this point, you should know each other well enough to know whether you want to date and/or have sex with each other. It shouldn't be ambiguous. As D0nnivain mentioned, don't take the ambiguity personally, rather follow up, my suggestion via phone, and talk to him. I presume you talk to him in person on dates so no biggie. Good luck! 1
SunnyWeather Posted November 5, 2018 Posted November 5, 2018 If it were me, I'd not contact him again. If he's interested he will get in touch and lead the way to the next date- there will be no confusion. Go out and date others who will show you a higher level of interest
Lotsgoingon Posted November 5, 2018 Posted November 5, 2018 Hmm ... I chalk this up to communication difficulty, genuine difficulty. Let's imagine I have a super busy week ahead ... And let's say that like a lot of people, I can't always accurately estimate how hard the week will be ... I know it's going to be hard, but exactly how hard I'm not sure. Sometimes a week will be so demanding (some important deadlines) that just thinking of stopping and going on a social outing--even when someone I'm into--is super stressful. Now ... here's the thing ... If an emergency occurred, if someone close landed in the hospital, I would find a way to get there to visit the person. But barring an emergency, I'll try to keep the week simple and clear because I anticipate it'll be a hellish week ... the only question is if it's hellish ... very hellish ... or absolutely hellish. So this guy may be struggling with a genuinely busy week. He's not out of town, so his "No" isn't going to be so black and white. Tip: these kinds of busy works occur ... you guys are early in ... But later, this is when you can come to one of your places and work while being near each other ... Or you can schedule a good phone call or multiple phone calls. A 30-minute or even 45-minute or hour phone call is much less work and stress than a date that involves going and coming and the activity in between. So I don't think he's blowing you off. But ... ideally, HE would propose the phone call maybe ... or get really specific about when he CAN meet. I've learned the hard way to be specific about when I am available if I'm telling someone that for the next week, I'm not available. Just my two cents. I do think it makes sense for you to ask your question ... because there's always the need to guard against someone going out with someone else or ignoring us, etc ... But my job, I have at least a week a month when work becomes unavoidably overwhelming, and the work can't be spread out over time. Good luck. You might simply be feeling anxiety over having taken your turn to ask him out ... You can chill on that.
preraph Posted November 5, 2018 Posted November 5, 2018 I work from home but I won't be able to do anything this week until probably 8 at night because of my schedule. Don't take it personally. And I agree with whoever said you ditching work may raise a brow with him. 1
olivetree Posted November 5, 2018 Posted November 5, 2018 I don't see a big deal about anything you've done, whether that's asking him to do something mid week or possibly ditching work. For all he knows you would make up the time by working later or on the weekend. With that out of the way... Don't hold any space for him on the weekend if other plans come up. You're right, he's not letting you know which wouldn't sit well with me either but try to just move on from it. If he doesn't make any plans with you at all this week or weekend then I would say he is low interest.
Fair Posted November 5, 2018 Posted November 5, 2018 Hmmm. I think your instincts are probably speaking to you. Ambiguous? Did not confirm doing ANYTHING for the weekend? In other words, no enthusiasm about hanging out with you? Red flag. It starts with the little things. It's best we heed them. Give him a chance if you want to but be on the alert when it comes to his behaviour from here on in. Whatever the reason things are already heading a little bit off the rails.
carhill Posted November 5, 2018 Posted November 5, 2018 OP, have you agreed to date exclusively? If not, definitely consider other options, something IMO should be done all along until one option rises to exclusivity. 1
Author ar1489 Posted November 7, 2018 Author Posted November 7, 2018 Hmmm. I think your instincts are probably speaking to you. Ambiguous? Did not confirm doing ANYTHING for the weekend? In other words, no enthusiasm about hanging out with you? Red flag. It starts with the little things. It's best we heed them. Give him a chance if you want to but be on the alert when it comes to his behaviour from here on in. Whatever the reason things are already heading a little bit off the rails. he responded the next day and asked to meet up to make a plan. dont think hes much of a texter. worked out well!
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