Unsure what is happening with this guy.

[Morris17]

I started talking to this guy around a month ago via OLD. A couple weeks ago, we moved the conversation to snapchat as it was easier and not long after we started talking on there I asked him on a date. He said he was up for it and he even said that he would come to my area which was really nice of him. The conversation has since been going well, we have been talking about our interests and our day to lives and so far he seems like a really nice guy and quite funny too.

 

One of the only downsides is that quite often I only get a message a day from him as he works full time. But it doesn't bother me as I know we all lead different lives.

Anyway, when we discussed meeting up he told me he couldn't meet in the next couple weekends as he had plans, one of which being he was going away for the weekend with his friends. It was the weekend that's just gone that he went away and I last messaged him on Thursday night.

 

I've not heard anything from him since then and now I don't know if he's ignoring me or if he's just not had chance to reply. What I do know is that he's been posting on his snapchat story and whilst he was away it was showing that he'd been active on his profile. He posted on his story last night that he was now home so I know he's no longer away.

 

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt at the moment as chances are he probably wanted to enjoy his time away with his friends and I have no idea if he's working today or sleeping from the travelling. We were meant to be meeting this coming weekend also.

I'm unsure what to do, from what he's told he does have a lot of friends and with us yet to meet i'm hardly going to be a big priority message wise so what if my message has just gone down the list and he's forgotten about it? Do I wait to see if he says anything later and then message asking if he had a nice holiday or just wait for him to come to me?

[Zahara]

You both met on OLD and it’s been a month and still no date in sight. Investing in someone based solely on online interaction is usually a recipe for disappointment because you begin to build a false image and create unnecessary expectations of an absolute stranger.

 

You asked him out on a date. You reached out on Thursday. Since then nothing from him although he has been active online. So now you let him reciprocate and come to you. If you’ve fallen down the priority list, then that’s your answer. You don’t need to remind someone of your existence. If you are important and if he’s interested, he’ll be looking forward to planning a date.

 

Don’t chase. Step back and let him come to you. In the meantime, continue to date others.

Edited November 5, 2018 by Zahara

[d0nnivain]

All this time & you still haven't met despite discussing it = penpal only.

 

If he had time to post other stuff on social media he had a moment to say hi to you.

 

You are a low priority to him. Stop putting all of your energy to him. Talk to other men. Arrange other dates. If he steps up his game & plans a date fine go if you are still interested. Assume he will never do that & behave accordingly.

[Morris17]

Sorry if i didn't make it clear it in my post. Yes we've been talking a month but i asked him out on a date after 2 weeks. He works every day of the week apart from weekends. He couldn't meet the past 2 weekends due to him going away and other plans he had going on. That is why the date is meant to be happening this week.

[Malin889]

You both met on OLD and it’s been a month and still no date in sight. Investing in someone based solely on online interaction is usually a recipe for disappointment because you begin to build a false image and create unnecessary expectations of an absolute stranger.

 

You asked him out on a date. You reached out on Thursday. Since then nothing from him although he has been active online. So now you let him reciprocate and come to you. If you’ve fallen down the priority list, then that’s your answer. You don’t need to remind someone of your existence. If you are important and if he’s interested, he’ll be looking forward to planning a date.

 

Don’t chase. Step back and let him come to you. In the meantime, continue to date others.

 

Zahara’s post is perfect, especially the first paragraph. So many people get caught up in texting and never meet! I’m going through something similar (except it’s only been a few days) where this guy asked for my number, has been texting me, but hasn’t asked me out. He texted me a blah “morning” first thing this morning then wished me a nice day. Great dude, but you don’t even know me. Sh** or get off the pot.

 

I hate to sound harsh, but Next! Move on. This guy isn’t it.

Edited November 5, 2018 by Malin889

[PRW]

The fact that it took so long for someone to suggest a date is a bad thing.

 

The fact that you had to ask him out instead of him doing it is a bad thing.

 

Expecting to hear from someone more than once a day when you are not even in a real relationship is a bad thing.

 

He should have offered a date after just 2 or 3 times of contacting you. This shows a real lack of confidence and/or relationship skills on his part. That doesn't mean you can't go out with him (he has to gains skills/experience somehow), but it means you need to understand what you are getting into and must be ready to deal with.

 

When not in a "real" exclusive relationship you shouldn't be expecting any contact at all, except for when he contacts to set the next date. Even women that I already know well, and may go out with on dates periodically (not exclusive),...we might go weeks without contact, and no one is worried or doing any hand-wringing about it.

[sabaton]

Istarted talking to this guy around a month ago via OLD. A couple weeks ago, we moved the conversation to snapchat as it was easier and not long after we started talking on there I asked him on a date.

 

A lady who pursues what she wants. If I was that guy, I'd seriously be going on that date you asked him on as fast as possible.

 

He said he was up for it and he even said that he would come to my area which was really nice of him. The conversation has since been going well, we have been talking about our interests and our day to lives and so far he seems like a really nice guy and quite funny too.

...and? Was the date scheduled or not at all?? You guys agreed to go on a date with each other and then that was it? You two went back to talking on snapchat?

 

One of the only downsides is that quite often I only get a message a day from him as he works full time. But it doesn't bother me as I know we all lead different lives.

Yeah, he works full-time. But it takes less than 10 seconds to type down a text. I bet he spends more time than that pouring down a coffee for himself. Why is he only sending one message a day? And I bet it's a short one, yes?

 

Anyway, when we discussed meeting up he told me he couldn't meet in the next couple weekends as he had plans, one of which being he was going away for the weekend with his friends. It was the weekend that's just gone that he went away and I last messaged him on Thursday night.

He couldn't meet in the next 2 weeks even though you two had already agreeded to a date??? How about the week after those 2 weeks? Is he free to go on a date then?

 

I've not heard anything from him since then and now I don't know if he's ignoring me or if he's just not had chance to reply.

This is highly suspicious to me. He talks to you for over a month. Then he starts talking to you on snapchat. You ask him out and he says yes to the suggestion of a date, even says he'll go to your area to make it easier for you. But then he forgets all about it and goes back to ''getting to know you''?

 

And when you ask him out again he comes up with stuff like, he has the entire 2 weeks that are coming up filled with his friends and obligations?

 

And then he ignores you??

 

How do you know this guy isn't a catfish? How do you know he's not married and trying to cheat on his wife but doesn't have the courage?

[d0nnivain]

Sorry if i didn't make it clear it in my post. Yes we've been talking a month but i asked him out on a date after 2 weeks. He works every day of the week apart from weekends. He couldn't meet the past 2 weekends due to him going away and other plans he had going on. That is why the date is meant to be happening this week.

 

Doesn't matter. Those are excuses. If he was keen to meet you he would have found a way.

 

him not initiating is also bad as others have pointed out.

 

Your expectation for daily communication from someone you are not dating is unreasonable. Personally I find daily communication smothering.

 

This is too much effort at this point for what it is, somebody you have never met.

[sabaton]

Doesn't matter. Those are excuses. If he was keen to meet you he would have found a way.

 

him not initiating is also bad as others have pointed out.

 

Your expectation for daily communication from someone you are not dating is unreasonable. Personally I find daily communication smothering.

 

This is too much effort at this point for what it is, somebody you have never met.

 

 

Exactly. This guy would have met her already if he was interested in her, considering how many times OP has made it clear to him that she wants to go out on a date with him, even asked him out, and he prefers to going back to texting and snapchat??

 

He's either a catfish, or looking merely for attention, or he's married and hasn't had yet the time to make it possible for him to meet with the OP without the wife finding out. And I agree with Donnivain. I'm not that much into daily communication either, it feels smothering.

[Morris17]

Istarted talking to this guy around a month ago via OLD. A couple weeks ago, we moved the conversation to snapchat as it was easier and not long after we started talking on there I asked him on a date.

 

A lady who pursues what she wants. If I was that guy, I'd seriously be going on that date you asked him on as fast as possible.

 

 

...and? Was the date scheduled or not at all?? You guys agreed to go on a date with each other and then that was it? You two went back to talking on snapchat?

 

 

Yeah, he works full-time. But it takes less than 10 seconds to type down a text. I bet he spends more time than that pouring down a coffee for himself. Why is he only sending one message a day? And I bet it's a short one, yes?

 

 

He couldn't meet in the next 2 weeks even though you two had already agreeded to a date??? How about the week after those 2 weeks? Is he free to go on a date then?

 

 

This is highly suspicious to me. He talks to you for over a month. Then he starts talking to you on snapchat. You ask him out and he says yes to the suggestion of a date, even says he'll go to your area to make it easier for you. But then he forgets all about it and goes back to ''getting to know you''?

 

And when you ask him out again he comes up with stuff like, he has the entire 2 weeks that are coming up filled with his friends and obligations?

 

And then he ignores you??

 

How do you know this guy isn't a catfish? How do you know he's not married and trying to cheat on his wife but doesn't have the courage?

 

 

Sorry if i didn't make it clear it in my post. Yes we've been talking a month but i asked him out on a date after 2 weeks. He works every day of the week apart from weekends. He couldn't meet the past 2 weekends due to him going away and other plans he had going on. That is why the date is meant to be happening this week.

[Morris17]

Please don't judge the guy! I asked him on a date 2 weeks into talking, and personally i don't see anything wrong with a woman asking a man out, it's not the olden days! I don't have much experience with dating and don't like meeting people too soon.

 

He doesn't have much free time so that's he why we picked this week to meet. Bar not replying he's done nothing wrong. I don't expect to talk to him numerous times a day but i do want to talk at least once in my opinion because i want to know things about to get an idea about who he is leading up to the date.

[PRW]

How do you know this guy isn't a catfish? How do you know he's not married and trying to cheat on his wife but doesn't have the courage?

 

That could be a strong possibility. Definitely a lack of courage in any event.

[Morris17]

Istarted talking to this guy around a month ago via OLD. A couple weeks ago, we moved the conversation to snapchat as it was easier and not long after we started talking on there I asked him on a date.

 

A lady who pursues what she wants. If I was that guy, I'd seriously be going on that date you asked him on as fast as possible.

 

 

...and? Was the date scheduled or not at all?? You guys agreed to go on a date with each other and then that was it? You two went back to talking on snapchat?

 

 

Yeah, he works full-time. But it takes less than 10 seconds to type down a text. I bet he spends more time than that pouring down a coffee for himself. Why is he only sending one message a day? And I bet it's a short one, yes?

 

 

He couldn't meet in the next 2 weeks even though you two had already agreeded to a date??? How about the week after those 2 weeks? Is he free to go on a date then?

 

 

This is highly suspicious to me. He talks to you for over a month. Then he starts talking to you on snapchat. You ask him out and he says yes to the suggestion of a date, even says he'll go to your area to make it easier for you. But then he forgets all about it and goes back to ''getting to know you''?

 

And when you ask him out again he comes up with stuff like, he has the entire 2 weeks that are coming up filled with his friends and obligations?

 

And then he ignores you??

 

How do you know this guy isn't a catfish? How do you know he's not married and trying to cheat on his wife but doesn't have the courage?

 

You have the wrong end of the stick, i have asked him out the once. He told me he couldn't meet the first two weekends and was free the third weekend. We spoke about the date and made plans for this weekend and we said we'd talk more about it nearer the time!

[Morris17]

That could be a strong possibility. Definitely a lack of courage in any event.

 

I've seen his Facebook page he isn't married believe me.

[PRW]

I didn't say to not go out with him. I said to be aware of what you are going to have to deal with based on his behavor. Most women will not, but if you want to go for it then fine,...but keep the things I said in mind when you do.

 

Please don't judge the guy! I asked him on a date 2 weeks into talking, and personally i don't see anything wrong with a woman asking a man out, it's not the olden days! I don't have much experience with dating and don't like meeting people too soon.

 

That is just it. You don't have a lot of dating experience,...that is why you don't see the red flag with you having to do the initial approach and why it is a negative that the guy didn't take the initiative. It doesn't have anything to do with "olden days" or the "new days". The calendar has nothing to do with it,...it is about human nature and gender differences. You should not have to start doing your own share of the pursuing until after a good 3rd or 4th date. That is the point where you should feel comfortable being the one setting a date.

 

You wouldn't have a problem with dating someone much sooner if they approached you confidently. Your uncertainty about dating someone too soon comes from the uneasiness you subconsciously feel with a guy who lacks confidence and initiative,...you may not realize it, but that is what it is.

[smackie9]

have some guidelines...after a few messages if they don't ask you for a date, next them. If a guy is truly interested in meeting you he will ask to meet asap. Now I hear this crap about "Well I think we need to get to know one another a bit first", No that is what dates are for...to talk and get to know one another. There is so much time wasted with texting. tell them to cut to the chase and lets meet. If they say they are busy or made plans, next them. You have to manage your time better, and stop with these time wasters. You want to date, not text.

[Morris17]

have some guidelines...after a few messages if they don't ask you for a date, next them. If a guy is truly interested in meeting you he will ask to meet asap. Now I hear this crap about "Well I think we need to get to know one another a bit first", No that is what dates are for...to talk and get to know one another. There is so much time wasted with texting. tell them to cut to the chase and lets meet. If they say they are busy or made plans, next them. You have to manage your time better, and stop with these time wasters. You want to date, not text.

 

I'm sorry but i cannot expect him to drop plans to meet me straightaway that would be unfair, he was going away and already paid for the holiday and he was celebrating someone's birthday! He has done nothing wrong regards to planning the date.

 

I have no problem asking a guy out whatsoever, i don't see the problem with it and will continue to do so!

[JuneL]

I'm sorry but i cannot expect him to drop plans to meet me straightaway that would be unfair, he was going away and already paid for the holiday and he was celebrating someone's birthday! He has done nothing wrong regards to planning the date.

 

I have no problem asking a guy out whatsoever, i don't see the problem with it and will continue to do so!

 

What’s up with getting on a dating site if he can’t go on a date for the next month?

 

When Bill Gates first asked Melinda on a date, he asked her to go out on the Sat two weeks from that point (because he’s schedule was packed for the next two weeks). He didn’t leave her hanging, but picked a specific day. That’s high interest for a real busy guy. Melinda ended up telling him to ask her again closer to that day, and the rest was history.

[Purrrfect]

OLD is full of flakes and what not.

 

It’s easy to waste your time on a guy and next thing you know he’s disappeared and you’ve wasted all this time.

 

Set your expectations that you expect a least a brief meeting whether it’s coffee or a drink. If anyone is interested and legit they will make it happen.

 

After a couple weeks move on if they won’t give you the time of day.

[PRW]

I'm sorry but i cannot expect him to drop plans to meet me straightaway that would be unfair, he was going away and already paid for the holiday and he was celebrating someone's birthday! He has done nothing wrong regards to planning the date.

 

There is nothing wrong with that part. I never complained about him not being available for the two weekends he is away. What I am pointing out is this taken from your original message:...

 

I started talking to this guy around a month ago via OLD. A couple weeks ago, we moved the conversation to snapchat as it was easier and not long after we started talking on there I asked him on a date.

You discovered each other a month ago. It then took a couple weeks till you moved it to SnapChat. Then it took a little more time after that before a date was mentioned. So several weeks went by and he did not ask you out,...he should have,...he had time, but he did not. I did not once tell you to not go out with him. If you want to go out with him when he gets back from the trip then by all means do so. But what I am doing is warning you that he seems to lack confidence. If he was confident he would have already asked you out himself, so you never would have had to do it. That lack of confidence is something that you need to remember as you go into this because it will become a source of frustration for you.

 

I have no problem asking a guy out whatsoever, i don't see the problem with it and will continue to do so!

If you want to do that go ahead. But there is a problem with it whether you want to believe it or not. It has nothing to do with culture or morals, it has to do with common sense. What you will continue to get with this method are two kinds of guys:

 

1. Guys who lack the confidence to ask a girl out before she gets tired of waiting and does it for him.
   
2. Guys who don't really care about you but figure you might be easy
   

Edited November 5, 2018 by PRW

[SunnyWeather]

I'm sorry but i cannot expect him to drop plans to meet me straightaway that would be unfair, he was going away and already paid for the holiday and he was celebrating someone's birthday! He has done nothing wrong regards to planning the date.

 

I have no problem asking a guy out whatsoever, i don't see the problem with it and will continue to do so!

 

People are giving you some good insight, but you just keep saying how you don't see a problem with asking a guy out. What you're failing to grasp is you are a virtual stranger to this guy yet have all these expectations. He's showing you his level of interest (zero), so why are you still pining? move on and next time instead of having a fantasy guy whom you just text with, meet up with one earlier to determine if they are even suitable to date.

[smackie9]

I'm sorry but i cannot expect him to drop plans to meet me straightaway that would be unfair, he was going away and already paid for the holiday and he was celebrating someone's birthday! He has done nothing wrong regards to planning the date.

 

I have no problem asking a guy out whatsoever, i don't see the problem with it and will continue to do so!

That's not what I meant....when they say they have plans, etc...those are excuses to avoid a meet up. This guy has been stringing you along.

[olivetree]

He's not that interested!

I'd delete his number and move on.

[RedHead5]

It's been a month, if he wanted to see you by now he would have. And I echo what others are saying about texting for a long time before going out.... Dates are for getting to know each other. Took me a little bit to figure this out when I started dating again. You will end up with pen pals that never have the balls to ask you out. And I don't know about you but I don't have the time in a day to just sit and text all day long.

 

Yeah, it's 2018 and feminism and all that but here you are wondering what's going on...if you let the guy do the initial pursuing, you know.

 

I briefly dated a guy that worked all the time, traveled all the time even, he still made time for a few dates before we fizzled out. When you want something you make time.

 

If you messaged him and he hasn't answered and he has been home and on social media, I wouldn't contact him. If you must contact him, wait till the day you were supposed to meet and ask if you are still on. No more than that.

 

The problem with lots of texting early on is you start to feel like you are involved with someone before you even know them. You may meet this guy and not like him at all in person why waste your time? Meeting in person early determines if there is chemistry.