Kurtis Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Ok, well thanks to all who replied about the 'why can't i get a date thing'. Don't worry no offense taken regarding the replies I totally love this site and any feedback. So, yes many relationships are in turmoil and yes! I've been reflecting a lot, I'm just taking the ideal I have in my head and assuming that everyone I see is in that perfect state of happiness/bliss whatever. So, I guess the plan is to just concentrate on the things I love, hobbies etc. I signed up for guitar lessons, starts next Saturday. One guy sent me a comment and was talking about how girls like a challenge. I agree with that actually it makes sense. I have always noticed very nice girls dating guys who were very confident and secure, it's not that they didn't care about their girls but I guess they are very independent. A lot of guys are jerks, I notice girls dating guys like this hang around, yet a guy that actually doesn't seem to be a challenge and would want to pay attention and care for her seems to be a turnoff! thats weird. But yeah, no more 'why do nice guys finish last'. I mean really, I just have to get out there and try. Question for everyone: Are girls the relationship guardians? Are they the ones who decide if things will keep going or not? Or could I have this viewpoint because I am a male pursuer. Thanks so much people! great site.
NewLee40 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 You just have to get out there and be the best you that you can be. Find things you enjoy and live your life to the full. As far as girls wanting guys who are a challenge, I think that's a bunch of hooey. Us girls get told the same thing about guys. Don't show him how you feel, let him chase you, he doesn't want you to make it easy for him. Oh, whatever. Games, games, games. I'm sick to death of trying to figure it all out. Do you want someone to be with you because you figured out a way to make yourself irresistible because they have some quirk that they can only want what they don't have? Well, what happens when they catch you? They just release you and move on to the next challenge. Call me niave, but I still believe that when its right, the two parties involved will want to be together, will want the other to know how they feel, and will want and need to be reassured that the feelings are mutual. While you are out there doing things that interest you, the right person for you will be there doing those same things and you'll have common ground to build on. Don't try to force something that isn't natural. That's key, I believe. If one party is unsure, then the other person does need to back off unless they want to be perceived as needy. But, that's not the same as artifically creating a "challenge."
Outcast Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 One guy sent me a comment and was talking about how girls like a challenge It's a myth. What nobody, male or female likes, is a pushover; someone with no opinions or wishes of his own. People don't want people who have no personality. Which is worlds different from being controlling, a 'bad guy' or a 'challenge'.
curiousnycgirl Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 What Outcast said times 10! The reality is that once the blush wears off the rose, if you hope to still be in a relationship - then at some point you just need to be yourself! Why not start that right from the beginning? If the relationship grows - then it is for all the right reasons!
mixwell Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I was the guy that posted that comment.. Okay let me explain what I mean by challenge since it is such a myth. I mean have your own opinions,personality,stand up for what you believe and don't give into a woman just to make her happy if you don't feel the same as she does on an issue.. Keep a girl interested in you by not giving up your power. In other words don't act like you are all sprung over her and are whipped and desperate. Woman can sense desperation by the littlest of things and its a huge turnoff. Just act casual and not over excited so she has to question how much you are into her. Now as simple as this sounds I have found that it works. I have actually being seeing this girl for a little bit now and she admires that about me. We were talking about guys buying girls drinks and she said it just seems desperate, like they have no personality or nothing else to offer, so they buy them drinks.. Don't get me wrong if you are out dancing or talking and YOU want to get a drink its not a bad idea to offer her one as well but do not use that as a way to start talking to a girl. She even agrees with me that most guys just don't get it and make all the typical mistakes that guys tend to make, which makes a lot of guys seem all the same in the dating scene. You have to be appealing to them and stand out (which is what the ebooks teach you).. Just read them and it will explain it a whole lot better than I can.. There has been a lot of research that has went into them as well through trial and error.. I think they will open your eyes a lot on the dating scene.. Hit me up and let me know what you think about em.. Take care, Peace
Outcast Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I mean have your own opinions,personality,stand up for what you believe and don't give into a woman just to make her happy if you don't feel the same as she does on an issue In other words; be yourself. Saying someone should be a 'challenge' means you should be something you're not; pretend to be a 'bad guy' or whatever. That's not necessary.
Kengne Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I agree 150% with the poster who said that girls want a challenge in a guy in the sense that: I DON"T WANT A MAN WHO IS 100% AVAILABLE FOR ME 24/7! Let there be some mystery, some backbone, some something about you geez!! This is why I believe 'nice guys' finish last. It's not about the looks, or being a thug. It's about being a challenge. Lemme explain further: IMO, when a man is ALL OVER ME like white on rice... calls me ALL the time... overly *and I do stress, OVERLY* affectionate... generous to a fault... at times, even a pushover or a YES-man *i.e. always agrees with me... never puts his foot down*... this is the hugest turn-off EVER. I think this is the case for me, and perhaps other females because I for one have a very strong personality and tend to sort of run right over people. SO... if I can run right over the person I'm dating or involved with I tend to lose respect for you. It's that simple! I mean c'mon, WHO HERE respects their doormat? NO ONE. And thus, I don't want the person I'm with to be my doormat. And I think the terminology 'challenge' is accurate, because sadly... alot of guys these days are not! They're just overly sappy... and TOO INTO YOU! Be into yourself, and your life. I know of course people are going to call it a game... yada yada yada .... but in my opinion, to some degree life IS a game! We're all in it, whether we like it or not. It's up to you whether you choose to sit on the sidelines, and let it pass you by.. or take an active role. K.
Dean3922 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I was the guy that posted that comment.. Okay let me explain what I mean by challenge since it is such a myth. I mean have your own opinions,personality,stand up for what you believe and don't give into a woman just to make her happy if you don't feel the same as she does on an issue.. Keep a girl interested in you by not giving up your power. In other words don't act like you are all sprung over her and are whipped and desperate. Woman can sense desperation by the littlest of things and its a huge turnoff. Mixwell is 110% correct. A challenge is just another word for NOT being a doormat. Speak your mind. Let her know you have opinions and disagree when yours don't match hers. She will respect you for it and you will respect her.
alphamale Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Question for everyone: Are girls the relationship guardians? Are they the ones who decide if things will keep going or not? Or could I have this viewpoint because I am a male pursuer. Pretty much women decide which man they want to be with. If it was up to men to decide then we'd all be f***ing Pam Anderson and Halle Berry and Charlez Theron. RIght? Women are the ones that make most of the relationship decisions and actually end up end the relationships about 80% of the time, be it marriage or dating or whatnot. But....if you are a smart man and know how to deal with women then you can at least level the playing field.
JS17 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Pretty much women decide which man they want to be with. If it was up to men to decide then we'd all be f***ing Pam Anderson and Halle Berry and Charlez Theron. RIght? Women are the ones that make most of the relationship decisions and actually end up end the relationships about 80% of the time, be it marriage or dating or whatnot. But....if you are a smart man and know how to deal with women then you can at least level the playing field. You know you could totally flip this around Alpha. You're just on an anti-women tirade today. Plenty of women get dumped and how many times have you heard about a man waiting for a woman to propose....NONE.
alphamale Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Plenty of women get dumped My real life experience with friends, family and co-workers has shown that most of the time it is the woman who ends the relationship with the man. And statistics back this up. 75% of divorces in the US are filed by the woman.
JS17 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 We're talking about relationships here not marriages. I'll take your word on the stats for divorce and it makes sense to me that women would end marriages more often than men. In relationships pre-marriage, women are generally more willing to work on a difficult relationship than men and they get attached more easily. Of course not always true but that's the general rule.
alphamale Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 We're talking about relationships here not marriages. women end 75% to 80% of ALL romantic relationships with men. That is a fact. Talk with any man and most of them will tell you that usually it was their g/f or wife that decided to start and end their relationship. Ask most women and they will admit that they usually start and end most of their relationships with men.
JS17 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I'm not buying it. I don't believe those "statistics"
Art_Critic Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 women end 75% to 80% of ALL romantic relationships with men. That is a fact. Talk with any man and most of them will tell you that usually it was their g/f or wife that decided to start and end their relationship. Ask most women and they will admit that they usually start and end most of their relationships with men. Alpha you amaze me wih all your statistic percentages.. where do you come up with these ?? I have ended most of the romantic relationships in my life and including my marriage. And don't you also ?
alphamale Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I'm not buying it. I don't believe those "statistics" talk with the people around you. Ask your co-workers, ask you friends, ask your cousins. Do you have aquaintances? If so, ask them.... You'll be surprised what you hear.
JS17 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Alpha you amaze me wih all your statistic percentages.. where do you come up with these ?? I have ended most of the romantic relationships in my life and including my marriage. And don't you also ? :lmao: Me and most of my girlfriends (not all) have been the dumpee more often than the dumper. Most of my guy friends have been the dumper way way more often than the dumpee.
alphamale Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Alpha you amaze me wih all your statistic percentages.. where do you come up with these ?? I read...its a dying art, unfortunately. I have ended most of the romantic relationships in my life and including my marriage. And don't you also ? Yes, most of the time I dump the women in my life including my ex-wife. But you and I are the 20% of men who do so. I get rid of them cause I know I can get another woman fairly easily so any one woman is not that valuable. Everyone is replaceable is my motto.
JS17 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Everyone is replaceable is my motto. That's a pretty sad way to go through life Alpha.
alphamale Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 That's a pretty sad way to go through life Alpha. It probalby is sad JS17....but it is also realistic and practical.
clynn Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Women are the ones that make most of the relationship decisions and actually end up end the relationships about 80% of the time, be it marriage or dating or whatnot. I must ask....Where doooo you get your statistics?
mixwell Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 In other words; be yourself. Saying someone should be a 'challenge' means you should be something you're not; pretend to be a 'bad guy' or whatever. That's not necessary. Yeah be yourself but incorporate things that are appealing to girls as well. I'm not saying be a bad guy or even put on a show. I am myself but my personality and actions make me a challenge. I am sure there are guys that are themselves that act whipped over a girl. Outcast can you honestly say you would respect a man who would do everything you wanted and never argue with you? Basically a robot that had no mind or backbone? Yeah it might be nice for a little bit but eventually its going to get old quick and become annoying.. You don't want someone who is all clingy.. its just a turnoff for anyone !
mixwell Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 I agree 150% with the poster who said that girls want a challenge in a guy in the sense that: I DON"T WANT A MAN WHO IS 100% AVAILABLE FOR ME 24/7! Let there be some mystery, some backbone, some something about you geez!! This is why I believe 'nice guys' finish last. It's not about the looks, or being a thug. It's about being a challenge. Lemme explain further: IMO, when a man is ALL OVER ME like white on rice... calls me ALL the time... overly *and I do stress, OVERLY* affectionate... generous to a fault... at times, even a pushover or a YES-man *i.e. always agrees with me... never puts his foot down*... this is the hugest turn-off EVER. I think this is the case for me, and perhaps other females because I for one have a very strong personality and tend to sort of run right over people. SO... if I can run right over the person I'm dating or involved with I tend to lose respect for you. It's that simple! I mean c'mon, WHO HERE respects their doormat? NO ONE. And thus, I don't want the person I'm with to be my doormat. And I think the terminology 'challenge' is accurate, because sadly... alot of guys these days are not! They're just overly sappy... and TOO INTO YOU! Be into yourself, and your life. I know of course people are going to call it a game... yada yada yada .... but in my opinion, to some degree life IS a game! We're all in it, whether we like it or not. It's up to you whether you choose to sit on the sidelines, and let it pass you by.. or take an active role. K. Exactly !! See im not full of shiz.. I know thats how a lot of girls are.. If guys are going to keep acting like wuss bags then its better for me.. At least I will be appealing to a girl and not the same as every other guy out there. thanks for supporting me
alphamale Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 If guys are going to keep acting like wuss bags then its better for me.. At least I will be appealing to a girl and not the same as every other guy out there. thanks for supporting me The key to attracting and keeping women around is to not be the average male....You must be different and stand out from the crowd.
mixwell Posted September 13, 2005 Posted September 13, 2005 The key to attracting and keeping women around is to not be the average male....You must be different and stand out from the crowd. Exactly !! See alpha we know whats up.. haha
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