EthanBlack Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 So you meet a girl. She's pretty. You like her personality. She's funny. You hit it off. You get her number. You ask her out. The first one or two dates are pretty good. But then it starts fizzling out. It's not just on her side but on your side too. You don't feel this need to want to be in her company and she probably feels similarly. You both like each other. And you don't mind being around one another. But there's none of that addictive sorta feel. Is it bad timing? Like it's a stressful time for you in your life. Or maybe she's stressed. Or is it just that two people can like and respect each other fine but there's no deeper chemistry? Or maybe you as you grew to know more about one another, you discovered that there isn't enough common ground or foundation. Neither of you did anything wrong. Both of you put your best foot forward. She doesn't have anyone on the side and neither do you. And nobody was playing games. Why does this scenario happen so often in dating? Where it just naturally fizzles out and things are just vanilla?
carhill Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 Hard to know. People vary widely. However, I do know that every dating experience that went past two dates ended up in a relationship or marriage for myself. I'll give the women the credit for being decisive when not feeling it. Mercifully, that mostly happened before the second date so nothing substantial was invested. Why so often? TBH, given how different people are on an individual basis, I'm surprised they get together as often as they do. The need/desire to sexually and emotionally bond is apparently strong enough to impel repeated attempts until something works out. At the other end, man that was a lot of time and effort, not to mention resources. Wouldn't catch me dead doing it now.
Author EthanBlack Posted November 4, 2018 Author Posted November 4, 2018 Hard to know. People vary widely. However, I do know that every dating experience that went past two dates ended up in a relationship or marriage for myself. I'll give the women the credit for being decisive when not feeling it. Mercifully, that mostly happened before the second date so nothing substantial was invested. Why so often? TBH, given how different people are on an individual basis, I'm surprised they get together as often as they do. The need/desire to sexually and emotionally bond is apparently strong enough to impel repeated attempts until something works out. At the other end, man that was a lot of time and effort, not to mention resources. Wouldn't catch me dead doing it now. Yah women are good at cutting things off early if they're not feeling it. But I've also been on dates where it was going well in her mind but I wasn't feeling it and so I kinda let things fizzle out. But I'm kinda questioning the "not feeling it" part. Is it due to wrong timing? Wrong circumstances? Or should we just trust our gut instinct and just assume it wasn't meant to be?
carhill Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 If a person is healthy and choosing to date, they presumably are open to being interested in and showing interest to attractive mates, since attraction generally drives initial dates. Compatibility, or not, can show up immediately or take time. Depends on the interaction. IME, though, women are real good at triaging men in less than a minute as to whether or not they 'feel it', meaning the grunting physical stuff which impels them to have those first date kisses or even sex. Sure, outside stuff can intrude like family, work, health, etc. However, if the grunt is there, the intrusion likely will be explained and worked through. Everyone deals with life stresses and most people are either dating, in relationships or married. All that goes on with life stresses.
Author EthanBlack Posted November 4, 2018 Author Posted November 4, 2018 If a person is healthy and choosing to date, they presumably are open to being interested in and showing interest to attractive mates, since attraction generally drives initial dates. Compatibility, or not, can show up immediately or take time. Depends on the interaction. IME, though, women are real good at triaging men in less than a minute as to whether or not they 'feel it', meaning the grunting physical stuff which impels them to have those first date kisses or even sex. Sure, outside stuff can intrude like family, work, health, etc. However, if the grunt is there, the intrusion likely will be explained and worked through. Everyone deals with life stresses and most people are either dating, in relationships or married. All that goes on with life stresses. Then how does that explain a lot of couples out there where the guy isn't your typical good looking handsome type but the girl is pretty and more physically attractive than her? How do those relationships develop?
carhill Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 We men make brain pictures and assume women do the same. Having been the exception to the male norm in many ways I've experienced the gamut of attraction which is why I get, a modicum anyway, how women feel it, and respect their assessment. The relationships develop over time after that first grunt stuff is out of the way. What I get from my male side is the math thing, every problem has a solution and time is linear, rules and absolutes. Women, IME anyway, are more like artists when it comes to romance. All this discussion of potential algorithms and processes for success are wonderful for discussion purposes. Life, romantic life, is, in comparison, chaos. Dates fizzling out is a part of that.
alphamale Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 it's very hard to get two individuals on the same page and at the same place and the same time...
NuevoYorko Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 No chemistry / potential makes dates fizzle out. Happens all the time.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 When I see that we have little in common or he reveals something major about himself that's a deal breaker. Or if he is pushy about sex and won't take the hint. Other scenario is when I am not attracted to him but decided to give him 2-3 dates to see if he will "grow on me". It never worked and I only became even less attracted. These days I don't bother with this.
elaine567 Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 No chemistry / potential makes dates fizzle out. Happens all the time. Yes, no "potential" is a good one to mention.
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