Cookiefan Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 OK so this is going to be long.. I started sort of seeing this guy last year in February, casually. We were only going to the cinema and days out together, no kissing or anything else involved. He had broken up with his ex at the end of January. She then slept with another guy on valentines day and my guy classed this as cheating. I don't know why, I've pointed out many times that it's not if they weren't together. Although I found out later they were still sleeping together even though he would go on days out with me. He's lied about this to me, saying he wasn't seeing us both. I know he was. Anyway, we got together officially in April last year and I assumed he'd broken contact with her. He hadn't. He kept talking to her on FB a lot, just random chats. She would tell him about her new boyfriend and how much she loved him, asking for advice and stuff. I frankly think she was trying to make him jealous. When I found out he was talking to her and even discussing me, I hit the roof. I asked him to stop speaking to her, and he said he would. He didn't of course, carried on. He eventually did stop speaking to her and then this year, he found out that she had been stealing money from him got over a year by keeping her phone contract connected to his and letting him pay for it. His fault for letting that happen. He told her not to speak to him again ever, but she still messages him and I'm not convinced he doesn't ever talk to her. He also likes to mention stories in front of me about his trips abroad with her or other stuff they did together. I never talk about my exs and find is disrespectful he still does this, almost 2 years after they broke up. He also says he wants to be with me and marry me, but is too nervous to propose? If you want to marry someone, surely it's not scary to actually propose to them. I just think I was a rebound that he is now settled with and can't be bothered to move on, he is very lazy. But I don't want to be second best, especially not to a cheating thief. I feel second best and if she hadnt of slept with another guy he would still be with her. Or would still talk to her if I didnt have a problem with it. Do you think I'm right or just paranoid? I want to trust him again. Until I found out about him talking to her about intimate stuff like partners, I was really happy and fully trusted him. After that I don't trust him. I try to, but I don't.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 Why would you "try" to trust someone who has showed in the strongest ways possible that he is untrustworthy. Marriage? ... That's totally bizarre ... Stay away from his horror house ... the bells are going off ... lightning is flashing, thunder! ... do not enter the horror house with him. Basically, he throws you "marriage" mention ... then says he's too scared to propose ... perfect move to freeze someone and confuse someone you have lied to (you) ... and it's worked. He's got you thinking something crazy: that he is serious and wants to get married. He's most likely still with the other woman ... or will get with her very soon ... Proposing marriage to you ... or even mentioning "marriage" ... is just a way to hold you in check and put up with his nonsense. Let him go ... back to the wild woods he has come from. 3
Author Cookiefan Posted November 4, 2018 Author Posted November 4, 2018 That's what I think, but he calls me crazy when I ask if he is over his ex and then ends up shouting at me about it. I do shout back, but he always starts it. It's just upset me as yet again last night he started talking about his trips abroad with her, in front of mine and his parents. He didn't mention her specifically, but his parents knew who he was talking about, mine didn't. It's always worse when he's been drinking, and he was drinking last night. Hes cruel to me at times when drinking, calls me boring because I don't drink. He used to get drunk with her and they would take drugs, whereas I refuse to let him take drugs near me. I just don't get why he is bothering to be with me. He says Im much better than her (duh she's a cheater and a thief, that's not difficult), but he clearly had more fun with her and I'm apparently boring so why bother? He insists we are good together, I can't see it.
Redhead14 Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 (edited) OK so this is going to be long.. I started sort of seeing this guy last year in February, casually. We were only going to the cinema and days out together, no kissing or anything else involved. He had broken up with his ex at the end of January. She then slept with another guy on valentines day and my guy classed this as cheating. I don't know why, I've pointed out many times that it's not if they weren't together. Although I found out later they were still sleeping together even though he would go on days out with me. He's lied about this to me, saying he wasn't seeing us both. I know he was. Anyway, we got together officially in April last year and I assumed he'd broken contact with her. He hadn't. He kept talking to her on FB a lot, just random chats. She would tell him about her new boyfriend and how much she loved him, asking for advice and stuff. I frankly think she was trying to make him jealous. When I found out he was talking to her and even discussing me, I hit the roof. I asked him to stop speaking to her, and he said he would. He didn't of course, carried on. He eventually did stop speaking to her and then this year, he found out that she had been stealing money from him got over a year by keeping her phone contract connected to his and letting him pay for it. His fault for letting that happen. He told her not to speak to him again ever, but she still messages him and I'm not convinced he doesn't ever talk to her. He also likes to mention stories in front of me about his trips abroad with her or other stuff they did together. I never talk about my exs and find is disrespectful he still does this, almost 2 years after they broke up. He also says he wants to be with me and marry me, but is too nervous to propose? If you want to marry someone, surely it's not scary to actually propose to them. I just think I was a rebound that he is now settled with and can't be bothered to move on, he is very lazy. But I don't want to be second best, especially not to a cheating thief. I feel second best and if she hadnt of slept with another guy he would still be with her. Or would still talk to her if I didnt have a problem with it. Do you think I'm right or just paranoid? I want to trust him again. Until I found out about him talking to her about intimate stuff like partners, I was really happy and fully trusted him. After that I don't trust him. I try to, but I don't. my guy classed this as cheating. I don't know why, I've pointed out many times that it's not if they weren't together. Although I found out later they were still sleeping together even though he would go on days out with me. He's lied about this to me, saying he wasn't seeing us both. I know he was. -- This "double-standard" attitude would be enough for me to move on. That is a sign of being controlling . . . "I don't think he is over his ex" -- Get out of his head and into yours. He is not making YOU feel like a priority PERIOD. Move on. You can do much better and deserve better. You don't love this guy, you love who you wish he would be. Edited November 4, 2018 by Redhead14
olivetree Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 He's lied to you numerous times, is mean to you and clearly not over his ex. The whole thing sound unhealthy, and if you're putting up with it you're probably not in a healthy place either. So many redflags here. You need to let go and move on. It's not going anywhere. 2
Kelliousme Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 It's just upset me as yet again last night he started talking about his trips abroad with her, in front of mine and his parents. He didn't mention her specifically, but his parents knew who he was talking about, mine didn't. It's always worse when he's been drinking, and he was drinking last night. Hes cruel to me at times when drinking, calls me boring because I don't drink. He used to get drunk with her and they would take drugs, whereas I refuse to let him take drugs near me. I just don't get why he is bothering to be with me. He says Im much better than her (duh she's a cheater and a thief, that's not difficult), but he clearly had more fun with her and I'm apparently boring so why bother? He insists we are good together, I can't see it. I think there's a bigger problem here besides him talking to his ex girlfriend. If this guy is a DECENT guys, I'd say you should give him a chance. BUT this guy sounds like hell. He's talking to his ex, lied to you a few times, shouts at you, DISRESPECTFULLY TALKS ABOUT his ex in front of YOUR parents, AND he takes drugs/gets drunk. IDK what you're thinking.. Dump this man. He's right that you're better. You're better than both him and his girl. Stop wondering why he's bothering to be with him. Start wondering why you bother to be with him. Cut him loose. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 You need to raise you standards and find a better guy, OP. Seriously, what do you see in him? He's a punk. 1
Author Cookiefan Posted November 4, 2018 Author Posted November 4, 2018 I dunno why I bother to be honest. I used to love him a lot, but we've had so many arguments recently although not about her. He can be nice and kind, but I'm just not convinced he is over her and no matter what he says I doubt I ever will be convinced. It just sucks as I thought he was great and much better than my ex who was abusive.
Versacehottie Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 I think there's a bigger problem here besides him talking to his ex girlfriend. If this guy is a DECENT guys, I'd say you should give him a chance. BUT this guy sounds like hell. He's talking to his ex, lied to you a few times, shouts at you, DISRESPECTFULLY TALKS ABOUT his ex in front of YOUR parents, AND he takes drugs/gets drunk. IDK what you're thinking.. Dump this man. He's right that you're better. You're better than both him and his girl. Stop wondering why he's bothering to be with him. Start wondering why you bother to be with him. Cut him loose. This^^^^^^^ is exactly on the money^^^^
Author Cookiefan Posted November 4, 2018 Author Posted November 4, 2018 He snapped just now at me because I've been upset since last night but not talked to him about it. I've got depression from being in this relationship and he triggered it last night. Told him I'm sad because of my depression and he yelled at me.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 4, 2018 Posted November 4, 2018 He snapped just now at me because I've been upset since last night but not talked to him about it. I've got depression from being in this relationship and he triggered it last night. Told him I'm sad because of my depression and he yelled at me. Having said this, what are you going to do about it? He isn't going to change, and his ex is not the biggest problem. Why are you staying in a relationship that makes you feel so miserable?
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