Husband says it's over and no going back. .

November 4, 2018

Me and my husband have been together 3 years married for 4 months. We had a argument on Friday when he received bad news from the hospital, I tried to support him but he said I didn't support him enough and I just cause stress in his life, we've had many of arguments and he said they are getting worse, I've been trying my damn hardest to change things and make life easy.

He throw his wedding ring at me and said it's over and no amount of talking is going to change that, he's called me all sorts of names and he said he's leave on Tuesday when I'm at work because it be easy then because I won't be here to stop him. He knows I have no where to go as I have no friends or family. He just seems to be getting on with his life while I'm sat here in bits, not eating or sleeping. He said when he's in one room I go in the other.

We have arguments before but we have always manage to sort it, this is the first time it's goneon this long which makes me think it's over for good and I can't cope with that. He said to me before that no matter how much we fall out and him saying he's going yo leave he won't as he loves me but this time I have a bad gut feeling he means it. How can he say he loves me but after this argument it seems like he hates me. Please someone help as I'm at breaking point and can't cope at all

Edited November 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and move to S&D

November 4, 2018

Me and my husband have been together 3 years married for 4 months. We had a argument on Friday when he received bad news from the hospital, I tried to support him but he said I didn't support him enough and I just cause stress in his life, we've had many of arguments and he said they are getting worse, I've been trying my damn hardest to change things and make life easy. He throw his wedding ring at me and said it's over and no amount of talking is going to change that, he's called me all sorts of names and he said he's leave on Tuesday when I'm at work because it be easy then because I won't be here to stop him. He knows I have no where to go as I have no friends or family. He just seems to be getting on with his life while I'm sat here in bits, not eating or sleeping. He said when he's in one room I go in the other. We have arguments before but we have always manage to sort it, this is the first time it's goneon this long which makes me think it's over for good and I can't cope with that. He said to me before that no matter how much we fall out and him saying he's going yo leave he won't as he loves me but this time I have a bad gut feeling he means it. How can he say he loves me but after this argument it seems like he hates me. Please someone help as I'm at breaking point and can't cope at all

when he received bad news from the hospital, - Did he receive news that his ailment is terminal or will be difficult to manage? I'd say give him some space. Be busy with your life, go out with friends, talk to family. Don't dote on him either. If it's manageable and recovery is imminent, etc., he's being a drama queen and/or he has been unhappy in the relationship anyway and is using this as an excuse. Only you can have any clue about that part. It's likely that he has fears about the future -- financially able to support the family, not being able to be a good partner, being a burden. Lots of emotions would be swirling around and that would make anyone pull away and try to isolate. They kinda need that for a bit usually. But, it shouldn't be months. A couple of weeks tops to get the heads around the situation.

At some calm moment, I'd ask him what it is he wants in terms of support from you. Most men don't want women to coddle them and try to "take over", nurture, etc. Ask him what he needs. If he's still adamant about ending the relationship, you just need to step back and see where it goes. If I were you, I'd start getting myself in a better position to be an independent person. If you're not working, get a job, any job and put some money aside for yourself. When he begins to observe that you are making those preparations, he may come around.

If he is terminal, then counseling for both of you would be in order. If he's not up for that for himself, you get it for yourself.

Edited November 4, 2018 by Redhead14

November 4, 2018

Welcome to LS!

What was the bad news from the hospital? Can you give us concrete examples of why he thinks you didn't support him enough?

What are you trying to change to make life better?

Have you had this sort of conversation with your husband?

And more importantly, why did you two, think that the other party was not listening?

November 4, 2018

He is still waiting on further test to find out if it's serious or not, he said that I'm not there to support like a wife should. Even tho I have tried to be a good wife, the past year we've had arguments but the next day it's over with but this time he wants me out of his life, says he don't want anything to do with me, took his wedding ring off and said he's leaving on Tuesday when I'm at work so it makes it easy for him, I have a job but only part time and we work in the same place as well.. I just want him back but no amount of talking has helped. I don't know what else I can do, I think this is the end but I can't cope with losing him

He had to wait and see if he's got cancer, he accuse me of not supporting him and making him ill even tho I've tried to support him and be there for him. I have no friends or family. I feel so alone right now and struggling to cope with this pain. We've had arguments before and he's said before he's unhappy because we struggled to get time together because of work and his family life. I don't want to lose him but I think I've lost him for good

Edited November 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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November 4, 2018

He is still waiting on further test to find out if it's serious or not, he said that I'm not there to support like a wife should. Even tho I have tried to be a good wife, the past year we've had arguments but the next day it's over with but this time he wants me out of his life, says he don't want anything to do with me, took his wedding ring off and said he's leaving on Tuesday when I'm at work so it makes it easy for him, I have a job but only part time and we work in the same place as well.. I just want him back but no amount of talking has helped. I don't know what else I can do, I think this is the end but I can't cope with losing him

He is not in a position mentally or emotionally to make a decision like this. I always tell people not to make big decisions when stressed about something other than what the decision is being made about. Let him deal with this on his own terms for a while.

And, try to maintain some sense of normalcy. Don't tip toe around him or leave the room he's in. Communicate with him about daily household needs and responsibilities. Attempt to have the usual daily communication. Keep it light. Don't talk about the medical situation unless there's something that needs to be decided upon. Be strong. That's what he needs. A strong woman that he can feel some reliance on. He is going to be struggling with fear of losing his independence, his "status" in the relationship, the future, the unknown.

He is still waiting on further test to find out if it's serious or not - That waiting period is hell sometimes, especially, if they have convinced themselves of the worst.

I can't cope with losing him -- He struggling to cope with a lot and it's causing him to isolate and push you away. Stay centered for a while and let him come to you when he's ready. See what happens after the tests come back. In the meantime, you be strong and there for him. Just there.

November 4, 2018

I'm trying to maintain some sort of normal routine, but he's told me if he's in one room I go to another, I've tried to talk to him but to no avail he just says whatever leave me alone and no amount of talking will change things. He's took his ring off and said we won't be getting back together. He's accuse me of making him ill and that's why he wants me out of his life. He's said he's leaving on Tuesday when I'm at work but I don't want him to leave, I've gave him space, tried not to talk to him but it's just really hard. He's in the middle of giving up smoking so not in the best of moods, he's very stubborn and can dig his heels in. He's told his mum where as before he's never said anything to her about our arguments which makes me think it's over for good and no going back. How can he say he loves me wont ever leave me, and can't imgine his life without me to this. I'm in bits and struggling to cope.

November 4, 2018

I'm trying to maintain some sort of normal routine, but he's told me if he's in one room I go to another, I've tried to talk to him but to no avail he just says whatever leave me alone and no amount of talking will change things. He's took his ring off and said we won't be getting back together. He's accuse me of making him ill and that's why he wants me out of his life. He's said he's leaving on Tuesday when I'm at work but I don't want him to leave, I've gave him space, tried not to talk to him but it's just really hard. He's in the middle of giving up smoking so not in the best of moods, he's very stubborn and can dig his heels in. He's told his mum where as before he's never said anything to her about our arguments which makes me think it's over for good and no going back. How can he say he loves me wont ever leave me, and can't imgine his life without me to this. I'm in bits and struggling to cope.

Then, you need to take some power back for yourself. He doesn't get to unilaterally deal with a marriage issue. See if you can stay with a friend for a few days or go to a hotel. I'm not talking about an ultimatum or being manipulative. This is about YOU as much as it is about him. Him asking you to leave the rooms he's in is complete and utter BS. That is your home too. Tell him you understand the struggle he's having and you want to accommodate his need for space but that you also refuse to be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home and that he can call you anytime he's ready to move forward as a couple and communicate effectively. He's really being selfish. That doesn't deserve nurturing or support.

Edited November 4, 2018 by Redhead14

November 4, 2018

I don't have any friends or family, I'm all alone and he knows that, I only work part time so can't afford somewhere to stay just yet. The property is his and in his name, he said he's leaving on Tuesday when I'm at work as it be easy then me being here crying and begging him to stay. I'm scared to go to work incase he's not here when I get back. I've tried to talk yo him but he said he can't forgive me for not being there for him even tho I have been. He said I've let him down and ive made him ill. He don't want anything to do with me, he said he don't want to look at me or be near anywhere near me. He's called me all sorts of names, I'm selfish a bitch, not a nice person and wants nothing more to do with me. We work together as well so that's going to be really hard as well

November 4, 2018

Ask him what "supporting him" looks like then do whatever that is if it's in your power.

It sounds like he's scared & taking it out on you.

I don't understand how he can claim you gave him cancer. That is not rational.

November 4, 2018

It is very mean of him toblame his diagnosis on you. You do know that, don't you?

November 4, 2018

Hes got to have more test to find out if it's cancer so not sure at the moment, we've had arguments in the past year and he's blaming it all on me saying I told you to change things and now I'm ill because of you. He don't want anything to do with me, won't hardly talk to me, took his wedding ring off, he said he can't look at me or be near anywhere near me. I don't want to lose him, I'm trying everything I can to make this work but he's choosing not to

November 4, 2018

I don't have any friends or family, I'm all alone and he knows that, I only work part time so can't afford somewhere to stay just yet. The property is his and in his name, he said he's leaving on Tuesday when I'm at work as it be easy then me being here crying and begging him to stay. I'm scared to go to work incase he's not here when I get back. I've tried to talk yo him but he said he can't forgive me for not being there for him even tho I have been. He said I've let him down and ive made him ill. He don't want anything to do with me, he said he don't want to look at me or be near anywhere near me. He's called me all sorts of names, I'm selfish a bitch, not a nice person and wants nothing more to do with me. We work together as well so that's going to be really hard as well

You must be doing something he does not like, or he would not insult you

you must specify what it is you say and/or do just before, the very moment before, he insults

are you standing? sitting? quiet? noisy? what are you saying and doing?

November 4, 2018

Is that true . . . .did he ask for changes that you failed to implement?

I seems that he was wrong to marry you 4 months ago if he'd been unhappy for 8 months prior to that.

November 4, 2018

Op, you need to also be really honest with yourself too. It's usually true that it takes two . . . what has he specifically asked you to do? What have you done or not done? Have you fallen to depression yourself and not upholding your role in the household? OPs often "leave out" things when they post about a situation because they are in some denial and/or simply so stressed themselves they can't see the forest for the trees.

How did this specific situation begin the free fall? What was going on in the relationship before the medical issue?

November 4, 2018

Hes a very difficult person to live with he has said this but he never takes ant responsibility for anything, everything is my fault, I've said sorry before when it's not my fault. If I disagree with something he says it's my fault and causing an argument. We've had arguments before but it's mostly down to something I don't agree with or something he don't agree with. He accuses me of arguing all the time when sometimes I'm just trying to get my point across. I could be sat there and he will just come out with you know we are not getting back together it's over. Today I've been crying upset at the fact we are over and tells me it's crocodile tears and it won't work. He said I needed to stop the arguments when it wasn't always me that started them. I admit I'm not perfect and had a few arguments but in a relationship you have ups and downs. He wanted to marry me he ask me, he said in a heated argument before that he's unhappy but then after the argument we are happy and everything is alright again. I just want him back but don't know what to say or do anymore as he don't want me in the same room as him

November 4, 2018

Before the argument Friday we were happy, no arguments. We haven't spent alot of time together before this because of work and he cares for his dad as well which I do help out as well. I'm not perfect we both start arguments before but it's only been small silly things. On Friday when he received the news he was unhappy took it out on me and I tried to calm the situation but he said I was shouting at him when all I was trying to do was talk to him. He received bad news as well as giving up smoking on the same day, he has took things out on me before when he's been upset. He has a short temper. If I don't agree with something he says or does it causes a argument

November 4, 2018

Hes a very difficult person to live with he has said this but he never takes ant responsibility for anything, everything is my fault, I've said sorry before when it's not my fault. If I disagree with something he says it's my fault and causing an argument. We've had arguments before but it's mostly down to something I don't agree with or something he don't agree with. He accuses me of arguing all the time when sometimes I'm just trying to get my point across. I could be sat there and he will just come out with you know we are not getting back together it's over. Today I've been crying upset at the fact we are over and tells me it's crocodile tears and it won't work. He said I needed to stop the arguments when it wasn't always me that started them. I admit I'm not perfect and had a few arguments but in a relationship you have ups and downs. He wanted to marry me he ask me, he said in a heated argument before that he's unhappy but then after the argument we are happy and everything is alright again. I just want him back but don't know what to say or do anymore as he don't want me in the same room as him

I'm beginning to think that you two are just mismatched. Even though you'd been together for 3 years (I think you said) before you were married, you two might have just been on auto-pilot during that time without having a quality relationship to begin with. You may have to consider just moving on. You two are clearly not in a position to deal with such a big issue in a relationship and conflict resolution skills are weak. See if he will consider counseling. If not, make preparations for moving on. Trauma usually bonds a couple, this is driving you apart. You can love a person while still not being compatible or right for each other for a long-term relationship burdened by complications, etc.

November 4, 2018

He was getting stressed before this about not spending time together and I was too but it was difficult because of everything going on. He says I cause all the arguments and because of this I've been so careful about what I say and do as I don't want the arguments. Like I said he has a short temper so I'm always careful not to upset him. I don't understand how he can go from saying he loves me don't want anybody else, can't bare the thought of me with someone else to this

November 4, 2018

Everyone always says we are good together and we suit each other. We have been together 3 years married for 4 months his choice to marry and of course I said yes, it was the best day ever. But sinch then struggled to get time together because of work he works nights and cares for his dad as well. He won't do counselling, I don't want to lose him, I'm so scared, the pain I'm feeling right now is horrible. He said he won't ever leave me, that he loves me and can't bare the thought of me with someone else and now he don't want anything to do with me. Why say what he said if he don't mean it

November 4, 2018

he says you argue and shout

not flattering, hard to accept - but - you must decide to hold your tongue, to shut up, and do not expect him to like your opinions

learn to be diplomatic

tell him you will never argue and shout again, and will be a gentle wife from now on, hopefully, he will be ok

Edited November 4, 2018 by darkmoon

November 4, 2018

Even if you were both smoking, you are only part responsible, as he is also a smoker. Beyond this, I cannot understad why he would think that youare responsible for him being ill.

Why do you think that you are responsible for not setting off his short temper? Why does he not feel more responsible for it?

Things will not be ok if you cannot ever speak your mind. Being diplomatic only works if you can still be able to speak your mind respectfully.

November 4, 2018

I don't always shout at him, we have disagreements like every relationship does, he has his own opinions and I have mine and sometimes we don't agree on something. I'm sure every relationship goes through this. He blames me for everything, I even say sorry even when I've done nothing wrong because I'm scared of losing him.

I don't smoke he's the only one who smokes well he did, he quit on Friday and he's always in a bad mood when he trys to quit. Lately I've just been agreeing to everything he says as I don't want any arguments but even then I'm in the wrong for not standing my ground

November 4, 2018

I need to talk to someone as I don't feel like I can cope, I thought there was a chance but he said people are telling him I'm talking to other blokes behind his back when I haven't as I have no friends. He said whatever and he wants me out. He said that there's no chance for us and it's over for good. I'm in bits and struggling to cope

November 4, 2018

You used the expression bloke so I presume you are from the UK? I used to live in Oxford =)

Can you talk to your local mental health counselor? You haven't got a single friend you can trust?

Remember even if this all falls down around you, you are still alive and have a lot to look forward to. Don't do anything wonky. This stuff can be built again if need be.

In the meantime, share your thoughts with us. Venting helps. You can get through this. I would point out that something the other people here said is true - conflict always has two sides to the story. You are both at some degree of fault for the conflict that's happened. You have lost your temper at him, you've said it yourself. Right now, give him an honest effort at reconciliation. You can't really give a bloke cancer except in very extreme circumstances. He's wrong for lashing out. Be as serene as you can be right now - you have us to vent to - and be there as his support. See if he turns around. When everybody's mood is calm, ask him specifically, I know I've done wrong, and I want to help us both get over this as adults. I'm willing to change a lot, but I need to know how we can both move forward from this together.

November 4, 2018

There's no hope for us at all, I've tried to talk to him, he said when I'm living under his roof I don't bring any one else back and if he find out on seeing someone else he will kick me out. I won't find anyone else as he's the only one i want. There's no going back for us and I know it's over but I can't cope as he is my world. I can't see a future without him. I've tried to be nice and say sorry and give me another chance. He said he's wasted too much time on me he not going to spend any more time on me. I suffer from depression anixity and panic attacks and struggling to cope. I have no one around me no friends I'm all alone and can't see a future without him

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Husband says it's over and no going back. .

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