donotmicrowave Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Maybe it’s a silly question.. But I would like to hear your opinion. Does moving on mean that you feel absolutely nothing for them anymore? That you’re completely indifferent? Or do you know you’ve moved on when you can finally love someone else? What about your first love? It tends to drive most of us, sorry, crazy. Is it possible to fully forget about them, too? Or will there always be a “feeling” there somewhere? I don’t hurt over my ex anymore, but I still worry and care about them. And I do find myself getting sad every once in a while. Mainly because of the good memories that we had. He might’ve been cruel most of the time, but he gave me a big lesson that made me stronger. I’m grateful. But how can you be sure you’ve fully moved on? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 I think you've moved on when you have no longing left to get back together with them, when you fully accept that it's over. That means NOT being angry or resentful, but valuing the relationship for what it brought to your life even if it ended in a less than happy way. It's only normal to still care about people you loved in the past, if you have no feelings for them at all I would question whether you really ever loved them to begin with. So unless you are still holding out hope of reuniting, or still harboring anger and resentments, you've probably moved on. The real test is being open and available to a new relationship when the time is right. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 When you're in a relationship with someone you spend a lot of time together. If it's a long term relationship a significant chunk of your life is spent with that person. There isn't any way you'll ever forget about them,- but you do eventually get to a point where you feel that not having them around isn't impacting on your life, and you are open to a new relationship. I think you've moved on if you're emotionally ready for a new relationship, whether or not you actually have one. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 For me it means being fully convinced that breaking up was the right thing to do and that you are not right for each other, would never agree to getting back together again as a couple, and have no desire to be physically intimate with that person. And all this change of heart without forgetting the good memories or harboring resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 To me moving on means that thoughts of the EX are no longer intrusive, the good memories exist but the pain is not acute. I certainly wish happiness on my EXs. I worried about one while his father was dying but they are not my constant thoughts. If I bump into them we can be pleasant & I don't walk away feel devastated at having seen them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Frankly, I think a person has moved on when they realize that their focus has become all about themselves and have become happy with themselves as a single, independent, secure person again. Sure, there will be times when you think about past loves but when you've reached a point where you only think about the good times and there is no negativity left about those scenarios, you are as ready as you'll ever be. Forgiveness plays a big role as well. If a past love has abused/hurt you, it's important to just forgive. Not for them or their benefit, but for yours -- to release the toxicity of the situation which in turn makes you a better dating partner for someone else. How can you be sure? -- You give yourself a good block of time to grieve and process the broken relationship and get centered again and then, you put your toe in the water and observe whether you start projecting onto potential dating partners before you've gotten to know them. Then you know you need a little more time. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 4, 2018 Share Posted November 4, 2018 Moving on... I was shocked a couple years after the D I'd forgotten most of my exW's family's names. I had to really think and had known most of them for 10-15 years. About that same time I offered her boyfriend a job. She declined for him Link to post Share on other sites
Stripperiffic Posted November 5, 2018 Share Posted November 5, 2018 How moving on feels would depend on the relationship. Sometimes it's indifference. I think indifference is more common when it's been a hard relationship. Cheating, abuse, or just tons of bad moments. When you no longer feel hatred or anger AND love, you know you've moved on because you're indifferent. Other times, you'll always have a place for them in your heart, but your heart no longer craves them. You'll remember it fondly and as a learning experience. Right now, moving on for me is knowing I can be okay with or without a partner. I will still reach my career and education goals. I will still be a good friend and a great lover to the next person who enters my life. I don't need my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 When the thought of them with someone else, or seeing them with someone else, doesn't phase you. Recently, I saw that an ex was moving in with her boyfriend. I believe it'll be the first time she officially lives with a partner. This would have absolutely crushed me at one time. Now? Indifference, if not a little happy to see she's found someone she feels worth further investing in. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 I think the goal of moving on should be to stop caring what they would think if you ran into them or they saw a photo of you online. And to be able to get more interested in another person. I also think a big part of moving on especially for women is being able to see and accept that the person is what he is and taking off the love blinders that keep you giving them the benefit of the doubt or thinking you can change them. It's when you realize there's nothing magic about them and the love that you felt comes from within you not out of them. The love you feel is not a measure of what they felt back. But you get to take that love with you because it does come from within. It doesn't leave you just because you leave them, but you make the decision to stop giving it to them and save it for someone else maybe sometime. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 To me, moving on means feeling fairly indifferent about the ex and what they're up to. It means feeling ready to let someone else into your heart and mind too. My first love was ages ago, and while he once was an important person in my life, he isn't someone I really think about anymore. I hope he's doing well but we drifted out of each other's lives a long time ago. First loves are often over-estimated, in my experience. They are significant experiences but usually not the great loves of our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Young mind Posted November 6, 2018 Share Posted November 6, 2018 One sentence, I got my life back! Link to post Share on other sites
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