When he says “keep in touch” does he mean it?

[ManOfMetal]

This guy (33) and myself (29) have been friends for 4 years. We were always very close and before we hooked up he apparently had liked me romantically for 6 months. He was always there for me, helped me with anything I needed, let me cry to him, he took me to thanksgiving, invited me to concerts, I met all his friends. We were very attracted to eachother and we hooked up and it kept getting a little more serious. It was right on the verge of becoming a relationship until I had to move out of state for work. We ended things. And didn’t speak for a year.

 

He drunk texted me a few months ago and then texted me to apologize and we ended up talking and sexting. Saying how much we wanted eachother still and reminiscing about old memories. ect. For the next month he texted me and the next time he said he wanted me and wished I was there...I said well I’m visiting friends in 2 weeks, flight booked. Do you want to hook up while I’m there? And he said “of course! I’ll give so many orgasms” and I said “I’d love that” and he said “If I had a full day with you and we spent it together I could give you 10 orgasms” so we ended up making a plan. And continued to talk and text the next 2 weeks.

 

Long story short, his parents decided to visit last minute the same weekend I was there. We couldn’t hook up but he still wanted to meet to just talk.

 

So we did. He asked me all about my life And he told me ALL about this last year without me. He opened up to me about his fears, his anxieties, his shortcomings, he told me things he was struggling with and things he was trying to improve about himself. He seemed nervous and fidgety at first. He remembered SO many things about me and my life and my family and wanted to know everything and anything and just kept asking me questions about it.

 

In between us talking he would flirt playfully making fun of me, imitating my voice and movements, playfully hitting me and acting all cutesy and silly. I would touch him too and playfully hit him and touch his arm. We did a lot of laughing. If was like NO TIME had passed. We were so comfortable and natural and effortless and we didn’t shut up lol. And he asked me SO many questions about my dating life this last year and if there were any special men and why things didn’t work out with them and I asked him about his dating and he told me about some things but ultimately said he hasn’t met anyone special we were talking about how important it is to find compatibility and he said it’s not just all about looks.

 

There are other important traits and I looked down and said “yea exactly like you want to have great conversations, be comfortable around them and be able to be yourself and have them accept you “ and as I looked up and made eye contact he was staring at me and smiling so much and said while smiling “yes those are very important” and then he said nothing and just had this sweet smile on him and stared at me and I felt that spark emanating from his eyes. And then we commenced talking and flirting and making fun of me some more. He asked me “so when are you moving back or do you not know?”

 

I told him probably in 2 months and he said “Great, let me know when you do and we’ll get together. I said well I might visit again before then and he said “hit me up then too” and I said softly “yea?” And he softly smiled and whispered “yea” so then we talked so more and he apologized for his parents coming and not being able to have our day we planned and I said “it’s ok but yea I was excited about that” and he said “I was too” And as we were parting he hugged me and said “you look really good” blew me a kiss and said “stay in touch” and I said “yea you too” and he said “well obviously lol” and then he left.

 

Literally 2 seconds after he left, he texted me “my toes were just cold. The rest of me is fine” and I said “oh that’s a relief. You standing outside so long without a coat” and he said “you should’ve put them in your mouth lol” I said “lol that definitely would’ve kept them warm” then he asked me what I was thinking and I told him that I’m sorry we couldn’t hook up and he said “don’t worry about it doodiebutt. Just bad circumstances lol”

 

So my question is does he really want me to stay in touch or was that just friendly pleasantries when parting? Should I wait for him to contact me? Is he even interested in me? I’m so confused

Edited November 4, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Logo]

I don’t see any confusion.

 

It sounds like you’re doubting yourself for no apparent reason.

 

 

You’re both on the same page, so it seems.

 

 

He might have some kind of foot fetish though. lol

[ManOfMetal]

Lol yea the foot comment was funny. Thank you! It helps to hear someone say I have no reason to doubt myself. It’s what I do, I’m trying to work on it though. It just makes me anxious bc I don’t know if I should wait for him to contact me, if I should reach out first and how long I should wait. I saw him on Tuesday when I visited but not sure if it’s too soon to reach out

[Mardelis]

he said “don’t worry about it doodiebutt".

 

 

If he uses "doodiebutt" as a term of endearment I'd hate to hear what he uses for an insult.

[ManOfMetal]

Oh sorry. That’s an inside joke between us. But what do you think about the rest of it?

[Logo]

It just makes me anxious bc I don’t know if I should wait for him to contact me, if I should reach out first and how long I should wait. I saw him on Tuesday when I visited but not sure if it’s too soon to reach out

 

 

 

 

The way you describe your meeting it sounds like all the above calculations aren't going to be productive.

 

 

 

He likes you for who you are. Just be yourself. Do whatever feels right. Just remember to keep things on an even keel, no need to gush or withdraw.

[Redhead14]

He encouraged you to reach out to him. So do it. Don't go over the top. Keep it balanced. Reach out, get response, respond in kind. Then sit back and observe and let him initiate. It's ok to take the reins a little bit then hand them back to him so to speak. If he doesn't reach out to you for a week or more, I'd say he's not that interested. If he reciprocates and is consistent, things are looking pretty good at least.

[stillafool]

You've known him for 4 years and don't know whether he was sincere in telling you to "keep in touch"?

[ManOfMetal]

it’s not bc of him. It’s bc of my past, I don’t trust someone really cares about me. It’s something I’m working on but it’s still difficult. Hence why I come to these forums, for a little encouragement

[ManOfMetal]

The way you describe your meeting it sounds like all the above calculations aren't going to be productive.

 

 

 

He likes you for who you are. Just be yourself. Do whatever feels right. Just remember to keep things on an even keel, no need to gush or withdraw.

Ok thank you! I’m not used to someone liking me for who I am. They always want sex or want to use me. I’ve had bad experiences in the past so this is all new. Thank you for your assurance. I will work on just doing what feels right

[preraph]

It sounds like he has shown interest in some things other than sex in the now distant past, at least. Has he shown any indication that he might be real resonsible and want a long-term relationship? Is he holding down a decent job and keeping a roof over his head and not addicted to anything?

 

The fact he used to do things for you is the best sign. The sex stuff that you iterated isn't really important as to whether he wants something long-term or not. All guys want sex and hookups. But if she's still doing nice things and you feel like he'd like to be there for the real things in life with you, that's a good sign.

[kendahke]

When he says "keep in touch" does he mean it?

 

 

Generally speaking, no. It's a way of saying "thanks, have a nice life. I'm not interested enough to pursue".

 

 

 

If you did call, he'd be cordial, but do not do it expecting him to want a protracted conversation with a point he has no interest in. If he wanted to keep in touch, you'd know it and this thread wouldn't be here.

[Lotsgoingon]

He asked me “so when are you moving back or do you not know?” I told him probably in 2 months and he said “Great, let me know when you do and we’ll get together. I said well I might visit again before then and he said “hit me up then too” and I said softly “yea?” And he softly smiled and whispered “yea” so then we talked so more and he apologized for his parents coming and not being able to have our day we planned and I said “it’s ok but yea I was excited about that” and he said “I was too” And as we were parting he hugged me and said “you look really good” blew me a kiss and said “stay in touch” and I said “yea you too” and he said “well obviously lol” and then he left.

 

Literally 2 seconds after he left, he texted me “my toes were just cold. The rest of me is fine” and I said “oh that’s a relief. You standing outside so long without a coat” and he said “you should’ve put them in your mouth lol” I said “lol that definitely would’ve kept them warm” then he asked me what I was thinking and I told him that I’m sorry we couldn’t hook up and he said “don’t worry about it doodiebutt. Just bad circumstances lol”

 

So my question is does he really want me to stay in touch or was that just friendly pleasantries when parting? Should I wait for him to contact me? Is he even interested in me? I’m so confused

 

Sounds like you guys had a fabulous time ... and my read is that not only does he want you to stay in touch, but that he will be in touch.

 

Now ... I think I get some of your uncertainty here. "Stay in touch" is a week ending to the closeness that you describe so well. But then when you responded to tell him also to stay in touch (Nice move on your part!) he said, "obviously." Obviously is quite strong.

 

You picked out the "stay in touch" but my brain focuses on him saying how much he enjoyed you and asking when you can return to your hometown. And my brain picks up the timelessness of your conversation ... how natural it was ... and how much he remembered about you and your family. People remember when they spend time remembering and when they CARE to remember. So clearly he's been thinking of you--a lot.

 

Kinda cool and cute the way you guys updated each other on dating ...

 

Anyway, proceed as you want ... Don't go assuming you're definitely going to be back together, but if you like him, stay in touch but also let him contact you!

 

Good luck.

[ManOfMetal]

Sounds like you guys had a fabulous time ... and my read is that not only does he want you to stay in touch, but that he will be in touch.

 

Now ... I think I get some of your uncertainty here. "Stay in touch" is a week ending to the closeness that you describe so well. But then when you responded to tell him also to stay in touch (Nice move on your part!) he said, "obviously." Obviously is quite strong.

 

You picked out the "stay in touch" but my brain focuses on him saying how much he enjoyed you and asking when you can return to your hometown. And my brain picks up the timelessness of your conversation ... how natural it was ... and how much he remembered about you and your family. People remember when they spend time remembering and when they CARE to remember. So clearly he's been thinking of you--a lot.

 

Kinda cool and cute the way you guys updated each other on dating ...

 

Anyway, proceed as you want ... Don't go assuming you're definitely going to be back together, but if you like him, stay in touch but also let him contact you!

 

Good luck.

Thank you for your comment. The way you broke it down makes sense and you understand where my hesitation and doubt are stemming from. You’re right the time we spent was positive and amazing and just going off that and the feeling alone and what my gut is telling me and how different he is from last year, I know he’s interested. But you’re right, my mind was focusing on “stay in touch” bc after all that deepness and bonding it does seem like such a weak way to end things and I think that’s what tripped me up. Thank you for clarifying

[ManOfMetal]

Generally speaking, no. It's a way of saying "thanks, have a nice life. I'm not interested enough to pursue".

 

 

 

If you did call, he'd be cordial, but do not do it expecting him to want a protracted conversation with a point he has no interest in. If he wanted to keep in touch, you'd know it and this thread wouldn't be here.

I don’t think you even read the post

[snowboy91]

I don't think there's a need to read into the wording too much - I'd just take it literally.

 

He said keep in touch - so get in touch. Contact him. If you're agonising over it, just call or send a message - you really have nothing to lose. If you stay quiet you'll just keep agonising. If you try to make contact, no matter how things go you'll get an answer sooner or later.

 

It seems like you guys have a great connection going, so it would be sad for this to die just because one or both are too shy to make contact.

[deesw8]

Your question is simple yet complicated at the same time. The way to really know is with some time- to see how he reacts, he could mean it then but time can tell whether he follows through. I think whether you should take initiative depends on how much you truly like the person. But don't get too hung up on the words itself.

[Malin889]

Yes he means it! But friendship is a top way street— maje sure he keeps in touch too and does his share of the work. Sounds like he probably will, sounds like he likes you. I hope it works out!

[elaine567]

You know him better than any of us, do you think he means it?.

I’m not used to someone liking me for who I am. They always want sex or want to use me.

 

BUT

After he essentially "booty called" you drunkenly one night, you dangled sex in front of him, he came running, due to odd circumstances it never happened, now he wants you to keep in touch.

Does that mean it is the start of something beautiful or a horny guy looking for a sure thing, I don't know...

[Jamess1]

You are still friends....

 

You will cheat if you date him...sooner or later...

[Malin889]

You are still friends....

 

You will cheat if you date him...sooner or later...

 

Why would she cheat? I don't see that at all.

[ManOfMetal]

Ha no it’s definitely not a horny guy looking for a sure thing. He has noooo trouble getting girls to sleep with him. Like NO trouble. He does have trouble making a real connection with someone so I know our friendship is different for him.