Chigirl Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 My boyfriend and I dated for 5.5 months. Things were fairly serious - we talked about marriage (which he initiated). 3 weeks after the "marriage" and "I've never felt like this before" talk, we broke up. Things pretty much went sour after that conversation. I felt him pulling away and thus questioned him, which he did not like. Eventually, it ended in a heated argument and we broke up the next day. We decided we were better suited to be with someone else. I took the breakup very hard, despite it being fairly mutual. It took about 2 weeks for me to be able to wake up and not have him be the first thing on my mind. I felt like I was finally moving on. Ironically, that same day, he sent me an email. I was completely shocked. I was not expecting to hear from him. I expected things to be over since we'd exchanged our "stuff" after the breakup and said "see ya around". So, I thought that meant no contact with each other unless we happen to see each other out, in which case we'd be friendly. To my surprise, the email brought back all the emotions from when we first broke up. I was mad b/c it was as if I'd have to start over from scratch to move on. I responded to his email, he responded back, and I responded asking what his intentions were for emailing me - was he checking on me or were there other reasons?? I have yet to hear back (I sent it 3 days ago). So, my question is why would a guy contact you after ending a relationship after only 2 weeks? He's older than me and has been in enough relationships, that I assumed there's an unspoken rule where you do not contact someone until at least 2-3 months down the road...if at all (I had not planned to contact him). Why would he contact me after 2 weeks? If roles were reversed, and I'd contacted him after 2 weeks, I'm sure he would have thought I was psycho and couldn't get over him. Whereas, I'm flattered that he emailed me, but also angry b/c I'm having to think about him again. So, what could his intentions have been?
Art_Critic Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 He contacted you to see if you were still on his hook. Notice that after he knew you still were that the contact stopped. You have really 2 choices.. Do NC and never speak to him again if you want to move on. Or the next time contact happens nail him down on his intentions and proceed from there. An email is a really poor method of getting someone back. He was an As* to you and needs to make a "real" effort to get you back other than an email
Author Chigirl Posted September 11, 2005 Author Posted September 11, 2005 So, basically, if he wanted me back...he would have called, not emailed? Why contact me, though? Why not just let it be? I don't understand why he'd want me to be in his "hook". That's how guys think?
Art_Critic Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 He wanted to know that he " could " get you back if he wanted. It's an ego stroke. The best thing to do in these type of cases is ignore giving him and ego stroke and let him make an effort to get you back. If a guy wants a girl back he will make an effort .. Trust me.. any time I've tried to get an ex back they knew exactly what I wanted.
Author Chigirl Posted September 11, 2005 Author Posted September 11, 2005 Well, now I'm just angry b/c he stirred up all the emotions I'd worked so hard to get over. Can I email him and tell him that I'm not at a friendship-level right now? Or does that stroke his ego too?
Art_Critic Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 Ignore Him.. If you email him you will on some level be expecting a reply and that will keep you at square one. and if he doesn't reply if drive you nuts.. Just live your life and forget about him until he makes his intentions truly known
Author Chigirl Posted September 11, 2005 Author Posted September 11, 2005 Right, and that's what I was doing. That's what's frustrating. Plus, most of my friends that know the whole story (guys) seem to think it's odd that he emailed me and that maybe he was trying to test the waters to see if I was still interested. I don't understand guys at all. Why need your ego stroked? It could come off as pyscho. Also, when I responded to his email....I only responded to what he asked. I did not come off as being interested in him again, so how does that say I'm in his "hook"...b/c I responded to an email? Isn't that common courtesy?
Art_Critic Posted September 11, 2005 Posted September 11, 2005 I only responded to what he asked. I did not come off as being interested in him again, so how does that say I'm in his "hook"...b/c I responded to an email? Isn't that common courtesy? Some might think that you should be " nice " and reply. But in reality him contacting you that way doesn't deserve a courteous reply back. And responding in Any way besides F off shows him you are still interested.. at least on some level. They can smell it a mile a way You are .. Aren't you ?
Author Chigirl Posted September 11, 2005 Author Posted September 11, 2005 Actually, no I wasn't interested at all. But, when he contacted me, I thought...does he realize that he screwed up and was at fault and made a mistake? I think it's a normal "girl" thing to do, or so my friends are saying, to analyze the situation. That's what girls do. I had gotten over him, had convinced myself that I do deserve to find that person that's perfect for me b/c he wasn't. However, when he emailed me, I just thought it was nice b/c it made me feel like he missed me. It made me feel like I had the upper hand. Guess I was wrong, according to your advice.
Merin Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 Habits are very hard to break... even when they are bad ones. When people are in a relationship they become accustom to certain things... could be the morning wake up call from thier SO to say Good Morning, could be text messages during the day, or emails... regardless patterns get established and truth is change is very hard for people. Your EXBF I believe in some ways was testing the waters to see where you might be... and I also believe that even though he broke up with you, yes he still misses talking to you.... habits. At this point, as Arty pointed out IF this Guy is serious about wanting to try to get you back he will pursue you like crazy in doing so... but UNLESS or UNTIL he does, I would recommend NOT responding to him.... sometimes silence speaks volumes.... Hang in there
sunaddict1 Posted September 12, 2005 Posted September 12, 2005 I think that he might want his cake and eat it too. he might be too scared to call you and see what your up to b/c he doesnt want to get your hopes up. i know that i contact my ex just so he doesnt forget about me...but he broke up with me after 5 YEARS. when he contacts me i too am flattered, but i get my emotions mixed up again. so i dont know what is better! you already emailed back...dont do anything else. its his move. if you want to talk to him then do, but have some reserves. you have been moving on and not calling him and that could be his ego being busted. you dont want him contacting you for the wrong reasons.
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