Not a second chance, just need some good advice from all you here at the shack!!!!

[kodiak]

Westernxr- Thanks for the reply bro. I greatly appreciate taking the time to read my post. What do you mean asking her if she wants to you mean by asking her to hook-up. We talk about seeing each other and we both want to see each other very bad. I joke with her that I would give her my bed and i would sleep on the couch. she told me after joking around that we would end up in bed together, that she would want to sleep with me. I guess i just need to man up and ask her if she wants to try things out again, huh?

[Gottabestrong]

Hi Kodiak,

 

my advice would be to try and calm down a little bit. You say that you have been talking since 1 week and a half? That's nothing!

 

Please, try to slow down with your emotions.

 

I know this is hard to do when you are still so much in love with someone, but at least TRY to be more relaxed about it.

 

I recommend you just enjoy the phonecalls and make actual plans to see each other in a few weeks. Then, when you stand in person in front of each other, you will see what if feels like. I suppose you both have not seen each other in a long time, so you cant really say how it will feel when you see each other again.

 

You will be able to tell then, how she feels about you and what she wants from you.

 

But she calls you a few times a day? She always makes sure to say goodnight? That surely ain't just friendship for me.

 

There is definitely more behind her actions than a desire to rekindle an old friendship. But she maybe unsure about it herself.

 

So just take it slow, dont ask her what she wants, take everything she says at face-value and just enjoy the fact that the person you love, who walked out of your life a year ago, is now strongly trying to find a place for herself in your life again.

 

All the best

[kodiak]

Gottabestrong-

 

Thank you so much for yoru reply. i am goinf to take your advice and just take things slow. To be honest with you, i am just happy that she decided to call me after all this time. I know i need to relax and just enjoy it. I cant worry if she doesnt call me back right away or any crap like that, thats what screwed me up in the first place, my stupid insecurities. I have absolutely nothing in my life to be insecure about either. So i will do what you say and definately keep things posted. It is so great to talk with her again. I make her laugh so hard each time and she tells me that she never met anyone that could make her laugh so hard. Once again thanks for the advice Gottabestrong, it means so much to me. I will keep you and everyone else here on the shack posted. keep your fingers cross for me, i truly love this girl so very much. Thanks again

[Weird]

My man Kodiak!!!

 

Wow, good to hear about this contact situation and I always had faith that you two would end up talking.

 

Dont know if you remember me & my posts from last year but I had my ex suddenly pop back into my life after a year like that....you saw my story as one that gave you hope maybe you'd hear from yours. Anyway, it really seemed to me like she still had feelings for me but was being cautious or somethinf but nothing ever came from it cuz I found her to be sorta boring and changed from what she was before. Had we kept hanging out and talking I honestly believe something may have materialized but I lost my patience and wasnt interested in doing the friends thing cuz it felt weird.

 

By the sound of stuff you are posting I think she really has feelings for you. There is a chance she doesnt want to try anything (maybe the distance thing will hold her back) but I swear there is no doubt in my mind she still has feelings. She didnt lose her love for you bro...not saying that to make you feel good as I honestly mean it.

 

I want you guys to get back together and work out. Keep me updated bro via PMs on here or MSN.

 

Hope you remember me from the little clique we had. hehehe

[kodiak]

weird- great to hear from you. Things are great and i will hit you up on im or here. Im glad your still around. Im at work right now but i will catch up with you later..kodiak

[LexiB]

Kodiak,

 

Very happy to hear about your situation thus far--as much as everyone who posted on those old threads was hurting before (including me) , I always got the impression you were suffering the most...

 

Glad you're getting some relief after all this time. But, like previous posters--and John Legend--say, TAKE IT SLOW. I know you're thirilled with talking to her several times a day, everyday, but it's seems like too much too fast--especially when you're still in the dark about how she really feels about you (unless there's been a new development in the last 12 days since you posted?). I'd hate to see you back at square one.

 

But I gotta admit, things do look really good for you!

 

Good Luck!!

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Well its been awhile since i have posted but i dont know if there is any progress yet. Sure we still talk several times a day. She makes it a point to call me on her work breaks, when she gets off work, before she goes to bed, etc.. It is all great. I am planning a trip next month to visit her. She is dying for me to come out and see her. It has all been so great. She has sent me cards and a little gift that I always wanted. Im so afraid though. Its been about a month sine we started talking again. I mean I dont expect anything but when will i know how she feels. I mean does she just want to be friends or wants more. I would love to be with her again but i dont want to get hurt. I figure hopefully when i see her, things will make more sense. What do you guys think? Do you have exes that have called you out of the past and acted like she has? Im sure you all have but i was just curious. I am talking it slow like you all tell and am preparing to find out that all she wants is to be friends. You have to expect it. Getting back with her would be my greatest wish if it is meant to be. So at what point in this should I know how she feels? Im confused. I just dont want to get hurt. I mean im going to visit her and be staying with her. Will I be sleeping on the couch or atleast plan on it? Who knows?

[kodiak]

Please I need some Feedback..ASAP!!!!!

 

Hey Everybody-

 

Well for the last month i have been talking to the ex. I know everyone knows my story, atleast most of you do. Anyways she has been buganging me to come and visit her so I made my reservation and its going to happen. She keeps telling me how excited she is to see me and how much fun it will be. Im just so nervous. i havnt flat out asked her what she wants out of this but im afarid too. I mean does she just want to be friends or what. It feels like we are back together except for saying I love you. She sends me cards and gifts in the mail, etc.. I mean i think that she would have said something on the lines of "hey i just want you to know that we cant get back togther" or something like that. I mean i hope that she would because she knows how inlove i was with her. Im just nervous. Obviously i still am very much inlove with this girl but being just friends is not a option, i mean i cant handle that. What do you guys think? Should i ask her what she wants or just visit her and see where it goes? Please let me know. If you any questions to help me answer my questions, please let me know. I need som input soon...Thanks

[heartnsoul]

All I can say is that it's in your best interest to ask. It sounds as if she's looking into working on more than a friendship with you but you need to find out for sure. I would sincerely hate to see you go to visit her and experience a serious let down. You've already stated that friendship is out of the question so....don't set yourself up blindly.

 

Other than that, I'm glad to see a fellow LS'er having a real shot at a second chance. One year of no contact is pretty intense and to have her contact you after all that time speaks highly of the influence you had in her life

 

I'm wishing you the best and I hope this helped atleast a little.

 

Good luck!!

[heartnsoul]

 

 

I can almost guarantee the second the two of you see each other that your answers will come to you. Body language will tell you everything you need to know. As for the sleeping arrangements....I would assume the couch. You want to be a true gentleman atleast until you two warm up to each other again

 

I've got my fingers crossed for you!

[Gottabestrong]

HI Kodiak,

 

I agree with hearnsoul. You should be able to tell once you see each other in person. I would suggest you give her a kiss in an appropriate situation and see how she reacts.

 

If she kisses you back or tells you to leave her alone, you have your answer. I very much believe that the first option will come true.

 

Relax and enjoy!

[chocolate_boy]

Either that, or a little one that worked for me once, be laughing and reminice about a good old memory you both share, then while she's smiling about it, say something like "we were great together weren't we?" if she agrees, just say "let's give it another go"...

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Thanks for all the replies, u have all helped so much. I will take all of your advice with me on my trip. I hope it works out for the better for me, it will be great. We do always talk about the goodtimes and awsome we were as a couple. She brings that up alot. We will see what happens.... Please keep all the advice coming, i need it. Im not scared as much as I am nervous...Thanks again

[Baz]

I dont think you should talk about the past unless she does. You need to go into this with a fresh head and the objective of showing her the new you.

 

Be confident, friendly, strong in a manly way like 007 but gentle. Dont stop smiling and do not put any pressure on her at all. Let her dictate entirely how the stay goes. If you start talking relationships that is way too heavy way too soon. Treat her like your kid sister and you will be fine. Anything more and you will blow it. She wants to see you so let that wash over you.

 

If she does bring up the past relationship then let her talk first and then say that you have looked at your own issues and have been working on those and that you feel as though you are better for it. If she wants to get back together commit to nothing. Say that in principle it sounds lovely as you do have strong feelings for her but there has to be a platform for a healthy new relationship so it has every chance of succeeding. There is absolutely no rush here so slow down and be patient. You have control. Aim for the couch, if she wants you in her bed make her work for it but be careful. the longer you make her wait the more she will respect you. Too much too soon may hurt you and give her the power. This visit you give her 60% of you and all of that is great, intense friendship.

Good luck.

[head/heels]

i remember you, lexi, and rob from long ago! but it is great that you have reconnected!

 

how great for you!!!! here is my 2 cents:

 

proceed with caution, find out about her intentions, dont sleep with her immediately! (as if you can control that) and let her see the man she loved in the first place (but also show you have changed, as i am sure you have since then) and definately dont go in for a kiss straight off!....go for a hug! it will be in her hug, bro...if it is a deep, i have been dying without you hug (from her end, we know your end already!). if this is the case, and make sure, then you will be in like flynn. so dont make the mistake of getting to imbalanced if things dont go your way initially. slow and steady wins the race, and you did not got 1.3 years to have it ignite as you get there! enjoy it, enjoy her...take her in, her essence, her smell, her gait, her silouette, and all that is her and take that with you on your way back home...and go slow and steay bro!

[Baz]

H/H is right.

 

As I said to you earlier kodiak our situations are similar and im very interested in how your story is panning out. Like you im meeting my ex next month now. It was her suggestion and she is coming to me. Contact has been sporadic since the arrangement but I am not pushing it. I am letting her dictate the whole show. As and when she calls or texts me I use the big friendly brother approach. No love stuff, a little teasing, happy, gentle but indepedant and a little mystical.

 

It worries me that you guys are in contact so much. Try and slow that down in a nice way until you meet, then you will have more to talk about when you see each other.

 

For both you and me, in order to preserve our dignity during this difficult time we both have to make sure that we portray who we really are. If we can show the ex's and the rest of the world that we are strong and independant (which we are) then that will make us attractive. Remember, clingy behaviour sucks so focus on the really nice bloke angle instead.

 

Good luck!

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Thank you so much for your replies, it means a great deal to me that strangers that i have never met will take the time to help me out. It is just amazing, so again thank you!!! I remember most of you from before and its great to see you all still arounf there to help. Your advice was great and yes i think im going to take things slow. I have too. Im working right now but when i get home tonight i will post alot more and give you some more updates, if theres any, i have to think.... Anyways thanks again very much.

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Sorry it took awhile to reply back to you all. It has been kinda og a crappy day. Nothing with her but its just that I have been racking my brain wondering if visiting her is the right thing to do. I keep asking myself, "why does she want to see me after a year and half?" "Does she maybe have feelings for me" "Does she just wanna be friends and thats it" These questions are my recurring thoughts. However i have decided that im going to see her and just make the best of it. What really do i have to loose. Sure it will suck to see her and then have nothing come from it, but thats the risk that I am going to take. I figure that after all this time apart i deserve it to myself to see if anything is still there between us. I hope that it turns out for the better but we will have to see. Like i said we talk everday and it feels like the old days. I think that im expecting to have things change overnight and thats just not going to happen. Baz i am going to take your advice and take things slow. Whats the rush? I am going to plan and sleep on the couch even though she said that we can sleep together. Maybe atleats for the first couple nights. We will see how it goes. I mean how can i sleep next to the girl that im inlove with, that i used to be intimate with, and lay next to her just as friends. I CANT!!! This i do know. I have about a week until i see her so the days are numbered. I am nervous but im going to sack up, man up, and make the best of it. I hope that when we spend time togther and i show her a goodtime, she will see the guy she once loved or maybe who she still loves. Thanks again for all your guys support, it means the world to me..

[pippen_2k]

You can take things as slow as you want, but thats not gonna slow down all them thoughts racking your brain 24/7.

 

Its already screwing up your days and you aint even seen her yet...

 

Deep down inside you probably know things aint gonna work out, but like most you will go and face the music AGAIN... And saying things like you owe yourself this after a year and a half apart? Why..its beyond me.

 

Also im just curious how you take things slow when she lives away from you? Meet up then keep talking over the phone for a few more months and see what happens? Screw that..talk about mentally stressing yourself out.

[Baz]

pippin,

 

In a way you are right, you dont want to sit around for the rest of your life wondering if a lost love will come back. it is important to move forwards with your life and discover new opportunities but, I believe that new opportunities includes renewing old friends and loves if the opportunity presents itself. It can happen you know. Sometimes timing dictates why relationships fail, there is no reason why at some point in the future that the timing will be right. What is important is that people need to be mature about things so if a new opportunity doesn't work out they can move forwards in a healthy way.

 

I do think many of the relationship issues on here are associated with timing and not because people are horrible or dont get on. Most of the time people just aren't ready for total commitment ie timing.

 

By the way, its great having the ashes back in blighty!!!

[lil_ms_smiley]

Hey Everybody-

 

Well guys i have another update. Nothing huge but i talked to her again. i wasnt expecting it. She called. Anyways its killing me because i dont know yet if she is seeing someone or not. I just dont have it in me to ask her. Im at work and i will post the deatils any a couple hours. Hope someone is around o post some advice for me. I NEED IT!!!!

i was with this boy for 6years and we broke up for 7 weeks and i decided to get with someone else but after a week of being with this boy my ex calles me wating to meet up so i met up with him. i kept making excuses to my boyfriend to go and see my ex but i think he clocked on. after a few times meeting up with my ex i thought it would be right to get back with him (because he wanted me back) and it was really hard to finish with the boy that i was withh because he said that he loved me, but i did it and now im really happy and life couldnt be better!

[head/heels]

read into things and dont "have a talk" with her...just go with the flow...if it feels right, go with it.....just act like it aint no thing and that you are just there for a vacation or a good time and that you are not wanting or even thinking of anything else....maybe in your own head convince yourself that you have a girlfriend at home and are just there to see an old friend...obviously dont let on in your body language or talk that you have anyone at home, but definately dont let her know that you havent stopped thinking of her enough to even give another woman a chance .....believe me, women like it when other women are interested....(no i am not suggesting you even let on that you are talking to someone in order to make her jealous, that just ends up causing problems and games are never good in these situations)...just take it easy, dont show her how unbelievably happy (or sad, if that turns out to be the case) and either way, take it like a man...funny but that is what my ex told me when she broke up with me ....to get up and be a man.....good advice really. about the only thing she was right about , in retrospect.

[kodiak]

Head/Heels-

 

Thanks for yoru reply my brother, i appreciate it. You are right i have to more of a man. Im geeting my head too involved in it already and i need to slow things up a bit. Im not even dating her right now, we have no title other than just friends. But in my stupid head i get worried if she doesnt call me everyday even though i know she will. If she is moody on the phone like she was tonight i think that she is trying to push me away. When reality is she was just tired because she got up really early for work. I just take stuff personally and i know that i cannot do that anymore, especially if i get another chance with her. However i do keep this stuff to myself and i dont let it reflect in my conversations with her. I try to analize every conversation with her to see if she has some other wierd intentions to why she has been calling me. Its pretty jacked up to do this, i know? I need to relax and just go with the flow. I mean who cares if she is being moody with me or doesnt wanna be on the phone, does it really matter right now? Like i said we are nothing as of right now, today, this moment.

So my brother, what can i do to help me through this and not make this **** up in my head. I mean why am i doing this. Sure i am still inlove with her and that is probably part of the reason. I guess for the meantime i just have to pretend that she is not my only thought right now and that as of right now we are just friends. Anyways thanks again for the reply, let me know how i can deal with these stupid thoughts going on in my head..

[pippen_2k]

Controling your thoughts are impossible, its gonna be stressfull for you untill you actually meet up and see where you stand....Remember you have put yourself in this situation, and im sure you remember all the pain you went through before, so try to have no expectations ( another almost impossible thing to do )

 

You wanna dance with the devil? well be prepared that things can go bad, and you have no one to blame but yourself! But for your sake I hope things turn out ok

[upsetnhurt]

Kodiak,

 

I have not read all of your beginning posts yet I am curious to know why it is that you are still in love with a woman that apparently thought life was better without you in it for over a year? Aren't you always going to have that in the back of your mind even if you do get back together......that at any point in time if she gets the slightest bad feel about yourselves that she can simply walk away again? If she did it once she can certainly do it again with ease. Not so sure I could live with that thought...........