oasis Posted October 24, 2018 Posted October 24, 2018 well my birthday is near and so is the decision. I am really in a calm state now like maybe i have moved on but i don't know coz this was my first relationship and breakup. I have reached a point where is doesn't matter if she comes back or not but i have healed and gained the strength to live on Good for you! When In doubt, staying no contact. When you do, you cannot mess anything up.
sutsie Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Crazy enough my ex dumped me after over 3 years together on her 21st birthday two nights before my MBA capstone midterm exam and my grades are screwed right now but very salvageable so I feel the pain on that one. Considering the length and distance of the relationship I'm not sure if general no contact rules apply. Sounds like you handled the breakup in a very similar way as I did which was accepting it and walking away with the clear message of "not being friends, I love you and only want to be together". I think you've handled everything very very well. I'd for sure open the gift, screw her "promise" crap. I'm sure shes broken more than a few on her end by breaking up without working on things like my ex. At least you guys communicated. I got blindsided without explanation or even an opportunity to work on whatever was wrong. Since you guys at least have a solid foundation of communicating feelings properly I don't believe reconciliation is off the table for sure, but I wouldn't hope for it, think about it, or let it slow down your own self improvement and healing. Last time I got dumped it took 6 months for the girl to start sniffing around again and it felt great to not care anymore at that point and to ignore her. Hang in there and it'll work out. Open the card. Start healing and if she does contact you one day hopefully you won't care anymore the same way and will be more level headed about the situation (not that you aren't right now at the moment). Head up man.
GinON Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Hi just read your thread. The thing that brought me to respond was saying you love her unconditionally. That is something parents do with their baby. You are attributing a parent / child dynamic to a romantic relationship and that is not healthy. Romantic relationships are conditional, they take work even after you are married for 10 years, they require a LOT of work to keep them together. Besides if you loved her unconditionally, her leaving, sucking other dudes, stabbing you would all be fine, so then you set yourself up for being a doormat with no self respect. Unconditional love is not appropriate here, it makes you weak and dependent. When we are babies, we need unconditional love from parents but you can’t expect that as an adult relationship. You are trying to “do” something and if you follow Corey Wayne, or Craig Kenneth, which I like better for where you are emotionally, you would know that you can’t “do” anything that will work. If you try, you will look needy, weak, and that is unattractive and will push her away. Spend your time making yourself as awesome as you can, be prepared for the next woman! Otherwise you’ll put yourself through this again and again. Good luck!
Author virajdx Posted October 25, 2018 Author Posted October 25, 2018 mine was like 3-4 months long and most of it was long distance. Its so hard after being almost 2 months into no contact immediately after brkup and telling to contact me if she changes her mind. People say short term relationships are easy to get over but may be they are right and I am weak. Anyways my bday in 2 days and I expect her to contact me as she have me a gift to be opened on my birthday before we went long distance. What should I do........should I contact her on my birthday. I must say no contact healed me a lot and if I would have followed any stupid advice of 30 days NC I would have got back to day one after breakup. Because of the NC I am in a place now here in want her and I love her but I don't need her
Marc878 Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Nothing's changed so why break nc? You are just going to keep yourself in this longer than necessary
Normm Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Send her the gift back unopened. Do not call her. Some day you'll realize why this is the best possible course of action. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 No, don't reach out to her. She will be in touch if she wants to extend the sentiment.
Author virajdx Posted October 25, 2018 Author Posted October 25, 2018 Ok here is what I have mentally prepared myself for. My birthday is my judgement day, if she contacts me on my birthday then I would have a positive feeling towards rekindling things if and only if she puts in the effort. On the other hand if she doesn't reach out, I am done with her forever and ever closing all doors..........Is my mentality right or what?Any suggestions?...........
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 I think you are placing too many expectations on your birthday. If she reaches out, it doesn't necessarily mean she wants to reconcile. She might simply be trying to extend an olive branch and be friendly. Don't get ahead of yourself if you do hear from her. If you don't, it simply confirms the current state of things, which is that relationship is over and doesn't wish to remain in contact. In other words, Judgment Day already happened. It was when she ended it. 2
Author virajdx Posted October 25, 2018 Author Posted October 25, 2018 Wow. I feel so ****ty right now, well I know one thing for sure "worst birthday coming up". And I am ****ing hopeless to begin with
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Wow. I feel so ****ty right now, well I know one thing for sure "worst birthday coming up". And I am ****ing hopeless to begin with Where does this terribly low opinion of yourself come from?
d0nnivain Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Assume she won't contact you. Do send the present back unopened. More importantly plan something fun with your friends so it's not the worst birthday. She was one small part of your life for a short time. Stop giving her so much power. 1
Author virajdx Posted October 25, 2018 Author Posted October 25, 2018 She is in another country right now and will be till the end of this year. Can I burn the gifts after reading as sending back something is much costly or should I send it back neglecting the cost. I want to truly move on and never look back so I was thinking of burning stuff and making it a ritual but i can hear out more suggestions other than this so feel free to comment for me to reach my final stage of healing. I really love this community, it has helped me a lot in healing
d0nnivain Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 She gave the gift to you. It's yours. You can do anything you want with it, including keep it or sell if it is actually valuable. If keeping it gives you more pain, you may not want to keep it. You are not obligated to undertake a cost.
Art_Critic Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Should I contact her on my birthday?Do you also buy yourself gifts on your BD ? Your BD isn't an excuse to call her, if she contacts you as that's the way BD's work then just talk to her.. but don't hold your breath. Don't look for excuses to contact, go about your life as you normally would if you never met her.. go out and date others and let time work it's magic.
Art_Critic Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Do send the present back unopened. Yeah... best way to kick off your healing
Normm Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 I was thinking of burning stuff and making it a ritual You could put it all in a pile, with the gift on top, pour the accelerant on top of it, throw the match and snap a picture. Then simply email her the picture, cost = free. Healing power = awesome.
GinON Posted October 25, 2018 Posted October 25, 2018 Just open it and be done with the waiting, if you like it keep it and, if not donate it. You are torturing yourself over a box with who knows what in it. You have given her all your self worth. Move on man, you are basing your happiness on what she does. This is so destructive. You are ignoring everyone on here and hoping someone will tell you are going to get her back. I know it sucks, but no action or non-action you take can control anything that she does, stop dreaming it will. 1
Normm Posted October 26, 2018 Posted October 26, 2018 Just open it and be done with the waiting, if you like it keep it and, if not donate it. Open it and if you like it, keep it, if not add it to the bonfire.
Author virajdx Posted October 26, 2018 Author Posted October 26, 2018 Hi just read your thread. The thing that brought me to respond was saying you love her unconditionally. That is something parents do with their baby. You are attributing a parent / child dynamic to a romantic relationship and that is not healthy. Romantic relationships are conditional, they take work even after you are married for 10 years, they require a LOT of work to keep them together. Besides if you loved her unconditionally, her leaving, sucking other dudes, stabbing you would all be fine, so then you set yourself up for being a doormat with no self respect. Unconditional love is not appropriate here, it makes you weak and dependent. When we are babies, we need unconditional love from parents but you can’t expect that as an adult relationship. You are trying to “do” something and if you follow Corey Wayne, or Craig Kenneth, which I like better for where you are emotionally, you would know that you can’t “do” anything that will work. If you try, you will look needy, weak, and that is unattractive and will push her away. Spend your time making yourself as awesome as you can, be prepared for the next woman! Otherwise you’ll put yourself through this again and again. Good luck! I followed corey wayne's work from the start of the relationship but i kind of over did it by expressing a lot of love which got me dumped in oneway lol. Anyway he preached from the start about unconditional love which meant i accept however you are but you frame it very wrong. I totally not accept being a doormat and your idea for a child/parent realtionship is correct but in a realtionship uncondtional love means however you are like hot headed, idiotic, mood swingy,etc. i will still remain the same for you. The things you mention depict betrayal, low self respect for me, treating me as a backup,etc which are not included in unconditional love. And i started following craig kenneth as well since breakup immediately. Am i right or am i right? Anyways what should i do tommorow, yay worst birthday coming up!!! lol
Author virajdx Posted October 26, 2018 Author Posted October 26, 2018 Crazy enough my ex dumped me after over 3 years together on her 21st birthday two nights before my MBA capstone midterm exam and my grades are screwed right now but very salvageable so I feel the pain on that one. Considering the length and distance of the relationship I'm not sure if general no contact rules apply. Sounds like you handled the breakup in a very similar way as I did which was accepting it and walking away with the clear message of "not being friends, I love you and only want to be together". I think you've handled everything very very well. I'd for sure open the gift, screw her "promise" crap. I'm sure shes broken more than a few on her end by breaking up without working on things like my ex. At least you guys communicated. I got blindsided without explanation or even an opportunity to work on whatever was wrong. Since you guys at least have a solid foundation of communicating feelings properly I don't believe reconciliation is off the table for sure, but I wouldn't hope for it, think about it, or let it slow down your own self improvement and healing. Last time I got dumped it took 6 months for the girl to start sniffing around again and it felt great to not care anymore at that point and to ignore her. Hang in there and it'll work out. Open the card. Start healing and if she does contact you one day hopefully you won't care anymore the same way and will be more level headed about the situation (not that you aren't right now at the moment). Head up man. Thankyou for sharing your story, i completely understand the pain you have felt and bro you're strong as hell man and i would want to reach the state that you say you want me to be. I also have doubt that the general no contact rule will apply for my situation and tommorow is my birthday bro like worst one ever. I have made up my mind,tommorow if she contacts and truly puts an effort i may think of rekindling things but if not i let things go. Resonating with my zodiac as a true scorpion i reborn from these ashes to stronger and better version of self
Author virajdx Posted October 28, 2018 Author Posted October 28, 2018 Hey, You guys were rights the whole time. The birthday wish didn't come true in the end afterall. Cheers! to my shattered heart and lets start healing which i initiated by first opening the gift which had multiple greetings, after reading i burned them. I guess this will start the healing process
GinON Posted October 29, 2018 Posted October 29, 2018 Yep, good luck with the new start. You’ll be stronger for the next partner.
Author virajdx Posted October 31, 2018 Author Posted October 31, 2018 Here is my story:https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/666149-30-days-60-days-nc-forever Its been 60 days now and I am in a state of complete indifference and yes no contact does work bitches. Now i think of the past with a different view and like I still want her but would be happy anyway without her. what should I do?
Redhead14 Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 (edited) Here is my story:https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/666149-30-days-60-days-nc-forever Its been 60 days now and I am in a state of complete indifference and yes no contact does work bitches. Now i think of the past with a different view and like I still want her but would be happy anyway without her. what should I do? I am in a state of complete indifference -- No you're not in a state of complete indifference because of this statement -- I still want her what should I do? Be honest with yourself and recognize that you still have some feelings for her and stay no contact until you don't have feelings for her anymore . . . and then, you still maintain no contact. Edited October 31, 2018 by Redhead14
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