cupcake888 Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 Hi. I have a neighbor that moved in to the house nextdoor last summer. The moment I met him I felt this weird romantic fated feeling, yet didn't really care if we ended up together or not it was more of this wanting him in my life even if as just a friend thing. Just, really having a feeling he was a rare and wonderful human being and not really knowing what that meant or having expectations about it other than a desire to know him. Does that make sense? Anyway I invited him to a few outings and we always had a blast. He was warm and engaging and all around probably the most wonderful person I'd ever met (from what I knew at that time, if I had to guess). He is an introvert and mentioned that he can be reclusive and needs down time but I'm like that too so didn't think much of it. There were 4 times he had me over for dinner, and 3 times i had him over in addition to the outings. We just talked, laughed, ate good food and opened up to each other like old friends do, but with butterlies (on my end, sure seemed to get the vibe he was too- he was definitely flirting) and there was always a hug at the end. The last time I got an extra lingering drawn out hug, complete with the slow back rub up and down the sides of the spine, you know which one I'm talking about? . I think I just got so awkward/excited and overwhelmed that i kept talking/joking about something rather than silent room for possible make out sesh or kiss. He told me he had to head home and we ended up sitting on my lawn talking/laughing for another hour. It was a great night all in all, and despite the awkward hug moment and me messing that up, I felt happy and confident that he was at least somewhat interested romantically. The next morning i saw him in the yard and he was nice enough but mentioned he hadn't slept very well. In the month that followed he has gradually become distant to the point where I literally am starting to feel like his annoying little sister. He's flaked out or ignored half a dozen invites to things. He still engages warmly with me on occassion, but only when we randomly bump into each other, and then it's followed by a string of 2-3 word texts or him conveniently being not around or unavailable. I even took to overtly flirting with him a few times which isn't in a shy person like me's nature and that got me nowhere. At once point he injured his shoulder, and texted me about it. As an OT I offered to help him. He definitely didn't want that and was very curt in shutting the conversation down. I simply replied that I'd help out any friend, but respect if he doesn't want that. The only conclusion I can draw is that he is definitely ignoring me, and wants me to leave him alone. I can take a (completely obvious) hint. However part of me is like WTF happened? It's hard to believe this amazing connection was all in my head? Is he just this warm/engaging and flirty with everyone and it's more of a social mannerism rather than genuine, sincere interaction? Or perhaps he had that "window" and since I didn't respond exactly the way he wanted, his ego got butthurt and the brick wall went up, i.e. I had my chance and blew it type of attitude? Also I should note the guy has been single for 3 years. he was engaged and found out the girl was cheating on him with a couple of guys. Eventually he left but I think he kind of idolizes her still and maybe likes being treated poorly? I just don't get the fascination. I get the sense he respects me less or finds me less attractive for being a kind person toward him. It's weird. Anyway, I am utterly confused. This is the first person I have been remotely interested in on a romantic level in 2 years (been single by choice with a fwb) and it just sucks to feel so rebuffed when someone finally piques my interest. Anyone care to enlighten me on why guys do this? What is going on in his head?
preraph Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 I guess if you're sure that it happened after that time he was rubbing your back, then maybe he just gave up on putting a move on you. But I mean he is the guy and you guys saw each other several times during any of which he could have just kissed you goodnight. Could you have gossip about him to someone who told him something to embarrass him or make him mad? And I just want to say thank you for using the word "rebuffed."
Redhead14 Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 What is going on in his head? -- There's no way for us to know that. It really doesn't matter what's going on in his head. Get out of his head and get into yours -- the guy isn't making you feel like he's interested, anymore at least. There are a lot of maybes -- he found someone else he was more interested in or he was just being neighborly and a friendship was developing, he's just a flirty guy, who knows? Doesn't matter. Keep moving and find a guy who shows you the level of interest you want and maintains it and is consistent. Even if this guy "comes around", he's left you with a sour taste, yes? This is the first person I have been remotely interested in on a romantic level in 2 years - I understand you may have been somewhat excited by the prospect, but don't spend a lot of time or energy/emotion on this. It wasn't developed enough to deserve it.
Chilli Posted November 3, 2018 Posted November 3, 2018 (edited) Dunno why women always blame ego as if it's a dirty little secret when they have just as bigger egos as anyone yours is hurt now because he's backed away right. He's probably just not interested romantically for whatever reason. Sometimes you need to be around someone a bit first before figuring that out, he's probably figured it out now. The cuddle , probably nothing , sometimes if your just friends with a chick , the hands might wonder a bit in some weak moment but it doesn't feel right that's why you've just been friends in the first place and you just back away again. lt also feels weird spending too much time with a chick as a friend , well to a lot of us , l'm like that l don't like it much, a real now and then thing is ok, but after all the outings and times , it could be something like that as well. l'm sorta going for a mix of all that stuff. Edited November 3, 2018 by Chilli
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