Lexxi Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Anyone who’s an extrovert that dated an introvert? I’ve always dated extroverts so this is definitely new to me. I hear that introverts typically don’t like to communicate much and talking in between dates isn’t really important. Guess I’m trying to understand the different communication styles. He has mentioned he is an introvert a few times already but I guess I’m not clear on how they operate when it comes to dating. Dealing with someone who is amazing to be around, attentive, affectionate and is always initiating and planning the next date before the one we are on is over. But goes AWOL in between. If I reach out, I get an immediate response but he never reaches out first. We see each other once or twice a week, perhaps texting in between isn’t important to him and it’s just used to plan/confirm a day prior or day of the date?? Link to post Share on other sites
Nilfiry Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Communication is all the same. You just need to be aware that introverts need their alone time and personal space when nothing is going on. i.e. If you are not planning anything or have something important to talk about, then they prefer to be left alone. They will feel tired or suffocated if you try to cling to them or make small talk all the time. This can make it feel like they are being cold or uninterested in you, so you need to be patient. However, if they really miss you or want to hang out with you, then they may take the initiative. Keep those things in mind, and you should be good to go. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Not all introverts are the same. I too am an introvert, but I'd never go AWOL from a partner. And while I do need downtime, I never need time away from my hubby. I'm also a good communicator. I don't like small talk, but I do enjoy conversations of substance. Forget labels. Instead of looking at his behaviour as part of introversion, look at it as part of who he is. And then decide if he's the type of person who you want to be with long term. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lexxi Posted October 31, 2018 Author Share Posted October 31, 2018 Communication is all the same. You just need to be aware that introverts need their alone time and personal space when nothing is going on. i.e. If you are not planning anything or have something important to talk about, then they prefer to be left alone. They will feel tired or suffocated if you try to cling to them or make small talk all the time. This can make it feel like they are being cold or uninterested in you, so you need to be patient. However, if they really miss you or want to hang out with you, then they may take the initiative. Keep those things in mind, and you should be good to go. Ok so if I text every couple days saying hello and wishing him a good day, it’s probably annoying? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 I have naturally more introverted tendencies, but I don't disappear on someone I really like. If I'm interested in building a connection, I'm not going to leave communication between dates entirely up to the other person. Everyone is different, introverted or extroverted. But in my experience, people who let days pass without initiating any communication were more often than not trying to keep things on the casual side. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 Ok so if I text every couple days saying hello and wishing him a good day, it’s probably annoying? For this guy, it sounds likely. Lexxi, do you really want a relationship where someone is annoyed at you for texting every couple of days? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 The introverts I've known will talk your leg off one on one. They just aren't always crazy about group settings. One of my friends is an introvert, reads all the time, only lurks on the internet, never speaks up on social media. But she never shuts up when you're with her and has plenty to talk about. She certainly doesn't want to just stay on the phone with someone (who does) and keep a running commentary, but that's kind of how most adults are going to be, introverted or not, too busy for it. Being introverted is no excuse for rude behavior or just leaving you guessing. Or if they think it is, then they're not a keeper. An introvert should be more than willing to talk about a relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 31, 2018 Share Posted October 31, 2018 i'm an introvert/extrovert combo. I am introverted in certain situations and extroverted in certain situations Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 You don't have to have the exact same communication styles. Be yourself, text every few days if you would like to say hello, and don't change that unless you clearly find out from him that it isn't okay with him and then you can make a decision of where to go from there, if indeed that is how he feels. Otherwise be yourself because you are the person he was drawn to in the first place. Don't try and become someone you are not. People on this forum don't know him and can't say that he must be annoyed by you texting every few days. Only he knows...and you will if you simply say that you like keeping in touch in between dates, and see what he says. You say he is great in person - why not take the time to get to know each other more, before writing him off based on what strangers who don't know either of you assume about him. You are worried about him not communicating enough between dates, but you aren't communicating what you would like and are getting advice to break it off without the two of you even talking about communication needs/wants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 As others have said, going silent and being an introvert don't have much to do with each other. Introverts get exhausted from too much social activity ... But if they find someone they want to date, that's a different category. They don't feel they have to spend all the energy of say going to a party. I used to disappear between dates years and years ago ... nothing to do with being an introvert. In my case, the issue was ... I didn't know I was supposed to maintain a connection ... and I actually didn't know how to call someone and say, hey thinking about you. looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Like I had no idea you could or should do that. Just keep an eye on him ... I was overwhelmed with life and was often dating women i wasn't crazy about ... and I lacked some social skills. So key your eye on those possible factors. Being an introvert isn't the issue. Introverts know they have to come out to date someone ... and they are more than happy to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 If this thread is about the guy your previous threads are about, this has nothing to do with him being an introvert or an extrovert It has to do with him not being that interested I don't know why you're sticking to a guy who isn't making you happy while trying to circular reason every disinterested thing he does 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 I'm an introvert, but I talk with the guy I'm dating multiple times everyday. I'm exhausted by seeing new people or by going out too many times during a workweek to meet them. Socializing one by one with the friends I'm closest too or my guy doesn't wear me out much at all. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Anyone who’s an extrovert that dated an introvert? I’ve always dated extroverts so this is definitely new to me. I hear that introverts typically don’t like to communicate much and talking in between dates isn’t really important. Guess I’m trying to understand the different communication styles. He has mentioned he is an introvert a few times already but I guess I’m not clear on how they operate when it comes to dating. Dealing with someone who is amazing to be around, attentive, affectionate and is always initiating and planning the next date before the one we are on is over. But goes AWOL in between. If I reach out, I get an immediate response but he never reaches out first. We see each other once or twice a week, perhaps texting in between isn’t important to him and it’s just used to plan/confirm a day prior or day of the date?? I think there is a correlation between prefered communication style and personality type, but when it comes to prefered texting frequency there are a lot of different factors at play. Neediness and insecurity is probably the biggest one. When a date is booked and planned; why not save the conversation until you meet in real life? The true purpose of text are quite often to get that confirmation because of fear and insecurity. When two people of equal neediness (or enthusiasm) meet they will spend their early days constantly texting - but where do they go from there? What happens when one realise it’s not sustainable? He or she will pull back and the stream of constant confirmation will disappear with it resulting in a partner who goes into panick mode. If you are unhappy with the texting frequency you could bring it up, but you should probably do the esclusivity talk first. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 i'm an introvert/extrovert combo. I am introverted in certain situations and extroverted in certain situations That's how I am. I was extroverted as a young kid, then introverted and extroverted when I found my niche. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Everyone has different styles of communication just like everyone has certain personality quirks. I was talking with a buddy of mine the other night, he is what I would call an introverted person. He doesn't share much about himself with others but me and a select few that he trusts. I feel the same way. Dating one? Recognize that some people are not comfortable sharing certain things about themselves unless they build a trust between you and them. There are some things, remember, that you will NEVER know about a person, and never assume anything. I think it's a good thing to be an introvert myself. I used to be more extroverted and that burned me a lot. I don't share much about myself with others, especially people I work with and keep an air of mystery about myself. Keep people guessing. Link to post Share on other sites
RedHead5 Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Hi, Introvert here. In the beginning of dating someone there is nothing wrong with going a few days without communication. As things progress, the amount of time without communication should get shorter. I would go up to 2 days without communication in the first few weeks. I think it shows you are not needy and have some confidence. So, depending on where you are at in the timeline, I may not be worried. I hate texting for no reason and small talk. I also hate texting long stories out. So, I not a fan of lots of texting period. I will text to check in at this point if no other communication has happened that day. He will do the same. A text every two days should not be annoying as long as it is just a couple interchanges, don't turn it into a novel. Response time is an important gauge. Occasionally longer response times should be ignored because life/work/sleep happens but as long as he is texting back fast 75% of the time, dont stress it. Some of the others are right, this may have less to do with introvert vs. extrovert and more to do with attachment style and anxiety. I have read up on this alot in the last few months and it has been very eye-opening for me and I am trying to work on myself in this respect so I have purposely been trying to take my new relationship slowly. Someone mentioned how an introvert would love to talk about a relationship and I disagree with that - I HATE those conversations. I am very quiet at first but I will talk your ear off once I am comfortable, but still clam up about emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Nilfiry Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 Ok so if I text every couple days saying hello and wishing him a good day, it’s probably annoying? Depends on the person, but this is unlikely. Saying hello and wishing him a good day every day is probably not a problem. However, it may be annoying if you expect lengthy small talk. I suspect that he would be fine with it in small doses. Link to post Share on other sites
sunsout2018 Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 I’m an introvert and my partner is an extrovert. She loves to talk whereas I love to spend quiet time together. I work in a field where you have to be quite outgoing which means I need to force it which leaves me drained when I get home. When my other half works away on occasion or has been on holiday I’ll happily be at home and not go and see anyone or call anyone’s, I really enjoy quiet. It’s really a matter of compromise and ensuring each person gives a bit to the other and making it clear what your needs are in that regard. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeBeginsAt40 Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 I think that most / all people are mix of introvert and extrovert. I am a huge extrovert - love socialising, talking with people, need attention, want attention etc etc. My gf on the other hand is the total opposite. She will sometimes not text me back or call me for a day or two, and I have come to accept that is just how she is. We are moving in together next week, and she has already started saying things like what will happen when I need my space? I've tried to re-assure her that I am fine with giving her space and all that, but she still seems worried. She by her own admission just likes to curl up on her own and watch the news or read a book from time to time. As I have put on here previously, in the beginning of our relationship this caused huge issues. I am definitely an anxious person, and I don't do well with people not communicating. She would go days without texting back, and of course back at the start of it all you are thinking all sorts of things about her not wanting to be with you, ghosting you etc etc. I've now just come to accept it. She didn't text me at all yesterday, but turns out from chatting with her just now she had a really crappy day at work and just wanted to be alone for the night. I think that in order to deal with your introvert, you need to understand that them going silent isn't always a bad thing. Sure, it could be that he isn't that into you, but I had so many doubts at the start of my relationship about all this, and the typical advise was that she just isn't that into you. Turns out that couldn't have been further from the truth - we are moving in together, planning a future, saving for a family etc etc. She just sometimes needs to just shut herself away from the world, and I have finally got to the point where I don't worry, and I just let it happen. Give it a day or two and she's back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 1, 2018 Share Posted November 1, 2018 - we are moving in together, planning a future, saving for a family etc etc. LBA40 are you two planning a wedding? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 Lexxi, do you really want a relationship where someone is annoyed at you for texting every couple of days? This is a really good question Lexxi. I would say that I am an outgoing introvert - I love people but I need time alone to recharge. That said, I would never avoid my partner. He is also an introvert - more so than me. We text a few times throughout the day and see each other as often as we can. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted November 2, 2018 Share Posted November 2, 2018 (edited) Anyone who’s an extrovert that dated an introvert? I’ve always dated extroverts so this is definitely new to me. I hear that introverts typically don’t like to communicate much and talking in between dates isn’t really important. Guess I’m trying to understand the different communication styles. He has mentioned he is an introvert a few times already but I guess I’m not clear on how they operate when it comes to dating. Dealing with someone who is amazing to be around, attentive, affectionate and is always initiating and planning the next date before the one we are on is over. But goes AWOL in between. If I reach out, I get an immediate response but he never reaches out first. We see each other once or twice a week, perhaps texting in between isn’t important to him and it’s just used to plan/confirm a day prior or day of the date?? I don't see why you can't communicate with him . . . have a conversation about what each of your attitudes and preferences are regarding contact in between dates. Have you had a conversation with him about what his dating goals are and made it clear what your dating goals are overall? Perhaps, his pursuit is for more of a casual dating scenario. Beyond that, it seems to me that the guy isn't quite sure or really interested. Make sure you guys are on the same page overall now. If you are being intimate with him, there is no reason you cannot open serious conversation and get clarity. You're entitled to that. By the way, maybe I missed it but how long have you been dating him? Edited November 2, 2018 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
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