Shady girlfriend

[Travel87]

I am litterally awaiting my partner coming home from work as i really feel like ending this but have this horrible feeling i may make a mistake. Ive never had to deal with anything like this below. Im 36 shes 31.

 

Long story short we had a huge argument yesterday. We where talking about past mistakes and i asked her have you ever done anything youre ashamed of. She said 'ive never told anyone this but last year i tried online sex web camming as a model to try and make some extra money'

 

I asked her how long for and she said she tried it twice for about an hour at a time and realised it wasnt for her so hasnt done it since. Now she also mentioned the profile is still live on her ipad but her pads broke. We had a huge argument as to me it seemed shady and convinient that the pad was now broke so we cant delete the profile which has photos of her naked on. She said 'ill take a day off work and get it fixed tomorrpw so we can delete it'. Anyway we get home last night and i ask to see the pad, she shows me it and says 'look it doesnt turn on' stupidly i never asked her to charge it and see it it worked which i now know is a huge mistake... fast forward to this morning and the pad was on the floor next to the bed. I went to the bathroom, came back and... shes gone To work and so has the pad. Now i feel sick that shes taken it to delete things off it and to me it seems incredibly shady to have done it like that rather than just say 'im taking this today to be fixed is that ok'. Whats everyones thoughts am i being paranoid or is that a huge deal breaker.

 

The only positives where she said 'look how dusty the pad is you can tell ive not used it in months' and in all honesty it was covered in dust but i dont understand why shed take it with her like that today unless she was going to get it fixed

Edited October 31, 2018 by Travel87

[bathtub-row]

Why can her profile only be accessed through her iPad?

 

Maybe she took the iPad with her to charge it. Who knows. Maybe you should let her explain first. However, before she deletes the profile, I think she needs to prove to you she has only done a couple of sessions. It’s doubtful she would’ve even brought it up if she were still doing it.

[Andy_K]

There's a good chance you're not getting the whole truth.

 

When a woman reveals something like this, that she knows could well provoke a strong reaction in certain guys, they often test the waters a bit. A little at a time is revealed until she's comfortable that you can handle hearing it, then you'll get full disclosure.

 

Let's suppose she did it for a month or so, but can see that the whole concept makes you angry. A month gets trimmed down to 'a couple of times', a little white lie to avoid triggering you more than necessary. Then the evidence needs to be neatly disposed of to prevent further conflict, because if you find out more you'll be angry at both the lie and the act.

 

If this caused a 'huge' argument, you two maybe don't share the same values and attitudes regarding sexual behaviour. Instead of playing the blame game when she gets home, and making this her 'fault', I suggest you instead spend the evening with her figuring out where your values differ and whether that poses an obstacle to your future together

[d0nnivain]

You can access an on line profile from any device.

[lurker74]

So you two are having a conversation about past mistakes and she discloses something she did but didn't like or feel was for her and you're angry at her about it? I guess I'm confused. Did this happen when you were together? Did you expect her to tell you her biggest mistake was meeting you years ago?

 

Listen, I get that you don't like that your GF was online; that's certainly your right. But your story makes it sound like there was a pre-disposed reason not to trust her. Trust is a binary equation...it's there or it isn't. It sounds like it isn't, in which case there's no reason to carry on the relationship. If you think she is still camming or was recently and that doesn't work for you and you truly don't believe her, break it off. Don't ask for proof since she can't prove a negative anyway.

 

And next time someone agrees on a topic about past mistakes, be prepared to hear them.

[kendahke]

She took her iPad because she knows you well enough to know what you would do were it left behind. How long have you two been seeing each other?

 

But she should be able to access her account from any computer or her phone--all she needs is her name/email address/password. The fact that neither of you thought of that is interesting...

[kendahke]

So you two are having a conversation about past mistakes and she discloses something she did but didn't like or feel was for her and you're angry at her about it? I guess I'm confused. Did this happen when you were together? Did you expect her to tell you her biggest mistake was meeting you years ago?

 

Listen, I get that you don't like that your GF was online; that's certainly your right. But your story makes it sound like there was a pre-disposed reason not to trust her. Trust is a binary equation...it's there or it isn't. It sounds like it isn't, in which case there's no reason to carry on the relationship. If you think she is still camming or was recently and that doesn't work for you and you truly don't believe her, break it off. Don't ask for proof since she can't prove a negative anyway.

 

And next time someone agrees on a topic about past mistakes, be prepared to hear them.

 

^^^^This. Right. Here.

[Travel87]

As an update: im still not over this and its a shame because my girlfriend couldn't of been more honest about it all.

 

Now she actually offered to get her ipad fixed together as the password and email login was on the notepad of the ipad... anyway i said 'no i want to trust you to get it fixed and delete the profile as i dont want to see it'. She then said 'well what if i get it fixed and give you my log in details so you can delete it and see when i was last logged in to prove i havent been on?' Stupidly again i said 'no you do it, i trust you'. So... She went shopping and was told it could take 2 weeks to fix and be returned to her... she said she went home and panicked that this thing would linger so she told she that she frantically searched her bedroom and luckily found a piece of paper with the log in details wrote down. She then logged in on her phone and deleted it. She came to my house with 3 screenshots, 1 of her logging in, 1 of her clicking delete account and the last 1 where it says account delete.

 

Now to my annoyance im still not 100% on this. My mind jumps from trusting her (seen as she offered to give me the log in details), to then NOT trusting her, wishing id logged in myself and thinking how annoying it was that she miraculously found a piece of paper with her log in details and deleted it without me.

 

Im torn and its Driving me mad, do i trust her or do i trust that she was testing the waters, realised i didnt agree with it and then lied that she didnt know the log in when she knew shed wrote it down all along? Or do i just trust her. I cant decide and its horrible

 

Part of me believes her seen as she was going to give me her details but part of me questions if id agreed to her plan of me loggig in to delete it, would she of ever got her ipad fixed for me to log in or would she of left it hoping id forget. I kind of feel like she used to broken ipad as an excuse so if i agreed that i needed to log in & delete it shed have the backup plan of 'oh sorry we can't until this pads fixed' yet soon as i agreed it was ok for her to do it she suddenly found the login to do it from her phone.

 

The only thing i will say is she now feels im fine with it all as its been a few weeks since finding out. I acted calmly and even said how id potentially like to try it together sometime, she outright said 'no, it wasnt something i enioyed and i dont want to share you'. So this is why im torn. If she wanted to still do it she'd surely agree to me joining, but finding the log in details suddenly feels so shady, how did she not know where they where when i asked about it, yet suddenly when shes alone she finds them.

Edited November 14, 2018 by Travel87

[smackie9]

I think what you are doing is questioning her integrity as a person. She chose to make money with online sex....pretty much prostitution. I don't blame you. If I had a BF that revealed he did something like this, that would be the end of it...deal breaker.

[kendahke]

Listen, dude--you don't trust her and you never will. That is the truth you can't seem to face.

 

That is what is tearing you up because the wiser aspect of you knows that you can't keep that "Oh, I trust you" farce up indefinitely and the reptilian aspect of you is rebelling against that because it doesn't want to get back out and find another girlfriend.

 

The sooner you embrace your truth and leave her alone, the sooner you will get over this and find someone whose past you can stomach.

[Travel87]

I think what you are doing is questioning her integrity as a person. She chose to make money with online sex....pretty much prostitution. I don't blame you. If I had a BF that revealed he did something like this, that would be the end of it...deal breaker.

 

I do feel that way. I hwvr said to her it worries me that When times got tough you resorted to that. The only positive is she told me after i asked have yiu ever done something you regret. So she obviously regrets it. She also said she didnt show anything below her boobs. And said she trird it twice, didn't like what they where asking her to do so never went on again. Im worried if i end it ill be throwing away something good

 

She said i only told you as i want to spend my life with you and hace no secrets:( i hate how this has ended up.

Edited November 14, 2018 by Travel87

[lurker74]

Trust is a binary thing. It's either a 1 (you trust) or a 0 (you do not trust). So figure it out because with trust, you cannot love.

 

Personally, I don't think what she did was that bad but I'm not dating her...you are (or were).

[Highndry]

This is a character issue. Prostitution is a seedy world. Women who choose that work, if you can call it that, are by and large lazy, and want to get as much money as they can doing the least amount of work. They sacrifice - trade - their morals for a payday. I couldn't date an ex-prostitute. No way, no how.

[PRW]

Long story short we had a huge argument yesterday. We where talking about past mistakes and i asked her have you ever done anything youre ashamed of. She said 'ive never told anyone this but last year i tried online sex web camming as a model to try and make some extra money'

 

I asked her how long for and she said she tried it twice for about an hour at a time and realised it wasnt for her so hasnt done it since.

 

Ok, I'm waiting to hear what big mistake you made and are ashamed of,...and why she should still see you in spite of it.

 

Now she also mentioned the profile is still live on her ipad but her pads broke.

If it was "ON" the iPad then the only way a viewer out in Internet-Land could watch her would be if the iPad was running and online. No,...the profile is on whatever stupid website she did this through. The iPad is totally meaningless. But the iPad situation does show how insecure you are.

 

She must know you well enough to just take it with her. She probably should be the one to dump you when she gets home because you betrayed her trust by asking her to confess something that you then want to crucify her over.

[smackie9]

IMO some things are better off not being said or mentioned....Just saying.

[Gaeta]

You are your own worse enemy.

 

 

Now you know to never ask a question you're not ready to hear the answer. She trusted you enormously to share this and she had faith in you it would not destroy your relationship and look at how poorly you've been handling this. If she was still active on that site she would never have chosen to pick that secret to share with you and would have come up with some stupid fake secret.

 

 

 

She did nothing to you and here you are feeling betrayed as if she had been doing this while in a relationship with you. She showed herself naked online twice...big deal!

 

 

 

I feel bad for that girl who must regret telling you.

[Mrs._December]

Well, the next time someone asks her if she's ever done anything that she now regrets, she can say, "yes, the time I chose to be HONEST with my paranoid boyfriend when he asked me this same question and then chose to sit in judgment of me when I was STUPID enough to tell him the truth."

 

If she's smart, she'll never tell you another thing again.

[PRW]

IMO some things are better off not being said or mentioned....Just saying.

 

 

Yes, and to add to that,...be secure enough, and smart enough, not to ask.

[FMW]

Was it really just a coincidence in an impromptu conversation that made you ask about something in her past? Or did you already not trust her.