dtla1992 Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 I met this girl online and we've been dating about 5 months. She really has a lot going for her and is awesome to hang out with. I've sadly never been all that physically attracted to her. She definitely is "in to me" more than I am in to her and it's probably the only real point of contention in our relationship. We've never had a fight, let alone even a real disagreement. On a couple of occasions she texted me before a date and asked to talk - in both instances she basically asked for more commitment or greater effort from me, which I've done. But at the same time, I've kinda done the bare minimum that she's asked for. I enjoy spending time with her - but the problem is she's more of a best friend than a lover, though we always have sex - but for me it's like FWB. We f*ck because I'm a guy and guys like to f*ck. I don't shower her with attention or complements because I'm terrible at faking that stuff. I do all those things when I'm really into a girl. I can fall into total infatuation and not think of anything else day or night. Never felt that one iota with her. She's just super smart, chill, and awesome person to hang with and likes to f*ck me. So Sunday afternoon, she sends me another can we talk text. I'm 90% certain she's going to dump me. Which would have been a slight relief because I was starting to feel like I needed to end things with her soon before she really got her feelings hurt. She opens the convo with am I seeing other people? I was like hmm - did she go through my phone? Because I had dinner with an ex on Friday but nothing happened at all - though maybe reading the text messages she might think otherwise. Anyway, I told her "no" because it was the truth. She said she wondered because sometimes I'd go days without texting her and she has started doing the same to emotionally disengage - though she admitted she wants to text and see me much more. I then asked if she was breaking up with me, to which she replied no, and then dropped the bomb... She said she didn't mind if I did see other people and told me that she really liked me but the sex wasn't satisfying her either. She then asked me if I would mind it if she saw this guy on Friday. Apparently, she met him several months ago and he pays her to be a dominatrix. $700 for one hour. I was like "WTF. I did not expect that..." She swears they don't have sex, which I tend to believe because she's a very honest person. But still nonetheless shocking as she is a world class classical concert musician, PhD student at a top 25 university, and well on her way to being a professor. Though at the same time it all adds up. She's super horny all the time and likes to be dominant in bed. She's 5'10 140 lbs and is completely ripped. My hang up is I like skinny feminine girls like Keira Knightley, not Xena the Warrior princess type. I know I have this hangup she isn't girly enough for me and I admitted that to her. I want to throw her around in bed like I have with my previous girlfriends, but she's physically almost my equal. Anyway, the whole convo got to be a real turn on and we wound up spending basically the next 30 hours in the bedroom only going out once to pickup a pizza. We did it over and over. I think I was really turned on by the prospect of having an open relationship with her. She said she was open to a threesome with someone more "my type". Though she is now repeatedly referring to herself as an "Amazon warrior" because I called her that and she's never going to let me live it down. Is this potentially a very dangerous emotional path to head down? I've never done anything like this or even contemplated it. I really like her as a friend but have been disappointed by the sex and my lack of attraction to her. And was going to eventually have the can we be friends convo but she beat me to it with this mind blowing proposition. But I know she is romantically interested in me and I am not. I'm envisioning some "have my cake and eat it too situation" where I can have random sex with women I find attractive but have this awesome GF at home. I haven't told her that bluntly but she must know that and seems OK with it.
scallop Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 I would just be as clear and upfront as possible with her, even if it ruins your prospects of a threesome... I personally wouldn't want to piss off Xena the Warrior Princess. 1
grays Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 It sounds to me like she’s a big girl and can handle truth. If I was you, I’d tell her what you really feel.
Purrrfect Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 5 ft 10 140 lbs is thin. Not big in the slightest. I got nothing. 2
Garcon1986 Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 As long as everybody in this relationship is ok with what you are proposing, a threesome with minimal relationship dedication, then that's great. Practice safe sex, and don't hide your intentions. Tell it to her straight.
GinON Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 Thanks for the story! Be open, tell her exactly what you want and dont want. She is an awesome woman and you trust her, return the favor!
bathtub-row Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 Am I the only one who finds the ick factor to be pretty high here? Why not just go your separate ways and call it a day? 2
snowboy91 Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 The biggest problem I see with this is you're not greatly attracted to her. Opening up relationships is fine, threesomes are fine but you need to have a solid foundation for the relationship before you can do any of that. She's not finding sex with you satisfying, presumably because you're not putting enough effort into the relationship generally. And you're not attracted to her enough to want to put said effort into the relationship. Opening this up sounds like good fun up until the point that one or both of you get attached to someone else... and the relationship will head south very quickly after that. I agree with the others here - do the right thing and tell her how you feel, otherwise you're essentially using her for love and affection while you're emotionally somewhere else. Don't you think that as your friend (as you put it), she deserves someone who will give her a fulfilling relationship (no matter how it's structured)?
Logo Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 (edited) So you've been dating her for five months, but you're not really into her? How's that fair? Edited October 31, 2018 by Logo 1
kendahke Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 I think you need to leave any 3somes alone if they involve someone you're into because this could turn out to be messy in the extreme. I'd cut her loose and not even deal with her. You don't want her for the same reasons she wants you, so what's the point? Any sex you have with her has the potential to be interpreted as you wanting more connection, even though you've said this isn't what you're after. As long as she's in love with you on some level, having sex with her may feed into her fantasy that you're just playing hard to get... because you can't be all that turned off if you can have 30 hours of sex with her.
sabaton Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 I met this girl online and we've been dating about 5 months. She really has a lot going for her and is awesome to hang out with. I've sadly never been all that physically attracted to her. She definitely is "in to me" more than I am in to her and it's probably the only real point of contention in our relationship. We've never had a fight, let alone even a real disagreement. On a couple of occasions she texted me before a date and asked to talk - in both instances she basically asked for more commitment or greater effort from me, which I've done. But at the same time, I've kinda done the bare minimum that she's asked for. I enjoy spending time with her - but the problem is she's more of a best friend than a lover, though we always have sex - but for me it's like FWB. We f*ck because I'm a guy and guys like to f*ck. I don't shower her with attention or complements because I'm terrible at faking that stuff. I do all those things when I'm really into a girl. I can fall into total infatuation and not think of anything else day or night. Never felt that one iota with her. She's just super smart, chill, and awesome person to hang with and likes to f*ck me. So Sunday afternoon, she sends me another can we talk text. I'm 90% certain she's going to dump me. Which would have been a slight relief because I was starting to feel like I needed to end things with her soon before she really got her feelings hurt. She opens the convo with am I seeing other people? I was like hmm - did she go through my phone? Because I had dinner with an ex on Friday but nothing happened at all - though maybe reading the text messages she might think otherwise. Anyway, I told her "no" because it was the truth. She said she wondered because sometimes I'd go days without texting her and she has started doing the same to emotionally disengage - though she admitted she wants to text and see me much more. I then asked if she was breaking up with me, to which she replied no, and then dropped the bomb... She said she didn't mind if I did see other people and told me that she really liked me but the sex wasn't satisfying her either. She then asked me if I would mind it if she saw this guy on Friday. Apparently, she met him several months ago and he pays her to be a dominatrix. $700 for one hour. I was like "WTF. I did not expect that..." She swears they don't have sex, which I tend to believe because she's a very honest person. But still nonetheless shocking as she is a world class classical concert musician, PhD student at a top 25 university, and well on her way to being a professor. Though at the same time it all adds up. She's super horny all the time and likes to be dominant in bed. She's 5'10 140 lbs and is completely ripped. My hang up is I like skinny feminine girls like Keira Knightley, not Xena the Warrior princess type. I know I have this hangup she isn't girly enough for me and I admitted that to her. I want to throw her around in bed like I have with my previous girlfriends, but she's physically almost my equal. Anyway, the whole convo got to be a real turn on and we wound up spending basically the next 30 hours in the bedroom only going out once to pickup a pizza. We did it over and over. I think I was really turned on by the prospect of having an open relationship with her. She said she was open to a threesome with someone more "my type". Though she is now repeatedly referring to herself as an "Amazon warrior" because I called her that and she's never going to let me live it down. Is this potentially a very dangerous emotional path to head down? I've never done anything like this or even contemplated it. I really like her as a friend but have been disappointed by the sex and my lack of attraction to her. And was going to eventually have the can we be friends convo but she beat me to it with this mind blowing proposition. But I know she is romantically interested in me and I am not. I'm envisioning some "have my cake and eat it too situation" where I can have random sex with women I find attractive but have this awesome GF at home. I haven't told her that bluntly but she must know that and seems OK with it. No man pays $700 for no sex. 1
preraph Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 Look, you've both been keeping a little secret, haven't you? She came clean. Tell her how you feel about her, that's she's super fun but you're not in love and she's not your physical type because she could skin and eat you being the Amazon warrior that she is. She's probably proud of who she is. Tell her, hence, this relationship has built-in limitations for you. Tell her that under the circumstances, you two should not have any commitment in place and she's free to do whatever, as are you. There's no reason for you to have any agreement about it. You may not even like getting into her level of what she likes to do sexually, so I'd be careful what you agree to. But I mean, have fun as long as both people understand (or however many) that there's no strings or commitments, and no one needs to ask permission ever again because this is a casual sexual relationship with a friendship on the side. Just don't go having a three-way with her and then get jealous just because you're a competitive guy and find yourself committing to her when you know she's not quite what you want to keep.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 The threesome will not rescue your relationship ... nor make it any easier to separate from your gf. Dude, I've been in your position ... felt like the person was a friend (didn't really have the language for it at the time) ... then the person beat me to the breakup punch! That hurts in some ways ... Lesson here: get out, end things as soon as you sense you're not into someone. You can't hide that ... so end it ... for your sanity and your partner's. Do you really want a threesome? ... Basically you should assume your relationship is over ... your gf (soon to be ex) just floated a creative idea ... you guys still have the same issues.
preraph Posted November 1, 2018 Posted November 1, 2018 All guys want three-ways until they find out the three-way the woman had in mind is two guys and one woman, not two women. This is why three-ways haven't really put down roots in the dating world. 1
central Posted November 1, 2018 Posted November 1, 2018 After this amount of time, you should be clearly falling in love, negotiating a clear FWB scenario, or breaking up. Stringing her along is unethical, if you're clear how you (don't) feel about her. Up until now, it could be that you were honestly trying to see where it could go - now you know that's it's nowhere further, and certainly not where she'd like it to go. Do the honorable thing.
Art Anderson Posted November 1, 2018 Posted November 1, 2018 OP said Amazon woman was open to a third person who was more his "type" i.e. Kiera Knightley. Not a dude, in this case.
kendahke Posted November 1, 2018 Posted November 1, 2018 (edited) OP said Amazon woman was open to a third person who was more his "type" i.e. Kiera Knightley. Not a dude, in this case. She only said that because she thinks going along will get her closer to OP, not because she's already got bi tendencies. Had she had them, she'd have said so and invited him into that. She hasn't gotten the memo from OP that she's being dismissed: only we know that. Edited November 1, 2018 by kendahke
Mrs._December Posted November 1, 2018 Posted November 1, 2018 I really like her as a friend but have been disappointed by the sex and my lack of attraction to her. Apparently, you haven't exactly blown HER socks off in the sack, either. What's the difference if you fly your freak flag with this girl or not? It's not like you see her as a serious girlfriend or future wife material and need to play by the rules. This 'relationship' sounds kind of ****ty anyway so you might as well ride it for all its worth.
Logo Posted November 1, 2018 Posted November 1, 2018 This 'relationship' sounds kind of ****ty anyway so you might as well ride it for all its worth. If he decides to do that, it needs to be mutually agreed on and she needs to know where the relationship stands. 1
WomenWubber Posted November 1, 2018 Posted November 1, 2018 She seems like the kind of gal that won't have a problem moving on. She was honest with you so I think you owe her the same.
rightondude Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 No man pays $700 for no sex. strip clubs would not be in business if this is the case. Some guys are so horny or hard up they'd gladly pay $700 just to be in the company of a woman.
Cali408 Posted December 21, 2018 Posted December 21, 2018 OP can I have her number? 5'10'' 140 is in my wheelhouse
lucky-girl Posted December 22, 2018 Posted December 22, 2018 No man pays $700 for no sex. I've been paid $500 and I'm nothing special, certainly not a pro
Mac0908 Posted December 22, 2018 Posted December 22, 2018 "We f*ck because I'm a guy and guys like to f*ck. I don't shower her with attention or complements because I'm terrible at faking that stuff. I do all those things when I'm really into a girl. I can fall into total infatuation and not think of anything else day or night. Never felt that one iota with her. She's just super smart, chill, and awesome person to hang with and likes to f*ck me." For the love of God can the admins finally create some sort of "Mature" section of these forums?
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