Highndry Posted November 3, 2018 Posted November 3, 2018 Ill offer this: My ex was an emotional train wreck. In the beginning of our relationship when she'd cry over something immensely tragic, like I didn't look at her right or forgot to hug her, I'd grab her and hug her and soothe her. Slowly but surely, the crying routine got extremely old, and I stopped comforting her and was just kind of in my shell. I was absolutely sick of it. A grown woman shouldn't act like a 4 year old child. I don't miss her behavior at all. Make sure when you're upset it's for legitimate reasons, because otherwise people grow really tired of your shiz.
anika99 Posted November 3, 2018 Posted November 3, 2018 Okay OP, I'm actually on your sided. I don't know why people are trying to twist this into you being the bad guy. I guess because you said it's normal as a woman to get annoyed and irritated during PMS. I think that sentence triggered the responses you are getting because it made it sound like you think you have a perfect right to be testy and difficult to get along with just because you are a woman with PMS but I don't think you meant it that way. By reading your posts again I think your irritation is way better controlled then your boyfriend's. He's the one that needs an attitude adjustment. It's one thing for him to get defensive when you are truly giving him crap, but to get angry any time you are upset, even when you're not upset at him, is just ridiculous. Being down because your boss yelled at you is normal and a normal response from your boyfriend would have been for him to give you a big hug and ask you if you want to talk about it. Not getting pissed at you because you're not doing a happy dance. Also I'd like to know on what planet is saying "it's not just a bracelet" considered lashing out? If your boyfriend got upset got upset at you for saying that then that's more ridiculousness. It sounds like your boyfriend thinks you exist solely for his enjoyment. You are supposed to be happy and fun at all times so that he can enjoy you. If you occasionally get sad or angry like a normal human being then he gets mad because your not making him feel good. He is objectifying you. Lastly, PMS IS A THING. I never got PMS in my teens or my twenties so used to thing it was just some made up crap. I was almost in my mid thirties when I started getting PMS. I learned to prepare for it and to keep my behavior in check but nobody can be perfect 100% of the time. When in a relationship I used to let my SO know when it was starting so that he understood why I was being withdrawn and quiet. 1
anika99 Posted November 3, 2018 Posted November 3, 2018 He did say hes not an empathetic guy. He told me people used to say hes a cold hearted person. The above is very telling. If he's not empathetic and others have told him he's cold hearted then that's most likely exactly who he is and it won't change. Living with a person who lacks all empathy is hell on earth. You say lately it's been getting worse. I'm sorry to tell you that it's probably never going to get better.
David33 Posted November 3, 2018 Posted November 3, 2018 (edited) There's nothing wrong with you or what you did. We guys are not smart when it comes to this because we want to fix problems (and take credit for successes like finding a parking space up front) and when you're not happy it's our fault. What's screwy is when a guy can't work it out in his head and gets frustrated so he turns outward and blames his partner. That's not healthy. If he can understand and work on that, there's a chance. If he can't, let him go. GL Edited November 3, 2018 by David33
shydad Posted November 3, 2018 Posted November 3, 2018 I need some advice ... My boyfriend is typically very understanding and loving ... I find it normal to get upset at certain things or get agitated ... instead of comforting me ... he said I'd have this "attitude" when I'm upset with things. ... it doesn't feel right that I can't feel upset Hi Kelliousme, this must be so frustrating! To start, I think it's great that you came to this forum to vent. This is a safe place to do so. My advice to you is to take control of yourself and the situation. It's ok to feel upset and agitated, but the way this is being handled is not working. Possibly when you are upset and agitated, you might not be as approachable as you normally are, yet you want comforting. You seem to understand that when you have these feelings, and involve him in it, it doesn't end well. You can control yourself. You can give him a heads up and let him know when you are starting to feel this way. You can choose to give him and yourself some space while you work through it. You can wait a few hours until you've worked through it. You can approach him for comforting when you have worked through the agitation. While you're working through it, if you need to vent, you can take it somewhere else other than to your boyfriend. Of course, you can always safely vent here.
basil67 Posted November 3, 2018 Posted November 3, 2018 Could it be that neither of you is wrong...it's more about the two of you not being suited to each other. It sounds like he needs the kind of woman who isn't particularly emotional and you need the kind of guy who is OK with a woman who does get emotional. Out of curiosity, when you get bothered by something, how often does it happen and long does the episode last? I'm guessing the average guy would probably deal with 5 mins, twice a month. Or at least, my hubby would get pretty frustrated if I was more emotional than this.
Recommended Posts