datingvirgin Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 So I'm new to dating and dont understand the games, please help me! I went out on a dinner date with this guy on Thursday. I think I might have gotten a little buzzed while on the date, I generally don't drink, anyway I think it was obvious. I didn't do anything crazy but we spent two hours talking. I thought we had a connection, I told him during the conversation that usually go out for first dates but not on second because I'm picky. Anyway, I cant remember his exact words but he asked me to let him know if I would like to go out again. I went back home and texted him the usual thank you text, he asked me if we would cross paths again. I said, I def need one without Alcohol joking about how buzzed I got with 2 beers. This was the same day, Thursday night. Its been 5 days now and nothing from him. How should I interpret this? Is there a rule guys follow or should I just move on from this guy?
Zahara Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 I think that comment about being picky about second dates caught him off guard and likely caused him to passively ask you to let him know if you’d like to go out again. He put himself out there again and asked if you both would cross paths and your response was lackluster. Maybe you can reach out and start a conversation going. It’s obvious that he wanted to see you again but I think your vibe was throwing him off. Also, if you cannot handle your liquor, don’t drink at dates. If you want to drink, have one. There’s no need to go past your limit.
Author datingvirgin Posted October 31, 2018 Author Posted October 31, 2018 Thank you Zahara, so my response to him about wanting another one without Alcohol was not straightforward? Oh man I thought I was clear, I will send him a hey, I'm just super conscious about coming off as needy. Since I was the one to initiate texting after the date
Zahara Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 (edited) Thank you Zahara, so my response to him about wanting another one without Alcohol was not straightforward? Oh man I thought I was clear, I will send him a hey, I'm just super conscious about coming off as needy. Since I was the one to initiate texting after the date The thing is, you already threw him off with the second date comment and being picky, then he told you to let him know if you’d like to go out again which I’m assuming you didn’t counter, and when he put himself out there again by asking if you both would cross paths, you joked about it. You thanked him for the date - he passively asked you out again. I’m guessing he couldn’t really read you or gauge your interest hence his silence. Edited October 31, 2018 by Zahara
Author datingvirgin Posted October 31, 2018 Author Posted October 31, 2018 Thank you Again!! I just tested him and he said "glad to hear from you!" You have no idea how grateful I am, thank you thank you! 1
Zahara Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 Thank you Again!! I just tested him and he said "glad to hear from you!" You have no idea how grateful I am, thank you thank you! That’s good to hear! Hope you both have a wonderful second date and watch those beers!
snowboy91 Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 These days, the best way to play the dating game is to reject the games. If you want to see him, message him, don't assume it's his job. Your comment about being picky threw him off, so he left it up to you to set up the next date (he explicitly said so). So follow through on that if he's good enough to ask on a second date. Anyway I'll stop being firm - sounds like things are going well for you!
Author datingvirgin Posted October 31, 2018 Author Posted October 31, 2018 Thank you Snowboy and Zahara! I will go easy on those beers, straight to vodka this time! I kid I kid! He did ask me again but nothing specific, just said "lets go out sometime". We are going out again this weekend but I always wonder, how do I know if he likes me? I cannot set a precedent that I will be first to contact him always. I'm a little traditional and I like my man to take the lead and show me he is interested... Any tips on what I should do/say during the second date to be sure that the feeling is mutual? I was thinking if he compliments me, he likes me? or should I end the date with something like "you call me now if you still like me?" Lol I'm bad at this!
Lotsgoingon Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 ... We are going out again this weekend but I always wonder, how do I know if he likes me? I cannot set a precedent that I will be first to contact him always. I'm a little traditional and I like my man to take the lead and show me he is interested... Any tips on what I should do/say during the second date to be sure that the feeling is mutual? I was thinking if he compliments me, he likes me? or should I end the date with something like "you call me now if you still like me?" Lol I'm bad at this! Slow down ... we're all "bad" at this ... but you don't need to make this complicated ... How did you know your childhood buddy liked you? How did you know your buddy from high school really liked you? .... How did you know a teacher really liked you? Answer: by how well they treat you ... and by how wonderful you feel when you are with them. You need that combination. And if you relax, you'll know if you're having a good time ... For dating, vs. friendship, you up the ante a bit ... so on a date, you want to be having a fantastic time ... not just a good time ... You want to feel like this person understands you ... Trust me, you know by head notes and body language and repeating back to you what you said and a whole host of ways--you know how to figure out if someone is really liking the way you talk and thinking you make sense. So ... for you ... I'll say stay with what you FEEL. OK, now I'm thinking you'll feel nervous ... But there's awkward nervous ... and nervous that is awkward and because you really like the person! ... You're going for the second. Remember you do not have to do all the work in figuring this out and neither should you do all the work. It's his job to figure out if you like him! ... His job to communicate that he likes you, if he does, to you! Here's a way to keep things easy. Instead of thinking of a date and a budding relationship as requiring a series of sophisticated and highly skilled moves that you don't have practice with ... scrap that. One of the best ways to arrive at a day ... is just with honest feelings ... and a willingness to speak your truth. If you like something he says, you can say that ... If you like him and he touches your shoulder, you can lean in ... and indicate you feel comfortable. You actually don't have to figure this out ... when two people have chemistry, they figure it out ... through nervousness, awkwardness ... fear ... terror, stumbling, mumbling ... none of that matters ... And if you don't like continuing to initiate with him, then you'll feel that ... and act of that ... and not initiate ... or you'll initiate a conversation with him. Bottom line: just show up for a date. The rest just happens. If anything you don't want to happen, seems to begin, say no ... 1
RedHead5 Posted November 2, 2018 Posted November 2, 2018 Thank you Snowboy and Zahara! I will go easy on those beers, straight to vodka this time! I kid I kid! He did ask me again but nothing specific, just said "lets go out sometime". We are going out again this weekend but I always wonder, how do I know if he likes me? I cannot set a precedent that I will be first to contact him always. I'm a little traditional and I like my man to take the lead and show me he is interested... Any tips on what I should do/say during the second date to be sure that the feeling is mutual? I was thinking if he compliments me, he likes me? or should I end the date with something like "you call me now if you still like me?" Lol I'm bad at this! Don't use compliments as a judge. Some men are just not inclined to compliment and some that are really heavy on compliments are fake. Go by actions. If he likes you he will be consistent and will treat you well. The communication part is tricky in the beginning. I'm like you, want the man to take the lead. Alot of guys here are adamant that this is a terrible course of action. But remember, to each his own. I went out with a few where the communication was so confusing and I was left wondering if I should text. All those ended up fizzling out. The guy I'm with now almost always took the lead and I just made sure I gave consistent communication back and occasionally initiated so he understood it wasn't one sided. 1
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