AnnaN88 Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 Hi guys, Recently I met someone and we went on two dates together. We talked a lot about our lives and our families and I found out that his dad was terminally ill and he had to travel back and forth to his hometown to help his mum. Last week he texted me that his dad sadly passed away and that he would get in touch once he manages to overcome the loss. No contact afterwords. I do understand what he is going through at the moment, but I am not sure what to do about it. Should I wait for him to get in touch once he is ready or I should maybe get in touch as well? I do understand that dating is probably at the bottom of his priorities at the moment, but I did like him and I would like to see him again.
stillafool Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 Well maybe in a couple of days send a text "my thoughts are with you" something thoughtful that does not require him to text you back. Then leave it until he contacts you. 1
Malin889 Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 Do you by chance have his address? If so, send him a sympathy card. If not, send him a text in a day or so saying I hope you are doing ok, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. 2
smackie9 Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 American Greetings have a few free ecards. Send him one of those. You can send it to FB or email. 3
kendahke Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 Hi guys, Recently I met someone and we went on two dates Last week he texted me that his dad sadly passed away and that he would get in touch once he manages to overcome the loss. I do understand what he is going through at the moment, but I am not sure what to do about it. Should I wait for him to get in touch once he is ready or I should maybe get in touch as well? I do understand that dating is probably at the bottom of his priorities at the moment, but I did like him and I would like to see him again. If you haven't heard from him, then he isn't over his loss. He did ask you for the space, so give it to him. You shouldn't be this devoted to him after two dates, so keep dating other guys. You don't know what is going to come back to you after he's gone through his grief, so stop yourself right now from living this all out in your head and getting ahead of yourself. Right now, he's trying to get over the worst kind of loss and you stressing him because you're feeling insecure will backfire. When the time is right for him to see you again, he'll call you. If you're free, then go out with him. But don't put your life on hold, dishing out devotion to someone who has an arm out keeping you from connecting with each other.
PRW Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 I'm trying to keep my cynical side at bay.... You wait till he contacts you. Maybe everything he says is true, I'll admit that. But people come up with stories like this all the time to manipulate people who don't really know them. They do it to get away with things when they are supposed to be visiting the sick family member because they don't' expect you to ever check up on their stories to see if they are true. Those types of storied grab your sympathy,...makes you feel sorry for them, so you don't doubt them and check up on the truth of it. If fact it makes you feel "ashamed" if you try to check up on a story of that nature,...hence the power of the manipulation. But in any case: If he is truthful, you wait for him to contact you (if he is truthful he probably will contact you eventually) If he is lying, you wait for him to contact you (if he is lying he probably won't) So either way you wait for him to contact you. It has only been two dates, you are not BF/GF. You don't owe him. If you don't hear anything soon you should casually date others in the meantime.
Author AnnaN88 Posted October 30, 2018 Author Posted October 30, 2018 If you haven't heard from him, then he isn't over his loss. He did ask you for the space, so give it to him. You shouldn't be this devoted to him after two dates, so keep dating other guys. You don't know what is going to come back to you after he's gone through his grief, so stop yourself right now from living this all out in your head and getting ahead of yourself. Right now, he's trying to get over the worst kind of loss and you stressing him because you're feeling insecure will backfire. When the time is right for him to see you again, he'll call you. If you're free, then go out with him. But don't put your life on hold, dishing out devotion to someone who has an arm out keeping you from connecting with each other. I totally agree, I am not saying I will put my life “ on hold” waiting for him to contact me, we don’t even know each other that well. What I would not want is to come acrosss as insensitive or disinterested just because I decided to give him space.
David33 Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 To answer your question, no. He told you what he wants. This is not the time to surprise him. Cheers
Lisa_Lisa Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 Wait until he contacts you. If you reach out to him it's not going to mean anything while he is grieving. Give him space and once he can pull himself out into the world again, he will contact you or maybe he won't. Continue your life and continue meeting other people. It's so easy to set our sights on just one guy, but it's so detrimental to your self-esteem to do so. He is just one guy of many potential's out there. Distract yourself.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 I'm someone who has experienced the death of both parents and the deaths of my two brothers ... My father and my two brothers all died with 22 months. So I'm familiar with grief ... And contrary to what some might say here, I did not lose interest in women simply because I was in grief. I don't know how to say it ... In fact, my interest in dating and having a close relationship, if anything, increased around my brothers' deaths and my father's death. I wanted to connect with people. After my mother's death, I was very open to meeting people. Translation: don't assume he's coming back into your life ... and don't assume people need some time off ... In fact, grieving goes on quietly for years ... The best response to grief is often to be with people, hear people tell stories, have people take you out, go for walks with them. Distraction, doing activities ... is very healthy. So ... frankly, it's very possible that he's simply not that into you ... Think of it this way: when you're in grief, you have first dibs to tell someone, "come and hang out with me." Or ... "I'm coming by your place and I need to talk about my mom." And people respond! The fact that he's not reaching out to you ... yeah ... play it cool. You can send him a hello if you want, but don't assume things would have gone great except for his parent's death.
preraph Posted October 30, 2018 Posted October 30, 2018 When he wrote you about his father passing, did you already write back offering condolences? I'm assuming you have. If so, no, you should not contact him if you're the last one who responded.
Lisa_Lisa Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 This reminds me of a guy who I hung out with a couple of times and had sex, but the sex wasn't good so I stopped hanging out with him. He hit me up a couple of times to do it again, but I refused. Time passed and I forgot about him till we matched again and got to talking. He told me his father died. My father passed away too so we had that unfortunate thing in common, I asked questions, but he wasn't too keen on answering them because it hurt too much, but he did ask me to come over and help him with his grief. So yeah, people will want others around them more when something like that goes down, even if it's for sex. Don't contact him.
kendahke Posted October 31, 2018 Posted October 31, 2018 What I would not want is to come acrosss as insensitive or disinterested just because I decided to give him space. You won't. However, encroaching on his space when he's directly asked you for space for now will backfire on you.
Redhead14 Posted November 3, 2018 Posted November 3, 2018 Hi guys, Recently I met someone and we went on two dates together. We talked a lot about our lives and our families and I found out that his dad was terminally ill and he had to travel back and forth to his hometown to help his mum. Last week he texted me that his dad sadly passed away and that he would get in touch once he manages to overcome the loss. No contact afterwords. I do understand what he is going through at the moment, but I am not sure what to do about it. Should I wait for him to get in touch once he is ready or I should maybe get in touch as well? I do understand that dating is probably at the bottom of his priorities at the moment, but I did like him and I would like to see him again. Asking for space after a death of a close loved one is common and should be respected. Let him grieve. He is certainly not going to put much priority on a woman he only had two dates with and he should not be expected to maintain contact during this time. While I understand that you liked him and want to make sure he knows you want to see him again, right now this should be all about him. Let him reach out when he's ready. He will appreciate respect for his request more than he would appreciate an obligatory text of condolences after a week. If you had been dating longer, I'd encourage an occasional check up. Leave this be.
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