Angry about the people who knew about my Fiancee turned wifes???

[d0nnivain]

Did your mom ever tell you why she didn't say anything?

 

Other "friends" & co-workers probably just didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. People often get squeamish about butting into other people's business. They will gossip but they won't effectuate change. Anybody who knew you & your former buddy who was having sex with your wife probably didn't want to come between you. It's an awkward place for people to be.

 

You now know who you real friends are. That doesn't make any of this easier.

 

Do sit your mom down & tell her how betrayed you feel. That part is the worst for me.

[tmorse]

Did your mom ever tell you why she didn't say anything?

 

Other "friends" & co-workers probably just didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. People often get squeamish about butting into other people's business. They will gossip but they won't effectuate change. Anybody who knew you & your former buddy who was having sex with your wife probably didn't want to come between you. It's an awkward place for people to be.

 

You now know who you real friends are. That doesn't make any of this easier.

 

Do sit your mom down & tell her how betrayed you feel. That part is the worst for me.

 

I cut her off without warning after finding out

[Normm]

I cut her off without warning after finding out

 

 

How do you know for sure your mom knew about the affair? Along with "everyone else?". Somebody told you and you just took their word for it?

[d0nnivain]

I cut her off without warning after finding out

 

 

Perhaps, revisit that decision.

 

I doubt people who knew, especially your mom, thought any of this was a joke. I could be wrong. People are cruel. But I suspect its more like they didn't want to get involved.

 

Your EX probably told mom that the cheating stopped & your mom wanting you to be happy took the liar at her word.

[burnt]

What was your relationship with your mother like before you cut her off? Was she a caring mother? Has your mother ever done anything else to you that would show lack of love or care?

 

How do you know your mother knew? You say your ex told you that your mother knew. So, you are trusting a cheating woman about who knew? What makes you think she is telling truth?

 

How did your mother find out about the wedding day? Did your ex go up to your mother and voluntarily share that info? Or did your mother find out accidentally and confronted your ex?

 

How did your mother react after you cut her off? Did she try to reach out to you?

 

Have you seen a counselor about this?

This is a horrible situation, but the fact that five years later you are still so hurt should suggest that you haven't dealt with it properly and won't probably any time soon.

[tmorse]

How do you know for sure your mom knew about the affair? Along with "everyone else?". Somebody told you and you just took their word for it?

 

I replied to this question earlier I think its on the first page

[tmorse]

What was your relationship with your mother like before you cut her off? Was she a caring mother? Has your mother ever done anything else to you that would show lack of love or care?

 

How do you know your mother knew? You say your ex told you that your mother knew. So, you are trusting a cheating woman about who knew? What makes you think she is telling truth?

 

How did your mother find out about the wedding day? Did your ex go up to your mother and voluntarily share that info? Or did your mother find out accidentally and confronted your ex?

 

How did your mother react after you cut her off? Did she try to reach out to you?

 

Have you seen a counselor about this?

This is a horrible situation, but the fact that five years later you are still so hurt should suggest that you haven't dealt with it properly and won't probably any time soon.

 

I NEVER confronted my mother once my ex showed me the proof. She had texts on her current and two older cell phones

conversations they had occasionally about the affair.

[bathtub-row]

Disowning your mother is a very serious thing. I hope you can get to a place where you can talk to her, listen to what she has to say, and try to forgive her. While I agree that what she did was very serious, I always believe that we should be able to make amends with family whenever possible.

 

It’s very sad what happened to you. I just can’t imagine how devastating that must’ve been. I know you say it’s common but I don’t think it’s that common. Your ex truly did an awful thing and she deserved to lose you. And now you’re dealing with more fallout because of the situation with your mom. I don’t think you’re going to heal or make peace with any of this until you see your mom. After 5 years, I think you’ve gotten your point across.

[Try]

Disowning your mother is a very serious thing. I hope you can get to a place where you can talk to her, listen to what she has to say, and try to forgive her. While I agree that what she did was very serious, I always believe that we should be able to make amends with family whenever possible.

The OP said that his mom was close to the OP's cheating ex-wife. Close enough that the OP's cheating ex felt safe confiding in the OP's mom about the affair, and where the mom thought that she had an obligation not to betray the cheating ex when she found out. The OP's mom knew that if she told the OP about the cheating, that this would lead to the OP's mom losing the cheating ex as a close friend, and the OP's mom did not want to lose the cheating ex from her life. The mom decided to do what was best for herself over what was best for her son. The OP's mom is selfish and has the ability rationalize anything in the mom's perceived self interest. I for one would consider the mom as good as dead and proceed accordingly.

[tmorse]

The OP said that his mom was close to the OP's cheating ex-wife. Close enough that the OP's cheating ex felt safe confiding in the OP's mom about the affair, and where the mom thought that she had an obligation not to betray the cheating ex when she found out. The OP's mom knew that if she told the OP about the cheating, that this would lead to the OP's mom losing the cheating ex as a close friend, and the OP's mom did not want to lose the cheating ex from her life. The mom decided to do what was best for herself over what was best for her son. The OP's mom is selfish and has the ability rationalize anything in the mom's perceived self interest. I for one would consider the mom as good as dead and proceed accordingly.

 

On the wedding day SMH

[Marc878]

Mother? Doesn't sound like she was even close to that definition.

 

Sorry man but you didn't lose much.

[preraph]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Your mom was probably being selfish and enjoying having a younger "friend" in your fiancee.

 

I'm not saying there is, but is there any possibility some of these people knew you had cheated on her as well, so they figured, whatever?

 

If you had to guess why your mother would side with her on something like this, what would your best guess be?

 

I agree this is a big betrayal. You lost everyone. You must be devastated. I do agree there were probably some red flags you overlooked, though. But some people are more intuitive than others, or trusting. Did any of these people ever contact you once you cut them off?

 

You were right to divorce her after you found out. It had been going on so long and right under your nose. I wonder why she finally confessed to you? Any idea?

[Marc878]

I remember this. You posted under another name back then?

 

Amazing at what kind of mother would do this to her son.

 

Sorry, but there is no excuse for her behavior.

 

I hope you're doing well now.

[Normm]

Disowning your mother is a very serious thing. I hope you can get to a place where you can talk to her, listen to what she has to say, and try to forgive her.

 

Why? Because she spit him out of her uterus? If anything she betrayed him far worse than his exwife did. Keeping it from him before, during and almost 2 years after the marriage until he found out from his exwife. His mother never would have told him.

 

Sometimes there is no forgiveness. Even with so called "family".

[Marc878]

Mother? I don't see one in this situation. There are some bad people in this world of which she's one.

[tmorse]

Why hasnt anyone shared their stories yet on here??

[tmorse]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Your mom was probably being selfish and enjoying having a younger "friend" in your fiancee.

 

I'm not saying there is, but is there any possibility some of these people knew you had cheated on her as well, so they figured, whatever?

 

If you had to guess why your mother would side with her on something like this, what would your best guess be?

 

I agree this is a big betrayal. You lost everyone. You must be devastated. I do agree there were probably some red flags you overlooked, though. But some people are more intuitive than others, or trusting. Did any of these people ever contact you once you cut them off?

 

You were right to divorce her after you found out. It had been going on so long and right under your nose. I wonder why she finally confessed to you? Any idea?

 

Im not a cheater Itn my genes nit to cheat.

No ine contacted me as I never gave them a chance to

Im guessing he dumped her

[tmorse]

I NEVER confronted my mother once my ex showed me the proof. She had texts on her current and two older cell phones

conversations they had occasionally about the affair.

 

No counselor

We had a normal relationship

Shes never been mean or

abusive

[tmorse]

I NEVER confronted my mother once my ex showed me the proof. She had texts on her current and two older cell phones

conversations they had occasionally about the affair.

 

they had occasionally about the affair.

No counselor

We had a normal relationship

Shes never been mean or

abusive

She confessed to my mom a month after the wedding day

[Marc878]

How are you doing now?

[bathtub-row]

On the wedding day SMH

 

Maybe your mother thought you already knew about it. Your lying ex could've lied to her the same way she lied to you. You know, if nothing else, talking to your mother could allow you to have closure. I know that word is used a lot but it does help to get that. The thing is, you don't know the facts. That's the absolute truth. Your ex could've tied your mother's name to another number to make it look like those were texts between them. You simply don't know because you never confirmed it. I think that's the part that's bugging me the most.

Edited October 31, 2018 by bathtub-row

[aliveagain]

Anyone that new about her cheating but never told you doesn't deserve you in their life. What kind of friend, parent would allow you to marry a person who is actively cheating on you? Being alone is better then having people like them in your life. I am still unlisted so people like them can never be in my life again because they can never find me. I got rid of a lot of people I thought were my friends too. One night one of her friends actually went as far as pretending the O/M's was her date, brought him into my home and I made him dinner. He and my now ex were making out in my family room while I was hand making them pasta in the kitchen. There is no lower form of disrespect one spouse can show the other then to bring an affair partner into your sanctuary.

 

Your goal is to do whatever it takes to get yourself out of infidelity and to do it in a way that is best for you. There is no forgiving something like that. Don't look back, they are the big losers, your not in their lives anymore.

[tmorse]

How are you doing now?

 

Eh day by day ya know??

[tmorse]

Anyone that new about her cheating but never told you doesn't deserve you in their life. What kind of friend, parent would allow you to marry a person who is actively cheating on you? Being alone is better then having people like them in your life. I am still unlisted so people like them can never be in my life again because they can never find me. I got rid of a lot of people I thought were my friends too. One night one of her friends actually went as far as pretending the O/M's was her date, brought him into my home and I made him dinner. He and my now ex were making out in my family room while I was hand making them pasta in the kitchen. There is no lower form of disrespect one spouse can show the other then to bring an affair partner into your sanctuary.

 

Your goal is to do whatever it takes to get yourself out of infidelity and to do it in a way that is best for you. There is no forgiving something like that. Don't look back, they are the big losers, your not in their lives anymore.

 

Did you ever confront her about tricking you like that??

[doyathinkso]

Wow, just wow. Your mother was in on this sick deception/betrayal?

 

You should cut your "mother" out of your life. She, and her, and all of them should be dead to you.

 

Time to move to a new town. Do not leave a forwarding address. Though it might not seem like it now, life can still be good to you. Just somewhere else with Good people around you this time.